by Elise Whyles
“I don’t feel so great.”
“No wonder. Come on, I’ll take you home to sleep this off. You’re going to regret it in the morning.”
“Can’t be worse than the misery I’m already in. I miss him so bad.” Sean whimpered, sliding down in his seat to lean against the cluttered console. His head was balancing precariously on Rick’s shoulder.
“Yeah.” Rick waved at a fuming Luke as he patted Sean’s cheek. “I can tell.”
Chapter 22
Slouching at the table, Luke stared at the scratched wooden surface. The voice of reason kept whispering Rick wasn’t interested in Sean, but the annoying little devil inside kept asking him why not. Sean was smart, sexy, everything he wanted—everything he had until he’d fucked it up by losing his temper and blaming him for something he hadn’t done. He huffed a breath and reached for his beer. Shame filled him as the words he’d overheard kept going round and round in his head. Damn, he’d fucked things up so bad he didn’t know if he could fix it.
“He must have been pretty gooned.” Jack settled across from him with a cup of coffee. “Didn’t know he drank.”
“He doesn’t. He grew up in a dry town and says the taste of alcohol makes his teeth hurt.” Luke pushed the handle of the cup around and around.
“For someone who doesn’t drink, he sure looked like he enjoyed those beers.” Jack stared at the table, a frown on his face.
“Yeah. Sorry, I just don’t feel like…”
“Why?” Jack stared across the worn table, a pensive look on his face. “What did he do that was so terrible you kicked him out of your life? He’s miserable, you’re a wreck, and I want my woman back.”
“He refused to go out. To be seen in public with me. When I asked him about it he just said he wanted to spend time with me.” Luke shrugged, butterflies starting in his gut. He’d heard a fair amount of what Sean had said, enough to truly understand why Sean had been so hesitant to reveal publicly what they shared. Sean wasn’t like him, wasn’t a thrill seeker. He wanted something steadier, something certain. There had been so much uncertainty in his life, so many reasons to be fearful, and his father was solely to blame. He’d threatened and browbeaten Sean for so long, was it any wonder Sean didn’t want to risk his father catching word?
It had taken a lot for him to come out to him, for him to admit he was attracted. And how had he repaid him? By blowing up and hurting him. He’d reacted to Sean’s hesitation as if Sean was Tony. “I’m an idiot.”
“Well, yeah, but we love you anyways.”
“I love him.” Luke looked at Jack. He slumped in his seat, his throat burning as he forced the words out. “I hurt him so badly.”
“If he loves you, he’ll forgive you.”
“I wouldn’t. God, the man hadn’t even come out yet, not really, and he opened up to me. Took a chance and what did I do? Fuck, man, I really am a moron.” Luke pushed his beer away. “I have to talk to him. I have to apologize.”
“You can’t. Right now he’s probably passed out on Rick’s couch.”
Or in his bed. Luke wiggled at the flash of jealousy. “Still, I need to try.”
“All right. I’ll drive you over. Come on, let’s get out of here.”
His nerves hadn’t settled by the time they reached Rick’s small home. The modular home sat next to the river, the lawn neat and tidy, a feat Luke marveled at considering Rick was on four and off four.
“You sure you want to do this now?” Jack asked as they pulled in behind the white cruiser. He killed the engine and stared at Luke. “Sean’s not going to be in any shape to talk.”
“Yeah.” Getting out, Luke forced himself to walk to the door. He knocked quickly and stepped back. Spitting out a curse when Rick answered, he glared. Half-dressed, Rick leaned against the doorjamb, a grin on his face.
“What brings you by?” Rick crossed his arms over his chest and stared.
“Came to talk to Sean. He’s here and I need to talk to him.”
“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” Rick shot back. He glanced behind him. “At the moment he’s a wee bit tied up.”
“Don’t play smart with me, I know you.” Luke pointed a finger at his friend. “You’re standing in my way. Move, so I can talk to him.”
“Luke, he’s not in any condition to talk. If he was, I’d be happy to say come on in and chat, but he’s not. He’s this close to passing out.” Rick held up his hand, his forefinger and thumb pressed almost each other with only a sliver of light between them. “Let the man be. I’ll tell him you came by and he can get a hold of you tomorrow.”
