by T. L. Haddix
“Is she mad at you for some reason?”
“I don’t know what’s going on.” Until he had a better idea of his own feelings, he wasn’t about to ask, either.
The insecure side of him wondered if her stepping back was because of his sterility. If, by seeing what life with a baby was like, she was regretting the decision to start a relationship with Sawyer. If she was thinking about moving on to someone who could give her a child.
He knew Sydney wouldn’t cheat on him. And since they were in what they’d both defined as a casual relationship, it wasn’t like there’d be a big, dramatic breakup when they went their separate ways. But he’d seen what the desire to be a mother could do to a woman, and he knew having a lover would be a deterrent to the end goal of motherhood for someone like Sydney, no matter how much she cared for him as a person.
After twenty years of being single, he had never expected to find himself being the one who wasn’t ready for a relationship to end, but there it was. He didn’t want to let Sydney go. He admitted to himself that he wanted to see what would happen if they had a chance to build on what they’d started. And knowing they’d almost certainly never get the opportunity to do that was tearing him apart.
Chapter Fifty-One
Sydney drove separately from Sawyer, arriving at the house a few minutes before he or Danny got there. She was glad—she needed the time to herself. When she went in, she stood in the hall from the garage for a bit, listening to how quiet and empty the house sounded.
“You’re being ridiculous, Syd,” she told herself, shaking off the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. “Get his things ready to go so you can spend the rest of the time with him once he gets here. And let it go.”
“It” being the yearning and longing she felt for a future and a family with Sawyer.
She forced herself to move quickly and as mechanically as possible as she gathered the baby’s things. It was hard to believe he had so much stuff, she thought as she folded his clean clothes from the dryer. Archer’d been bringing him gifts every evening after work.
“Daddy… Oh, geez.” There was another man whose heart had been captured by the fifteen-pound bundle of cuteness that had dropped into their lives Monday. She should call and let him know that Neala was on the way. He’d want to swing by during lunch and say good-bye.
When Danny showed up, an underlying sadness was etched on his face. “I think we should keep him. She can have another,” he told Sydney. “And between you, me, Sawyer, and your dad, he’ll not want for anything ever.”
Sydney kissed Daniel’s cheek as she lifted him from his carrier. “You know that would never work.”
“The hell it wouldn’t.” His ferocity surprised her. “She needs to know she can’t just do this. Not to him, not to us.”
Tucking the baby on her hip, she put her arm around Danny’s waist and hugged him. “Sawyer’s planning to have words with her.”
“Good. He’ll ream her a new one. She’s always been a little afraid of him, you know. Maybe he’ll make a positive impact.”
“Neala, afraid of Sawyer? Really?” Sydney laughed. “I always thought she had a bit of a crush on him.”
“I never said she didn’t have good taste,” he protested, causing her to snort with the first true laughter she’d felt all day. “But you didn’t see the way he lit into her after you left here when you were nineteen. You know how when some people get mad, they get cold?”
“Like Daddy and Grandpa? Yeah. It’s scary as hell.”
“Sawyer can give them a run for their money any day,” Danny said as the man himself came in the door.
“Give who a run doing what? How’s my big guy?” He headed straight for the baby, who’d leaned toward him so fast, Sydney almost dropped him. Taking him like he’d held babies his whole life, he planted a noisy raspberry on Daniel’s belly. “So who am I running against?”
“Daddy and Grandpa and their tempers,” Sydney said.
Danny shook his head as he watched Sawyer play with the baby. He crossed his arms, and Sydney could practically see the steam building in his head. “It isn’t too late to call CPS.”
“Yeah, it is,” Sawyer said. “There’s nothing I could find that indicates she’s not a good mother. If there was, they’d have been called that first day, and this guy would be ours for a while.” He seemed to realize what he’d said, his eyes darting to Sydney, then away. “Did you call Archer?”
“He’ll be here shortly,” she said. “I’ll make a run through and make sure all his things are together.” She had to get out of the living room or else she’d break down in a bawling, sobbing mess on the floor.
Danny tapped on the bedroom door a few minutes later. “You okay?”
She jerked, not having heard him approach. “Fine as frog’s hair. You?”
He closed the door and stared at her, silently daring her to lie to him again.
“I can’t do this now. Not until it’s over.”
“Okay. But it’s coming. You know that.”
“I do.” She blew out a breath. “Help me with this stuff?”
Archer was just coming in when they got back to the living room. Much as Sawyer had, he made a beeline for Daniel.
“Good thing Mom isn’t home or you’d be trying for more babies of your own,” Sydney joked as he cooed and babbled at the baby.
Archer grinned. “Nah. We’re past that stage. It’s time to start enjoying our grandkids now.”
“Um, aren’t Graydon and Carter just a teeny bit young, Daddy?”
He scowled fiercely. “Don’t even joke about that. I have nightmares about those two. I know what it’s like to be a boy that age,” he said as everyone snickered. “No, I was thinking more about you. There’s a new guy at the garage—nice, young, exceptionally reliable. Maybe I’ll invite him up to the farm for dinner Sunday.”
