“Don’t worry baby, I made your favorite” she says knowingly. I love their relationship. Peyton seems to approve because she smiles, before heading over to stand by Paul again. Chase joins us, heading over to the cabinets for dishes. I watch him move.
I know I need to have another conversation with him, a very to-the-point conversation. I like him, a lot. I think he’s a great guy, and I don’t want any awkwardness between us. I want this group to work. I’ve grown attached to his family. At that moment, thunder claps loudly around us. I feel the change immediately. I was calm, relaxed, amused. The sound of the thunder pulls me from my body, yanking me into the past, to yesterday. I’m standing there, just outside the window of the bathroom. Drew is there, he’s struggling to get away from them, from those monsters. I watch as he’s bitten. I watch the scene play out all over again.
Drew becomes visible. He goes to jump out, but something pulls him back. I run to the window, waiting for him to come back. He does. He jumps on the ledge, but their hands are all over him. They won't let him go, so I reach for him. I reach for his hand. That's when one of them bites him.
"Drew, no! Please God no." I begin to cry, as more and more of the monsters attack him. He falls back, his hand nowhere to be seen. I try to grab for him, but I can see no less than seven bites, and I know where this is going. I know he's dead. He is going to die, and there is nothing, nothing at all that I can do about it. My heart shatters right there.
“Drew, give me your hand. Give me your hand” I sob, trying to climb into the window after him. Paul is pulling me back.
“Ben, just do it. I… tell Riley I’m sorry” he pleads, his voice a scream of agony. I picture him there, years ago. I picture us in class, on the boat, I picture him in his uniform. I picture him any way besides now, besides him dying.
“I can’t Drew. Give me your hand please” I cry hysterically. He shakes his head, as blood pours down his neck, his arms, his face.
I see his eyes rolling up in his head, as his body collapses into the ranks of them. I raise the gun, knowing what I must do. Knowing what he wants me to do in this situation. I point it directly at his head. I then squeeze the trigger with my finger. I know what is going to happen, before I pull the trigger, but it still doesn't prepare me for the splatter of blood, the deafening ring, and the way his head snaps back, before he disappears from view.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" I sob, as I back away from the window. I can hear them devouring his body, but I just take another step back,
I pull out of the stupor, the rest stop disappearing from around me. I’m back in the kitchen, Paul’s arm really is around me, but not in the same way. I’m sitting on the floor; my entire body is shaking. What just happened to me? I look around to find everyone staring at me with worry. Chase’s face is pale.
“Are you okay?” Paul whispers to me. I continue to shake, but I nod my head. I am okay, aren’t I? It was just a memory, just a gut-wrenching memory. I’m fine. I’m okay.
“What do you say we eat some food, and then get on the road” Lily says suddenly. It pulls us all out of our heads, and I plaster a smile to my face. I gently push Paul’s arm away and jump to my feet.
My body is still shaking, but I manage to dish up a plate of the food. It still smells good, but my body doesn’t want it now. I force my face blank, and head for the table. The others wordlessly follow me into the dining room. I start to eat then.
At first, I feel like I’ll be sick. I feel like my body is revolting the food. As I take another bite, another, another. I begin to calm down again. Paul sits beside me. I look around as my heartbeat finally starts to slow. Everyone is eating their food, the room silent. Well, I definitely ruined the mood, didn’t I? I continue to eat, my stomach gratefully accepting the food now. I’m finally not shaking anymore. I’m finally almost back to normal, but will I ever be normal again? I don’t think so.
*****
The cars are packed, the house is locked, and now it’s time to leave. Chase left Emily a note, in case she comes here. I’m starting to think something really bad happened to them. I push that fear away, turning to the two cars. We have to get out of here. I’m glad that Chase didn’t decide to stay. I’m glad he is keeping on the move for now. I don’t want them to die.
