“What happened after that?” I asked. “Where were you?”
“Outside with Emery,” she said breathlessly as I helped her into the tub. “I tried to control it. To latch onto her laughter. But she stopped and just stared at me, and I spiraled.”
“How often does this happen?” I asked as I cut off the water.
“Not often,” she said, sighing. “But it’s usually a dream I wake up from. It’s never happened while I’ve been awake.”
“What never happens?” I asked as I stood.
“The blood everywhere. I see it. It’s like it’s there. Actually there. Usually, I wake up from a dream, and it’s everywhere, and I can blink it away. But it didn’t happen like that this time.”
She was dealing with PTSD from that night. We all were, really. Mine always happened in dreams, however. I never had anything happen to me in the middle of the day, unless I was taking a nap or some shit. She stretched her legs, groaning with the tension she was trying to release. I stepped out of my jeans and boxers, kicking them off to the side as her eyes slowly looked over at me.
I couldn’t help but smirk as her eyes stopped at my cock.
“Lean up,” I said.
She leaned her body forward, and I slowly slipped into the tub with her. It was a little cramped, but she curled into me like I knew she would. My hand cupped the warm, soapy water and I poured it over her shoulder. I watched her shiver with relaxation as her body finally unlocked, the tremors leaving her fingertips as she sighed into the crook of my neck.
She smelled different than she did six years ago, but somehow her scent was still comforting.
“Holy hell I miss him,” she whispered into my neck.
“I know you do. I miss them, too. Both of them.”
“When am I gonna get over this?” she asked.
“Probably never. Lots of us still struggle with it. Don’t sleep well. That kinda thing.”
“Do you struggle with your sleep?” she asked.
“Sometimes. It’s not as bad as it used to be. And it’s never happened to me during the day like it just did with you.”
“Does that mean it’s getting worse?”
“I don’t know. I know a few people who had it during the day and not at night at all. A couple of them had to leave the group. Couldn’t tolerate riding with us anymore.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“It happens. It comes with the life, I guess. I can see why you want to keep Emery from it.”
A silence descended over us as she turned her back and pressed it into my chest.
“She should know who her father is,” Sydney said.
“I agree,” I said.
“No, I mean… I think we should tell her.”
“How do you want to approach that?” I asked.
“I don’t know, honestly. But, I wanted you to know where I stood with that. I do eventually want to tell her who you are.”
“Thank you, because I’d like to be a part of her life. I’ve already missed so much of it…”
I heard her sniffle, and I automatically wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her shoulders as she started shivering again, and I immediately felt like an asshole.
“No, no, no. That wasn’t to make you cry. I’m sorry, all right?” I asked.
“I just feel terrible,” she said. “All I’ve ever tried to do was protect Emery, and it seems that all I’ve done is fucked things up.”
“You’ve done a wonderful job raisin’ that little girl. She’s smart and strong. She’s wild and free. She reminds me a lot of you when we were younger,” I said.
“Funny. I thought she reminded me a lot of you.”
We sat there for awhile and allowed the bubbles to pop against our skin. My arms were draped around her, feeling her tits bounce against my skin as I pulled her closer to me. My fingers began circling her nipple, feeling it pucker underneath my touch as she sighed lightly. She relaxed into the strength of my body as I tweaked her nipple, my lips ghosting up her neck while my nose tickled her pulse point.
I felt her hips rock back into me, my cock growing at the friction.
I nipped just underneath her ear, feeling her jump in my arms. My free hand slowly fluttered down her side, reveling in her soft wet skin as I cupped the excess sitting behind her belly button. Gone was the smooth, toned stomach I knew her to have, and what had replaced it was the proof of the child she had carried inside her body.
My child, who was napping peacefully downstairs.
I bit my teeth down into her collarbone as she groaned. Her legs parted effortlessly for me, her hips bucking to find the friction she wanted to desperately. I ground my cock into her back, feeling her muscles tense as the softness of her skin massaged my dick.
My fingertips crept down her leg, massaging the excess of her thighs before they slowly made their way to her pulsing pussy lips.
“Hawk,” she said breathlessly. “Please.”
Without another word, my thick fingers slid between her folds. Her silken juices flooded my hand, repelling the water away from my skin as it greedily attached to my fingers. I slid them inside of her, feeling her squirm against me as her back continued to massage my cock.
I felt my balls sinking lower and lower to the floor of the tub as they filled with cum her skin was begging for.
I held her tightly to me as my fingertips continued to play with her breasts. Her head lobbed back onto my shoulder, exposing her neck to me as I drew a patch of skin between my teeth. The way her legs shook, the way her body pressed deeply into mine, it pulled a groan from between my lips as I slid my fingertips up to find that beautiful little nub.
And the moment I grazed over it, Sydney’s body jumped.
“There we are,” I said darkly. “There it is.”
I slowly circled it with my fingers as Sydney swung a leg over the edge of the bathtub. I could feel her body jumping as I held it in place, her back shoving into my cock as I rubbed it against her skin. I felt myself panting, coating the nape of her neck with my hot breath as she turned her lips to kiss me. She painted my cheek in open-mouthed kisses while my fingertips circled her clit faster and faster.
