by T. L. Haddix
Unspoken was that she wished she were there with him. “I know. I wish you were, too.” He hadn’t meant to say that. It just slipped out. But he didn’t try to clarify, didn’t try to call it back. Instead, he let it stand on its own.
“I’d better go. I don’t want Daddy to think I’ve been abducted or something.”
“Hey, don’t even joke about that. Rest stops are dangerous places. Text me when you’re back in the car to let me know you’re okay?”
“I will. See you soon.”
After they hung up, he stared at the ceiling for a long time, his mind going round and round in circles. The beginning of the circle was his inability to have children, followed by his age, with the end being that Sydney was different. The way she made him feel was different.
Now, as he waited for her to come up the stairs, he tried to shove that circle of thoughts aside. When he heard steps outside, he rushed to sit on the edge of her desk. He didn’t want to appear overly eager to see her, after all. But Sydney wasn’t the woman who walked through the door. Instead, it was Neala, and she had her baby with her.
“Sawyer, hi! Look at you, all out of uniform and everything. Is Syd here? I’m supposed to meet her.”
“No. She hasn’t made it in yet, but she should be shortly.” He hadn’t been able to find anything on Neala that gave him reason for concern, and looking her over, he had to admit she looked worlds healthier than the last time they’d crossed paths. “Is this your son?”
The baby was perched on her hip, babbling away happily as he took in his surroundings. His hair stood straight up on his head in a wispy black spike, and he looked clean and well cared for.
“This is Daniel. Want to say hi?”
Before Sawyer could protest, she’d handed the baby over. Awkwardly, he held on to him, scowling at Neala as he tried to figure out where to put his hands. “Um, you’d better take him back. I might drop him.”
“I can’t. I have to run. Syd was supposed to be here. I’m sorry—she’s on her way, right?” She set the baby’s bag down on the floor beside Sydney’s desk and started backing away. “Tell her I’ll call her as soon as I can, and that I appreciate this. I really have to run. Thank you!”
She was gone before he could stop her.
With his jaw on the floor with shock and outrage, Sawyer stared at the empty doorway, then down at the baby, who gurgled up at him. He had to move fast to avoid a swipe of the little guy’s wet hand.
“What the ever-loving hell am I going to do with you?” He tried to reach for his phone, but as soon as he took his hand off the baby, he started whimpering. “Okay, okay. We’ll give her a minute.”
But the damage was done. Daniel’s lip started quivering as his eyes filled with tears, as though he’d finally realized his mother was gone and had left him with a total stranger who knew nothing about babies.
“Oh, shit. Now what?”
Very carefully, he tucked the baby closer to his body and, trying to remember what he’d seen parents do, he patted his back.
“Now you have to stay calm,” he said. “Because the closest help I can get for us right now is Myrtle downstairs, and buddy, you and I don’t want to go there. She’d eat us alive.” He didn’t know if it was the talking or the patting that was working, but Daniel had stopped the lip-quivering and tearing up. Sawyer kept his voice soft. “God, Sydney, please get here. Where the hell are you?”
Even though it was only a couple of minutes, it felt like hours before Sydney came in, coffee in one hand. Archer was behind her. She stopped so fast, he almost ran over her.
“Um. Sawyer?”
Scowling so hard his face hurt, he growled. “Neala was here. She left something for you.” He started to hand the baby over, but Daniel had a tight grip on the front of his shirt. When Sawyer moved to give him to Sydney, he let out a screech fit to wake the dead and tightened his hands.
“Son of a bitch,” Sawyer cursed as quietly as he could. He moved the baby back to his shoulder, rubbing at what he suspected was now a raw patch of hairless skin on his chest.
“Did he get your hair?” Archer asked with a grin, stepping closer to get a look at the baby. “I take it this is Daniel?”
“Yes. And yes. She said you’d agreed to keep him,” Sawyer told Sydney.
