I’d loved her from afar before, but it was completely different now. I found new things to love—the little noises she made when I kissed her, like she was devouring a favorite pastry each time our lips touched; the way she would squeeze my hand at random points in the evening as though she was trying to reassure herself I was still there; the feel of her in my arms.
“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked as we walked outside of the restaurant. “Or do you want to come over to my place?”
I figured we were both uncomfortable with the idea of being together in the house she’d shared with Joker. It felt disrespectful in a way I wasn’t sure I would ever get over; I’d left some ghosts behind, but there would always be moments when we’d both readjust, times in our relationship when there would be a third person involved.
Dani smiled up at me, leaning forward and pressing her lips to my cheek.
My heart hammered as I waited for her answer, as I hoped she wanted me as badly as I wanted her.
“Let’s go to your place.”
Thank God.
The drive flew by in a string of fantasies of what I’d do to her when we got back to my place, three months without her creating an overwhelming need inside me. By the time we reached the house my cock ached, desperate for release.
We held hands, silent, as we both walked toward my front door, this moment between us a major turning point in our relationship. The first time we’d had sex, it had been a shock, something that had snuck up on me and knocked me on my ass. Now I wanted to savor every single moment, every curve of her body, every inch of skin. I wanted to linger over her until she cried my name.
I released Dani’s hand in order to unlock my front door, my fingers fumbling with the key as nerves set in. I wanted all of her—not only her body, but her heart. I wanted to prove to her that things could be great between us, that she could be happy, safe with me. I wanted the promise of tomorrow with her.
When I saw she’d taken off her wedding rings, I’d felt the first shot of hope that she was ready to give us a chance, that she might be able to move on from Joker, might be able to love me. And now everything was on the line, and I really didn’t want to fuck this up.
I opened the front door and Dani crossed over the threshold, her body brushing against mine with a soft caress. I sucked in a deep breath, the feel of her tits against my arm, her curves grazing my side making my dick twitch.
I closed the door behind us, taking a moment to drink in the sight of her, so beautiful, carrying my child inside her. I stepped forward, but she didn’t move. She stood there staring at me, her breath growing more rapid, a rosy color spreading across her face.
“I love it when you blush,” I murmured, moving forward another step. I reached out and brushed her hair behind her shoulders, exposing the swell of her breasts, swollen and larger than I’d remembered. I cupped them, running my thumbs over the fabric of her dress, her nipples tightening beneath the sweep of my fingers, her teeth sinking down on a lush, pink lip.
Another finger joined my thumb, tugging at those stiff points through the silky material, the motion earning me a moan from Dani that made me desperate to have her naked in my bed.
I leaned forward, picking her up in my arms as she laughed, the sound music to my fucking ears, carrying her into my bedroom between drugging kisses, her lips, teeth, and tongue devouring mine.
I set her down on the edge of the bed, sliding the strap of her dress off her shoulders, leaning forward and kissing the silky skin there, inhaling her scent, my teeth nipping at her flesh. I watched as goose bumps pebbled her skin. I repeated the motion with her other shoulder until both straps hung down her arms, her breasts nearly exposed as the fabric slid lower, lower—
I reached behind Dani and tugged at the zipper running down her spine, opening the fabric to the curve of her ass, stripping the dress from her body. She wriggled her hips, and I lifted the dress over her head until she sat before me in a pink lace bra and underwear, pink heels on her feet.
I groaned. “You look so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.”
I shifted her forward, spreading her legs wide and kneeling down between them, my lips inches away from her glorious tits. I trailed my hands up the insides of her legs, stroking her.
I took my time, my gaze running over her body, the slight swell of her stomach, the way her thighs quivered. And then I couldn’t take my time anymore, my need for her obliterating my ability to go slow. I pressed my lips to her stomach, to the bump, the life growing there, and then I moved up, trailing kisses higher and higher until I reached the front of her bra, until her breasts surrounded me.
I looked up at Dani, her lips parted, amusement in her gaze.
“I know; they’re huge.”
I grinned, reaching out to stroke the top of one breast, fingering the lace on the cup of her bra. “They are.”
“I’ve walked into some male fantasy it’s probably best I don’t understand, haven’t I?”
My smile deepened. “Babe, this is fucking heaven.”
She arched forward as I reached back and found the clasp to her bra, basically pushing her tits into my face and rendering me momentarily dazed and incapable of speech. My fingers did the trick, releasing the hook, letting her bra fall from her body.
I opened my mouth to speak, but there were no words, only want and need churning inside me, pushing me to the brink. I’d always prided myself on making sure a woman enjoyed herself in my bed, had always considered sex an art, a skill to be honed like defensive BFM or strafing an enemy target.
With Dani, everything went out the window. I took my cues from the way her body responded to mine—her hands tugging on my hair, the little moans and sighs escaping from her lips, the way her body arched toward me as though she couldn’t get close enough, as though she desperately wanted more. She’d asked me if I was holding back before and I didn’t want to anymore.