I tapped the top of it, and she jumped, squealing with shock as I smiled into her skin. I continued my ministrations as her whimpers grew to moans, and soon I felt my balls rising up towards my body. I rocked against her back, feeling her grind back into me with her thrusts as she rode my hand to chase her release. Water was sloshing out of the tub as her toes began to curl, and I turned my head to capture her lips, silencing her piercing moan as her hand wrapped around mine.
I pressed into her clit, swallowing her pleas for mercy down my throat as my tongue raked around hers. They danced together in a fit of rage as her body threw itself over the edge, her body trembling and jolting as I continued to flick her swollen clit. I thrust up against her skin one last time, choking on my own orgasm as my cock spurted hot cum up to the surface. It pooled against her skin, wanting to attach to her back just as Sydney finally collapsed into me.
I released the kiss, both of us panting for one another’s air as our eyes slowly fluttered open and found one another’s.
“You’re safe here,” I said through my pants. “And no matter what it takes, I’m gonna make sure the two of you are safe.”
And with those words, she slipped her cold leg back into the tub and curled into my body. I held her close, my body still shaking a bit from my orgasm, and we simply sat in each other’s presence as my toe fumbled with the drain plug.
The sound of the water being guzzled down by the drain almost lulled the two of us to sleep.
Almost.
Chapter 8
Sydney
Once the tub was finally drained, Hawk and I reluctantly made our way out of the tub. I felt relaxed and beautiful, but I needed to make sure the water draining didn’t wake up Emery. I walked to the top of the stairs, my body drip-drying as I listened out for Emery, but all I could hear were her soft sn
ores. The sound brought a smile to my cheeks as I turned to head back to Hawk’s bedroom, but I found him standing there. Staring at me. With his arms crossed over his chest.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said, grinning.
“No really. What?”
He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me, placing a light kiss on my forehead. I could feel his fingertips dancing along the stretch marks on my side, and I tried to push him away.
But all he did was pull me closer, my naked body smashing into his as he traced the lines of my pregnancy on my body.
“Don’t cower away from these,” he said. “You wear them well.”
“Hawk? No woman wears stretch marks well,” I said, giggling.
“You do.”
I pulled back and looked up at him, losing myself in his emerald eyes. There was a steeliness to them. A harshness I didn’t remember. But the way his fingertips were tracing the sunken in lines of my body boasted of the tenderness I’d grown up with. The softer side of Hawk he’d finally allowed me to see after our first kiss by the embers of a dying fire.
“Why don’t we go lay down until our daughter wakes up?” he asked.
I melted at the use of the words ‘our daughter’ coming from his lips. His arms scooped me up as if I was nothing, his chiseled muscles flexing underneath me as he carried me back into the room. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent like I’d done so many times during my childhood. If there was one redeeming quality about the lifestyle I’d grown up in, it had been Hawk. He kept me stable. Sane. Secure. He was the only person I ever truly felt safe with, and he grew to become the best friend I’d ever know.
I felt him laying me down on the bed before he laid down beside me, our bodies working underneath the covers as I sank into his warm body.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said.
“You can tell me anything.”
“This morning, when you left. I was watching you leave.”
“That a bad thing?” he asked.
“Well, there was this black sedan sitting outside. You cruised down the road beside it, and when you got past it, it crept towards the house.”
“A black sedan,” he said.
“Yeah.”
“With tinted windows.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Did you get a license plate by any chance?” he asked.
“No. I-... was scared, honestly. It didn’t seem like a car a neighbor would have.”
“Did they knock on the door or anything?” he asked.
“No. Just… slowly crept by the house before turning around and leaving. Is something wrong with The Road Rebels?”
I didn’t even want to entertain the idea that someone had followed me all the way to Hawk’s.
“No. Everything’s fine with us. I’m worried someone’s followed you, though. You sure nothing was weird when you were traveling here?”
“I’m sure, but I can’t honestly say I was paying too much attention. Emery was in tears until she fell asleep in her seat. I was trying to get her to calm down. I did pull off and get her some fries and some ice cream, and no one followed me then.”
“Syd now’s the time, to be honest with me,” he said. “What did you get involved in with the Iron Souls?”
“Why? Hawk, what’s going on?” I asked.
“There was a black sedan that followed me from church,” he said. “Found me in the grocery store parking lot, then followed me out. I tried to dodge them in traffic, but ultimately had to take a back road to get to the highway to get home.”
I knew he wasn’t talking about church, but something in my gut told me not to mention it.
“Syd,” he said as he cupped my cheek. “I’m not angry with you. The Road Rebels get up with the Iron Souls every once in a while. They enjoy our bar when they come through. We’ve never had problems, but if I’m gonna protect you and Emery, I gotta know what’s going on.”
