We Are
The
Hunted
By
Perry T. Matlin
“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
-Edgar Allen Poe
“He is beauty, inside and out. He is the silver lining in a world of darkness. He is my light.”
-Marie Lu
“Sometimes the wicked will tell us things just to confuse us- to haunt our thoughts long after we’ve faced them.”
-Sarah J. Maas
“They got the cages; they got the boxes and guns. They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run.”
-Taylor Swift
PROLOGUE
There was always this saying I heard as a kid. When something seems impossible, when something is so outlandish that you know in your bones that it will never happen, you say that it will take place, this impossible event will only happen, when hell freezes over.
I’m not exactly sure what the weather is like in hell right now, but it seems like the people there may have found the flames frozen, the lakes of lava turned to skating rinks. The way things are looking now, the devil himself must be picking out which jacket to wear today because it is surely frozen in hell.
Things are changing so quickly, reality abandoned for the tales of nightmares. Dead people rising up to feed on the remaining humans. I never thought this would happen. I never assumed my life would become some cheesy Halloween movie. If you had asked me when I would find myself running from ravenous dead bodies, reanimated to devour me, I’d say when hell freezes over, but in fact it has. The monsters have risen from fantasy, and we are not hunting them. We are the hunted this time.
ONE
I look down at my bed impatiently, as I make some last-minute decisions on what to bring on this trip with us. I know this is just a college tour for my little brother, but it feels like everything hangs in the balance. I have to make this trip perfect for Ryan. I guess it also doesn't hurt that getting out of this town is just what I need after all the things that have happened recently. I guess part of me knows that planning the perfect trip is some kind of defense mechanism. Maybe if I can successfully plan it, I won’t be such a failure, such a screw-up.
My name is Benjamin Stuart, and I am twenty-four-years-old. I tell myself this again and again, as if reminding myself of who I am, what makes me, me. I try to tether my mind to who I was because recently, all I’ve been is depressed. I go through the process again, naming all the things I remember about who I was before that night. I was in love, I was gay. I was sure about who I want to be. I may still be in school for Zoology, but I don’t feel like that person anymore. I may be the oldest sibling in a loving family, but I feel alone. I feel isolated. I then try to remember the people in my life. My dad, taking over for both parenting roles, when my addict mother disappeared. I think of my grandmother, her sweet stories, her positive attitude. Everything she’s done for us. I think of my Aunt Zoey, only a few years older than me, but my moral compass. I think of my brother; this is all for him. Ryan is so excited to graduate high school in a few months. He is trying to get into the college’s nursing program. I think of how hard he’s worked. I think of my sister, Riley. She just finished her degree; I remember being so proud of her. She starts her new job, in the field of marketing as soon as we get back from our trip. Ryan will be leaving for college, Riley will be living with her boyfriend Drew, doing her new thing, but I will still be here, abandoned by everyone. I will be the only one still living with dad, making sure he eats when he’s not running the family restaurant. I try to remember all of this, as I get ready, but only one thing wins every day, only one part of me rises to rest at the surface, the bad part.
The memories penetrate my feverish attempts to forget. He is there. I remember him, sprawled out on my bed. I remember all the years we spent together; first as friends but then more, so much more. I remember the look on his face, the words that he said. I remember it all because it tears me apart to this day, even after months of no contact.
I look around my room again, as the album I’m playing fades out. The Beatles go silent, as I do another sweep. I’ll be gone for four days. Do I need anything else? I sweep the room with my eyes, trying to find anything I may have missed. My stuffed turtles catch my eye. I have six. They are all different sizes, they all have different memories attached, and they all bring me a mixture of utter sadness, and unsurmountable joy all in one beautifully painful breath. Part of me doesn’t want to bring them. They’ll just remind me of Paul the whole time. The other part doesn’t want to sleep without them. Turtles are my favorite animals. Paul knew that, that’s why he bought me all of these.
I head into my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror above my sink. I take in my reflection. I look hollow. I’ve felt that way for months now. Ever since October. Ever since he left me here. My brown eyes look bright and watery, as if I might break down at any second. My blonde hair has lost some color, as if it’s dying like I am inside. My face looks pinched with pain, my lips paler than usual, the look of someone forgotten by love. Someone who felt love, true love; but lost it tragically. I head back into my room.
I then finally decide that I will in fact bring my stuffed turtles along. I shove them safely into my duffel bag, before running from the room. They should be ready by now. I brush past my Aunt Zoey, and she tries to stop me, by talking but I walk right past her. Riley, and Drew must be already waiting outside.
I walk across the kitchen, and knock on Ryan’s door quickly, before heading back to the living room. My Aunt comes up to me, her voice thick with worry. She snakes her arms around me, before I can pull away.
"You guys drive safe and please call me like every hour. Your dad and I used to drive that way every weekend, and I never liked it. You better tell Emily that she needs to be careful" she says dramatically.