“No. I need to see him now.” Luke rose on his toes, his gaze sweeping the inside of Rick’s house. He ground his teeth together when he spotted Sean’s coat, shirt, and shoes by the table. “Don’t you get it, Rick, I need to. This may be the only shot I get, and I’m going to be damned if I’m going to let you have him!”
“I don’t want him,” Rick replied stiffly. “Jesus, you know me, Luke.”
“Yeah, I do. And I remember what we did when we were seventeen and drunk in the hayloft. You haven’t changed that much in twenty years. Now, let me in to see Sean.”
“Then come back tomorrow. The man’s not going to talk to you.” Rick straightened. “He’s hurting emotionally and physically, he doesn’t need you hollering at him over something he did or didn’t do.”
“You don’t even know what I want…”
“I don’t need to. It’s as plain as day to me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Rick, you’re supposed to be my friend. You know me. Do you want me to beg? I will.”
“Yeah, I am your friend, but right now I don’t think I know you at all. You jumped on a man who was coming to terms with his life over something you could have just asked about. No, if you want to talk to Sean, then come back tomorrow, and then you can yell at him after he’s recovered from the hangover and has the ability to defend himself.”
“I wasn’t going to yell at him.” Luke’s throat felt tight, his heart racing as he stared at the man who’d stuck up for him more times than he could count. “Please, just let me in for five minutes. I need to talk to him. Sean! Sean, come here, please.”
Rick sighed, turned his head and stepped back. “I think that’s your answer.”
Stepping into the house, Luke gaped at a half-naked Sean who lay curled into a ball in the hall, his jaw slack, lips parted, a faint snore filling the silence. Ignoring Rick who hovered in the doorway, Luke walked down the hallway. Sinking to his knees next to Sean, he lifted his head into his lap.
“He’s got the cutest snore, doesn’t he?” Luke glanced up at Rick. “This is my fault.”
“Oh, don’t you start. Come on, get off my floor. Help me get him onto the couch. I have to be at work in ten hours and want to get some sleep after I have a bite to eat. He’ll be fine, hung-over but fine.” Rick grunted as he leaned down to half lift, half drag Sean into a sitting position so he could help him to his feet.
Luke grunted but rose. With Rick’s help he managed to get Sean onto the couch with a thin blanket tossed over him. Glancing around, Luke nudged the coffee table out of the way, already scanning the room for something to use as a pillow.
“Oh no. Out, go home. Sleep in your own bed and not on my floor. As drunk as he is, he’ll be out for at least twelve hours.” Rick nudged Luke toward the front door. “I am not playing a game of Romeo and Romeo.”
Luke shook his head as Rick tugged his arm. He stumbled out the door and turned, his mouth open, only to have Rick smile. “Good night, Luke, you can see him tomorrow.”
“But…”
“Man’s been through enough today. If you give a damn about him, you’ll put him first and quit while you’re ahead. Go home.”
Luke sagged back against the railing when Rick closed the door. How was he going to fix this? He glanced behind him and swore. Jack leaned against the fender of his truck, his arms crossed over his chest. With a final glance at the door, Luke stomped
over to the vehicle, ignoring Jack’s questioning look.
Chapter 23
Cursing the pounding in his head, Sean squinted at the light filtering through the blinds above. The smell of food wafted through the air, turning his already queasy stomach. He choked back the bile rising and sat up—instant regret filling him as his head swelled, the rhythmic pulse of pain behind his eyes enough to make him long for the nausea.
“Good morning, sunshine.” Warm, filled with laughter, the familiar voice drew his attention.
Turning his head, Sean squinted at the half-dressed man standing holding a mug of steaming coffee. Blue trousers with a thick yellow stripe down the legs, heavy military-style black boots, and a killer grin were all that Rick wore. Sean sighed. Nothing, nada, not even a twitch below the belt for the stud. “Kill me.”
“Let me guess, this is your first hangover.”
