by Elise Whyles
“Now what? Fuck, when did this all get so complicated?” His only answer was silence, and he turned to curse his good fortune. He would need every ounce of control to hide the niggling flare of attraction from Luke and everyone else.
Sean stripped to his briefs and tossed his clothes across the back of the chair before crawling into bed. He turned off the light and lay in the darkness, his hands locked behind his head, his eyes on the flickering red of a light beyond the curtain of his room.
Tomorrow he’d head over and fill out the paperwork before he got his uniform, and then he’d meet with Luke and head up to their new office. He’d just have to take every precaution to avoid letting Luke know about his momentary lapse.
Sean sighed as he turned away from the thoughts of Luke. As long as he was stationed out in the middle of a national park, he was beyond his father’s reach. The old man wouldn’t be able to come along and fuck his new life … he hoped. For the first time in a long time, Sean smiled. His life was looking up.
Chapter 3
Sean glanced up from his desk and nodded at the tall blonde in his doorway. He bit back a sharp, rude comment and returned his attention to the stack of papers on his desk. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, you can. You seen my brother lately?” She advanced into the room and stopped behind one of the straight-backed chairs.
“Depends. What do you want, Beth?”
“To say hi.” Beth settled into a chair. “Make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I’m working, living my life. Still afflicted and not in the least bit sad about it.”
“Dad’s still upset you’ve avoided coming home. Avoiding isn’t the word I’d use; refusing is more like it.”
“Yeah, I can guess. Well, he shouldn’t have sent men to my apartment for me when I refused to go the first time. The super told me all about how three men had shown up, apparently to pick me up for treatment.” Sean leaned forward, his hands knotted together, knuckles white. “I’ve thought hard about this, and you know, I’ve come to the conclusion I may not be perfect, but I’m getting to be happy with me. There’s no need to cleanse my soul or treat me like a devil’s spawn. It’s not even so much about the fact I’m gay, because finding a magazine doesn’t mean shit. It was the fact I told them to get out of my apartment.”
“You’re a good man, Sean, a loving brother. Don’t think for a moment I agree with them; I don’t. We all have to live our lives according to what we are.” Beth shrugged, her fingers plucking at her purse strap. “If you find someone who makes you happy, who cares what the wrapping looks like?”
“They do.” Sean rose to close his office door. He turned to walk back to his desk, sitting on the edge rather than his chair. “Mom, Dad, they think I’m some horrible blight on them because I had a couple of gay magazines in my…”
“Sean, being gay isn’t a bad thing.”
“Says you. All our lives they’ve pushed, prodded, and controlled us to the point where having a different opinion is enough to warrant a sound thrashing. It’s been a lot of work for me to accept I deserve something of my own, and who I am as a person isn’t related to my sexuality.” Sean settled on the edge of the desk. “I went to counseling, went to the church, did everything I thought would make Dad happy—it made me miserable until I accepted the truth. Still, Dad wants me to be what he can accept. I’m not about to put myself through hell just to be the kind of son he wants. Seen you do that for years, Beth. I refuse to be a puppet.”
“You are normal.” Beth blushed at his words. A flash of memory seemed to dance through her eyes before it faded to be replaced by concern. “Don’t worry about them. In a few weeks they’ll be focusing their fanaticism elsewhere.”
“Really? It’s been years since Marcia went through my things and ripped open a wound they won’t let heal.” Sean stared at her pointedly.
“True.” Beth sighed. “But she did what she thought was the right thing. Can’t blame the girl for that.”
“I don’t. I just don’t want to have anything to do with someone who can’t accept me for me.”
“Marcia’s getting married in a month.” Beth pulled an envelope from her purse and tossed it on the desk. “She invited me.”
“You going?” Sean toyed with the fancy envelope for a moment before tossing it back onto the desk. He wondered why the thought of her marrying didn’t bring more than a faint hint of irritation; the pain of her leaving him had long since faded. She was in the past, a memory best left in a tiny box in his mind marked “do not open.”
