“Let me tell you – when I went to court this morning, I thought I was playing a legal game. I know the judge assigned to his case. She’s tired of kids messing up their lives.”
“But you knew what to say to sway her.” Noelle’s brittle smile cut slivers from his confidence.
He held up his hand, asking for her patience. “I said Milo was testing his mother to see how much she’d take because no one’s ever loved him unconditionally.” He made himself take a breath. Baring his soul was no easier now than it would have been before he’d lost her. “I was describing myself.”
Her pupils widened. She turned away from him. “You can’t be suggesting you want to—“
“I pushed everyone away. Even after you left the orphanage, and I envied you for finding your family, I was afraid to trust anyone who was interested in adopting me. No one ever stuck with me.” His voice thickened. “Not even you, and when you left, I thought—well, it was bound to happen.”
Noelle turned back to him, tears in her eyes.
“I was wrong to let you go without a fight when you left Boston. I didn’t expect to feel the way I do when I look at you – like I missed out on a home and a family we could have made together – and I wonder if you feel the same?” He’d faced down guys twice his size in the orphanage with less fear than he felt, asking her if she could care for him again.
She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. He reached for her, but she twisted away. “How could you not feel how unhappy I was? You acted as if I didn’t matter, and you’re doing the same thing to your daughters.”
The words slammed into him with a punch. Immediately, Noelle pursed her lips shut, turning away. “I don’t want to repeat the same old argument.” She looked back, meeting his gaze head on. “When will the people who love you matter as much as the people who need your help?
“You mattered.” He didn’t move. Grief, because she was right, pegged him to the floor.
“No. You immediately turned to Claudia.”
He looked toward the ceiling, listening to footsteps and laughter. He tried to keep his voice down. “I don’t want to say anything hurtful in front of my daughters. They heard enough of that when we were breaking up, but Claudia and I made a mistake. I tried to make it work, and so did she, but I turned to her because I was trying to prove you were wrong about me.”
Noelle put her hands to her ears. “I don’t want to hear.”
He pulled her hands down and made her face him again. “Let’s get this out in the open. I let Claudia down, just like I’ve let everyone down, but I will change.”
She twisted out of his grasp. “I can’t count the times you’ve said that. I don’t want to hear it again, and I won’t get attached to those little girls. Do you hear them? Laughing? They’re happy and curious, and they want to have fun, like any other children. They probably feel as if they’ve been deserted, and they deserve better than a temporary mom for Christmas.”
“I’m not asking you to be my children’s mother for the holidays.”
“Then what? You saw me. You needed day care. You saw a boy who reminded you of yourself—and of me when we were young and hurt.” She turned back to the sink and ran water, adding liquid soap. Her back was a blank space.
“And you can’t trust me? Isn’t that the problem?”
She let a plate slip through the suds in the sink, turning as she wiped her hands.”I loved you so much I thought I’d never find a way to live without you, but I’ve done it. I don’t know what you want from me, but I can’t be the woman whose whole life was waiting for you to show up, David.”
The way she denigrated herself made him angry. “You were never just waiting for me. You had your sisters and your parents, an interest in business. a love of the work you did at the donut shop. You could have found something like Frosty's in Boston.”
She shook her head. “A job change wouldn’t have made my life interesting enough to let you off the hook for taking part in our relationship. I felt like some hobby that you put off when you didn't have time for me.
“I’m not pushing anyone away any more.”
“You may have realized what’s at stake if you don’t show up for Margaret and Evelyn. You may even want to try again with me, but I don’t know what you’ll do the next time your phone rings, David.”
“I don’t know that either because my clients do need help.” He wasn’t giving up this time. “I’m trying to see if we can at least be friends. I’d like Margaret and Evelyn to know you, and I’d like them to feel like Christmas Town is home.” He wanted more—so much more, but he obviously couldn’t persuade Noelle without time. “I brought them home to give them a Christmas like you and your sisters used to have, like my friends had when I was a kid.”
“What makes Christmas more important than any other day you spend with them?
“Last year in Boston was a disaster. We were alone and uncomfortable with each other. I forgot the tree until the last minute. They didn’t even like their presents. I bought things that were too young for them or too old. They were sad because they apparently half believed Santa could give their mom back to them. She told them Santa would bring whatever they wanted, and they wanted her.”
Noelle’s horror was in her eyes. “Didn’t you tell them that couldn’t happen?”
“I tried, but they’re so young, and they believed in their mom with all the loyalty of grief. They wanted to believe the impossible, and I can’t just explain that their mom stretched the truth because it’s what parents do, and Santa is a lie. I’m trying to show them Christmas can be joyful, not a test Santa can’t pass.”
Noelle nodded, clearly uncertain that he shouldn’t just explain the truth. “Didn’t you and Claudia have traditions? Maybe those would comfort the girls.”
“We divorced when they were toddlers. They spent more Christmases with her than with me because I didn’t drag them kicking and screaming to my house when Claudia didn’t want to share. I bought them toys, clothes, but traditions…” He hadn’t known what more you were supposed to do. “I should have forced the issue, but it felt like forcing them to be with me.”
“You want me to help you put Christmas together for Margaret and Evelyn?”
