by Amy Andrews
She felt herself relax as she gave their new client the grand tour. She answered all Lex’s questions and then went back to her desk to make an appointment. She ignored Campbell, who was poking around the office.
‘I understand you’re offering antenatal classes?’ asked Lex.
‘That’s right. You start them at about twenty-eight weeks. They’ll run every Wednesday night for four weeks. Would you like me to book you in?’
‘Yes, please.’
Claire retrieved the booking diary from her desk drawer, ignoring a muscled thigh she could see in her peripheral vision as Campbell lounged against her desk. She pencilled Lex and her husband in to start in eight weeks’ time.
As Claire bade her goodbye, Campbell joined her. ‘See you in four weeks,’ said Claire.
‘Actually, I might see you tomorrow. I’ve got my ultrasound at ten.’
‘Oh, what a shame you didn’t get an appointment for today. Save you coming back again tomorrow.’
‘It was the only one available this week, otherwise it was a couple of weeks’ wait. Unfortunately Brian is away until next week so he’s going to miss out.’
‘Is someone coming with you?’ Claire asked, noticing her client’s disappointment.
‘I really don’t have anyone else. No family nearby and we’ve only just moved to Brisbane so I don’t really know anybody yet.’
Claire could feel Lex’s sense of isolation and sympathised with her. ‘Ten o’clock, you say?’ She consulted her appointment book. ‘I’m free then—would you like some company?’
‘Oh, yes, please!’ Lex’s sigh of relief was audible. ‘I really didn’t want to go by myself.’
‘I’ll meet you there at ten tomorrow.’
They watched her leave with a new spring in her step.
‘That was a really nice thing to do.’ Campbell’s low voice intruded into Claire’s thoughts.
He’d come closer again. There were only a few millimetres separating them now. Appreciation sparked in his eyes. Nothing sexual. Just recognition of another person’s kind heart.
He had the most expressive eyes Claire had ever seen. If he felt it or thought it, it was right there for the world to see. He’d obviously never had anything to hide. Claire envied him that.
‘Nonsense,’ she said, moving away. ‘Anyone would have done the same thing.’
‘No, Claire, they wouldn’t.’ His voice was serious.
‘Goodbye, Campbell.’
Claire turned on her heel and left him standing in the corridor. He smiled at her dismissal but wasn’t that easily perturbed. He followed her into the commonroom, catching up with her just as she had opened the fridge door and was rummaging around inside it. Her very appealing bottom was all he could see of her. He lounged in the doorway, allowing his male appreciation full rein. Soon enough she would dash it all with her shrewish tongue.
‘Alone at last,’ he said from the doorway.
Claire hit her head on a shelf and cursed under her breath. ‘Do you mind?’ she snapped. ‘I thought you’d gone. You scared the living daylights out of me.’ She rubbed her head.
‘Sorry,’ he said, trying to look suitably chastised.
Claire sat at the dining table, ignoring him. She opened her lunchbox as he pulled up a chair opposite.
‘Why don’t you date, Claire?’
So unexpected was his question that Claire nearly choked on the carrot stick she’d been eating. She coughed and spluttered and Campbell poured her a drink of water from the glass pitcher sitting in the middle of the table.
‘Thank you,’ she said in a raspy voice, taking a gulp of water. ‘Is it so hard to believe that some women don’t want to be in a relationship?’
‘No, not at all.’
‘Well, then, I guess I’m one of them.’
‘There’s a difference between not wanting to and choosing not to, Claire.’
‘Oh, yeah? How?’
‘Well, not wanting to indicates lack of interest. Choosing not to is a conscious decision that never allows for the possibility of something happening. It’s choosing with your head.’
‘Oh, I get it. You think I should choose with my heart.’ Sarcasm laced her voice.
‘I think you should listen to your heart. Don’t just ignore it because you decided once upon a time that you weren’t going to date.’
‘And if I did listen to my heart? What makes you think it’d lead me to you?’
