Street Soldier

by Silhouettes

  As for the chicks around school, they were on the back burner. I heard all the gripes, but, again, I let that shit roll off my back. I even spoke to Nadine the other day, but, unfortunately, she rolled her eyes and kept on moving. Can’t say that I didn’t try, but that’s just how some people were.

  I was on my way to sixth hour when Sabrina approached me, jogging up the steps.

  “You got a minute?” she said.

  I knew the bell was about to ring, but I gave her the minute she’d asked for. “Yeah, what’s up?”

  “I’m not trying to get up in your business or anything, but are you involved with Ms. Macklin? I’ve been checking y’all out in class, and, lately, y’all been seeming awfully friendly with each other. I’m not the only one who thinks so. Some other people in the classroom noticed it too.”

  “People always around here startin’ rumors. Does Ms. Macklin look like the kind of teacher who would have sex with me? Hell, no. Per my mama’s request, Ms. Macklin’s been tutorin’ me, and I appreciate her tryin’ to help me get out of this muthafuckin’ school. So tell your cacklin’-ass friends in our classroom that they are readin’ too much into what’s really goin’ on. I’d hate for Ms. Macklin to get in trouble for a bunch of lies and assumptions. So I suggest you quickly clear up any and all false rumors.”

  I started to step away from Sabrina, but she grabbed my hand. “I can do that, but I need to know why you don’t call me anymore. I thought we were cool.”

  “We are. I’m just takin’ it easy and tryin’ to get focused on school, that’s all. I got all kinds of people runnin’ around here, claimin’ they pregnant, and I don’t need the hassles right now. I’m sure you understand how important school is to me right now, and until I bring up my grades, I ain’t thinkin’ about bein’ with nobody. We still cool, but, no offense, I’m tryin’ to lay low for a while.”

  “That’s cool. Just get at me when you can.”

  I told her I would, and ran down the hall to sixth hour before the bell rang. I couldn’t believe that bullshit I’d told Sabrina, but I wanted to cool the rumors about me and Ms. Macklin. We’d already talked about what to say to people if they asked. Whether we liked it or not, the rumors were bound to pick up.

  I fell asleep during six hour, and, as I looked up to yawn, I spotted Coach Johnson looking into my classroom. He opened the door, and politely asked my teacher if he could have a moment with me. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him about Ms. Macklin, and the stares he’d been given me all week were laughable. I stepped into the hallway, yawning again from the lack of sleep I’d been getting.

  “What’s up?” I said, leaning against the lockers with my hands in my pockets.

  He rubbed his goatee and hesitated before talking to me. “Let . . . let’s go to my office. What I have to say can’t be said out here in the open.”

  I followed Coach Johnson, dragging my feet. We stepped into his office and he closed the door, locking it behind him. I plopped down in the seat, but before my butt got comfortable, he grabbed me by my shirt and pushed me against the door. Without saying a word, his fists tightened. He swung at me, but I ducked. I charged at him, grabbing his waist and slamming him back on his desk. Papers scattered everywhere, and when I jumped on him, we both fell to the floor. His powerful fists were slamming into my ribs, and I was throwing blows at him everywhere I could. That was, until the bitch-ass nigga karate kicked me between my legs. I grabbed my dick and lay back on the floor. I swayed from left to right, trying to calm the excruciating pain between my legs. My balls were stinging so bad, they felt as if they were bleeding.

  “Shit,” I shouted as water rushed to my eyes. I tightened them and turned my body in a cradled position.

  Coach Johnson stood over me, wiping the minimal blood from his lip. He pointed his finger at me. “Let me know when you want to talk again, all right?”

  He opened the door. “Soon, muthafucka!” I yelled. “Real soon!”

  Romeo’s trial had lasted for three days. I missed three half-days of school, but, for me, being there for him was worth it. Things weren’t looking too good for Romeo. The prosecutor had set his ass up. The public defender didn’t even have his shit together, and when the jury was told to go deliberate, I knew what was going to happen. They made my boy look like a straight-up animal. According to the prosecutor, Romeo was a big threat to society and had taken it upon himself to end two citizens’ lives. “How many more of us will have to die?” the prosecutor had asked, and that in itself closed his case. It was a shame, too, and being in the courtroom made my flesh crawl. With the exception of me, all of the people were white, and they sat there waiting to get their so-called justice.