“I’m not trying to use you.”
Her sudden smile baffled him. ”But that’s the one thing I can do,” she said.
He’d begged her for a second chance to show he knew how to care, and she’d ignored the question, but she’d consider coordinating his daughters’ Christmas? “Why would you?”
“I was the baby someone found under the town square’s gazebo at Christmas. I haven’t always loved this time of year. It’s hard when your memories of the holidays hurt.”
“And if you had to spend time with me?”
She laughed, but she obviously didn't want to. “I had considered you might be part of their holiday. If we get to know each other a little better, that might be all right. It’s not a commitment.”
She turned back to the bubbly water in the sink and washed a couple of plates, while he stood stock still, wary of doing anything that might break her more receptive mood.
“Get the silverware for me?” she asked.
He went to the table. “My daughters are sloppy.”
“Not sloppy. They’re showing you who they are. Margaret liked the icing more than the rolls, and Evelyn preferred the berries.”
She was right. Big chunks of the soft, buttery dough were crumbled at Margaret’s place, and most of Evelyn’s helping was in her napkin.
“They tried to hide it from you,” he said.
But she’d seen. She saw so much because like him, she’d spent her formative years in a house of thrown-away children where they had to stay alert among older, larger, angrier kids.
“I don’t mind. Next time, I’ll make a berry crisp for Evelyn and maybe an iced bar for Margaret.”
He splayed his hand against his chest. “There will be a next time?”
“I’m not Santa, David, but I can
believe you don’t have a working relationship with him. I’ll help you.” She flashed him a warm, open glance. She was willing to be partners, even if she refused to be the woman who’d waited for him too long. He would try not to keep her waiting again. “Do you have a Christmas tree yet?” she asked.
“No.” His grin felt guilty. “I’m behind on the holidays in every way.”
“We can get one at Cara Crawford’s tree lot. Do you have any decorations at your house?”
“We never spent Christmas here. I didn’t think to bring any from Boston.”
“For a guy who can’t stop being the world’s knight in shining armor, you didn’t show up prepared.” She turned with a smile that took the sting out of her words, but that smile, still branded on his heart, backfired if she wanted him to stay away. He gripped the back of the chair in front of him.
“We’ll go to Faith Sullivan’s store first.” She reached for the place mats on the table. She took them into the laundry room past the kitchen and then came back. “Comfort and Joy always has beautiful decorations. You okay?”
“Fine.” He tugged at his open shirt collar. “Grateful.”
“Don’t be. You’ll be doing next Christmas on your own.” She went to the calendar on the side of the fridge, just where the Wrights always kept it. “I have to work during the week, but I could meet you on Sunday morning in town if I can persuade my assistant to take the shop by herself for another day.”
He wrapped his fingers around the back of the chair again. “I’ll pick you up Sunday. What changed your mind about me, Noelle?”
She didn’t look up from making a note on her calendar. “I’m not doing it for you. Margaret and Evelyn ought to believe in Santa.”
Chapter 5
The week crept ponderously past. Noelle was at Frosty’s way before the sun came up each morning, but she couldn’t help searching the empty streets for some sign of David and his little girls.
They stopped in for a sweet snack on Tuesday. She told herself everything she’d promised was for his daughters, but every time she found his eyes on her, she knew he wanted things to be different between them. He was aware of her. She still cared about him. She couldn’t help herself.
She also couldn’t believe he was finally certain he could maintain a relationship. He and the girls would be heading back to Boston after the new year, and the thought made her feel hollow. As if she’d lost them, when they’d never been hers to begin with.
On Thursday, she saw them in the crowd watching the Victorian carolers performing near the green when she’d taken a tray of samples out to distribute to the crowd.
Her pulse pounded just because David was nearby. She barely kept herself from calling out to him.
“Miss Noelle.”
Her name in two happy, girly voices was the sweetest song she’d ever heard. As she turned toward Margaret and Evvy, David turned, too. His happy smile jolted her, but maybe part of that jolt came from being sandwiched between his clinging children.
She reminded herself the girls could get hurt if they got used to seeing her and David together, so she edged back, ostensibly to avoid dropping donuts on the twins' heads.
“Where are you off to?” she asked, as if she hadn’t known they were on the green.
“We’re making Christmas mugs at the ceramic studio by the mercantile.” David took the girls' hands. “Maybe we shouldn’t hold you up.”
“I don’t mind.” She almost laughed because he’d turned the tables. She was busy, and he had some time to enjoy. She wanted to see him, and he was anxious to be on his way.
“You really don’t?” he asked, narrowing his lawyer’s gaze.
“Horses, Daddy. Horses, Evvy.” Margaret tore her hand from his and headed toward the sleigh, which was slowly traversing the green on its daily trek to deliver Santa to his throne behind the gazebo where a long line of children and parents waited. Evelyn was right behind Margaret until she saw Santa.
“Oh, no.” Noelle turned to David. “I wish he didn't bother her. You should go to her.”
David’s eyes warmed as he stroked the side of her face. “Thank you,” he said.
“Go to Evelyn.”
“I will, but I’m grateful you can’t help falling for them.”