‘Ah, that’s easy.’ He grinned a cheeky, schoolboy grin. ‘I’m irresistible.’
‘Oh, really.’
‘Just ask my mum.’
‘Oh, I’m sure to get an unbiased opinion there,’ she said sarcastically.
‘Hmm, you’re right,’ he mused thoughtfully, stealing a carrot stick from Claire’s lunchbox. ‘On second thoughts, ask my sisters. They have absolutely no illusions about me and they still think I’m irresistible.’
Campbell grinned again and stole a cherry tomato this time.
‘Hey,’ she protested feebly, growing weaker at the intimacy of him helping himself to her lunch.
‘I’m starving,’ he cajoled, and closed his eyes and sighed rapturously as he bit into the ripe, red flesh. ‘Hmm. This tomato is delicious. So flavoursome.’
‘My father grows them,’ she said, distracted by his moan of enjoyment and the slow trickle of juice leaving the corner of his mouth.
Campbell opened his eyes and caught Claire staring. She was watching his chin where he could feel some juice trekking slowly downwards. Her stare was so intense and hungry he couldn’t have been more surprised if she’d reached over and unzipped his fly. In fact, she might as well have, from the way his body was reacting.
‘Claire, if you’re trying to convince me that you don’t want me, staring at me like that isn’t the way to go about it.’
His words registered on a superficial level only. They didn’t penetrate her intense concentration. She knew she shouldn’t be looking but the juice drew her gaze like a moth to flame.
‘Claire,’ he whispered hoarsely.
It was a ragged, desperate sound that succeeded where his words hadn’t. She gasped slightly, dragging her eyes away, shocked at her behaviour. It was practically X-rated. Her hand trembled as she passed him a paper napkin and tried to deny how bereft she felt that he was the one wiping the errant juice away and not her.
Oh, God, get a grip. What was the matter with her? Why did this man get to her so much?
‘Is it because of him?’
‘Him who?’ she asked, wary again.
‘The man you dated years ago who broke your heart. Or so the story goes.’
‘Been snooping, Campbell?’
‘No, not at all. It’s amazing the stuff people will tell you.’
‘Mind your own business,’ she snapped, rising to wash her dishes at the sink.
‘Oh, come on, Claire,’ he persisted. ‘If I’m paying the price for his sins, surely I deserve to know why.’
‘Campbell!’ She let her exasperation show.
‘OK. I’ll leave you be if you tell me.’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘I promise. Cross my heart.’
She turned to assess the honesty of his statement. He looked sincere and … it was way too good a deal to pass up. His relentless pursuit was annoying. Really, it was. And pointless. And as difficult as she found even breathing when he was near, she couldn’t be with him. They had no future.
‘All right.’ Her shoulders sagged and she came back and sat at the table. ‘We were young. No, correction, I was young. A third-year student nurse. Shane was a resident. We were in love, or at least … I was in love with him. He said he wanted to marry me and then some … stuff happened to do with my family and he … he dumped me.’
Campbell sat in silence as she laid out the bones of something that had obviously been such a big part of her life. Her complete lack of emotion as she gave just the facts spoke volumes about her hurt.
‘How old w
ere you?’
‘Twenty.’
Campbell covered her hands with his. ‘What stuff?’
‘It doesn’t matter now,’ she said quietly, and removed her hands. She wasn’t going to tell a virtual stranger things that even now were too painful to think about.
‘Shane was a fool.’ Campbell’s voice held an edge of contempt.
She met his gaze and read the compassion in his emerald depths. Easy to say when he didn’t know the half of it.
‘No. It hurt for a long time but I think I’d have done the same thing if our situations had been reversed.’
It had been a traumatic chapter in her life. Her mother being diagnosed with Huntington’s disease had been a gut-wrenching time. Not to mention the real possibility that the disease could have been inherited by herself. The last thing she had needed had been her finance deserting her in her hour of need. But he had.
