Not wanting to ruin the mood or their tentative conversation, she nodded and smiled. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for a man in uniform.”
He half-laughed. “Then why couldn’t you wait to get me out of it?”
Her cheeks burned as she remembered the way she’d practically torn his clothes off his body. “On date seven,” she reminded him.
“A technicality.”
“Says you.” Needing to change the subject before her mind continued to drift to sex and how good it used to be with him, she asked, “So, how are your mom and dad doing?”
He held her eyes for a moment, the teasing glint fading. “They’re good. Healthy. My dad finally retired and my mom plans to this year. Two years ago they sold the family home and moved into a townhouse. Now my dad doesn’t have to worry about the yard or shoveling the driveway.”
“Or your mom nagging him to hire someone to do it for him,” she said, remembering how Jake’s mom used to harp at his dad about those things, which she was right to do. Jake’s dad had suffered a heart attack a year after she and Jake were engaged. Between his age and potential health risks, his dad shouldn’t have been out shoveling snow, especially when the temperatures in Pittsburgh dropped into the teens and twenties.
“True,” he said with a smile.
“And your brothers? How are they?”
“Also good. They’re all still in the Pittsburgh area. Billy and Susan have two kids now, Jimmy and Michelle are up to three.”
Regret twisted her insides. How many kids would she and Jake have had?
Shoving the thought aside, she picked up her glass. “And things in Bola? Still kicking butt as sheriff?”
Six months after they’d started dating, they’d become engaged and were living in Pittsburgh. While she’d preferred Florida’s gulf coast, she knew how important family was to him. Before he’d left for Iraq, they’d moved to Pittsburgh, found a condo and planned to remain in the area once he returned home. Although she loved his tightknit family and they’d generously welcomed her into their clan with open arms, living in a bigger city, especially one closer to Virginia, had been hell on her nerves. Even though she could be surrounded by thousands of people in Pittsburgh, she’d have preferred a smaller community. In a small town people knew who lived there, if visitors were traveling through, if a stranger was in their midst.
A few months after Jake had come home, injured and needing physical therapy, she hadn’t told him right away about her need to leave Pittsburgh. But, as always, he’d sensed a change in her and had questioned her needs and wants. When she’d told him she wanted to move to a small town he hadn’t objected, but he hadn’t done any cartwheels over the idea, either. He’d gone along with her desire to move anyway, and a few weeks later she’d discovered Bola, a speck on the map in northwest Michigan. She’d moved first, found them a cute bungalow to rent, taken a job as a nurse at the local county hospital and had put Jake’s name in the running for an opening at the Dixon County Sheriff’s office. Less than a year after he’d arrived in Bola, she’d campaigned for him and he was elected sheriff.
They’d had the perfect situation in the perfect setting. Until her brother’s death turned her perfect world upside down.
“I’m no longer sheriff and moved to Chicago about ten months ago.”
“But your second term as sheriff won’t be up until the end…” Damn it. She’d said too much, let him know she’d periodically checked up on him.
“How’d you know I ran for a second term?” he asked, his eyes holding a hint of hopefulness.
“Just because I left doesn’t mean I don’t care. I checked out the county website and saw you were reelected.”
“Yeah, well, something came up and forced me to leave,” he said, his tone laced with resentment.
“Why Chicago?”
“I got a job there. I’m working for a private investigation firm called CORE. I’m still low on the totem pole, but in the end I think it’ll end up being a good move for me.”
Private investigation firm. Since moving to Woodbine, she’d kept her information unlisted. Now she had an idea of how he’d found her.
“Regardless of where you’re at within the firm, I bet it’s more exciting than boring Bola.”
“It’s been okay so far. For a little while Bola wasn’t so boring. We had a serial killer preying on college kids.”
“Oh, my God. You’re kidding me.”
“I wish I was. A couple of investigators from CORE came to help with the situation and that’s how I ended up joining their agency.”
Although curious about the particulars of the investigation that had resulted in his new career, she’d seen enough death and murder in her life. She didn’t think she could stomach listening to the gory details. Instead, she continued to question him. About the people she’d come to know in Bola, more about his family, the condo he’d bought in Chicago.
As the sun’s rays waned and shadows from the pines began to creep along the patio, her stomach rumbled. “How about some dinner? Obviously I wasn’t expecting company, but I have some burgers we can throw on the grill and salad stuff in the fridge.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” he said, but made no move to jump up and leave.
“You’re not. Come into the kitchen and keep me company while I get dinner ready.”
Once inside, he sat on the bar stool in front of the small kitchen island and set his empty glass on the counter.
“More iced tea?” she asked, taking the salad fixings from the fridge.
“I’ll have a beer, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. I’ll join you.” After grabbing a couple of beers and popping the tops, she handed one to him. Several times during the afternoon she’d wanted to ask him why he’d decided to find her now. While the question nagged at her, she’d also been enjoying herself too much to let reality sneak in and ruin the moment. Instead she asked, “How long do you plan on staying in Woodbine?”
“I have to be back in Chicago by Monday.” He kept his gaze focused on hers, then took a drink of his beer.