“I’m going to ride with Chase if you don’t mind. I need to have a serious talk with him” I tell Paul, moving to stand just beside him. He turns to look at me. Thankfully, there is no jealousy, no anger. I cemented his confidence in me last night. He trusts me. We will never doubt each other in that way again.
“I’m going to ride with you, if that’s fine. Peyton and Lily are going to ride with Paul” I tell Chase, when he questions them getting into the other car. He looks at me, his face showing comprehension. He knows what is coming. He knows what I want to talk about. Paul flashes me a brilliant smile, before he disappears down the driveway, down the street, and out of sight.
“You know, I’ve only ever been with one girl, my whole life” he says suddenly. I look at him, as he stares down the road, looking after Peyton, even though he can’t see her anymore. I watch him, as his jaw clenches. I’m waiting for him to continue, but he doesn’t I’m just about to ask him if he’s ready, when he starts talking once more.
“Peyton’s mom. Her name was Danielle. She was my high school sweetheart…” he tells me, turning to face me. His brown eyes are hard, distant with the memory of Peyton’s mom, of his past. “…we graduated together, we moved in and even started college. She started hanging out with this total nut-case Sonia. Well everything started going downhill then” he explains, his eyes going misty. I can tell the story is costing him a lot.
“She started doing drugs, cheating, and all kinds of messed up shit” he says, and I can almost see it. A girl, much like an older Peyton. She’s pretty, bright. I watch as that fades. I’ve seen it happen. That happened to my mom.
“Well, I took it. I dealt with it all, even after Peyton was born, but one night I came home. She was high. I could tell right away; well she had supposedly gotten clean. I knew it was over then. She didn’t know where Peyton was. She lost our daughter” he says, his voice growing thick. He’s crying now, tears streaming down his face. I reach out to touch his arm, my own tears flooding. The story is haunting me. It’s too familiar, too close to home.
“I kicked her out that night. I found Peyton at the police station. Dani had left her in a grocery cart, just left our little girl, my whole world in the middle of a grocery store by herself. I couldn’t forgive her after that. I wouldn’t let her see Peyton anymore. She didn’t take that well. She just got worse, but Ben I had to protect her” he says, defending his actions. I’m on his side all the way.
“She died a few months later. She overdosed. I knew it was over that day, I knew she was too far gone, but I really hoped she would prove me wrong. I didn’t even recognize the girl I loved, I didn’t even know her” he says and he’s sobbing.
“I’m sorry that happened to you” I say, my voice quiet, hollow. That was a horrible story. I wonder why he decided to tell me. I’m about to ask him, when he turns away. I follow after him, as he wipes his eyes. He pulls the grey shirt up, exposing his stomach, as he wipes his face clean of the tears, of the emotion. When he turns back to me, his eyes are clear, his face is blank. I can see the robotic expression on his face. It’s weird for him to look like this, like some hollow semblance, some mask of himself.
“What do you say we get out of here huh?” he asks me. I stare after him, as he gives his house, his home one more glance. He walks past me, and right up to the car then. I jog behind him, stopping him from opening the door. He turns, confused.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask him, but he just shakes his head. I’m left stunned, as he gets into the car. Why did he tell me that? That was super random. I decide not to press the issue, so I make my way around the car, and slide in beside him. He doesn’t look at me. He just starts the car, ignoring me completely, as he pulls
out of the driveway. What was the point of the story?
I watch as the house falls away, the clouds swallowing the world around us. Chase stares straight ahead, not talking. I still feel like I have conversational whiplash. That story came out of nowhere, and it was super random. Then he finished it, wiped the tears away, and pretended the conversation never happened. What am I supposed to do with that?
“I’m sorry that happened to you?” I tell him again simply, and he finally looks at me. It’s just a glance, but it’s filled with pain.
“I’m sorry I kissed you, even though you told me not to” he retorts, and his face is swimming with emotion.