It’d taken the better part of a year to get over Shane’s betrayal. But with the passing of time, Claire had been able to see his side. It had been a tough call for someone in their prime, like Shane, to confront the possibility of his fiancée falling prey to a debilitating genetic illness. The hurt had dissipated but the determination not to make the same mistake with someone else lingered.
‘I don’t care what it was. If he’d really loved you, he’d have stayed.’
Claire shook her head sadly. Some things were too big, too awful to deal with. She knew that too well. ‘You, Dr Deane,’ she said, injecting a light teasing quality into her voice, ‘are a romantic.’
‘Guilty as charged,’ he grinned. ‘So, how about tonight?’
‘Campbell! You promised.’
‘Sorry, I lied. I had my fingers crossed behind my back.’
‘You tricked me.’ She glowered and marched back to the sink.
‘You can’t give up on men because of one stupid guy. I won’t let you. It’s not fair to compare me to him. Give me a chance, I’ll prove to you that we’re not all the same.’
‘Campbell,’ she sighed, turning to face him, ‘it’s not just about Shane. There are other reasons …’ Big reasons. ‘He just helped to put everything into perspective.’
‘I’m never going to give up, Claire. You may as well surrender now.’
‘I’ve been pursued by some determined men, Campbell. I’ve never surrendered.’
‘Honey, trust me. I bring new meaning to determined.’
‘Well, bring it on, honey. But be prepared to lose.’
The instant her challenge was out Claire wished she could retract it. Damn him. Damn him for goading her into throwing down the gauntlet.
Campbell grinned. He felt an energy zinging through his body and revelled in how good and alive it made him feel. She made him feel. His pager beeped and he checked the message. ‘Labour Ward. One of my ladies is in. I asked them to page me when she was ready to deliver.’
He walked slowly towards her as he talked, stopping a hand’s length away. His gaze captured hers for a long moment.
‘I’ll be seeing you,’ he said quietly, and walked away.
* * *
As it turned out, Claire reluctantly made her way to his office a few hours later with a document that required his signature urgently so she could send it off with the last courier run. Martin had been on the phone to her, harassing her about how important it was to have the document on the Minister’s desk by close of business.
Internal mail would have been way too slow and the document too urgent and sensitive to trust to this not always reliable service.
Although Claire had resigned herself to doing the job personally, she approached Campbell’s office with a great deal of trepidation, the subtle challenge in his last words resonating in her head.
His door was closed and her hand shook as she knocked softly. Claire found herself wishing he’d left for the day, despite Martin’s dire warnings, but his command to enter dashed the fantasy.
‘Oh … sorry,’ said Claire, taking in the two people sitting on the other side of Campbell’s desk. ‘I didn’t realise you had clients …’
‘Claire.’ Campbell half stood, pleasure and surprise registering on his face. ‘Come in.’
‘No. It’s OK. I’ll come back.’
‘No. Don’t go. Stay. Actually, you’ve probably got some advice for Kay and Col.’ He pulled up a chair next to the couple and she reluctantly sat down as he introduced her. ‘Kay’s pregnant with her second baby. They have a little boy who’s three and has cystic fibrosis.’
Claire was pleased now for the seat. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He wanted her to give advice on a genetic illness? He didn’t know it, but he couldn’t have picked a better person!
Claire’s heart went out to the young couple. What terrible things they must have faced over the last three years, and now to have to confront the possibility of their new baby inheriting CF as well.
Every cell in her body rebelled at being part of this conversation. She wanted to get up and run. It was just way too close to home. She felt her heart beating painfully in her chest and was surprised they couldn’t hear it in the room.
‘Now … where were we?’ He turned back to his clients. ‘Oh, yes, the options. Well, you’re only eight weeks so we can still investigate the baby’s CF status with a special test called chorionic villi sampling. I can make an appointment for you right now,’ he said, picking up the phone.
‘Actually, no, Campbell, that won’t be necessary,’ said Col. ‘We’ve talked about it and we’ve decided not to do that.’
‘Ah … OK. Can I ask why?’