  I never, ever wanted to be in Romeo’s shoes, and I hated like hell that my partna was going out like this. The thought brought tears to my eyes, and I went to the bathroom to get myself together. I sat on one of the toilets, praying to God for Romeo to be set free. “Yeah, he made some mistakes,” I said, looking up to the sky. “But I promise you that we both will go to church every Sunday for the rest of our lives. Please,” I begged to God. “Let Romeo be found not guilty. Make a way out of no way, and all of this stuff we’ve been doin’ will cease.”

  Minutes later, I went back into the courtroom, but according to public defender, the jury needed more time. The white folks in the room looked to be in a panic, so, to me, that seemed like good news. The verdict wasn’t coming back today, so I left the courthouse feeling a whole lot better. I kept thanking God for answering my prayer. Feeling upbeat, I drove to Ms. Macklin’s apartment. She was already home from work, and when she opened the door, she pulled me into her arms.

  “Damn, I didn’t expect you to be this excited to see me,” I said.

  She pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. “Did . . . didn’t you go to court today?”

  I removed my jacket and tossed it onto her couch. “Yes, but the jury didn’t have a verdict yet. I think Romeo may get out of this shit, because they put it off until another day or two.”

  Ms. Macklin continued to stare at me, slowly moving her head from side to side. “No, Prince. I’m sorry, but the news just reported that he was found guilty. They showed a picture of him and everything.”

  I rushed away from her and went into the kitchen. “I know what the fuck his public defender said. What channel was that shit on? I don’t believe it.”

  Ms. Macklin had left the TV on the channel she was watching. When they did a recap on the news, there it was, plain as day. Romeo had been found guilty, and the prosecutor was very pleased by the verdict. I dropped back in the chair, rubbing my face hard with my hands. All kinds of emotions were running through me, and my stomach kept twisting and turning in knots. I hated life right about now, and every damn thing about it! Romeo didn’t deserve that shit. How in the hell could something like this happen? I wanted to cry so badly, but I was holding my emotions in, feeling as if I was about to bust wide open. I felt vomit rush to my mouth, and that’s when I swallowed. Ms. Macklin saw the pressure, and that’s when she came over to me and rubbed my back.

  “It’s okay, Prince,” she softly said. “Let it out, baby. Go ahead and let it out. At the end of the day, you, as well as Romeo, will recover from this. You’re soldiers, remember? Soldiers from the hood who will make it through your trials and tribulations.”

  I moved my hands away from my face and looked at her with strained red eyes. Tears rushed up to them, and I couldn’t hold my hurt in any longer. I tightened my fists, and as I pounded my legs, I screamed out loud.

  “I hate this shit!” I blurted out in tears, rocking back and forth in my chair. “Why in the hell must life be so fucked up! And every damn time I call on God to do somethin’ for me, He never listens to me! If I was white He’d listen! To hell with me, right? To hell with Romeo. What in the hell did either of us ever do to deserve this shitty-ass, poverty-stricken life!”

  Ms. Macklin kneeled in front of me and held my hands. Gobs of snot dripped fr
om my nose and ran over my lips. “Prince, I’m so sorry about this. But don’t blame God. He will work this out for you, I know He will. Sometimes things happen, and we just don’t understand why. We’ve all been through some things, and there is always a reason. You can’t go around living your life with a chip on your shoulder. Be grateful . . .”

  I tuned out Ms. Macklin because she just didn’t understand. Nobody was looking out for me. After all that I’d been through, how long did I have to wait for God to show a nigga some direction? I was eighteen years old, and for as long as I could remember, my life had been nothing but a struggle. Struggle for love, food, money, clothes, and even fucking peace. Nothing in my life came easy, not even having a decent mother and father. Romeo’s life had been the same, and as I thought about what he was feeling right now, I let out more tears. People in society were expecting too damn much from brothas like us. I figured, from now on, fuck everybody. I didn’t give a damn anymore, and to hell with this so-called thing called life!

