by Silhouettes
“All of that was unnecessary,” he said to one of the cocky officers as we passed by him. “Don’t be surprised if you see yourselves on the news.”
He held up his phone, just so the officers could see it. All one of the officers said was, “Go to hell.” He warned the man about interfering, and threatened to arrest him. This was messed up, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
I had been in jail for almost twenty hours, battered and bruised and feeling like shit. I had no idea where Romeo was and that, in itself, worried me. I wanted out of this cell, and even though my springy mattress at home wasn’t the best, I was dying to be on it. I figured Mama was wondering where I was; then again, she probably wasn’t. There were days that I too hadn’t come home, and I was sure she thought I was over Romeo’s house or somewhere else chillin’. Not this time.
Almost an hour later they let me go, because they had nothing on me. I felt good about getting out of there, and as soon as I left the building, I looked around for Romeo. Maybe he had been released too. I surely hoped so, but when I didn’t see him, I walked to the nearest MetroLink station so I could go home.
It was a little after 7:00 P.M., and when I walked into the house, I could hear my mama moaning and groaning about how good the dick was feeling to her.
“Fuck it, big daddy,” she shouted. “Beat this pussy and keep givin’ it to me.”
The bed was slamming against the wall, possibly causing some cracks. I knocked on her door, just to calm the noise and let her know I was home.
“Who is it?” she yelled.
“I just wanted to let you know that I’m home.”
“Uh-huh. Now, get away from my door and go somewhere and sit down.”
I walked away from the door, shaking my head. I swore I hated her, but, then again, she was my mama. I went into the bathroom and looked at my face. Underneath my eye was a small bruise, and there was a cut inside of my lip. I’d gotten myself some more soldier marks. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had them before. When I removed my sweatpants, I noticed that bruises were up and down my legs. Those billy clubs tore me up, and, after looking at my legs, I hated the police even more. Like the man at the bus station had said, all of that was unnecessary, and I shouldn’t have ever given them a reason to do this kind of shit to me. I’d seen the smirks on their faces, I could see the enjoyment in their eyes, and their racial slurs made me angry. Romeo and I were treated like we were nobody, and I didn’t like that feeling at all.
I took a lengthy shower, trying to wash off the grime I’d felt from sleeping on a cot. My braids were out of whack, so I took them down and washed my hair. Afterward, I went to my room and closed the door to silence the noise Mama was still making in the bed with Raylo. My hair stood all over my head, so I got my clippers and started to shave it off. I trimmed it down, giving myself a fade and sharp lining to the best of my ability. My fade looked decent, and I had a clean-cut look that I was more than impressed with. For a second, I thought about how Ms. Macklin would like it, but at that moment, I wasn’t even sure if I was going back to school. Yet again, I had missed a lot of days, and was so far behind. I had to get papers from the students in my class so I could copy them and somehow catch up. That, in itself, seemed like a lot of work, and I wasn’t sure if I was up to doing it.
Waiting for Romeo to call, I lay across the bed, reading a book. During my really rough days, I always pulled out a book to read, as it helped clear my mind. It helped with my vocabulary too, and whenever I would come across a word that I didn’t know, I’d reach for my dictionary. As I was looking for the definition of the word “disheveled,” the phone rang. I closed the dictionary and picked up the phone next to me. I thought it was Romeo, but it was Nadine.
“Don’t hang up,” she said, hearing me sigh.
“What do you want, ma?”
“I was just concerned about you. The police came and got you, and nobody heard from you since.”
“I’m good. But why are you worried about me?”
Nadine hesitated to answer, then spoke out. “Prince, whether you want to accept it or not, this is your baby I’m carrying. I would like you to be a part of his or her life, and it hurts me so bad that you’re playing me off. I thought you cared for me, and I never would have given myself to you if I thought you’d do me like this.”
It was the wrong time, and I really didn’t want to hear this shit. “Didn’t you have sex with that white boy?”