“So, you’re staying the weekend?” she asked, part of her hoping he would. She’d missed him so damned much, had spent years missing him and daydreaming about the day they could be together again. Reality chose that moment to punch a hole in her dreams. They couldn’t be together, not if she wanted him to remain alive and well.
He rose from the stool and edged around the island. Picking up a knife from the counter, he placed a carrot on the cutting board she’d set out earlier and began slicing. “That depends on you.”
Frustrated by his short, cryptic answer and the way he’d kept himself guarded, she touched his forearm. “Stop.”
“Don’t you like how I’m cutting the carrots?”
“I don’t like that our entire conversation seems forced and…” She stepped away and reached for her beer. “You’ve never had a problem telling me what’s on your mind. I know it’s been a while—”
“Five years.”
She ignored the painful reminder. “I wish you’d just—”
“Open myself up? Lay it all out there?” He set the knife down and stared at her with wariness, cynicism and, God help her, hunger. “I didn’t think any part of our conversation seemed forced.” He let out a sigh and went back to the carrots. “Honestly, I haven’t had a day as good as this in a long time.”
“Then answer my question,” she said, watching his hands, remembering what it felt like to have them touch her bare skin. “Do you plan to stay the weekend?”
“Do you want me to?”
She realized he wasn’t going to blurt out his intentions, but understood why. She’d walked away from him and he’d taken a risk by finding her. He had no idea how she’d react, if she wanted to see him or spend time with him. She’d hurt him once and she doubted he’d allow that to happen again. If anything, she had a feeling the only one who would suffer from this unexpected visit was her. The good memories and happy t
imes they’d had together mocked her, showed her how things could have been. The bad memories, the reasons she had to leave him taunted her, as well. Did she want him to remain in Woodbine for the weekend? Spend more time with him and create new memories that would later leave her empty and alone?
“Yes,” she admitted. “A few hours of conversation isn’t enough to make up for five years.”
“Good,” he said, stopped cutting and looked over his shoulder. While his eyes still held a hint of wariness, they also showed relief and, yes, hunger. She loved the heat in his eyes, but hated the wariness and knowing that she was the one who’d caused it.
For years she’d craved his touch, his kisses, his comfort. Walking away from Jake had been the hardest choice she’d ever made. She wanted to admit that to him, but wouldn’t. The truth would only lead to questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Still, she wasn’t ready for him to leave. How the weekend would play out, she couldn’t be sure. Deep in her heart, in the depths of her soul, her love for him was still alive. She’d spent years fantasizing about being with him, making love, making a future, but knew her fantasies could never come to fruition. Because in the end, she wouldn’t risk his life to satisfy her selfish needs.
She eyed his broad shoulders, pictured him without his shirt. Remembered the way his muscles bunched as she’d clung to his back while he drove himself deep inside her. And she wanted him deep inside her again. If he couldn’t be a permanent fixture in her life, she’d love to make new memories this weekend. Except the physical satisfaction would only cause her more emotional discontentment.
What was she thinking? Reconnecting with Jake, hell, just seeing him again already had her emotions running haywire. Guilt and regret ate at her soul, along with anger and hatred for the man who had forced a rift between her and Jake. At the same time the love and desire she’d kept hidden and controlled was more predominant than ever.
Why did he have to come here? Why now? Her life was fine, not what she’d pictured, but she liked Woodbine, the few friends she’d made here, her house and her job at the school. Most days she was content. With the past now colliding with the present, she realized that contentment had been a lie. She hadn’t been truly happy since the day she’d left Jake.
Moving next to him, she set her beer on the counter, picked up a knife and grabbed a green pepper. When she caught his scent—earthy, male and pure Jake—her stomach tingled with sensual awareness. She wanted to greedily take the time she could have with him and utilize it to the fullest. Wrap her arms around him, soak up his strength, erase the years of loneliness, of regret. She wanted to know how much his feelings for her had changed. If he still loved her and found her desirable. Damn, she really was being selfish. What right did she have to his heart? Hadn’t she already hurt him enough?
As she sliced into the pepper, she tried to come up with something else to say. She’d originally figured he’d shown up in Woodbine with an agenda. But after learning about the private investigation firm he now worked for, she’d dismissed that idea. Working for CORE, not having to shoulder the responsibilities as a county sheriff, had given him the opportunity to find her. But again, why now? What had motivated him to come here today? Why hadn’t he married and started a family like his brothers?
The knife caught the tip of her finger. Wincing, she quickly grabbed a paper towel and applied pressure to the small cut.
He took her hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She ignored her throbbing finger and stared at him. “Why did you come here?”
“I wanted to see you,” he said, his dark eyes on hers.
“Why now?” she asked even though she’d told herself she wouldn’t. The warring emotions, the longing, the regret were too much to bear. Before she allowed herself to let him back into her life, even for just the weekend, she needed answers. Leaving Jake the first time had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. Missing him, wishing their lives could have taken a different course, second-guessing her choices, she’d cried herself to sleep for months. She couldn’t go back to those dark days. Not again.