She shook her head, her eyes wide, and set the coffee and her purse down on her desk. “She told me she might swing by today when she came through. She didn’t say a word about Daniel.” Moving closer, she bent her head and touched the baby, who hid his face against Sawyer’s shoulder. “He’s adorable. Look at that hair.”
“I’ll bet it won’t lay down,” Archer said quietly. “Carter’s was like that. Stood straight up for the first eighteen months. What did Neala say, exactly? How long is she going to be gone?”
Sawyer blew out a tense breath. “She didn’t say. She gave the impression that Sydney knew about this.” When he felt the baby relax, he looked down. He’d drifted off, his eyes closed as he sucked on a thumb, drool dampening his chin and Sawyer’s shirt. A sharp pain of regret stabbed at Sawyer, and his jaw tightened. “Maybe you’d better try to call her.”
Sydney nodded. “Yeah. How long ago was she here?” she asked as she dug into her purse for her phone.
“Ten minutes? Fifteen? An hour or two? I don’t know. Feels like forever.” Sawyer eased into the chair in front of her desk, taking care not to wake Daniel.
“Is that the first time you’ve ever held a baby?” Archer asked. He hunkered down beside the chair and ran a hand over Daniel’s hair. “Want me to take him?”
Sawyer gave an instant’s thought to trying to transfer the baby to Archer, but something held him back. “Pretty much. I’ve tried to stay away from kids through the years. And no, he’s quiet here. He can stay.”
From the look Archer gave him, Sawyer figured he knew about the sterility. It certainly wasn’t anything they’d ever discussed, but neither was it something he kept secret.
“She’s not answering,” Sydney said, muttering a curse under her breath. “I’m calling Danny. Hopefully he’ll—hey, are you busy? We’ve got a bit of a situation here. Have you heard from Neala?”
While she told Danny what was going on, Archer straightened and went to the baby’s bag. He set it on Sydney’s desk and started going through it. As Sawyer watched, his face grew more and more serious.
“There’s quite a bit of stuff in here,” Archer said when Sydney hung up. “And notes on what to feed him, when to feed him, allergies, that sort of thing. What’d Danny say?”
“He’s on his way. She didn’t tell him about this, either.” Sydney crossed her arms and stared at the baby pensively. “Surely to God she didn’t just leave him here for good,” she whispered.
Sawyer exchanged a look with Archer. That was exactly what he was wondering, and Archer, as well, if he was reading the other man correctly.
“Let’s see what Danny knows when he gets here. Maybe he’ll have some answers.” Sawyer carefully adjusted the baby so that his arm wasn’t in an awkward position.
“I hope so,” Archer said. “I’d hate to see you have to involve CPS in this. Neala’s always had a loose definition of responsibility, but I thought that had changed since she had him.”
“Did you find out anything in her background check?” Sydney asked, then explained to Archer, “Danny and I had him run one. Danny had a gut feeling that something was going on with her.”
“Nothing. She works two jobs, seems to be living a straight, if modest, life.”
But he couldn’t help thinking about how she’d run out of the office as though she were escaping. And too many times, he’d seen people running who never had any intention of coming back to what they were leaving. He just hoped that wasn’t the case with Daniel.
Chapter Forty-Five
Two hours later, Sydney was head-over-heels in love. Simultaneously, she was ready to strangle Neala. “I don’t understand how she could just drop him off like that,” she told Danny as she fed the baby.
“She said she didn’t have a choice when we talked,” he reminded her quietly. He handed her a soft cloth to wipe Daniel’s mouth with, and he sighed. “Sawyer took it pretty well.”
Sydney’s mouth tightened as she raised an eyebrow. “He didn’t have a lot of say in the matter, did he? It hurt him, Danny. I could see it.”
“So could I. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Nothing to be done for it.” She sat back in the rocking chair, adjusting Daniel a bit. “What the hell am I going to do with a baby?”
Danny smiled. “Enjoy him. Practice. I’ll help.”