I knew he also had to know so he could protect whatever operations The Road Rebels were running, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I couldn’t bring myself to mention that I suspected that they were running drugs. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that the Iron Souls didn’t have the moral code The Road Rebels did, and that they were using their women and children as shields in order to protect their growing assets.
“Hawk, it really was nothing. The DEA doesn’t have anything but circumstantial shit, and they’re looking for a motorcycle crew to make an example out of. I don’t think anyone followed me. In fact, I’m almost sure of it. Are you sure this isn’t linked to what The Road Rebels are doing?”
I saw a flash of doubt run across his face, and that was enough to tell me that The Road Rebels were dabbling in something soon. I knew discussing things about the Iron Souls was just as taboo as him discussing Road Rebel plans with someone who wasn’t part of the crew. That was just an unspoken rule: you didn’t talk about plans with someone who wasn’t part of it. Both of us were trying to navigate that territory, but both of us were stuck between keeping our loyalties and protecting our family.
Protecting Emery.
Even though I tried reassuring Hawk no one followed me, I had a deep feeling in my gut that someone had. The problem was, I didn’t know if it was the Feds or an Iron Soul. The Iron Souls didn’t have the best moral code, but they did take family very seriously. When we were all asked to disperse, I took the chance and fled town. If one of them figured out I was running to the only place I could go-- which just happened to be one of the leaders of another club-- it could easily be interpreted that I was defecting someone.
Telling their secrets.
Selling them out.
I didn’t even realize my hands were shaking until Hawk’s wrapped around mine.
If it was the DEA, I risked never seeing Emery again. Fleeing and dodging the government would get me thrown in jail for sure, even if they couldn’t tie me to anything. I specifically stayed away from that bullshit and kept myself ignorant of their activities just in case it came down to this. I’d have a chance at still raising my daughter. Still seeing her grow up and fall in love and get married and have children of her own.
But now… I had no idea the tangled mess I’d woven because none of us had any idea whose black sedan that was.
“I believe you, Syd,” Hawk said. “I believe you. And I know you’re treading a thin line right now. If there’s anyone who understands that, it’s me. Just know, if this comes back around to Emery somehow-- if this puts her in trouble-- no amount of loyalty can hold our tongues any longer. Okay?”
“I can completely agree on that,” I said.
A tear I didn’t know was brewing slipped down my cheek. Hawk leaned in to kiss it away, and my body reached out for his. He scooped me close, my legs threading with his as the warmth of his naked body cascaded over mine. My fingertips drew mindless trails along his rippling muscles, and for the first time since Emery and I had left in the middle of the night, I felt safe.
Secure.
Home.
We laid there in silence for quite some time before I heard Emery stirring downstairs. It would take her some time to fully wake up-- she hated mornings just like I did-- but that meant Hawk, and I needed to get dressed.
“Thank you for the bath,” I said.
“Anytime,” he said, smirking.
He tucked a strand of hair back behind my ear before we slowly scooted from underneath the covers. We pulled our clothes back on, and I threw my hair up into a bun, hoping to cover up my disheveled appearance from Emery. The last thing we needed was her asking questions before the both of us had figured out how to tell her about Hawk.
“I gotta go take care of some club stuff tonight,” he said.
“I thought Sundays were rest days for the group?” I asked. “That not the case anymore?”
“For the group, yes. But, I’m part of the leading team now. Sergeant In Arms.”
“Yeah. Sunday’s a rest day, but the core group takes that day to do inventory in the mechanic's shop and the bar, stock up shit, count tills, pay bills, talk about upcoming events. You know, boring shit.”
“Oh. Yeah. Boring shit,” I said as I rolled my eyes.
His chuckle fluttered up the back of my neck as his hands trailed up my arms. I felt every single hair stand on end as his hot breath hit the back of my neck. He leaned his lips into my skin, ghosting them against my shoulder before planting them on my cheek. I shivered at his touch and could feel him grinning into my skin, his eyes taking in the physical reaction his touch ensued in me still.
“I feel the same way,” he murmured into my ear.
We went downstairs, and I saw Hawk kiss Emery. She wrapped her arms around his neck, begging him not to go. He hugged her and pulled her up from the couch, her legs wrapping around him while she clung to him. My hand flew to my mouth in shock while I tried to keep my emotional tears at bay.
“I promise you when I get back you and me are gonna watch a movie,” he said.
“Promise?” she asked.
“Promise promise.”
“Can we eat ice cream while we watch the movie?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“And can we watch Beauty And The Beast?” she asked.
“Whatever you want, princess.”
The word flew from his mouth before he could catch it and I stood, eyes wide, as I watched Emery’s reaction. Her nose crinkled up as she turned the word over in her head, silently debating on whether or not that was a good thing. She looked at Hawk curiously as his eyes darted over her shoulder, and for the first time in my life, I could see fear brewing behind his eyes.
This tall, strong man-- who could fist fight like none other and shoot a gun with greater accuracy than a sniper-- was petrified of the reaction a six-year-old girl was about to have.
But the moment a smile bloomed on her face, we both visibly relaxed.
“I like that. Call me that more often,” she demanded.
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