“First and last if I have anything to say about it.” Sean took the offered cup and sipped at the brew. Strong enough to melt tar, it burned all the way down. He gasped, his eyes watering. “Although this may just kill me first.”
“Good coffee should be savored.” Rick chuckled as he sat in the overstuffed leather chair across from Sean. “However, the coffee and that hangover is the least of your worries.”
“What do you mean? My dad didn’t show up, did he?” Fear ripped through him at the thought. He didn’t need that hanging over his head as well as whatever he’d done yesterday to wind up in Rick’s house half-naked.
“No. Luke did.”
Sean tensed at the mention of his first male lover. The bitterness and anger in Luke’s gaze haunted him as he stared into his cup of coffee. His ears rang with the accusations, with Luke’s final parting words. Hunched over, he swallowed against the rising tide of tangled emotions. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Luke’s a big boy, it’s not like he can’t accept things.”
“Yeah, but he’s your friend, he told me you two go way back. I’ve put you in an awkward position by being here.”
“Not really.” Rick stretched out his legs. “Man’s tied up in knots. Doesn’t know up from down right now, and there’s nothing for it. He made the mess, now he has to fix it.” He rose to his feet. Rick patted Sean’s shoulder on the way past. “Just don’t take too long to forgive him. As devil-may-care as he is, Luke can also be incredibly stubborn. He’s not going to just forget what he feels for you even if he’s spent weeks trying to. The man’s in love with you, he’s just too damn stubborn to admit it. Especially when I think he’s just realizing what he’s losing if he lets you go.”
Sean shook his head, Rick’s words at odds with memories of the last few weeks. Luke and he were through, and it was high time he accepted the fact. If the faint flicker of hope sparkled and danced before him, he’d just have to ignore it. Luke didn’t want him, he had his new boyfriend. And he didn’t want anyone else.
“You’re wrong. Luke doesn’t want me, he’s just…”
“Head over heels in love and scared shitless.” Rick grabbed a white T-shirt off the back of the kitchen chair. “I have to get ready for work, but remember what I said. Give him a chance to say whatever it is he needs to get out. Might surprise you with what it is.” Rick pulled the shirt over his head and grabbed his uniform blouse.
“I doubt it, but I’ll give him a chance.” Sean watched Rick hurry out the front door. He held no great illusions on what Luke had to say. The man was clear—he didn’t want a man with secrets, a man who had let his fear hide what he felt.
Flopping back on the couch, he stared at the ceiling for a moment before rising to his feet. Stomping his feet back into his boots, Sean tossed on his clothes and then opened the door. He stepped out onto the porch and froze. Luke stood at the bottom of the steps, a dark, furious look on his face as he stared over his shoulder.
“You looking for Rick?” Sean started down the steps, Rick’s words echoing in his head. From the look on Luke’s face, Rick was wrong, and he had no intention of standing around and getting yelled at again.
“No.” Luke turned to him. The fury fading to be replaced by a hesitancy that gave Sean pause. “I came to talk to you.”
“I can see how happy you are about that.” Sean shrugged. “What’s done is done…”
“Really, that’s the best you can do? You're going to ignore me, to be with that?” The well-dressed man Sean recognized from Luke’s place stomped up, his gaze swift, appraising, as he took in Sean’s rumpled appearance. “I don’t understand why you can’t just…”
“What can I say. I want the best, and he is.” Luke sneered. “You fucked another guy in my bed. I’m not taking you back. And as for Sean… I’m not about to give him up because your latest fling kicked you out.”
“I made a mistake.”
“Uh, maybe you two should discuss this in private.” Sean nudged Luke to get him out of the way.
“Nothing to discuss.” Luke turned to him, ignoring the other man completely. “I came to talk to you. I need to…”
“Oh, puleeze.”
“Tony, fuck off.” Luke grabbed Sean’s hand. “Please, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I…”
“You’re going to regret…”
“There a problem?” Rick drawled, his arms crossed over his chest.
“What are you doing here?” Tony sneered.
“I am on patrol, Tony, for one. For two, this is my house. Now what's the problem here?”