“Thank God for you. And at least Neala had the sense to drop the rest of his belongings off at Mom’s shop.”
Sam, her mother’s assistant manager, had called a few minutes after Danny arrived, letting them know that Neala had left several things at the shop for Sydney. A suitcase full of clothes and formula, his car seat, and a playpen to be exact. Since she couldn’t exactly work with a baby in the office, she’d come home.
“Do you think she’ll pick him up this weekend like she said she would?” She handed Danny the bottle, which the baby had made short work of, and looked to him for instruction. “Now what?”
“That depends on him. What does he want to do?”
“Seriously? He’s a baby. I can’t just ask him,” she said, pressing a kiss to the soft skin of his forehead. Daniel gurgled and babbled at her, blowing milk bubbles. “I thought they went to sleep when you fed them.”
“Not always. Here, let me have him.” Danny picked him up like a pro, making funny faces. The baby squealed and watched him, fascinated.
“Good thing you have nieces and nephews.” Sydney felt like crying. “You’re moving in here for a few days. No way you’re leaving me alone with him.”
“You know I won’t leave you high and dry. And you’re doing just fine.”
“Daddy was ready to take him home. Maybe I should have let him. If he didn’t have to work, I would have. How the hell do parents learn this stuff, Dan?” She stood and went to the baby’s bag, sorting through it for the fourth or fifth time. She held up a pair of striped socks that fit in the palm of her hand. “Look at these. They’re so tiny.”
“You’re hurting as much as Sawyer is. I’m as angry with Neala about that as I am about her leaving this guy alone. If I didn’t really think she was a good mother, I’d call CPS myself.”
Sydney put the socks back in the bag. “I’ve tried not to let myself think about anything permanent with Sawyer. There’s no point to it. But when I walked in earlier and found him cradling that little guy so close, looking like he was ready to do battle for him, it almost killed me. He wants children. Not with me, I don’t think, but if he had half a chance to be a father, he’d take it.”
Danny was quiet as he gave the baby a pacifier. When he did speak, it was with hesitation. “I’ve known Sawyer for a while now. And when you started working for him, I worried. I figured you’d end up with a crush on him or even more, that you’d fall in love and he wouldn’t love you back. I know you’re a big girl,” he said when she started to speak. “But the heart wants what the heart wants, Syd. You know that as well as I do.”
“I guess so.”
“When the two of you started dancing around each other, when you told me about the kiss, I wondered what that meant. But seeing the way he looked at you today? I wouldn’t be so sure his feelings aren’t engaged.”
“Of course his feelings are engaged. He cares for me, Dan. I know that. But caring and wanting to spend your life with someone aren’t the same thing. I’d be naive to think they are. Naive and setting myself up for heartache.”
She couldn’t let herself go down that road. She wouldn’t.
Danny changed the subject. “If you need to work, I can watch him during the day. It won’t be a problem at all. I’ll set him up in my office and we’ll keep each other company. Won’t we, big guy?”
The baby gave a long, loud squeal that sounded very much like an agreement.
Sydney couldn’t help but be amused by their interactions. “Your mother might think he’s yours.”
Danny winked at her. “Might do my reputation some good. It’s terrible of me to say I’m looking forward to how perturbed she’ll be when she meets him, but I am. Especially when she learns who his mother is and who he’s named after.”
“You go right ahead and tug on that tiger’s tail, buddy. I’m steering clear of Miriam.”
“Ah, it gives her purpose, trying to figure me out. Keeps her off Dad’s back and the brothers appreciate the reprieve.”
She pushed a hank of wheat-blond hair back off his forehead. “Just as long as they return the favor.” She was still worried about Danny. That hadn’t changed. “Any decision yet?”
“I’m waiting for a good time to break the news. I’m tired of hiding it from the family. But I’m not coming out to the general public. My sexual orientation isn’t fodder for gossip, and it’s nobody’s business but mine.”
“Does it make me paranoid to worry that Miriam might out you to the church?”