“No. She’s not a person I want to be around; she’s too easily swayed to follow Dad’s way of thinking and pass judgment. Besides, I know why she invited me, and I’m not that stupid. I think you should know I’ve moved. I live in Calgary now, with David and my sons.” Beth fidgeted on the chair, her fingers plucking at her skirt.
“Okay. Not sure when I’ll get up that way for a visit, but I’ll look you up when I do.” Sean paused. “If you’re sure I’m welcome. I’m not about to force myself to be someone I’m not.”
“You’re welcome in my home any time you stop by. David doesn’t judge you either. We just want you to be happy, little brother. That’s all I ask. Find someone to love who will love and respect you for you. Ignore what the folks are saying, ’cause they don’t have a clue about anything.”
“Thanks.” He leaned forward and hugged her gently. “I'm glad you finally found someone you can love. Someone who feels the same way about you. I just want you to be happy.”
“Always am.” Beth rose to her feet and hooked her purse over her shoulder. “So are you heading to your new posting tomorrow?”
“Or the day after.”
“Excellent, congratulations.” Beth walked to the door and opened it. “Don’t be a stranger. They do have the internet, even in the middle of the park. Drop me an e-mail sometime.”
Sean nodded and watched her disappear beyond his office. Beth had her own reasons for living life the way she chose to, but her support meant a lot. After the last attempt, he’d distanced himself from the whole family, but Beth hadn’t allowed him to keep the distance. She’d been rather vocal in his defense. He wondered what she’d have said if he’d admitted he was looking forward to spending six months locked in a cabin with a hunky game warden.
“Probably, don’t do anything she wouldn’t do.” Sean chuckled and returned to his work. For the first time in a long time, he’d enjoyed talking to his family.
Chapter 4
Louis tapped his pen on his desk and stared out the window at the bare land. Another few weeks and the harvest would be coming up. Soon it would be time to call Sean home to help with the harvest. How had he gone so wrong? What evil possessed Sean to allow such a taint upon his soul? Then again, perhaps it came from the blood. He’d taken in the two young children, he’d not fathered them. Louis leaned back in his chair and twisted his lips into a sneer. How was he to be expected to have control if the boy didn’t know his place?
“Well?”
“He still refused to think about it.” His gaze cut to the gray-haired woman who hovered in the doorway, a worried look on her face. “He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him.”
“I’ll be hanged before I let him shame us, wife. His sins are his own; he must atone for them before he can be purified. No son of mine is going to blight the family name by lying with another man.”
“Yes, dear. I’ll start dinner.”
“I want a roast tonight, woman, nothing else, you hear me?”
“Yes, husband.” The shuffle of her feet faded into silence, and he returned his attention to the land beyond his window. He’d do whatever it took to save them from the evils of the world beyond the farm. Whatever it took.
* * * *
The rumble of an engine drew Luke’s attention, and he tossed aside the magazine he’d been browsing. He straightened his body and moved to the front porch. A battered old Toyota rolled to a halt behind his motor
cycle, the engine sputtering a bit as it died. His heart caught when the door opened. A moment later, he swallowed. Sean carried a large duffle bag and two uniforms slung over his shoulder as he moved toward the house.
Cutoffs and a ratty old T-shirt clung to Sean’s body. His feet were covered with sandals, and a dusting of hair covered his legs. The easy roll of his hips told of confidence, the stride agile, strong, as he paused to toss his gear into the back of the green government truck. Sean wiped his hands on his ass and padded up the walkway.
Opening the door, Luke swallowed against the flare of emotion. He shifted at the tickle of lust. The stretch in his khakis not quite enough to hide the hardening of his cock at the sight before him. Damn, he needed to get over this attraction. The man was straight, and he didn’t want or need a repeat of three years before. “Hey, you about ready to head up?”