‘We’ve had all the genetic counselling. We know we have a one in four chance of this baby inheriting CF, and we’re OK with that. Obviously we don’t wish it for our baby but if it happens, we’ll deal with it.’
‘Well, sure. It’s your choice and you’re obviously well informed, but a test at this early stage gives you options.’
‘If we tested now and the baby was positive, we wouldn’t be doing anything about it, so what’s the point? We’ll wait for the results of the heel prick after the baby’s born, and in the meantime we’ll be doing a lot of wishing and hoping and praying,’ said Kay.
Claire admired her quiet resolve. It obviously wasn’t easy for them. They were holding on tight to each other’s hands as if one of them might fall if they let go.
Claire felt a pang and realised she envied their closeness. She gave herself a mental shake. This was crazy! When had this happened? Why would she feel jealous of this couple’s relationship? It didn’t make sense. But, then, a lot of things had changed since Campbell had entered her life—damn him!
Claire glanced across the desk at the man responsible for awakening feelings and emotions she doubted she’d ever felt before. She wanted to be angry with him but his obvious concern for this couple’s plight softened her anger—double damn him!
While Claire understood totally where Kay and Col were coming from and empathised with their plight, she could tell Campbell didn’t agree. He was being very professional. Not pushing. Trying only to keep them as informed as possible. But Claire could read him like a book.
She knew how hard it was for some health professionals, particularly doctors, to take a step back sometimes. If there was a problem, they wanted to fix it or at least investigate it to the hilt in an attempt to fix it. They were healers. Doctors didn’t like to sit back and not have the answers.
And then came the question she most dreaded.
‘What do you think, Claire?’ he asked earnestly, his green eyes begging her to support him.
She swallowed, her throat dry, trying to collect her thoughts on a subject she’d thought about every day for the last ten years.
‘I think …’ she started slowly, clearing her throat, ‘I think … Kay and Col know better than anyone what’s at stake, and they’ve obviously thought about it—a lot. You’ve done your bit, informing them of their choices, but ultimately the decision is theirs.’
‘All right, then.’ Campbell smiled and stood and shook their hands. Claire stood also. ‘It was great talking to you both and I’ll see you again in four weeks. But, please, if you have any questions in the meantime, don’t hesitate to contact me, OK?’
Claire watched Campbell as he showed his clients out, courteous and professional to the end. But Claire saw dissatisfaction in every line of his body. She knew what he was thinking, she had witnessed it often enough. He felt he had failed.
‘Damn it,’ he swore softly as he paced over to his window.
‘You don’t approve,’ Claire said, not wanting to hear his answer. Anything he said next she couldn’t fail to take personally. It was too close to home.
‘They don’t need my approval Claire, I know that. It’s just …’ He raked his fingers through his glorious hair and turned to face her. ‘I think they’re going to go ahead and have a baby in the blind hope that it’s not inflicted with an awful disease which, in reality, it has a very high chance of inheriting.’
‘I don’t think they’re in denial over the risks, Campbell. I just think they’re prepared to roll the dice and go with their lot.’
‘What about the child? It’s the one that’s going to have to live with it.’
Despite understanding his sentiments, Claire could more than see the flip side. The fact that he couldn’t irritated her.
‘You think people with genetic illnesses can’t live normal, fulfilled lives?’
‘It’s a debilitating lung disease,’ he said, exasperation tinging his voice. ‘I shouldn’t have to tell you that. That child will spend the majority of its life either in hospital, taking meds or having physio and then dying too young.’
‘If he or she has it.’
‘If they take the test, they’ll know. It’ll buy them peace of mind.’
Having refused testing herself, Claire understood their reasons. How could knowing you or your child had a genetic disorder give you peace of mind?
‘Ignorance can be bliss, Campbell,’ said Claire, her voice stilted.
‘I’m just saying … if it were me, I’d want to know. If it were me, I would think twice about bringing a child into the world if there was a history of genetic disease.’