Keeping the paper towel around her finger, he curled his big hand into hers. “I needed to know you were happy,” he said, his eyes earnest, honest. “Are you?”
No. “I am,” she lied and mustered a smile.
“Good.” He cupped her cheek. “I also missed seeing your face.”
Tears clouded her eyes and slipped down her cheeks. She touched his strong jaw. “I’ve missed seeing you, too.”
“Don’t,” he said, and brushed her tears away with his thumb. “I hate it when you cry, especially if I’m the one causing it.”
She let go of his hand and hugged him tight. In an instant he cocooned her in his embrace. Their bodies molded together with familiarity and comfort, as if time and distance had never separated them. She didn’t want to let him go and worried if she did, she’d find herself alone in the kitchen grasping at the misty veils of another dream.
And she was tired of dreaming, of living in the past, of wishing for a different present and future. She’d suffered a burden she hadn’t deserved and wanted happiness, even if it lasted for only a weekend.
Pulling back, but not letting go of him, she met his questioning gaze. Her body immediately responded to the heat and intensity in his eyes. Desire swept through her and settled in her core. “Since you’re staying the weekend, you’ll need a place to stay.”
“I saw the Rainbow Lodge on my way into town,” he said, the hunger in his eyes nearly taking her breath away.
“It’s a decent place, but why not stay here.” Her dormant sex came alive and a throb built between her thighs. “I have a spare bedroom.”
Jake shifted his gaze to Naomi’s lips. The urge to kiss her, strip her naked and bury himself in her heat made him hard, tense. He slid his hand from her lower back and gripped her hips. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
A small smile curved her mouth. He glanced away and met her gaze. Damn, he’d missed looking into her bright blue eyes.
“Why not?” she asked.
Why not? Because he wanted them skin to skin, chest to breast. He wanted to pretend he didn’t know about her lies. That she was simply Naomi McCall, his lover, best friend and future. Not a mystery woman who hadn’t existed until eight years ago.
He’d come here with the intent to put the past to rest. Instead he’d discovered his love for her hadn’t died. He knew in his gut he couldn’t sleep in the same house without wanting to be with her. He didn’t trust himself where she was concerned. From the moment they’d met he’d wanted her. She’d allured him, drawn him in with her smile, those beautiful blue eyes and sexy curves. But what had attracted him the most was her personality. The night he’d met her, he’d just come off a short tour in Iraq. Within minutes of talking with her, the fighting, the fear, the anxiety that came with war and conflict had been replaced with a quiet peace. And as their relationship had developed, he’d craved not only her touch, but her soothing words and her nurturing yet pragmatic way.
He’d missed her so damned much. Although he could survive without her and had for the past five years, he didn’t know if he could handle being under the same roof as her. Despite the time they’d been apart, despite the lies, he still wanted her.
Holding her hips, he pressed her against his erection. “This is why I’m better off staying at the Lodge.”
Her eyes darkened and she slid her gaze to his mouth. “I think that’s exactly why you should stay here,” she said, meeting his eyes again.
Wrong. Maybe a weekend of hot sex wasn’t a big deal to her. She’d had no problem walking away from him before and he doubted she’d have a problem doing it again. For him, though…
Despite his body’s reaction to her, he hadn’t come here for sex and knew it would only complicate their already complicated relationship. How could he be with her again and walk away? How could he taste her, touch her, feel her heat wrapped around him and not want more? H
e’d spent years pushing her from his mind. He’d tried to find a woman who could replace Naomi and what they’d had together. On both ends he’d had no success. She’d never been far from his thoughts and no woman could compare to her.
With reluctance, he let go of her hips and took a step back. “Maybe you’re right,” he said even though he had no intention of staying. While he wouldn’t take her up on the offer to use the spare bedroom, he also wasn’t ready to leave yet. He wanted to continue hanging out at her house, have dinner, pretend they were still a couple.
God, he was pathetic. Naomi was a walking, talking lie. He should hate her, confront her about her past, shout out his resentments. But he couldn’t. Until he’d seen her in the school parking lot, he hadn’t realized how empty his life had been without her. He hadn’t realized how much he still loved her.
Fucking pathetic.
Rather than dwell on his idiocy, he moved back to the counter and resumed helping with the salad. “Tell me about your job at the school,” he said deciding a change of subject was the best plan. While he wouldn’t stay at her place, he knew in his gut he could be easily swayed. Naomi had a way of seducing and coaxing him into just about anything. He’d have to keep reminding himself why he’d come here in the first place, that their relationship was nothing but one lie after another.
That she’d left him.
“I love working with the kids,” she said, pulling burger patties from the freezer.
As they finished the salad and later grilled the burgers, she talked about her job and told him some damned funny stories about the kids. While they ate, he asked her more about the area she’d chosen to live in and kept the conversation light and focused on her. Not them. Not the past. Tomorrow he’d hit her with all the unanswered questions that had been taunting him. Her bullshit excuses for leaving him, if she was really an only child, born and raised in Pittsburgh like him and, damn it, her real name and why she’d kept her identity secret from him.
Ultimate Kill (Book 1 Ultimate CORE Trilogy) (CORE Series) Page 4