“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be late. I brought all my gear. Craig said there’d be supplies up there. But I wasn’t sure if he meant everything or not so I grabbed everything I would need going to a cold camp.”
“Yep, the place is stocked. Going in with all your gear might be a bit of an overkill, but at the same time it’s best to be prepared. It ain’t like the fancy places we have here in town. But you’ll have your own room and space. I loaded up already, just have to grab my cell and keys and we’ll be ready to go.” Luke turned to grab the items in question before stepping outside and closing the door. He fiddled with the lock for a moment, his gaze darting to the window and the image reflected in it.
The denim clung to Sean’s ass like a second skin. Muscles rippled and bunched with each step as the man headed for the truck. The wide leather belt held a knife and his cellular case. His mouth watering, Luke ducked his head and tucked his house key into the front of his slacks before jogging down the steps toward the truck.
“We’ll get there about ten or so.” Luke opened the truck door and hopped in. He slammed the door as Sean slid onto the bench seat. “You might want to have a nap if you can. You’ll be starting first thing in the morning doing a sweep. Perk of being a senior officer, I can make you do all the early shifts.”
“I’m an early riser,” Sean admitted. “Always have been.”
“Good.” Luke cranked over the engine and put the truck in reverse. He rested his arm on the back of the seat, turning to watch as he backed out onto the road. His fingers burned when they brushed against the warmth of Sean’s neck. He muttered an apology and dropped his hand to the seat as the truck rolled to a halt. The truck groaned a protest when he shifted into drive and headed north.
Luke pressed his fingers to his thigh, rubbing them to ease the tingle from the accidental touch. He cracked his window, silence stretching awkwardly between them. He tugged on the fabric of his pants, braced his elbow on the door, and stared at the passing scenery, his cock twitching as he pressed his fingers to his lips.
Boy, you’ve got it bad. Hasn’t even been four months since you got laid, and you’re already hornier than an alley cat.
“So why did you get into this field?”
Sean’s voice broke his train of thought. “I wanted to make a difference. I’m not much for sitting behind a desk writing reports, so that ruled out the police, and I love being outside. And more often than not, I work alone, and for someone like me, well, the job just fit.” Luke bit back the bitterness of a young man trying to work around others who didn’t understand how comfortable he was with who he was with his sexuality. He’d gotten into more than one scrap because of it.
“Funny how some things just do.” Sean grinned and turned away. “I wish everything were so easy, so simple.”
“Don’t we all.” He reached over and turned on the stereo, letting the soft throb of the local station fill the cab. The easy beat filled his head, pushing out the shadowed memories of how hard things could be.
Shadows stretched across the road as they sped along. The soft snore from the passenger side drew his attention from the road, and he grinned. Sean had fallen asleep at some point. His dark hair draped over his forehead, the five o’clock shadow pronounced, stubble flowed over his square jaw.
His lips were parted, revealing a glimpse of his white teeth. The soft smell of peppermint swirled around him with each exhale. The T-shirt was stretched over the six-pack abs and toned pecs of a man familiar with a gym. His long legs were cramped beneath the dash, crossed at the ankles. A hand lay curled in his lap; the casual position left him cupping his groin. Denim wasn’t the most forgiving material, and the folds and bunches around his thighs revealed the edge of a pair of boxers and the bulge of his balls and dick.
Sean shifted, snuffling in his sleep, and Luke forced himself to look at the road. He pictured Sean spread out over his bed, tanned flesh against the blue silk, his body sweaty, chest rising and falling with his rapid breathing, hard cock staring at him, the head moist with precum.
Luke shook his head. He didn’t need to explain why he had a hard-on while driving. Forcing himself to concentrate on something else, his mind traced over all the details for the trip, what he’d need while he was there, and how long he had. Mundane, routine things he’d dealt with a hundred times. Bit by bit his mind turned, slipping from the supplies for himself to what Sean might like. Would his lips taste as sweet as the chocolate Luke kept stashed in the cupboard? Maybe he could enjoy ice cream off Sean’s muscular chest.
