Could it?
His heart began to pound because it was the first time he’d allowed himself to wonder if he could have a normal life. He was almost afraid to test out the idea in case the usual feelings came roaring back, but it didn’t happen. Maybe it wasn’t a complete impossibility after all. It all depended how Katie would feel when he told her about Mike’s accident. Would she understand? Or would she believe that he was to blame in some way?
He had no idea but it was scary to wonder about it when it seemed that his whole future could be hanging in the balance.
CHAPTER NINE
THE next few days flew past and, thankfully, there were no more unpleasant surprises. Evidently, the newspapers had found something else to write about because there were only a couple of reporters still hanging about outside the hospital.
Katie was relieved that everything had quietened down, although there was no denying that the press coverage had caused a lot of unrest. Niall took the unprecedented step of writing to every patient on their books to assure them that their privacy was of the upmost importance. Katie hoped it would work but she wasn’t surprised when a couple of people phoned to say that they’d decided to attend Hunter’s Green Hospital in future for their antenatal care.
The only good thing to come out of it all was that Margaret Carmichael had told her daughter what had been going on and the girl had taken the news far better than anyone had imagined she would. It seemed that Jodie was determined to prove how well she could cope with looking after her baby and had told the police and Social Services that she would like to take him home when she was discharged. The little boy had been moved from the special baby care unit and was currently in the nursery, and Jodie was spending a lot of time with him. She’d decided to call him Ben and all the staff agreed that she would cope very well with the demands of a new baby so long as she had support from her family.
Katie was determined to get everything back onto as even a keel as possible after all the upset so she called a staff meeting on the morning of New Year’s Eve. Julie Davies, their junior registrar, was back at work that day after her bout of flu, and Rosie had phoned to say that she would be coming in to work the late shift. Life was slowly getting back to normal and Katie was anxious to impress on everyone that they must put the unpleasantness behind them and look forward to the new year.
‘I know it’s been a very difficult time for the department but we need to put it all behind us,’ she began once everyone had gathered in the staffroom. ‘The press seem to have grown tired of hounding us so let’s hope they’ll latch onto some other story and leave us alone.’
‘Do we know how they got hold of all that information in the first place?’ Abbey piped up.
Katie sighed. ‘We have a pretty good idea who was responsible, but I can’t tell you the person’s name because he’s threatened to take legal action if he’s cited. All I can say is that it isn’t anyone attached to this department.’
‘That’s awful,’ Alison Webster, one of the community midwives, exclaimed. ‘You mean to say that the culprit is going to get off scot-free after all the damage he’s caused?’
‘It looks like it.’ Katie glanced round when the door opened, feeling her heart perform a small hiccup of delight when Nick came into the room. She’d seen very little of him since the day he’d taken Jessica Morris to Theatre. He’d been doing a lot of work in the clinic and she’d been busy in the unit so that their paths had crossed only a couple of times in the past few days. Now she found herself drinking in every detail and had to force herself to stop because it was stupid to carry on this way when Nick had made it clear that he wasn’t interested in her.
The thought brought a sudden lump to her throat and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. ‘The trustees are anxious to avoid litigation so they intend to let the matter drop. Maybe it’s for the best, too, because the hospital could do without any more bad publicity at the moment. Though we may yet have Derek Carmichael to deal with if he decides to sue.’
‘One of my mums was very concerned about it all when I saw her yesterday,’ Alison told her. ‘Her husband works for the Ministry of Defence and she’s afraid that information about where they live might leak out. Apparently, he has a highly sensitive job and they’re worried about any possible repercussions. She told me that she’s not sure if she still wants to have her baby at Dalverston General.’
‘She isn’t the only one, I’m afraid,’ Katie confirmed sadly. ‘I’ve had two mums ring up to say that they intend to transfer to Hunter’s Green for their antenatal care.’
‘Make that four,’ Nick put in, drawing all eyes to him. He shrugged, but Katie could tell he was upset about what had happened. ‘We had two mums cancel their appointments this morning for the same reason. I’ve just spoken to the consultant at Hunter’s Green and he told me that they’ve had about a dozen enquiries in the past few days, asking how to go about registering with them. If it carries on like this we’ll have nobody left.’
‘It’s even worse than I thought,’ Katie said worriedly. ‘And there’s nothing we can do to stop what’s happening either. We can’t put out a press release to explain that it wasn’t our fault because of the risk of legal action being taken against us.’
‘The board of trustees wouldn’t countenance it,’ Nick confirmed. ‘I’ve just been to see Niall and told him what had happened. He got straight on to Martin Hopkins but Hopkins refused point blank to do anything about it even though the reputation of this whole department is at stake.’
‘It isn’t fair!’ Abbey declared. ‘We all work so hard and then something like this happens and ruins everything.’
‘It’s not going to do much for us personally either,’ Julie put in anxiously. ‘I was hoping to get a really good reference when I leave at the end of my rotation, but it’s not going to be worth very much after all the bad publicity we’ve had. I was talking to a friend who works in the obs and gynae unit at St Jude’s in London and she told me that everyone there is talking about what’s been happening in Dalverston. The consensus is that the department isn’t being run properly and the most worrying thing of all is that anyone who works here might have problems getting another job.’