  Ms. Macklin did her best to comfort me, but even her touch made me ill. I moved her hands away from my face and stood up to leave.

  “Prince, please,” she said, trying to calm me. “Don’t leave under these conditions. Just chill and I’ll—”

  I ignored her and zipped my jacket. I smacked away the tears that continued to rush from my eyes. Damn, I hated for anyone to see me like this. I couldn’t stand to look at Ms. Macklin. She did her best to convince me to stay, but to no avail. I shot out of her front door, embarrassed by my actions.

  That night, I lay in my room in the dark, tossing my football in the air. What a messed-up day. Just to be sure, I watched a different channel for the ten o’clock news. They reported the same thing, and said Romeo’s sentencing would be in one week. I didn’t feel good about that either. The phone had been ringing off the hook, but I hadn’t answered or even looked to see who it was. Thing was, I knew it wasn’t Romeo, especially at no 11:30 PM I ignored the phone, and a few minutes later, my mama busted into my room fussing about the phone.

  “I am so sick and tired of that goddamn phone! Please tell them bitches to stop callin’ my house, or if not, I’m gettin’ this number changed.”

  I had no response, and kept tossing my ball in the air.

  “Did you hear what I said? And you need to get up and clean up this junky-ass room. I gotta step over shit just to go from one corner to another. This don’t make no sense. Your lazy ass need to do somethin’ around here. Why don’t you get up and go clean the dishes. They’ve been in there for almost a week and you ain’t done nothin’!”

  I was in a daze and continued to ignore her. For her sake, I hoped like hell she left my room—quickly.

  When Mama ordered me to get up to clean the dishes, I told her, “No. I’m not cleanin’ nothin’. I ain’t ate shit in this house. I suggest you wake up Raylo and ask him to do them. If not, then do them yourself.”

  She gritted her teeth. “I told you to get up and do them. You got ten seconds to do as you’re told, and if not,” she said, rolling up her sleeves, “it’s you and me, baby. Right here and right now.”

  I could tell Mama was high, so I ignored her. I threw my hand back at her and she stepped up to my bed. She snatched my ball from me, and had the nerve to throw it at my face. I didn’t even want to go there with her, but I had to. I jumped up from my bed, shoving her away from me. She stumbled backward and fell into my lamp. I left my room to get away from her, but she charged after me fists first. She pounded my back with her fists, and even though the shit didn’t hurt, the fact that she was doing it pissed me off. I turned around, shoving her again. This time, she fell hard on the floor. She yelled for Raylo, and he rushed to the bedroom door, trying to see what was happening.

  “Get that fool,” she said, struggling to get off the floor. “He put his hands on me, baby, and I’m not gon’ stand for his disrespect.”

  Raylo looked at me standing by the kitchen doorway. “What’s up with you, fool? I know you didn’t put your hands on yo’ mama, did you?”

  I ignored him too, and went into the kitchen to get some water. Mama came in the kitchen first, then Raylo followed. She got a butcher knife from the drawer and held it in her hand.

  I looked at the knife, then guzzled down some water from the pitcher. “You’d better put that thing away, and if you aim it in my direction, you’d better use it.”

  Raylo saw the devious look in my eyes, and he had sense enough to try to calm the situation. “Shante, put the knife down, baby. Leave that nigga alone and come on back to bed.”

  I put the pitcher back into the fridge, and as I made my way to the doorway, Raylo moved aside. Mama, however, charged after me again. I wasn’t sure if she had the knife in her hand, but I quickly turned around, landing a hard blow to her chest. She fell backward and skidded across the floor. The knife dropped to the ground, and she started screaming and hollering like I had killed her. Raylo grabbed me by my neck and slammed me into the wall. He flicked open a blade, and pressed it against my cheek.

  “Hold it down, young blood. That there is yo’ mama, and you don’t do no shit like that. You feelin’ like a man now or somethin’? Remember, a man can get his ass kicked too.”