“Yes, Luke’s being a prick. I came by to talk to him and…”
Determined to avoid the growing argument, Sean sidestepped Luke and hurried down the driveway. He hunched his shoulders as the trio of voices rose, the anger in their tones stirring memories he’d hoped he’d long since forgotten. Sean glanced up and down the street; he wondered how far it was into town. Not that it mattered; he’d have to walk every step since he’d left his truck at Don’s or Dan’s or whatever the hell that bar was called.
“Sean.” Luke’s voice preceded his touch by seconds.
Heaving a breath, Sean shook him off and kept on walking. Between the ache in his head and the one in his chest, he didn’t have time to deal with…
“Sean, please. I know I fucked up.” Luke stepped in front of him. Pain-filled, his stare met his without blinking. “I hurt you and…”
“Doesn’t matter.” Sean sighed. “I’m a big boy, I’ll just have to get used to it.”
“No.” Luke lifted a hand that hovered over Sean’s shoulder before it dropped back to his side. “You don’t need to get used to it. I shouldn’t have said what I said, I know that. It wasn’t fair or even close to the truth.”
“Then why would you say it in the first place?” Sean ground out, the silent plea in Luke’s eyes nursing the kernel of hope in his chest, and it made him mad. He had no right to expect him to forgive and forget. “You knew my background, knew I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of what could happen if the wrong person found out about us. Hell, you talked to my dad more than once. And yet you jumped to the conclusion that I was just using you as a fuck toy.” Sean jabbed him in the chest. “Rick was full of it. He said to give you a chance, listen to you. God, I’m an idiot because I was going to. Instead, you bring your new or old boyfriend over to chat? Get out of my way, Luke. I’m busy.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s nothing to me but a bad experience, one that I let color my involvement with you. Tony’s an ass, and so am I for putting his sins on your shoulders. Please, just give me five minutes. If after that…” He paused, a shudder wracking his body. “Please.”
“Five minutes.” Sean glanced behind him at the sound of a car revving and swore. Rick leaned against the fender of his white cruiser, his arms crossed over his chest. The low-slung sports car backing up made him uneasy as it squealed past him and Luke.
“Can we go to my place?” Luke held up his hands in a surrender gesture. “Just to talk. That’s it.”
“You have five minutes.” Sean shook
his head but trudged up the drive behind Luke. If his fingers itched to grab the taut ass in front of him, he forced aside the urge, digging them deeper into his pockets. Without a word, he crawled into Luke’s truck and slammed the door shut before slouching against the seat. Five minutes had never seemed so long.
*
Staring out the windshield of the truck, Luke tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He could smell the faint hint of Sean’s sweat and the stench of stale beer on him. He tried to quell the faint hope fluttering in his gut as he glanced at the man who held his heart.
It had been a brutal awakening when Jack and Rick had both told him he was being an ass. He remembered waking in the hospital, seeing Sean hovering at the door after he told the doctor he didn’t want anyone in the room with him.
The pain in his eyes had cut deeper than the bullet. He’d watched him close off, his face losing all color before the door had closed. Rick had come back in to read him the riot act before he’d withdrawn to do his reports. He’d never have believed there’d come a day when Rick didn’t have his back, but he’d sided with Sean, and he’d been firm in that belief.
Rick’s time spent at the hospital had been cold, distant even, and it had irked him even as he struggled with his own guilt at what he’d done. Would it truly have hurt to give Sean a moment of his time, a small bit of kindness? At the time he’d have said yes; now, his indifference may have cost him more than just a friend, it may have cost him his entire future.
Luke shook his head. Rick had a habit of being around when he got into hot water. Too bad he hadn’t been around before he’d let his own doubts and insecurities make him act like Tony.
“What’s so funny?”
“Just thinking of how often Rick’s been there to pull my ass out of the fire.”
Sean shrugged. “I imagine it’s been quite a few times. You two have a history.”
At the faint note of awareness in his voice, Luke glanced over at Sean who stared out the window. A chill raced along his spine. Just how much had Rick told him? Yes, there was a history there, but not as graphic as some would think. Biting back the question hovering on the tip of his tongue, Luke turned into his driveway and parked next to the walkway. “So, uh, we’re here.”