I let my Aunt ramble on about our impending doom, until finally Ryan comes out of his room, his friend Thomas following behind him. I’m still ignoring Zoey’s paranoid tirade of everything that could possibly go wrong. Her long brown hair flying, as she moves around animatedly. She always talks with her hands, her expressions wild with emotion. I guess we’re alike in that sense. I smile, taking a mental picture of the way she looks in this moment. I wish her sister were here. I wish she hadn’t left. She looks a lot like her sister, my mom, but without the whole drugs and abandoning us thing.
"Okay, goodbye Zo, I'll call you on the road" I say hurriedly, heading toward the door.
I leave the house behind, my duffel bag, and backpack on my arm. Breathing in the crisp April air, I silently thank God for letting Florida actually be cool today. I walk around the side of my house, and Emily's silver Hyundai Tucson comes into view. The windows are down, and I can hear the country radio coming through the speakers, before sliding into the passenger seat. She leans over and gives me a brief one-armed hug and then turns back to the wheel. I instinctively reach up and hit the preset for the pop station. The atmosphere changes abruptly, as someone I think might be Taylor Swift or even Ariana Grande begins to blare through the speakers. I’m not sure exactly because I don’t typically listen to anything newer than the 70’s. Everyone seems to liven up with the new direction of the music I’ve chosen for us. I look over at my best friend, as she backs out of the driveway.
Emily and I have been best friends since third grade. I think back to all the awkward phases, the break ups, the sleepovers, all the secrets between us, and the love. The love and understanding she has always afforded me. I realize for the hundredth time that statistically, a
person with a family like hers, should never have become my friend, but she is stronger than a family filled with hate, with bigotry.
We drive down my street, and the house finally disappears in the rearview, so I reach up and turn the volume down, so it’s merely background music.
"What would you guys like to grab to eat, before we get onto the interstate?" Riley asks, her voice pleasant, and everyone looks at each other, as if hoping someone else will choose so nobody else has to.
"What about Taco bell?" Thomas suggests from the slightly over-cramped back seat. Finally, someone who doesn't make me choose where to eat every time. I smile at that. It’s not a real smile, but a tight one. A single moment of amusement.
"Taco Bell sounds good to me, what about you guys?" Emily asks to the car at large. Everyone seems to agree because nobody interjects, so I pull my phone out of my pocket and begin to look through all of my notifications.
“Let’s play would you rather?” Drew says suddenly, causing Riley to giggle slightly. I don’t feel like joining in, but this should be interesting.
“I’ll go first” Emily offers, turning the pop station down further. She’s ready. She’s always liked games like this. I remember when I used to as well.
“Emily” Drew says then, his voice gravelly as usual. “Would you rather, move away to your dream city and never see the people you love again, or see the people you love every day, but never visit your dream city?” he finishes. I know what she’ll say. She’s selfless, the most selfless person I know.
“See the people I love” she answers simply. I look out the window still not wanting to join in. I don’t want to have fun, the return to sadness will hurt too bad.
“Riley” Emily says then, her face lighting up with a smile I can’t see. I can picture her face, based solely on her voice. Just by her voice, I can tell any face she makes.
“Would you rather work retail for the rest of your life but get paid decently or get a retail salary and work your dream job?” she asks. Again, I think I know what she’ll pick. Riley, the passionate, hairbrained girl who always follows her heart. The girl who can’t budget to save her life.
“Dream job, easy. Money doesn’t matter to me” she says. I actually almost snort at that. Of course, money doesn’t matter to her. How could it? My dad, and later, I have been collectively spoiling her since she was born. Now she has Drew. A few more questions are asked, leading Ryan to choose his job over seeing his family. Drew chooses to date Jessica Alba over Scarlett Johansson. Thomas chooses alcohol over sex, and Emily chooses happiness over fame. That’s when we turn into the drive-through.
We get to the Taco Bell menu, and everyone orders. I quickly scarf down my order, as we leave the parking lot, before zoning out. I wasn’t hungry, but people will lecture me, if I keep skipping meals.
I watch as the trees fly by. Counting the cars, tallying each color. It’s a game I’ve always played with myself. It’s a bit of a drive, so I find myself alone, sinking back into the depression I’ve been trapped in. There are five other people around me, but none of them talk to me. They all know how I am when I slip into these moods. I am untouchable.
“So, Drew and me bought tickets to the Beyoncé tour. Did you wanna come with us Em?” Riley asks suddenly. For once, I’m not sure how she’ll answer. She doesn’t really listen to pop music, but it’s Beyoncé.
“I’ll see if I can get off work, when is it?” Emily asks, and I find myself wanting to smile. I don’t but I feel like I could. Emily doesn’t want to go. I know well enough she can get off work with ease. She’s a kindergarten teacher. She has so much paid time off saved up. Riley doesn’t think like that, she’s too spontaneous to remember the details of someone’s job. The conversation dies down again, so I look at the trees, the road, counting the yellow lines. Ryan and Thomas talk a bit about the college, ranting about the sports teams, the food choices, the parties, but mostly we listen to music.