Damn it, Luke, he’s straight. Give it up already. When you get back in a few weeks you can get laid. Until then, put a lid on it. Man doesn’t need or want you poking at him, no matter how hot he is.
Luke straightened at the ringing of a cell. He reached for his and cursed when he realized it was Sean’s. He debated leaving it, his gaze skimming over Sean’s body. Something told him it was the first decent sleep Sean had had in a while when he didn’t even shift. Luke ignored the self-recriminating voice telling him it was a bad idea, and deciding to let Sean sleep, he pulled over and took the phone from its case.
“Hello?”
“Who is this?” Cold, impersonal, the voice reeked of authority and disdain.
“Luke Marshall—”
“Is Sean there?”
“Yes, sir, he’s sleeping at the moment, can I take a message?”
“Sleeping? I should have guessed. That boy of mine has gone and spread his evil upon other poor, unsuspecting folk,” the male voice snarled. “Tell him his father called, and I have signed all the necessary documents for his therapy.”
Luke frowned at the man’s words. “I’ll tell him, but why would you want him to undergo therapy? He seems to be a pretty stable kinda guy.”
“You’d do well to do it yourself. It ain’t right for a man to be with another man.” The line went dead. Luke hung up as Sean stirred, blinking the sleep from his eyes.
“We there already?”
“No, no, we’re still about a third of the way to go.” Luke handed him the phone with an apologetic smile. He bit back the questions dangling on the tip of his tongue. It wasn’t any of his business why Sean’s dad would be so firm in his resolution for therapy. A thought drifted across his mind, pushed aside for the moment by the sleepy-eyed man watching him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. It was ringing, figured you’d need the rest. Apparently, you’re supposed to consider therapy?”
“Ah, had to be either my mother or father…”
“Father.”
“Yeah, well, he’s a bit unhappy I’m not jumping at the chance to do it.”
“Not that it’s my business, but why is your dad so, um…”
“They’re old-fashioned, very stuck in their ways. For them, anything that deviates from what they think is normal is grounds for an exorcism. I broke the cardinal rule, went to college, followed the path I wanted rather than the one my father chose for me.”
“My folks would have killed me on principle if I’d expected them to plan my life for me.” Luke checked the traffic and pulled out onto the road behind a low-bed hauling pipe
. “Do what you love, and you’ll have what you need in life.”
“Sound advice.” Sean grinned and stretched. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Must have been boring as hell with me snoring away the kilometers.”
“Last time I came up here, I was by myself. The snoring was a welcome distraction.” Luke chuckled at Sean’s faint flush. “If you’re thirsty, there’s cans of cold pop in the small cooler under the dash there.” He gestured to a small blue container. “I always travel with drinks.”
“You’re a godsend, you know that, right? Anything to eat?”
“Chips and some jerky my mother made, in the glove compartment.” Luke turned up the radio for a moment and then turned it back down. “May have to sleep in the truck tonight. Accident ahead and the road is blocked. Under the seat are some blankets.”
“Is there anything not in this truck?” Sean’s grin took out any hint of a sting from his words as he pulled out two gray blankets.
“Uh, the kitchen sink and my king bed,” Luke shot back with a chuckle. “I tend to be prepared. My best friends are an RCMP officer and a fire fighter. Trust me, you get used to being prepared.”
“Any normal friends?”
“Smart-ass.” Luke paused for a half a second and then laughed. “Yeah, a few. I grew up with Jack; he’s the fireman, we’ve always been tight. Best friends, really. You’d like him. He’s a bit of a lady killer but he’s got a good heart. Thinks he may have finally found the one, thank God!”
“Ah, a bit of a Romeo, huh? And the cop?”
“Met him when I was a junior in high school. Helped me out of a pickle. I had issues when I was in school. Jack and Rick were my two bodyguards, always looked out for me, didn’t care why I was getting picked on, just if I was. It was nice.”