‘It’s even worse than I thought!’ Katie exclaimed. ‘I was hoping it would blow over eventually, but it sounds as though it’s going to cause ripples for a long time to come.’
‘The last thing we need to do is to start panicking,’ Nick said firmly. ‘OK, so we’ve had some bad press recently but we have to carry on and not let it get us down. We know how hard we work and how high the standards are here so let’s focus on that. Forget all the rest and just concentrate on doing our jobs is the best advice I can think of.’
Katie hoped he was right but she could tell how uneasy everyone was feeling. She couldn’t blame them because nobody wanted to be associated with a hospital which offered a poor standard of care. The meeting broke up a short time later and she sighed when she realised that Nick had stayed behind to speak to her.
‘Thanks for trying to rally the troops. It’s upsetting for them to hear that staff from other hospitals believe we’re to blame for what’s gone on recently.’
‘It’s a crying shame,’ he said bluntly. ‘The standards of care here are second to none. Niall is furious about what’s happened and I can’t blame him.’
‘He’s worked really hard since he took over as head of department. Granted, standards were high even before then but there’s no doubt that he’s made a huge difference. He’s made it a policy only to hire staff with the very highest qualifications, which is no mean feat because most experienced staff want to work in London or Manchester or some other big city.’
‘It was the high standards that made me decide to apply for this post.’
Nick came over and perched on the edge of the desk. Katie bit her lip because he was so close to her now that she could smell the fresh, soapy scent of his skin. Her hands clenched when another waft of the ar
oma assailed her as he leant forward to pick up a pen. It was sheer torture to be so close to him and not be able to touch him but she remembered what had happened the last time only too clearly.
‘Oh, I see.’ Her voice sounded thready from the effort of maintaining her control and she hurried on. ‘So are you worried in case working here will have a detrimental effect on your career?’
‘No. I’m not planning on going any higher up the ladder so it won’t make any difference to me.’
‘What do you mean?’ she asked in surprise. ‘Surely you want a consultant’s post eventually, don’t you?’
‘Not really. My main aim has always been to learn as much as I can for the benefit of my patients. That’s why I’ve moved about—so I could gain valuable experience. I’m not really interested in professional glory, to be perfectly honest.’
‘But it isn’t just a case of covering yourself in glory! The higher up the ladder you go, the more freedom you have to do things the way you want them to be done.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t see it like that,’ he stated, and she was struck by the determination in his voice. Obviously, Nick had made up his mind about this and she guessed that he wouldn’t easily change it. ‘The higher you climb the less time you have to spend doing the job you’re trained to do. Niall spends much of his time in meetings and I’m not interested in that side of things. I want to help people, not spend my days balancing budgets.’
‘Well, I think that’s a wonderful attitude, Nick,’ she told him sincerely. ‘So many people go into medicine nowadays because they see it as a good career move, but not you, obviously. You’re not motivated by a desire for money and power but by the need to help people and I think that’s a fantastic attitude to have in such a materialistic world.’
‘Don’t try putting me on a pedestal, Katie,’ he said roughly. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’m only doing what I have to do.’
‘What do you mean by “have to do”? I don’t understand, Nick.’
‘That I made my choices about how I’d live my life some years ago, but I’m no saint, I assure you.’
‘And those choices you made—did they have anything to do with your brother?’ she said, watching him closely so that she saw the pain that flashed into his eyes.
‘Yes.’ He abruptly stood up and she jumped when he tossed the pen onto the desk. ‘Anyway, this isn’t doing much to restore the good name of the department so I’d better get some work done.’ He went to the door then paused and glanced back. ‘I forgot to ask if you were going to the New Year’s Eve ball tonight.’
‘Probably,’ she murmured, because she was still trying to assimilate what she’d learned. Nick’s career choices had been influenced by his brother’s death and she couldn’t deny that she was curious to know what had happened to cause him to make such life-changing decisions on the strength of it.
‘I’ll see you there, then, I expect.’
‘Do I take it that you’re going with Mel?’ she asked, hoping he couldn’t tell how painful she found the idea.
‘Yes. I’m looking forward to it, too. It should be fun.’
Nick gave her a quick smile then left. Katie followed him out of the room but there was a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach all of a sudden. Had Nick made a point of telling her that he was looking forward to spending the evening with Mel because he was worried that he might have revealed too much about himself? Was it his way of making sure she understood that it hadn’t meant anything?
It seemed to add up and she couldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt to know how little he cared for her when she cared so much about him.
Nick had arranged to meet Mel in the foyer at seven o’clock that night. The ball was being held at a hotel in the centre of the town and minibuses had been laid on to ferry the staff to and from the venue. He showered and changed as soon as he got back to his room but, despite his earlier assertions to the contrary, he wasn’t looking forward to the evening. Spending the evening with Mel when he wanted to spend it with Katie was going to be a test of his resolve.