“No, I didn’t. I don’t know why you keep saying that. Just because I danced with somebody it doesn’t mean I had sex with him.”
“Girl, please. He was touching on your booty like he’d touched it before. Don’t be lyin’ to me. I know how bad you wanted to have a baby by me, and just like them other girls—”
“Do you think I planned this?” Her voice got loud and cracked. “Prince, you have no idea how much I’m dealing with right now. I haven’t even told my mother about the baby, and I cry every single day because I don’t know how I’m going to take care of this baby. I’ll probably have to drop out of school. This is not how I intended my life to be. This is our baby, and I need your help taking care of it.”
“I don’t know what I can do to help you. I still don’t believe it’s mine, and I ain’t ever got another girl pregnant. Why all of a sudden you are?”
“’Cause you had sex with me five times without using a condom, that’s why. And from what I heard, you do have another girl pregnant. That bitch from the other school is, and I guess you’re denying that baby too.”
She had to have been talking about Monesha, and, as trifling as she was, I knew she wasn’t putting her baby off on me. Now, I was even more frustrated. “Nadine, don’t call me about this shit no more. Do what you gotta do. My suggestion to you would be to have an abortion. I ain’t tryin’ to be no daddy; there ain’t no room in my life for that kind of shit. Tell your mother you’re pregnant. You and her need to see what’s up.”
I hung up, and a minute later the phone rang again. I thought it was Nadine calling back, but surprisingly it was Raylo.
“Where yo’ mama at?” he asked.
I wanted to say, “In her room fucking you,” but obviously there was another man in there with Mama. I looked at my door with a tied tongue. “Uh, she’s in the bathroom. I’ll tell her to call you right back.”
“I’m almost there. I changed my mind about that trip. Just wanted to see if she wanted somethin’ to drink before I got there.”
I got off my bed, knowing that Raylo would kill Mama if he came in this house and caught her with someone else. “Uh, yeah. Stop and get her some wine coolers. You can pick up me some too, that’s if you don’t mind.”
Raylo chuckled and hung up the phone.
I rushed out of my room, and since the noise had ceased, I opened Mama’s bedroom door without knocking. I should have known better, because she was known for getting her freak on behind Raylo’s back. What did I break open the door for? She was kneeled on the floor, sucking the dick of a man I’d never seen before.
“Raylo on his way here,” I said, closing the door. I could hear the scrambling going on, and I sat in the living room by the door, looking outside. I hoped that the coast would be clear before Raylo came, but that didn’t happen. He pulled in the driveway and got out of the car empty handed. I guessed he hadn’t stopped at the store. I noticed him look at the car parked in front of our house, and just as he came through the front door, Mama and the other dude were walking out of her bedroom. Their steps halted when they saw Raylo.
“Hey, baby,” Mama said, putting on a fake grin. Raylo had a blank expression on his face as he looked at Mama, then the dude behind her.
“Who is this muthafucker?” Raylo asked.
Mama fidgeted, combing her fingers through her messy hair. “Aw, baby, this is my cousin all the way from Mississippi, Tony. Tony this is my fiancé, Raylo.”
Suspicions were written all over “Tony’s” face. Raylo, however, was far from being a fool. He walked p
ast the both of them, and looked into Mama’s room. The smell gave everything away, as well as the disheveled bed. There was no denying that Mama had been fucking.
Raylo’s fist tightened and he reached out to grab Mama’s throat. His grip was so tight that when he lifted her, her feet dangled off the floor. Tony’s ol’ punk ass had broke out running. Nothing but wind followed him, and the screen door slammed on his way out.
“You see what I’m talkin’ about?” Raylo said loudly, looking over at me. “I try to do right by this bitch, but she keep on playin’ these muthafuckin’ games.”
He shoved Mama backward and she fell to the ground. She crawled backward and the tears started to flow. “Raylo, I . . . I’m sorry, baby. We were just playin’ around and I thought you were on your way out of town to—”
Raylo’s size-fourteen shoe went right into her side as he kicked her. Mama crouched down, grabbing her stomach. That’s when I stood up. I always said that I wouldn’t interfere again, but I couldn’t sit there and do nothing. Raylo had the look of a killer in his eyes, and as far as I could see, Mama was on her deathbed.