“Take off your thong.”
Her eyes widened at the command in my voice, but she did what I told her to, her fingers hooking under the waistband, stripping the fabric off her body until she sat naked on my bed, her legs spread.
Mine.
My mouth closed over her nipple and her nails dug into my back, legs wrapping around my waist as she rubbed herself over me. She tugged at my clothes, her fingers flying over my shirt buttons, but it was little more than a distant hum as I sucked on her, tugging on her nipple with my teeth, laving it with my tongue until it was a hard, red point, wet from my mouth. I admired my work for a moment, my cock aching, letting Dani push my shirt off my shoulders, helping her lift my undershirt over my head. When she’d finished, I dipped my head, capturing her other nipple at the exact moment when she shuddered against me, and my hand traveled down her torso, lower still, finding her wet and throbbing for me.
“Fuck.”
I slid two fingers inside her, her body clenching down around me as I pumped in and out, as her arousal drenched my hand. Dani clung to me, writhing beneath my hands, rubbing herself over my fingers until I could feel the orgasm inside her building, her moans growing louder, her body hungrier. I increased the pace of my fingers, my thumb rubbing her swollen clit back and forth until she was thisclose to coming. Her nails dug into my shoulders as she shattered, her body bearing down on my hand, surrounding me in her tight, wet heat.
I pulled back in time to watch her riding my hand, her head thrown back, red hair streaming down her shoulders, her eyes at half mast as the orgasm racked her body.
I drank up every moan, every sigh that escaped her lips, until the tremors had subsided and her gaze met mine.
“I need you inside me. Now.”
My hands flew to the button of my pants, tearing the zipper down, pulling my briefs off, my cock standing at attention. My clothes hit the floor, my shoes and socks removed in the fray.
Dani moved back on the bed, h
er hair spread out on my sheets, her gorgeous body on display. I crawled over her, nudging her legs to open more with my knee, settling myself right where I wanted to be, her wetness seeping onto my cock.
I rubbed the head over her clit, groaning at the delicious friction, at the way her back bowed in response, pressing her tits against my pecs, her nipples tight. I rubbed myself over her, moving slowly, dragging out my arousal and hers, determined to make her come again before the night was out.
Her eyes slammed shut, and she looked utterly gone, lost somewhere between the orgasm she’d just had and the one she craved, her body opening for me more and more, her hips telling me exactly what she wanted.
She moaned. “Alex.”
That did it—the sound of my name falling from her lips wrecked me.
I guided the head of my cock to her entrance, feeding it into her body inch by inch until she covered me, and I surged forward with a groan, my hand fisting in her hair, pulling her head back.
Her eyes slammed open and our gazes instantly connected.
I thrust in and out, sweat pooling on my brow as she clung to me, as my body slammed into hers, tilting my hips, adjusting my position until I found the right spot, the one that had her clawing at my back.
I lost track of time, of everything but her body and mine.
“I’m close,” she whispered, hooking her leg over my back, changing the angle until I was even deeper. She groaned. “So close.”
I increased my tempo, my fingers digging into her hips. She came fast and she came hard, her body bucking beneath mine. My balls tightened, pressure building at the base of my spine, and as she clenched down around my cock, my own orgasm came barreling toward me, my mind going blank as I found my release.
We both collapsed into a tangle of limbs, our bodies slick with sweat. Dani rested her forehead against mine, her lips brushing across my skin. I’d never been more at peace than I was at this moment, never felt more hope at the future than I did with her in my arms, our child between us.
“That was amazing,” Dani murmured.
“It was.” I reached out and pressed my finger over her lips. “You don’t have to say anything; I’m not saying it because I want a response, or expect one, but because I’ve been waiting to say this to you forever—
“I love you.”
DANI
I love you.
Alex’s fingers traced the shape of my face, his thumbs rubbing over my lips, his touch achingly gentle.
“I will always love you.”
I heard the vow contained in his words, heard it reverberate throughout his voice. It was the same vow he’d made to me more times than I could count in his actions, the looks he sent me, the touch of his hand, the warmth of his embrace. It was a vow I’d never quite understood, yet had relied on constantly. Little by little, moment by moment, he’d become someone I counted on. Someone I loved.
And suddenly I knew, like a new word I’d learned, a new facet of myself I simply accepted—
“I love you, too.”
I hadn’t planned on saying the words, hadn’t even known I felt them, until they were there, inescapable and undeniable, as much a part of me as my legs or my hands. He was a part of me.
I didn’t know what would happen next, didn’t have all the answers, and I couldn’t deny there was little that could be easy about this, but I wanted it. I wanted him. I wanted more of the friendship he’d given me over the years, the passion I’d found in his arms, the smile he put on my face. I wanted the family, and even as it terrified me, I wanted the shot at happiness. There wasn’t anyone else I could imagine taking the chance with.
I’d been afraid from the beginning that if I let myself love Alex it would somehow diminish my memory of the love I’d shared with Michael. I’d thought of love as something to be weighed and measured, worried there wouldn’t be room for both of them in my heart, that somehow there had to be one who was my all-caps, air-quotes great love.