  I eyeballed Raylo with fury in my eyes. I wasn’t sure if he was going to use the blade, until he loosened his grip. He went into the kitchen to help Mama off the floor. I was starting to get that feeling again like the one I’d had earlier at Ms. Macklin’s house. I wanted to scream, cry, and die, all at the same time. With my head hanging low, I went to my room and closed the door. I could hear Mama yelling and screaming about me getting out of her house, and when she busted through the door, she ordered me out.

  “Get out!” she yelled. “I don’t care where you go, but you will not stay another night in this fuckin’ house!”

  Right about now, I could have killed somebody. And before I could put my hands on Mama again, I gathered a few things in my room and left. I didn’t feel like talking or being bothered by anyone, so I drove Romeo’s car to an almost filled parking lot downtown and parked it. I sat thinking about all that had happened today, and I leaned over on the front seat of the car. For some reason, I got a visualization of Romeo lying on his bed in jail, doing the same thing, tears rolling down his eyes like mine, feeling as if the world was about to cave in.

  A few weeks later, the world did more than cave in, it sunk in. Romeo was sentenced to thirty years, without the possibility of parole. The judge wanted to make an example out of him: hanging with the wrong crowd or not, your ass was going down! I had no way of getting in touch with him, and after what had happened between me and Mama, I wasn’t going back to her house anytime soon. I had spent several nights sleeping in Romeo’s car, and a few nights at Cedric’s house. I hadn’t seen Ms. Macklin since the day I left her apartment, and I hadn’t been back to school, either. As far as I was concerned, I was now classified as a dropout. School served no purpose. Just what in the hell was a high school diploma going to get me?

  Each day, I did what I felt was necessary. I stole shit, I robbed people, and I fought any nigga who looked at me too hard. I didn’t give a care about nothing, and maybe being behind bars like Romeo would put me at ease. I thought about possibly doing something horrific to get myself locked up as I sat in a chair in Cedric’s room, getting high as ever. We passed the joint back and forth, talking about what I needed to do in order to become a member of the gang he belonged to.

  “All you gotta do is take a nigga out. You already done that shit, but I mean take out somebody who make niggas feel like, damn, that fool is crazy. You’ll earn your respect and the fellas I roll with will have your back forever. Man, it’s because of them why I’m hooked up like I am. I don’t want for nothing, and anything I want, they get for me.”

  “Why you ain’t got no car then? You got me drivin’ you from point A to B in Romeo’s car, yet you talkin’ ’bout all this shit they do for you.”

  Cedric giggled. He look
ed like Snoop Dogg when I was messed up, but when I wasn’t, he seriously reminded me of Nelly. No resemblances, but the joint we’d been hitting was fire! We were spaced out, talking shit but making no sense.

  “If I wanted a car, I’d get me a car. The kind I want gotta be right, and in two or three mo’ months you gon’ see me rollin’ like, damn,” Cedric said, steering his hand as if a car was in front of him.

  “So . . . so all I got to do is take out somebody important, right? Then they hook me up and treat me like I belong to an organization or some shit like that. I really don’t need to belong to shit right about now, but . . . but, I sure do feel like hurtin’ somebody.”

  Cedric got up and went into his closet. He pulled out a silver and black P22 silencer and laid it on my lap. “G’on and try this bad boy out. That mutha gets the job done, and you’ll gain nothin’ but respect with somethin’ like that.”

  I picked up the silencer to examine it. It was heavy, but pretty as ever. I rubbed my fingers along the side of it and kissed it. I wanted to see somebody go down tonight, but the question was who. I had a long list of people on my shit list, but one person in particular came to mind.

  “Let’s go,” I said to Cedric. “I gotta go take care of somethin’.”

  I tucked the silencer in the front of my pants, and took a long drag from the joint before leaving.

  A half hour later, Cedric and I sat in Romeo’s car, waiting for the chosen one to show up. I didn’t know if he was out with one of his bitches tonight, or if he was at the pool hall with some of his friends. Maybe he was at the strip club watching the women shake their asses. Just as I ran out of assumptions, I watched him pull in his driveway. Two cars were behind him, and when I saw all three men get out, that’s when I looked over at Cedric.

  “Watch my back,” I said. “If anybody look like they want to jump, you know what to do.”