Raylo kicked her again, and I pushed him away from her.
“Stop, man,” I pleaded. “Fuck her. You told me you wouldn’t do this shit again and I took your word for it.”
He gritted his teeth and pointed his finger at me. “But I also told you about these slick-ass bitches, didn’t I?”
I nodded, and watched as Mama scrambled off the floor. “Help me, baby,” she said to me. “Don’t let him put his hands on me.”
Damn, I was confused. Now, all of a sudden, she wanted my help. Minutes ago it was “get the fuck away from my door and go sit down.” I wasn’t about to get stabbed again by one of her boyfriends, and what Raylo said had made sense. Nadine was just like Mama, and knowing that she was lying about fucking that white boy, I reached for my jacket to go.
“Take it easy on her. And when I come back, I expect to see my so-called mama alive.”
Raylo sucked his teeth, and as much as it hurt me, I walked out the door. Mama had brought that shit on herself, but I considered her a soldier, too. Like always, she’d bounce back, right back into his arms. If that was what she wanted her life to be about, so be it. I had too much on my mind to be worried about her. In situations like this one, I forced it out of my mind, but hoped it wouldn’t happen again.
Chapter 8
The weekend had passed and I still hadn’t heard from Romeo. I figured he was still locked up, because I knew if he was out he would have called me. I felt lost without my partna, but instead of sitting around the house, I went to school. I hadn’t been in four days, and wasn’t looking forward to playing catch-up. Mama had locked herself up in her room, and when she came out last night to get some water in the kitchen, I saw her bruised face. All I kept thinking was that I hoped the dick she had was good and worth it. She was alive, and should have been damn glad about that. As for Raylo, he had been nowhere around. I wasn’t sure what she was going to do without him; then again, I wasn’t sure how long their breakup would last. Not long, I suspected.
As soon as I got to school, everybody was questioning me, trying to find out what had happened. According to them, Romeo’s picture had been on the news and he’d been arrested for the murder of a politician and his wife. Apparently, the news showed pictures of the other two men as well, and everyone was concerned about Romeo getting himself involved in so much mess. I kept professing his innocence, but that didn’t do much good. People were already passing judgment, and even through the students’ eyes at our school, Romeo looked guilty.
I hit up several students for their papers, and I sat in first hour trying to play catch-up. Luckily, we had a substitute teacher in Mr. Betts’s class, and all she was doing was reading a magazine. I got a lot of my papers done, and at the end of the hour, I turned in my assignments for that class.
I hadn’t seen Ms. Macklin since that night I’d seen her at the strip club. I was so sure I’d be looking at her in a different way, and as soon as she came in her classroom, all I could think about was her scantly dressed in that silver bikini. She seemed surprised to see me, and blinked to look away.
“Good morning, everyone,” she said, putting her books on the desk. “Raise your hand if you finished your homework from yesterday.”
Half of the class raised their hands. She told those students to turn in their papers, and gave them free time for the rest of the hour. The rest of us were told to complete the assignment. That gave me time to catch up on her assignments as well, but since I was copying from other people’s papers, I was careful so she wouldn’t see me.
Throughout the hour, I kept looking up, and Ms. Macklin was watching me. I guess she figured I would say something to her, but at this point, there wasn’t nothing to say. She was a freak, putting on one hell of a front.
Ten minutes before the bell, Ms. Macklin slid a folded piece of paper underneath my book and asked me not to read it until later. I nodded and she walked away from me. When the bell rang, I quickly left, anxious to see what was on the note. I rushed to my locker, and when I opened the piece of paper I read, THIS IS MY ADDRESS. PLEASE STOP BY AROUND SIX OR SEVEN. WE NEED TO TALK.
I put the paper with her address on it in my pocket. I couldn’t wait to see what she had to say for herself.