Sydney didn’t think there was a square inch of air in the room after the breaths that got sucked in following that pronouncement.
“Daddy, I’m seeing someone.”
“Pfft, you told your mother you were just playing. And where’s he been? Am I right, big guy?” he asked the baby in a funny voice. “I mean, you’ve spent the week with Sawyer and Danny here. Not much of a man if he lets you get away with that without getting jealous. Is he, Sawyer?”
Sawyer was struck speechless, Danny’s face turned ten shades of red as he struggled not to laugh, and Sydney…
“You…I… Oooh! Men,” she hissed. “The lot of you can go to hell.” Stalking to Archer, she took the baby. “Except this one. He’s not learned how to be an ass just yet. We’re going to the kitchen to get some lunch. Excuse me.”
Silence followed her out of the room.
The jab, though delivered with a soft hand, had been pointed and direct. Aimed not just at Sawyer but at her as well, it had slipped in and found a soft spot with deadly accuracy.
Once Neala picked Daniel up, Sydney might just get in her car and drive. She could go visit Eli, or she could go spend some time with Ben and Ainsley in Lexington. Her brothers Grant and Cade had invited her to Charleston. Or she could go somewhere completely devoid of family for some peace and quiet.
“That sounds like a damned fine idea, don’t you think?” she asked the baby as she got his mushed peas and carrots ready. “I could use a vacation from the madness.”
Normally, she’d never consider running. But she couldn’t call the last few weeks normal by any stretch of the imagination, and right about now, going far and fast held a lot more appeal than staying to face the heartache.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Sawyer waited until Sydney was in the kitchen before he approached her father.
“She doesn’t need this right now,” he said in a low voice.
Archer raised his eyebrows, propp
ing his hands on his hips. “Excuse me? You’re telling me what my daughter needs?”
“Yes, I am. Archer, she’s hurting. Leave her be. Don’t push her.”
“You sure it’s Sydney you’re concerned about being pushed? Or is it you?” Archer asked softly. “Maybe this little game isn’t all carefree fun like you’d planned, huh?”
“I have tremendous respect for you, always have, but I’m not discussing her with you. Not like this.” Sawyer met Archer’s gaze head-on, not blinking. “You know it isn’t as simple as you’re making it out to be.”
“You honestly expect me to believe that if that baby was free and clear, you wouldn’t love him like he was yours?” Archer’s voice was low and tight. “Because I’m not buying that. I see how you are with him. Your excuse that you can’t have kids doesn’t hold water anymore, buddy.”
“If you want to have this discussion, fine. We’ll do it later. But not here, not now. Not today. Sydney doesn’t need tension between us on top of everything else.” Sawyer waited a beat, then headed to the kitchen. He was fairly certain Archer was testing him, which was fine. But he was dead serious about protecting her today. She was ready to break, and Sawyer’d do whatever he had to do to protect her from any more hurt.
“That was subtle as a brick bat,” Danny drawled as they watched him go.
Archer shrugged, feeling out of sorts and testy. “I didn’t intend it to be subtle. I wanted to test his mettle.”
“Seemed pretty solid to me.”
“Yeah. He always has been.” He sighed. “I probably pushed too hard.”
Danny, usually the diplomat, didn’t try to smooth it over. “You’ll catch hell when Emma hears about this. And don’t think she won’t. Sydney will be more than happy to hang you out to dry after this fiasco. They know, by the way, that you all played a hand in getting them together. Even before this display of fatherly interference. And Syd’s pissed.”
Archer growled, running a hand through his hair. “Do you think I’m wrong?”
“Wrong about them? No. Wrong to push right now? Yeah, I do. I think he’s done running, but she’s just getting ready to start. Archer, she’s scared to death. She’s convinced herself he’ll never want her permanently. And it isn’t because of anything he’s done,” he said, holding his hands up to stop Archer’s outrage before it flared. “Her ability to hope is still crushed from what Adam did.”
“I should have castrated the bastard.”
“Wouldn’t have done any good. The damage was done. You know that.” Danny shrugged. “Sawyer can undo it. Seeing them together the last few days, it’s been enlightening. I never would have thought the man had it in him. But she brings something out in him I’ve not seen before. The problem is, she’s so convinced it’s temporary he’s going to have a hell of a time making her believe he wants forever. He’s just figured it out himself, I think. It’s not a comfortable time for either of them.”
Archer sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, Danny was right. “Do you think she’ll run?”
He grimaced. “Probably. But he’ll follow. If he can figure out where she runs to.”
“We can help with that. She won’t go anywhere without telling someone where she’s headed.”
Danny nodded. “Unless she tells Noah. He’s a clam. Then we might have a problem.”