He shook his head. “Nope. I’ve had the same concern. My mentor knows, and so do his bosses. If it comes out, I’ll deal with it.” There was a resolve in his voice she hadn’t heard before.
“What changed?”
“Watching my parishioners battle to keep food on the table as the coal industry dies, watching them lose spouses, Eli’s accident, you coming home. I guess I finally decided that I just don’t care anymore if people know, if they pass judgment on me. Maybe I’ve accepted myself.” He shrugged.
Sydney slid her arm around his waist and hugged him. “I adore you, you know that? You’re one of the strongest people I know, and I’m glad you’re in my life.”
“Ah, heck, Syd. Don’t get all mushy on me,” he said softly, bussing the top of her head. “And back at you. Now if we can just get you and Sawyer married off, we’ll start working on the rest of the world’s problems.”
She laughed. “You’re such an optimist. Love you, Dan.”
“Back at ya, kid.”
She still didn’t think she and Sawyer were meant for anything permanent, not with each other. But hearing Danny’s calm resolution, she felt a lot better about going forward, wherever that path led.
Sawyer chided himself during the drive to Sydney’s that evening. “You should go home. Peace, quiet, no babies crying, diapers needing to be changed. No dreams you can’t fulfill being shattered.” But still he drove on.
The office wasn’t far from her house, only about ten minutes in heavy traffic. Not nearly long enough of a drive for his common sense to kick in and turn him around. No, here he was, walking up to the door, ringing the bell. Volunteering to go face to face with what he couldn’t have.
Danny opened the door. “Hey, come on in.”
“I thought I’d swing by, see how things are going.”
The younger man grinned. “Syd’s cursing baby boys and their ability to shoot pee across the room.”
Sawyer blinked. “Across the room?”
“Maybe I should have let you discover that for yourself, huh?”
“Uh, I could come back.”
Danny’s knowing look stopped his backward steps.
“Or I could come in. Any word from Neala?”
“Just that she’ll be back at the end of the week to get him. She’s apparently trying to work things out with his father.” There was deep sarcasm in Danny’s voice as he led Sawyer down the hall to the kitchen. “Doing okay in here?”
Sydney looked up, frowning, and used he
r suds-covered hand to push her glasses up on her nose. “Fine and dandy. As long as the air doesn’t hit his hoo-ha, he’s good. Hey,” she said to Sawyer.
“Hoo-ha? Okay then. You’re looking good there,” he said, not hiding his grin.
She was a mess. Her hair was half down from its ponytail, her shirt was soaked with wet and bubbles, and so were the front of her shorts. Daniel was taking a bath in the sink, splashing the water as he chortled.
She used the hand that wasn’t supporting the baby to flip him off. “You don’t know how much trouble someone who can’t walk, crawl, or talk can cause. I know why babies are so cute now. If they weren’t, no one would have them.” She winced and looked down at Daniel.
“I’m not glass, Sydney. I won’t break,” Sawyer said softly.
“I know that.” But she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Okay, you know how to change his diaper. He’s not going to need food for at least another hour or two,” Danny said. “Be careful when you lift him out of there, as he’ll be slippery as an eel. And make sure you rinse all the soap off. Then lotion him up with this.” He set a bottle of baby lotion down on the counter. “Keep him warm, too.”
Pure panic filled Sydney’s eyes. “Where are you going?”
“To get a bag together for a few nights. I’m not leaving you alone. Sawyer’s here. The two of you can figure this out.” He patted her shoulder, winked at Sawyer, and headed for the hall. “Call if you need me.”
“Danny, don’t you dare walk out that door!” she hollered. “Sawyer, stop him. I can’t do this.”
But Danny was gone.
Sawyer walked over to the sink, holding his hand out to the baby, who slapped it. “He’ll be back soon enough. We have this.”
Sydney stared up at him, doubt clear on her face. “Sure we do.”
She looked so worried he had to do something, so he kissed her. He didn’t stop until he felt her start to relax.