“I’m sorry, I just love him. I thought I’d never get that chance again, that I’d never get him like this again, but I do. I can’t give that up, I can’t lose him. It’s just…” I say, my voice filled with emotion. I can’t put my thoughts into something coherent.
“He’s your Dani, he’s your person” he explains, catching me off guard. He understands, he understands more deeply than anyone ever has. Paul isn’t just someone I love; he is the person. He is everything. That’s when the story clicks. He was explaining the reason he understands.
“I’m sorry Chase” I tell him, reaching to squeeze his hand gently. He winces at my touch, breaking my heart a little.
“I’m sorry too” he says, turning back to the road. I can sense that he’s done with the conversation, but something seems to have shifted. We seem to have adjusted to our new dynamic. He’s not the boy I slept with three days ago, he’s a friend, a confidant.
“I know how you feel, the guilt, the memories. I see my sister’s face every time I close my eyes” he says suddenly, surprising me again. He’s the one who reaches for my hand this time. He grips it, and we drive like that. He is the only one I know who has ever killed someone.
We are the only two who knows what it’s like to kill someone we love. This thought seems familiar. I know it will repeat in my head for as long as I live. Chase and I will be bonded with blood, the blood of the ones we love. Bonded forever, the loss our closest connection.
TWENTY-SIX
We continue to drive through the empty streets, the swirling clouds rolling obliviously above us. I feel as if some tension has finally been diffused between us. He knows, he knows that we will never be anything more than friends. I told him, in no uncertain terms that Paul is my person, my soulmate. I cringe at the term because I’ve always hated it. I’ve never quite understood the concept of your soul belonging to one specific person, what if you never even meet the one person you belong with, will you die unsatisfied, unfulfilled? That seemed depressing, inaccurate, but then I met him, I met Paul. Now I believe that he was made for me, he is my other half.
“So, just to clarify; you weren’t together when we…?” he asks, his voice sharp. I can tell he’s worried about that. I shake my head vigorously. How could he think I am capable of that? I realize then how little we really know each other. Three days isn’t enough time to know the character of someone.
“No. I would never… We… We got back together last night” I tell him, my face burning with the heat of my flustered persona. He takes a sharp turn at that moment, sending me colliding into his shoulder. It makes it a little more awkward between us, but he doesn’t seem to miss a beat, as we lean away from each other. He grips the steering wheel.
At first, I think he must be mad at something I said, but then I go through what I said. There’s nothing I said that could have made him react like that. My second thought is danger. In the same heartbeat, my eyes dart the road. There is a single infected stumbling near the welcome sign in Chase’s neighborhood. I look from it to Chase.
“Do you know her?” I ask, as we pass her. She has long blonde hair, matted with gore and filth. Her once white hoodie is torn, shredded tatters hanging around her, stained red and brown. Chase looks at her, his lips parting slightly. He nods stiffly, before turning away and speeding forward.
“She’s my neighbor actually. She was Peyton’s babysitter” he explains, and I turn my head to catch a final glimpse of the young woman, the woman whose life is over, cut short by this disease. I face forward again, as we drive down the road, further away from Chase’s house, further from safety.
“So how long have you guys been… you know… together?” he asks me suddenly, as he navigates his way through town. I miss a single beat, but I push forward to avoid more awkward pauses. I have to be able to talk with him normally, or our lives are going to be really weird for us as long as we are together in the same group of people.
“Well, we met freshman year of high school. I remember talking to him the first time. He saw me crying on the bus one day after I had gotten dumped by my boyfriend Seth…” I say, feeling the weight lifting. I like talking about Paul. Chase is listening intently.
“…well he decided to sit with me, and we talked. He let me listen to one of his headphones, and we kinda just bonded. I came out to him, and he smiled and asked if I wanted to hang out” I tell him, continuing the story of that day, pausing for dramatic effect.
“…we hung out at his house, and as he walked home with me; we kissed. It was so amazing and we kind of never talked about it though, but we were friends after that” I say, as he slams on his breaks to avoid a horde of infected.
