Her mouth sprang open. “How awful. I can’t imagine any mother wanting to get rid of her baby!”
“I guess I’ll never know. Anyway, she insisted I take her back to St. Joseph to have the baby. I got her a nice house, and I asked Alice to look in on her occasionally. I couldn’t be gone from the ranch all the time.”
“That’s when she made the quilt squares?” Juliette asked, prodding gently.
He nodded. “Yes, she always loved doing needlework. She made those twelve blocks, or squares, or whatever you call them. But she never got them put together before she—”
“Before she died?”
“Patience, I’m coming to that. From that first minute when I took Will in my arms, I suspected something might be wrong with his hearing. His cry had a strange sound to it. He didn’t sound anything like a normal baby. Lucy wouldn’t even talk about it. She wanted to put him up for adoption as soon as possible, saying one child was enough. I wouldn’t hear of it. We had terrible arguments. I’d never been so angry in my entire life, other than when my father was beating my mother.”
Stone wished he didn’t have to tell his whole sordid story, but she had to know. He looked at her beautiful face, now swollen from the bump on her head. If she hadn’t been his wife, none of her injuries would have ever happened. He’d bear that guilt the rest of his life.
“Go on, please. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
The lump in his throat nearly choked him. “She refused to come back to Dove City. She said she needed time to recuperate, so I hired a nurse for her and one to take care of the boys. She stayed on in St. Joseph while I came back to tend to the ranch. I got several of the men to take over for me and went right back.”
“Many women have a hard time adjusting after giving birth. Perhaps she—”
“Actually, that’s what I thought at first, but that had nothing to do with it. Will’s birth—”
Her eyes widened. “That’s when she died of childbirth complications? Like you’d told me?”
He clenched his fists and blinked. “No. I wish I could say she died from childbirth complications, but I can’t. That was a lie!”
Ten
A deep frown creased her forehead, and her face turned a ghostly white. “Wh–what do you mean?”
“She didn’t die soon after Will was born. I lied.”
“If she didn’t die then, when did she die?” Juliette pressed herself tightly against the pillows, her face convulsing with anger. “Oh, Stone! Don’t tell me she’s still alive! If she is, that means you’re still married!”
He reached out to her. “You’ve got it all wrong. Hear me out!”
She began to beat on him with her good hand. “How could you marry me, knowing your wife is still alive? How could you lie to me like that?”
He grabbed her wrist to fend off her blows. “She didn’t die then! She died two years later!” She tried to pull away from him, but he held her fast, determined to tell her everything.
“But why? Why would you lie about such an important thing? It doesn’t make any sense. Is anything you’ve told me the truth?”
“Everything I told you, up to the part about Lucy being upset about having a second baby and wanting to put Will up for adoption, is true.”
“Go on.”
“From that minute on, when she realized I was not going to agree to give him up, she said she hated me. Lucy actually told me she’d never loved me. It was my money and the lifestyle I could give her she was after. She called me names and refused to live under my roof any longer. I sent the children and their nurse over to my sister’s house to stay. I hoped Lucy would feel differently about things once she got over having a second baby, but she didn’t. She was moody and hateful. She’d attend parties at night, then sleep until noon the next day. She drank too heavily, and what time she wasn’t sleeping or celebrating with her friends, she slept on the sofa with an empty bottle in her hand. Life was miserable for both of us. She constantly brought strange men to our house, and when I tried to send them away, she’d go with them.”
Warily, he reached out and cupped her hand. “She’d be gone for days at a time. I had no idea where she was or who she was with. Then, one day, she walked in with this Mexican trader and announced she was tired of being married to me and living her dull, boring life. She was going to Mexico with him. Two hours later, she was gone, and so was a good bit of money from our bank account.”
“I never knew. I thought the woman was a saint. I envied her.”
“Juliette, I knew the day she walked out with that man, I’d never want her back. I’d rather live the rest of my life alone, raising our two sons by myself, than have her come back to me. She’d shattered every bit of pride I’ve ever had.”
“Didn’t you try to stop her?”
“I started to. She was my children’s mother. I couldn’t just let her walk out that way, without knowing how to reach her. I’ve told you about my anger. At times, I felt like strangling Lucy, I was so furious with her. I reminded myself of my father, and it made me sick. I was afraid if I got near the man, I’d kill him with my bare hands. Then my sons wouldn’t have anyone to provide for them. I–I just stood there and watched them go.”
“But the padlocked room? Her things? I don’t understand.”
“I’m getting to that.” He turned her hand loose, rose, and began to pace about the room. After pulling his handkerchief from his pocket, he blew his nose loudly.
“I brooded around St. Joseph for awhile, but I knew I had to get back to my ranch. I couldn’t ask my sister to leave her home and her friends, but I begged her to keep my boys until I could find someone here to care for them. She finally agreed. I was embarrassed and ashamed to admit my wife had walked out on me and my children. I think if it hadn’t been for Eric and Will, I might have done away with myself. I didn’t want anyone to know the truth, so when I finally came back to Dove City, I invented that lie and told everyone she’d died of complications after Will’s birth—even though she was still alive. Since they had no reason to think otherwise, they believed me. I was consumed with guilt when people offered their sympathy. I’ve never told them any differently.”