He sighed heavily because he’d seen the hurt on Katie’s face when he’d told her how much he was looking forward to the evening, but what else could he have done? He’d needed to batten down his own emotions because hearing her praise him for his dedication had been too difficult to deal with. He’d felt like such a fraud that all he’d wanted to do was set the record straight, only it wouldn’t have been right to do it then. If—and it was still a very big if at this stage—he told her the full story about his brother’s accident he wanted to choose the right moment to do it. He certainly hadn’t wanted to spill it all out in the office when they could have been interrupted so he’d taken the only route open to him, but it didn’t make him feel good to know that he’d upset her.
He groaned because his life was becoming increasingly fraught of late and that wasn’t what he’d planned. His time at Dalverston had been meant to be a period of recuperation and learning but he’d never factored Katie into the equation, had he? She made him feel things he’d never felt before, want things he’d never even dreamed of having, and it scared him to think how easily it could all go wrong. What it boiled down to was did he have the courage to tell her the truth when she, too, might think he’d been at fault?
It was a sobering thought and Nick found it difficult to put it out of his mind as he made his way back to the hospital. There was quite a large crowd gathered in the foyer but he couldn’t see any sign of Mel. The first of the minibuses arrived so he hung back while some staff from the orthopaedic department piled on board. A couple more buses arrived and once again they were quickly filled. Nick checked his watch, wondering if he’d made a mistake about the arrangements. Maybe Mel had decided to go straight to the hotel and expected him to meet her there. He’d just decided to go and see if she was in her room when one of the other nurses from Paediatrics came hurrying over to him.
‘Mel said to tell you that she’s very sorry but she won’t be able to go tonight, after all. She thinks she’s coming down with that rotten flu bug and feels dreadful.’ The nurse smiled sympathetically. ‘It’s such a shame because she was really looking forward to it, too.’
‘What a pity. Anyway, thanks for letting me know,’ Nick told her, trying to hide his relief as he turned towards the exit. Although he certainly didn’t want Mel to be ill, he couldn’t deny that it was a big weight off his mind not to have to go to the ball with her.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ The nurse grasped his arm and briskly steered him towards the very last minibus. ‘Mel gave me strict instructions that you were still to go to the ball so come along now.’
‘Oh, no, really. There’s no need,’ Nick protested, but the woman shook her head.
‘Sorry, but you aren’t getting away that easily. Apart from the fact that a spare male is always welcome at these dos, Mel would never forgive me. She was more worried about spoiling your evening than missing the dance herself!’
Before Nick could protest any more, he found himself being hustled onto the bus. They were the last to board and the rest of the passengers sent up a loud cheer when they appeared. He quickly sat down on the seat, knowing that he couldn’t delay the party any more by causing a fuss. He would just have to go along to the hotel then make his escape whenever he could.
It took just over ten minutes to get into town. Everyone was in very high spirits by the time the bus stopped outside the hotel and Nick found himself swept along with the crowd. He handed over his ticket at the door of the ballroom and went in. He’d been told that the New Year’s Eve ball was the highlight of the hospital’s social calendar and the room was certainly packed. He spotted Niall by the bar and went to join him when the older man called him over. Niall introduced him to his wife, Sarah, and they exchanged the usual pleasantries, then Abbey appeared and demanded that he dance with her.
Nick couldn’t think of an excuse that wouldn’t cause offence so followed her onto the dance floor. It
was too packed to do much more than shuffle on the spot, but Abbey seemed to enjoy it even if he could hardly wait for the record to end. However, as soon as it finished, the DJ put another one on the deck so he was forced to have a second dance with Abbey because he could hardly abandon her in the middle of the floor. It was a relief when the music stopped and Abbey declared that she was too hot to dance any more.
Nick led her off the floor, hoping to make his excuses and leave, but once again he was thwarted when Abbey tucked her hand through his arm and dragged him over to where the staff from the maternity unit were sitting. Nick said hello to everyone but his mouth seemed to be working independently of his brain. His brain was far too busy taking note of how gorgeous Katie looked. She’d left her light brown hair loose that night and the silky-soft curls bounced around her shoulders each time she moved her head. Nick was no expert when it came to make-up but she’d done something to her eyes and they looked wonderful—huge and luminous. However, it was when she stood up to dance with Pete Gilchrist, and he got a glimpse of her dress, that the real damage was done.
Nick managed to swallow his moan of delight as his eyes feasted on the curves so beautifully displayed by the burgundy dress, but it was a waste of time pretending that he wasn’t affected by what he was seeing. How could he pretend that his blood wasn’t racing and his heart wasn’t pounding when he could feel what was happening?
Katie looked so beautiful that he wanted to go straight over to Pete and demand that he take his hands off her, but he could imagine the uproar that would cause. Instead, he had to sit there and behave as though nothing untoward was happening, and it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, harder even than coping with the aftermath of Mike’s accident. He loved Katie so much and he didn’t want any other man to hold her in his arms!
Nick felt the blood drain from his head and knew that it was a good job that he was sitting down because he would have keeled over if he hadn’t been. He loved Katie and there was no point lying to himself. He had no idea how it could have happened so quickly but it was true. No wonder he’d been so keyed up of late, so worried about what he should and shouldn’t tell her. He’d done the one thing he’d sworn he would never do and now he didn’t know how to handle the situation. He was still trying to decide, in fact, when the music ended and Katie came back to the table.
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