We finally pull into our hotel four hours after leaving my house, and I launch from the cramped car; I take in the fresh air around me. Emily locks the car up, before heading into the lobby to check in. I look around at the others, and decide to follow Emily in. Catching up with her, we enter the lobby together. I immediately notice that the front desk is completely empty. I look down at my phone and see that it's only 4 o'clock in the afternoon. We stand there in the completely empty lobby, for another several minutes, until I begin to grow irritated. I climb up onto the counter and slide over into the employee section. I walk right into the backroom area, and search for anyone who will help me. When nobody comes, I delve deeper. After another few silent minutes of searching, I head back to the front, and walk right up to the computer. I type my own name, and the database, finally tells me our room number. I pull the cash out of my wallet because I'm sure as hell not leaving my card. I look at the screen for the two room numbers once more and turn to the wall that has cubbies for each room. I search for our keys.
I quickly grab the keys for both rooms, and crawl back over the desk. Emily is looking at me like I just killed a puppy. I stare at her. Taking in her judgment.
"What? There's still nobody in here" I explain, and she just shakes her head. I decide not to pursue it, even though I usually would. We walk back outside, and the others stand up straight, and walk over to us.
"What the hell took so long?" Riley demands, and I just scowl at her impatience.
"There was nobody in there, so I checked us in from the computer, and got our keys." I say, and they all look at me with the same look as Emily did. I just shake my head, annoyed at their judgment. Without a word, I lead them up the stairs to our third-floor rooms. I toss one of the keys to Drew, and head to the other room with my own key. We haven’t really discussed sleeping arrangements, so I turn back to them.
"Ryan, are you with us?" I ask. He just shakes his head and walks into the room with the others. I just turn away and enter the dark room. Emily closes the door behind her, and we're left alone in our room. I silently unpack my things, before grabbing all the stuff for a shower. I head into the bathroom, while Emily scrolls through her Facebook on the bed. Closing the door behind me, I turn the hot water on, and remove my clothes. Slipping into the shower, I let the hot water run down my body, and savor the moment of solitude. That car was so cramped. I hate being in a cramped vehicle. I reach over, and grab my shampoo, ignoring the little bottle of hotel shampoo. I've never liked using that stuff. After I finally rinse my body off, I let the hot water wash over me, for another minute, before turning the shower off, and pulling the towel off of the rack. I feel like I’m sinking back into the depression, so I repeat the cycle of naming facts about myself.
I am twenty-four, I am a scientist, I am…” the facts begin to fade, replaced by the riskier thoughts. The ones not based on facts, but feelings. I shudder.
I’ve always been a facts person. It must be the scientist in me. I run through the facts again, until they form a thin, weathered tether between myself and who I used to be, who I want to be again. Finally, the feelings begin to skitter away, hiding beneath the surface again.
I quickly dress, before coming out of the bathroom to find Emily still entranced by her Facebook. I roll my eyes, irritated at her incessant need to be on her phone nonstop. Doesn’t it ever get boring?
"You wanna head over there?" I ask, bending down to grab the bottle of Vodka that I had bought for the trip. I leave the second bottle behind for another time. Riley had gotten a couple of other bottles as well.
"Well I mean, I was going to take a shower and stuff first, but you can go ahead, and go over there" she said, never looking up from her phone. I leave her behind. I walk out of the room, and straight over to the other one. I knock briefly, before Ryan answers the door. His brown eyes bright, his blonde hair spiked. I enter the room and look around to see what everyone is doing. Riley is sitting on the end of the bed closest to the bathroom. Her long blonde hair pulled into a messy bun.
Thomas is sitting aga
inst the side of the desk on the floor, he already has a shot glass in front of him. His blue eyes look alight with excitement, his black hair is cut short, so different than his usual overgrown look. Drew with his buzz cut, his green eyes, and his ever-present baseball cap is setting up the drinking game that we had bought for tonight. I walk across the room and sit on the floor at the end of the bed, and Riley runs her fingers through my hair. I smile softly, as my sister pets me like an animal. Riley stands up, when Drew finishes setting everything up, and takes the spot on the floor right beside me. Drew sits beside her, and Ryan and Thomas join us in a circle, leaving enough room for Emily. We begin the game, and I am the first to have to drink. I shoot back the shot of peach Vodka, and almost spew it all over the place. It's horrible.
“Okay, so we roll the dice. Wherever you land there is an instruction” Drew says, laughing at me. I smile back. Finally, able to do so without falling apart.
Riley takes her turn, rolling onto a spot that makes her remove an article of clothing. She smiles at me knowingly using my trick. She removes a bracelet. I taught her a long time ago to always wear bracelets, earrings, and necklaces to parties.
Drew is next. He lands on a double shot. I laugh, as he takes his first sip of peach vodka. He actually does spit some out. I know he’s not a big drinker. It’s weird to see him here, hanging out with teenagers. He’s a firefighter, so I just never see him hang out when we have Ryan with us. He’s usually inviting us to parties at the houses of people we work with.
Ryan plays, but offers his drinks to me. I know he refuses to drink before he turns twenty-one. Ryan has always been a straight arrow. He gets straight A’s, never had detention, and follows every rule.
Thomas seems to be winning the game, as Emily joins in. Ryan gives her his cards and scoots out of the circle. Thomas then takes his turn. He gets to pick someone to drink. He chooses me. I smile, tipping another shot down.
We Are The Hunted (Book 1): We Are The Hunted Page 1