“What happened to Lucy? Did you ever hear from her again?”
He rubbed at his forehead. “No. Not a word—not even to ask about her children. But about two years later, almost to the day, on one my few trips to visit my sons, I ran into a friend of hers. She and Lucy had kept in contact with one another. She’s the one who told me Lucy had died. Apparently, she came down with an illness in Mexico. She was sick for several months and eventually died. Her Mexican boyfriend had contacted the woman in St. Joseph and told her about Lucy’s death. I tried to learn more for our sons’ sake, but I was never even able to find out where she died or even the name of the man she left with.”
She stared at him as if still trying to comprehend what he was saying. “Then why have you kept her things the way she left them?”
He sucked in another breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t have an answer for that, Juliette. I guess because they remind me of happier times. Those first few months, I was captivated by her beauty and her charms. She was the kind of woman men dream about. I was stupid enough to believe she loved me. In truth, all she was doing was using me; but after Will was born and she didn’t want him, my anger took over. The same uncontrolled anger I’d seen in my father. I wanted to smash everything she’d ever touched, get rid of everything that reminded me of her. I even wanted to burn the house down.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. It’s the perfect place for your boys.”
“My hatred consumed me. She never cared for me. I know that now. It was my money she was after. For a year or so after she died, I kept that room locked and never opened it. I didn’t want to touch her things or even see them. Because of her and what she’d done to me, I decided I’d never let a woman get close to me again. I refused to put myself in a position to be hurt again. All I wanted out of life was to brin
g my boys home.”
Juliette wiped at her eyes. “I’m beginning to understand. It must have been a terrible time for you.”
“The worst.” He smiled at her. “Then I met you. You were from a fine family and seemed to be the perfect mother. I knew from the first day I met you, you were the woman I wanted to raise my boys. I also knew you were too proper to stay in my home and work for me unless I could talk you into marrying me. I brought you that handkerchief just to start up a conversation. I hoped eventually you’d agree, and I could bring my boys back where they belong.”
“Then Mr. Stark was killed. Mrs. Stark decided to sell the hotel, and my father needed the money to buy it. Correct?”
“Yes. I’d have given anything to have my boys back home. I know it sounds like a devious plan, but honestly, Juliette, if you wouldn’t have agreed to marry me, I would’ve given John the money.”
She lowered her gaze and dabbed at her eyes again. “But you didn’t have to, did you? You bought a wife instead.”
“Yes,” he conceded, “I bought a wife instead—a wife I never intended to love. I’d vowed I’d never love another woman. Not after the way I’d been hurt by Lucy. That’s why I wanted a marriage in name only. I was never going to put myself in that position again. I only wanted a fine Christian woman to run my house and be a mother to my boys. I never planned on falling in love with you. Your father needed the money, and you wanted a home for you and your son.” He paused, guilt ripping at him, tearing at his heart. “It seemed the best solution for all of us.”
She began to weep uncontrollably. “All of us? For you, you mean! The Baker family’s needs were just a way for you to gain what you wanted. A business deal! We were just a means to an end. An end to your search for a way to bring Eric and Will to Dove City.”
“I was concerned about your family!” he nearly shouted at her. Andrew stirred in his bed, and Stone lowered his voice before continuing. “I’ve never met a finer man than John. I would never have let that hotel get away from him. Even if I’d had to buy it and beg him to run it for me. But at that time, I had no idea you’d become so important to me!”
“Important to you? Is that what you call it?” She turned her face away as tears trailed down her cheeks and fell onto her gown. “What do you think all those people who’ve been calling you a hero would think if they knew you’d lied? Not only to me and my family, but to them? What do you suppose God thinks?”
“As their deputy, those folks trusted me. I’m sure they’d hate me for it.” He shifted in the chair uncomfortably. “What does God think? He thinks I’m a fool,” he answered softly, lowering his face into his hands.
“Please, leave,” she said, her voice quivering. “Go into Lucy’s room. Rock in her chair and remember the times she tossed you aside like an old boot!”
“But, Juliette—don’t you see? I hated Lucy. That’s why I went into that locked room night after night. I knew I was falling in love with you, and I didn’t want to! By going in there and sitting in that chair, I reminded myself of the miserable life we’d had together. I had to convince myself taking you as a true wife might be no better than living with her.” He hung his head, lacing his fingers together. “How did I know you wouldn’t do the same thing to me that Lucy did if I told you I loved you? I’ve saddled you with a deaf child, just like I did her. How did I know you wouldn’t try to take my money and leave me, just like she did?”
She glared at him, her eyes filled with anguish. “I thought you knew me better than that! You trusted me with your children!”