Archer squeezed Danny’s shoulder in a quick hug. “Even clams can be pried open. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” But being Sydney’s father and knowing her as well as he did, he had a feeling it would.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Sawyer was in no way ready to turn the baby over by the time Neala showed up with Daniel’s father. After the mess in the living room, he, Danny, Archer, and Sydney had skirted around any serious conversation as they took turns coddling the baby. Sawyer had him when the doorbell rang, and he unconsciously tightened his grip. Daniel was drowsy, almost asleep on his shoulder, and for a few seconds, Sawyer cursed his decision not to let Sydney run with the baby.
Archer had stayed after lunch, having taken the rest of the day off in case he was needed. “I’ll get the door.”
A few seconds later, Neala and a tall, skinny young man who barely looked old enough to vote were following Archer into the living room.
Daniel didn’t stir, having fallen sound asleep.
“There’s my baby. Oh, Danny Boy, come to Mommy. I’ve missed you so.” Neala held her hands out, but Sawyer took a step back, turning so that the baby was on the opposite side of his body.
“Not so fast. We’re going to have a discussion before you lay hands on him. Sydney?”
She stepped up and took Daniel even as Neala sputtered with outrage.
“You can’t do that. He’s my son.”
Sawyer moved so that he towered over her. The kid she was with puffed his chest up but a stony glare stopped him in his tracks. Once he was contained, Sawyer focused again on Neala.
“You dropped him off and left him with people you hadn’t seen in years without a second thought,” he growled. “You had no idea if we were willing or able to take care of him. You’ve not seen Sydney or me in years. For all you knew, we were fucking drug addicts or into kiddie porn. You dashed in and out without a care in the world about that little boy. And if you think there aren’t consequences from that, you’re out of your goddamned mind.”
Her cheeks were bright red flags of embarrassment, but Sawyer didn’t stop.
“Here’s how this is going to go. He,” he said, pointing at Kyle, “is going to give me his driver’s license and social security number. I’m going to keep a very close eye on you both until I’m one-hundred percent certain that baby doesn’t need me anymore. And if I ever see anything at all that raises a red flag? I’ll be on your doorstep demanding answers. You gave him to me to watch. What you didn’t realize at the time was what you were getting yourself into. I take my responsibilities very seriously, Neala. And when you left him with me, you made him my responsibility. You’ve known me too long to take that lightly, I hope.”
She looked around the room, trying to gauge whether or not she had any allies, Sawyer figured. But everyone, save Kyle, met her gaze with a stony glare. Still, she tried.
“You’re not a cop anymore. You can’t do jack shit to me.”
Sawyer abhorred men who used their strength to browbeat their way through life, especially against women. The closest he came to pushing a woman in that way was what he’d done a moment ago, using his height and mass to get his point across. He wouldn’t have done that much if the baby hadn’t been involved. But if he’d been a different kind of man, he would have slapped Neala.
He leaned in closer to her. “Try me.”
Archer cleared his throat. “You aren’t stupid, Neala. We’re only concerned for the baby, and for you, too. We want to help.”
“How is threatening me help?” she asked, tears forming in her eyes. “I had to leave him. I didn’t have a choice. Kyle, tell them.”
The guy shrugged. “I got out of the Army and she came to get me. It was the only place she knew where to find me.”
Sawyer growled at him. “That’s as responsible as hell—mother of your child not having any way of getting in touch with you in case he needed something. How are you going to support them?”
“My old man’s got a construction job waiting for me. Sheesh, buddy, you got a stick up your ass or what? Just let us have the kid and we’ll go.”
“You aren’t helping,” Neala hissed. “And he isn’t just a kid. He’s your son.”
“Fine, fine. Whatever.”
To her credit, she appeared as disgusted as Sawyer felt. That, as well as the anxiety on her face, made him relent.
“When you take him, where are you going?” he asked.
“Back to Louisville. I have to get back to
work Monday.”
“Who’s been watching Daniel while you work?” Sydney asked quietly.
“My aunt Joanie. We live in an apartment over her garage.”
Sawyer watched Neala carefully for a minute, then sighed. He pulled a business card out of his wallet. “I won’t let you go until you promise me that if he needs me, if you need me, you’ll call. No judgments. You have my word.”
More somber than she’d been since she walked in the door, Neala nodded. “Okay. I promise.” She looked at Sydney. “Could I please have my son now?” she whispered.
Sydney looked at Sawyer, who inclined his head slightly. She kissed Daniel’s cheek, and when Neala held her hands out, Sydney gave her the baby. With one last touch on his head and across his back, it was done.
“Excuse me.” She left the room nearly running.
Sawyer looked at Archer.
“Go. We have this.”
“Okay.” He laid his hand briefly on Daniel, then went after Sydney. She wasn’t in the bedroom as he’d expected, but instead in the backyard. Arms crossed tight, she was pacing back and forth near the back fence. When she looked up and saw him, her face was so full of anguish it nearly brought him to his knees.
He didn’t say anything, just went to her and pulled her into his arms.
Unlike in the office where her tears had been silent, here they were noisy, messy, and painfully hard.
“He’ll be okay,” he promised her. “We’ll make sure of that. I swear to you we will.”
“But what about us? What happens to us without him?”
“We just have to hold on tighter and not let go.”
Chapter Fifty-Four