For him as well, if she wasn’t careful. She watched him lope to Evelyn’s side. The little girl clung to his arm, and they both hung back, leaving Margaret to wave at Santa.
Noelle turned away, still feeling the warmth of David’s affectionate hand against her skin. Maybe she should rethink Sunday. Whether she wanted a relationship with David or not, something was happening between them. She felt different than before, more drawn, more longing, less safe.
She felt as if this were her only love, come home again, but that had to be a lie. It had to be loneliness.
~*~
She didn’t cancel Sunday. She tried to pretend it was because she didn’t want to disappoint the girls, as she ran out to David’s car on Sunday morning.
She was walking beside him, with the girls in front of them—as if they were a family. Margaret and Evvy scuffed their boots on the newly shoveled, snowy sidewalks toward Comfort and Joy, but Noelle saw Chloe and Marnie wrapping garland around the white picket fence that surrounded the green. Her sisters had seen her, too. She sensed their concern from here.
“You guys go ahead,” she said to her Christmas charges. “I see my sisters.”
“Yeah—we’ll go inside.” David put his hands on his daughters’ shoulders.
Noelle laughed at his sudden, prudent lack of valor. He had to know Chloe and Marnie weren’t his biggest fans, but they wouldn’t take him down in front of his children.
She crossed the street and cruised through the snow to her sisters.
“Why are you hanging out so much with David Parker?” Chloe asked.
“More to the point, what’s he doing with you?” Marnie asked.
“Let’s talk about you and Sam, Marnie.” Noelle tried to distract them with teasing. “Or you and Ted, Mrs. Lincoln. How do you have time for decorating when you’re newly married?”
“Teddy’s working in the barn at the orchard, and I’m meeting him later to sell apples in the mercantile.”
Noelle hugged her sister. “Are you as happy as you should be?”
“I’m as happy as I hope you and Marnie will be when you decide to settle down with the right guy.” She slid her glance toward the doors of Comfort and Joy.
Noelle pretended not to notice. She took a strand of garland from the ground and began to loop it over a white rail. “Seems as if Sam Collins might have something to say about that with Marnie.” They’d been best friends since childhood, but lately sparks seemed to fly between them. “Something feels different in the way you look at each other.”
“I notice you’re trying to distract us. Why are you with him?” Marnie wouldn’t be denied either. “Spill, Noelle.”
“He doesn’t know how to put on Christmas. I guess he didn’t learn how to when he was a kid like the rest of us.” She lifted her hands, taking in the snow and the lampposts decorated with twinkling snowflakes and reindeer and Santas. The gazebo at the end of the green, where she’d once kissed David beneath mistletoe on Christmas Eve. That was supposed to guarantee a wedding, not imminent, painful heartbreak. “You know. All the things we do best in Christmas Town, Maine.”
“But why are you doing it for him?” Marnie asked.
“Just because he saved you from a few bullies in that orphanage,” Chloe said, “you’ve always felt you owed him something. You have to stand up for yourself. He can’t be the man you deserve, remember?”
“I don’t owe him anything.” Thankfully, her sisters didn’t know what it could be like in that place. Some bad kids had come and gone. But David had always been there for her. “His girls remind me of us. When we were alone and I was absolutely lost, Mom and Dad went out of their way for us. When I came home, you guys were kind—when I hid your dolls and broke your
toys and even destroyed your homework. I was horrible to you, but you both loved me.”
“We do love you.” Marnie looped an arm around her. “So nobody wants you to start trusting David Parker to come through. He comes through for a lot of people, and even we admire the work he does for families and children in trouble. But he puts all those people first.”
“He doesn’t even take what he wants,” Chloe said. “He let you go.”
“I walked away.” Noelle let go of Marnie and picked up the garland. “I’m not walking back to him.”
“That’s what I said about Teddy.” Chloe rubbed her left hand, where a brand new wedding band lay beneath her warm glove.
“David as a husband?” Even if he’d talked about second chances and changing, she wouldn’t consider getting involved. Especially with that gazebo looming behind her sister’s head, a physical reminder of just how much she could trust David’s best intentions. “I remember waiting for him for dinner or at a movie. By myself.”
“Just be careful,” Marnie and Chloe said in unison.
Her sisters made her smile. “I wonder if I’ve been too careful since I left him, but David hasn’t changed, and I won’t forget who he is, but I’d better get back back to them. See you at home tonight, Marnie.”
From across the green, a tall man called Chloe’s name. They all turned and saw Ted waving from near the door to the mercantile where tourists and residents had gathered to stock up on Maine-themed ornaments and fresh breads and Ted and Chloe’s magical apples.
Ted had let Chloe down years ago, but he’d changed, and they all believed in him.
That meant it could happen, didn’t it?
~*~
“Dad, that one looks funny. It doesn’t have any branches on the right side.” Margaret prodded the tree with her mittened hand.
“Maybe.” He had to agree. “But the other side is nice and full.”
“We could put the empty side toward the wall.” Evelyn stepped between her sister and the tree. “You saw that Charlie Brown show. What if no one else wants this one?”
A Heartwarming Christmas: A Boxed Set of Twelve Sweet Holiday Romances Page 20