“I thought I knew her! Don’t you see? I was afraid! Afraid of loving you! Afraid of losing you!” His voice softened again as he glanced toward the sleeping baby. “I thought I loved Lucy. But now, after being with you, I finally realize what I had with her was not true love. The love I had for Lucy was nothing like my love for you. In fact, if I were honest, I’d probably have to say what I had for her was lust, not love. I wanted to possess her. She was an object to hold up in front of people. There was constant strife between us, right from the beginning. We were never truly happy. Being with you, going on picnics, holding hands over the supper table, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, reading our Bible together, watching you with our boys, sitting beside you in church—that’s true happiness—the kind of happiness God intended between a husband and a wife.”
Juliette struggled to refute what he was saying, but no words came. She, too, had discovered true happiness by being with him.
“The love I have for you is different—sweet and sincere. Although you are a beautiful woman, I’m not interested in showing you off like an object I’ve purchased. I want you all to myself. I want to hold you, to shelter and protect you. I want to take you in my arms and shower your face with kisses. And yes, I want to take you to my bed, but only as a way to express my love for you. You’re everything to me, Juliette. Can’t you see that?”
He leaned his face close to hers, so close he could feel her warm breath on his cheeks. “Look into my eyes, Juliette. You’re my wife. I’d lay down my life for you. Can’t you see that? Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
She gulped hard. “Th–this has all come as a shock, Stone. Ca–can we talk about this in the morning? I need time to think.”
“Of course. But remember the things I’ve said. I love you, Juliette.” With a look of defeat, he rose and slowly walked away.
❧
She spent a restless evening as the love she felt for Stone battled with the ill feelings she harbored in her heart for his deception. His lies had crushed her. She felt lower than she’d ever felt in her life. Yet, in some ways, her heart sang. He loved her. He really loved her. Wasn’t this what she’d wanted all along?
Before she blew out the lamp, she pulled the Bible from her nightstand and held it to her bosom before turning the pages to the love chapter in First Corinthians. She read it silently, with an open heart. Oh, God, I do love Stone. Help me! I want to make the right decision. What is Your will for our lives?
Early the next morning she heard a slight rap on her door, and her heart began to pound furiously. “Juliette? Are you awake?” She quickly pulled the covers about her. “I–I guess so. Come in.”
“I know you’re furious with me. You have every right to be, but let me talk. I–I’ve been awake most of the night, reading my Bible and settling this thing with God. I asked for His forgiveness, and He has forgiven me. I know He has because it says so right in His Word. I’ve rid myself of the ghosts of my past. As soon as I can get to it, I’m going to take everything out of Lucy’s room and give it all away. I know there are some things you’d like to have, but I’d rather buy them for you new than have them around as a reminder of her.”
“Stone, I—”
“Shh, let me finish. I need to get these things said. I’ve wronged you, Juliette, and I’ve come to apologize.” As he moved slowly to the bed and sat down beside her, she could see his eyes were puffy and he’d been crying. “I had no right to lie and deceive you like I did. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done. I–I know I don’t deserve it—but I hope, someday, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. I–I never meant any harm, honest.” A tear rolled slowly down his cheek.
“Come here. I have something to say too.” She waited until he’d seated himself, then continued. “When you told me you’d lied about Lucy’s death, I–I felt completely devastated. If it hadn’t been for Eric and little Will, I would have taken Andrew and gone back to the hotel. But—” She paused, wanting to say just the right words to convey her sincere feelings. “I spent a long time with my Bible last night. God has been speaking to my heart too. About forgiveness. I–I love your precious boys. While I can’t condone all the lying you’ve done, I can almost see why you did. Experiences that shake our lives and turn them upside down can make us respond in strange ways. I still intend to stay true to my wedding vows. When I made those vows, I made them before God. I feel He would have me stay.”
Her heart clenched as a slow smile crept across his face.
“You mean it? You’ll stay?”
“We’re both sinners saved by grace, Stone, and we’re still legally married. I’ll stay if you want me to. I–I love you too.”
“You do? You really do?” His hand lightly touched hers. “I love you more than life itself.”
She felt his fingers tighten over hers.
“With God’s help, do you think we can work this out? That you can find it in your heart to forgive me for lying to you? I love you so much, my dearest. God has forgiven me. Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
She gazed into his eyes, his words of repentance softening the ache in her heart. “I’d strayed away from Him too. I’d been playing at church. Through all of this, I’ve discovered I need a closer walk with Him. God has forgiven me, so I must forgive you.”
“I’ll never lie to you again. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to restore your faith in me. I want God to control our lives and be the Head of our household.”
She reached out and touched his cheek as Andrew stirred in his crib. “I love you, Stone. I think I’ve always loved you. I was just afraid to admit it. I want to be your wife in every way.”
Epilogue
Juliette’s arms circled her husband’s neck as she gazed into his kind face with adoring eyes. “Do you realize this will be our fourth Christmas together?”
“Sure do.” He gave her a broad grin, then nestled his chin in her hair. “I’ve loved every day of our time together.”
“Stone,” she began slowly, smoothing back the hair from his forehead, knowing her words might upset him. “I’ve been thinking about that quilt.”
Lucy's Quilt Page 17