That evening, I caught the MetroLink to Ms. Macklin’s ground-level apartment near downtown St. Louis. It was connected with several more apartments, and the area was quiet and kept clean. I stood on the steps with my hands in my pockets, taking deep breaths. As much as I’d always dreamed of coming to her place, I had in no way expected for it to be under these circumstances. I rang the doorbell, then heard a dog barking. Ms. Macklin told the dog to shush, and when she opened the door, she had a Chihuahua in her hand.
“Come in, Jamal,” she said, rubbing her dog. “Be quiet, Haley, now shush.”
The dog calmed down and Ms. Macklin put her down. She waddled away, over to her food.
“Thank you for coming,” Ms. Macklin said. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain blue T-shirt. She still looked sexy, even without a drop of makeup on. I followed her to the living room, where she sat back on the couch, folding one of her legs underneath her. I took a seat on the other end of the couch.
“What’s up, ma? Why did you invite me over here?” I asked.
She took a moment to bite her nails. “I’m sure you know why. But first I want to ask you, how is Romeo? I know there’s a lot going on, and I truly hope that you didn’t have anything to do with it.”
“No, I didn’t. I just happened to be at a strip club that night, enjoyin’ the hell out of myself. If anyone can vouch for me that night, I’m sure you can. As for Romeo, he told me that he was innocent. I believe him. My partna ain’t capable of committin’ no murder.”
“I hope not but I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you, Jamal. From what I heard, and from what I’ve been hearing on the news, things don’t look good for him. The people who were murdered were well known and I don’t have to tell you that they were white. Romeo is going to have a difficult time defending himself, and I’m sure that he doesn’t have money to pay a lawyer, does he?”
I lowered my head, thinking about all that Romeo was probably going through. I could almost feel what he was, and just from the look in his eyes at the bus station that day, I knew he was scared. “He don’t have any money, and I know his grandmother ain’t got it. I haven’t even talked to her yet, and she probably upset with me, thinkin’ I was involved too.”
“Again, it’s a good thing that you weren’t. If or whenever you talk to Romeo, let him know that he’s in my prayers. If there’s anything I can do on his behalf, let me know.”
I turned my head to look at her. “Like what? What can you do to help him?”
“Write a letter on his behalf, something. It may not be much, but maybe a letter from me will let the court know what kind of young man he really is. As I said, I just hate that he
got involved with something like that. He really should have known better.”
I sat thinking about all of the shit Romeo and I had done. It never dawned on me that we’d get caught up, especially in nothing as severe as murder. Damn, I thought, this is so messed up. Ms. Macklin watched me in deep thought, then she cleared her throat.
“I want to apologize to you for what you saw the other day. Aside from teaching, I took on an extra job to help with paying my bills. It’s hard out here, Jamal. Even though many people may not approve of or understand what I do, still, it works for me. I have an ill mother I’m trying to take care of in a nursing home, and the kind of money I make helps me take care of her. There are so many things . . .”
I listened to Ms. Macklin trying to explain her situation, but she didn’t owe me no explanation. It was even hard out here for a seventeen-year-old like me, and when you come from where I come from, why fantasize about shit you may, or may not, ever have? I got sick and tired of folks trying to tell me there was a way out of this kind of life. They expect people like me and Ms. Macklin to get our acts together, and when it came to young black men, they were always throwing up our black president. That was fine and dandy, but we ain’t making no presidents in my hood. My idols—Nino Brown and Tony Montana—those were the kinds of men who ran through here. Ain’t nothing fictional about their characters; I knew plenty of cats like them. If anything, we all had to face reality. The reality of my situation was that this was how my life was going to be, so I’d better get used to it.
“Look,” I said to Ms. Macklin. “You don’t owe me an explanation, and you gotta keep on doing you. If strippin’ is what you gotta do, then why you sittin’ here explainin’ yourself to me? Honestly, I think it’s kind of dope, and you damn sure have perfected your skills.”