“You kissed, but then just stayed friends?” he asks, his tone full of confusion. I smile at his interest. He sounds invested now.
“Well yeah, until the end of sophomore year. We got partnered up for a History project. We had to build our own country. It was really cool, but he came over that day, and we were working on the project, and we kissed again” I say, my face bright with a smile, my stomach alight with rampant butterflies. I continue our love story.
“…this time we did talk about it. He told me that he was gay too, but didn’t want to date until after high school, which was weird, but I supported him. At that point, I was prepared to wait for him.” I say, explaining my internal argument from all those years ago.
“Part of me knows that I was in love with him since that first day, since the first week of high school, when he comforted me over a break up, when we kissed” I say, the stars exploding within me.
“This sounds really epic you know. You have so much love, so much emotion in your voice when you talk about him” Chase interjects, as I prepare for the next leg of our journey. I smile at his words.
“Well spring break of our junior year we were hanging out, driving around our town, when he told me he was in love with me. It was random, and completely surprised me. We became a couple that day.” I say.
“We dated in secret until the summer after high school. I came out to my siblings and my aunt, and Paul came out to his brother” I stop talking as I remember how happy he was to get that off his chest.
“…well we started college, we slept together, we did everything together, but then last year, I ruined it. His sister found out about us and started telling people I was lying about it because she was embarrassed of her brother being gay, so I started telling my friends, all of my friends. It got back to his parents, and his sister showed him where I had told someone she knew. He didn’t know the whole story and thought I outed him” I say, my voice going hollow. Even though we have recovered, the dark days, those memories still hurt me.
“It was really bad, the worst we’ve ever been, and we didn’t speak for the last six months, until I ran into him here” I explain. I can feel my breath shaking, as he takes in the end of my story. I remember every moment with him. From that first kiss nine years ago to that night in his car. Everything in between is just the silver bow wrapped around our story.
“His sister? Lana?” he demands, but I shake my head. It was his other sister. His older one, the one who is too cruel to ever compare to Lana. I grit my teeth at the thought of her.
“No, Lena. So yeah, that’s my story” I say lamely, trying to get the conversation away from Paul and his family. I feel the pain creeping in.
I notice then that the houses we’re passing look familiar, I push the past from my mind, as we pass the woman’s house from last night. The house is empty of course, but I feel the gratitude again. How well she treated us, when she could have turned us away. I smile sadly at Cindy’s house, as it falls behind us. I hope she will find her sons, but something tells me she won’t.
Something tells me that she will either die tragically before reuniting, or she will reach their home, only to find them dead, or worse. The thoughts jump from my mind, wrapping their slimy limbs around every thought within me. I turn to Chase, in an attempt to get rid of the fear, the hopelessness.
“Do you think we have any chance? Like is this the end or will there be someone who finds a way to kill all of the infected, and we can rebuild and recover? Will the rest of humanity be this, running, dying, changing?” I ask him, and he takes in my expression, as we stop habitually at the stop sign. His eyes are soft.
“I think that the future is uncertain. There could be a scientist making a cure right now, or everyone with that knowledge could already be dead. All that matters is what we can use. We know we are alone right now; we know that we have to run, we have to be faster and smarter than the infected.” He says, and although it doesn’t answer my questions, or dissuade my fears, I find it comforting.
We come to a road blocked completely by a large horde of infected. Chase pulls to the side of the group, searching for a way through. I turn around to see them stumbling behind us as well. We will get closed in, if we don’t find a way through soon. I search for a way out. Chase seems to be doing the same thing.
“What if you pull into that driveway there, and drive through the grass where it’s clear?” I ask him, biting my tongue slightly, as I take in the group. They will cluster in the yard soon, locking our one safe way through, if we don’t hurry. Chase scopes out the path, considering my plan, before he slams his foot down on the gas. We lurch forward.
We Are The Hunted (Book 1): We Are The Hunted Page 18