But the thing about love was that it was infinite; it stretched and molded itself and filled up the empty spots inside. I loved them both, differently, with no regard for measures or guilt. With Michael it had come on strong with a look, a smile at the bar, and then I was hooked, completely and utterly his. With Alex it was a slow burn, something that snuck up on me unexpectedly, until he was there, in my head, in my heart, standing beside me, supporting me, giving me back a piece of myself I’d thought died with Michael. Giving me a future I hadn’t dared hope for.
It was scary—loving someone so utterly and wholly that they became an essential part of you, inextricably bound. It was scary to put yourself out there, to descend into free-fall, especially when you’d already crashed and burned once before.
“Dani. You don’t have to—”
“Shh.” I quieted him with my finger on his lips, my heart pounding as I pushed on, as I took that critical step off the cliff, confident he was somewhere down there to catch me.
“I love you. I’m in love with you.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until his lips found my wet cheeks and he kissed the tears away.
“I want to be a family; I want to give us a shot at having a real relationship.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’m ready to get married again, not yet, but we want the same things. I’m serious about us, and I want to move toward the same future that you want.”
“Are you sure? Just because we had sex—”
I grinned, feeling like my heart was so full it would burst.
“You’re good, but not even you’re that good. I love you independent of the sex. Well, maybe not independent,” I amended, my voice teasing. “But no, you didn’t just fuck me into love with you. It’s been there for a while, taking root inside of me, spreading throughout. I’ve loved you in so many ways—my friend, my family, my lover.
“I’m still scared; I probably always will be. And it terrifies me to love another fighter pilot, but you’re right—it isn’t about your job. It’s about me. It’s about learning to love and loosen my grasp a bit. And it’s about knowing the moments we will have together are worth more than anything that could come our way.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t want to miss out on this. I don’t want to lose my chance at happiness with you.”
His gaze swam with emotion, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
“You won’t regret it.”
I leaned forward, accepting his promise and giving him one of my own.
“I know.”
EPILOGUE
DANI
“Oh God, I can’t do this.”
A string of expletives ran through my mind as I fought to keep the words inside. Normally, I would have let the words fly, but I’d be damned if, after everything, my daughter’s first moments were greeted by her mother cursing like, well, a fighter pilot.
“Just a few more pushes,” the nurse encouraged, and I focused my attention—and ire—on her. Sure. It was “just a few more pushes” for her; she wasn’t the one trying to squeeze something approximately the size of an oversized watermelon out of her.
I’d told myself I wouldn’t lose it during childbirth, that I’d be Zen and calm, that it couldn’t be that bad. The reality was both better and worse than what I’d imagined, easier in some ways and harder in others. Jordan had told me—or tried to, at least—but nothing, not even the many childbirth classes Alex and I had taken together, had prepared me for the real thing. I hadn’t predicted the rush of emotions, the fear, how months and months of being pregnant would drag on until I was simultaneously ready for her to be here and equal parts terrified of the responsibility I’d have when she was here, of needing to protect this tiny, vulnerable baby from everything the world could throw her way.
I’d held my breath as I got past the point when I’d miscarried last time, as we reached every milestone in the pregnancy, spent more time than I cared to
admit scouring the Internet for probabilities and percentages, for mathematical odds in our favor that said everything would be okay. The losses in my life had made me not take anything for granted and our daughter was no different. The doctors kept telling me everything was okay, that she was healthy and strong, but I wouldn’t be able to breathe easy until I held her in my arms, until I stared into her eyes, until she felt real. Right now she was a dream, my greatest one, and I was terrified I’d wake from this life I’d carved out of sadness.
Another contraction hit me—harder than the last—rivulets of sweat raining down my face. Yeah, there was little glamorous or romantic about this. My teeth gritted as a cry escaped my lips.
Fuuuuck.
Alex squeezed my hand, his callused fingers rubbing against my skin. “We’re almost there. I know you’re tired, but you’re amazing. So amazing. You got this. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Focus on me.”
I turned my head, staring into his blue eyes, at the love swirling there. It didn’t do anything to mask the pain; an epidural definitely would have been more effective, but there hadn’t been enough time. Like her father, our baby girl played by her own rules and we’d gone from zero to sixty in no time at all.
“Oh my God!”
This time I couldn’t hold back the litany of profanity, the pain unlike any I’d ever experienced.
“That’s it,” our doctor proclaimed. “I can see the head.”
I gripped Alex’s hand so tightly I half wondered if I’d broken a bone or two, and focused on his face, my gaze locked on his. I was aware of people speaking around us, of Alex saying something to me, but everything faded into the background, time running together as I pushed through the pain, the burning pain, and then—
A cry broke through the white noise rushing in my ears, a beautiful, healthy cry that suddenly took my world and spun it on its axis, shuttering time, that sound becoming everything. In an instant, my world changed and became something new again.
On Broken Wings Page 23