She Had No Choice

by Debra Burroughs

  The waitress brought their coffee and pie right away and quickly moved along to wait on the other tables. Sofía thought she was pleasant enough until she noticed Enrique was obviously attracted to her. As the young waitress walked away, he followed her swaying hips with his eyes until Sofía purposely cleared her throat. It broke his stare and brought his attention back to their table.

  Sofía wasn’t sure what to think of that. She had never dated before. She led a pretty sheltered life, thanks to Tía Consuela. Maybe men are always attracted to beautiful women, she thought to herself. She decided she would let it go for now. After all, this was just their first date. She had no real claim on him.

  They shared their rich dessert and had lively, fun conversation. They spoke about their families and where they grew up, him more than her. She felt a connection to him.

  One date led to another and before long they were inseparable. She had not felt cared for in a very long time. There was a warmth that filled the empty hole inside her. She desperately desired the tender touch and affection of another human being.

  As their dating progressed, Enrique pressed her for more and more physical intimacy. The more he pressed, the angrier he got when she denied him. She wanted to wait for sex until she was married, as her parents and her priest had taught her. But, reverting to her history of walking on eggshells so as not to bring displeasure, one night, at his apartment, she gave in to him, body and soul.

  Week after week, Enrique pressured her to continue having sex with him. Sadly, she felt herself falling farther and farther back into being the weakling she once was at Tía Consuela’s hand. She wanted to please Enrique so badly that she would do anything to make him happy. Sofía told herself that Enrique loved her, and this was the only way she could keep him. She began to loathe herself for what she had become.

  Two months after she first gave herself to Enrique, Sofía found out that she was pregnant. She was afraid to tell him, afraid he would become angry with her and she would lose him. She agonized over it for weeks, wondering what she should do.

  Night after night, week after week, Enrique would attempt to initiate intimacy with her, but she withheld herself from him because of her condition. He became increasingly frustrated with her. He was used to having his way. Unfulfilled, he started to find other ways to occupy his time.

  Sitting alone in her room one night, pondering her dilemma, Sofía finally decided she would tell him. She hoped he would do the right thing and marry her – quickly.

  She went to work at the restaurant the next evening, keeping an eye out for him if he showed up that night. She was intent on telling him before any more time passed.

  The Mariachi band was playing and the music was lively. There was a large crowd that night, every table was full and people were waiting in the lobby. Sofía was very busy waiting on customers, taking orders and filling drinks, but she would make time for him if she saw him that night, she decided.

  Since she had been keeping herself from him, he was coming around less and less. She wasn’t sure how he would take the news. He had been very agitated with her lately.

  About eight o’clock that evening, Enrique appeared in the doorway of the restaurant with a very pretty young blonde on his arm. He stopped to survey the room, then he led his date over to the bar where they sat on a couple of wooden stools.

  Sofía felt the color drain from her face and she felt something like an ice pick pierce her heart. Her knees went weak. Another woman? After she had given her whole self to him, totally and completely? She had given him her virginity and he discarded her like yesterday’s newspaper.

  This woman seemed familiar to Sofía, but she couldn’t place her at first. Trying to hold herself together, she drew in a calming breath and slowly walked over to him, hoping no one could hear her heart beating loudly in her chest. He was talking to his date, smiling at her the way he used to smile at Sofía.

  “Enrique,” Sofía whispered in his ear, “I need to talk to you. Meet me by the kitchen.”

  “No, I’m busy. Talk to me some other time,” he said, waving her off and returning his attention to his date sitting next to him.

  “Enrique!” she insisted in a low but firm tone, “I must talk to you, now!”

  “No, I said. Can’t you see I’m here with Betty?” flashing his date a quick smile. “You made it clear to me, Sofía, that you don’t feel the same way about me as you used to. I’ll talk to you some other time. Go away.”

  In that instant, Sofía recognized the toothy blonde with the swaying hips. It was the waitress from the diner Enrique had taken her to on their first date. She was even more determined to talk to him right then.

  “Enrique! I don’t want to make a scene, but I have to talk to you. It’s important.”

  “Okay, okay,” he sighed, giving in to her persistence. Turning to his date, he said, “I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay, sugar,” Betty replied.

  He eased off of his bar stool and reluctantly followed her to the back of the crowded restaurant by the kitchen. She pulled him over to a darkly-lit corner. Looking around to make sure no one could overhear their conversation, Sofía mustered up the courage to look Enrique in the eye.

  “What do you want, Sofía?” he asked, irritated that she dragged him away from his date.

  “Enrique, I’m pregnant.”

  “Pregnant?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why are you bothering me with this?”

  “You are the father, of course.”

  “No, no, no, no,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Yes, Enrique, you are the father,” she said with fear in her voice, afraid of his rejection.

  “How do I know that, chica? How do I know you have only been with me?

  “You are the only man I’ve ever been with, Enrique,” she told him, with tears filling her eyes to the brim. “I promise you, this is your baby. I need your help.”

  Enrique knew he was the only man she had ever been with. From the first night, he knew she was a virgin. From the way he was squirming, it was obvious he didn’t want to be tied down with a baby and a woman he didn’t love. He had gotten what he wanted from her and now he just wanted out.

  She reached out, her hands trembling, trying to put her arms around his waist, hoping to feel his arms close in around her once more. She wanted him to hold her, to tell her everything would be okay, that he loved her and would take care of her, that he would marry her.

  Instead, he firmly took hold of her arms and loosened her grip on his torso, pushing her back a little, trying to distance himself from her and the situation.

  “I’m sorry, but this is your problem, Sofía. Leave me out of it.”

  “But, Enrique…”

  “I’m warning you. If you try to pin this on me, I’ll tell everyone that you’ve been with lots of men, that you are a whore. I’m outta here.”

  And with that he turned and walked away from her, took his date by the arm and walked out of the restaurant. Tears began to flow, there was no holding them back – bitter, angry tears. Her heart hurt as she felt it breaking apart. She turned her face to the wall, hoping no one would see her crying. What was she going to do now?

  She knew she would never see him or hear from him again. Without his help, she wondered how she could possibly raise this baby alone. Would she have the strength? At least, she thought, she would have someone to love.

  Chapter 7: Out of Wedlock

  1932, Ruby, Arizona

  For so many years, Sofía had been a shy, petite girl who always wanted to please. She realized this was what got her into trouble, pregnant and alone. She knew at that moment she could no longer be that girl. She recognized that now she was a woman who would soon be responsible for another life, a tiny baby who would be totally dependent on her.

  There was no more room in her life for being shy or weak. If she couldn’t reach down deep and find the power to get through this, she and her baby would be in serious trouble.
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  Beside herself with fear, she felt like she had no one in the world to talk to about her situation. She was too ashamed to tell anyone but Enrique that she was pregnant. She hid her condition for a couple more months under baggy clothing, worrying every day, praying for the strength to raise her child alone.

  “What am I going to do?” she asked herself, over and over again. Enrique refused to marry her. She was a pregnant, unmarried woman who barely spoke English. She could work at the restaurant for a few more months, but soon her belly would grow too large and she would be forced to stop working. Once the baby came, she would need to stay home to care for him or her.

  As humiliated as she was, she knew before long her condition would be known to everyone who saw her. When her pregnancy became public, the shame and ridicule would be painful. Before others found out, she decided to finally confide in her cousin, Olivia. One afternoon, before she left for the restaurant, she found Olivia sitting in the garden reading.

  “Hi, Olivia. I’m leaving for work in a little while. Can we talk?”

  “Yes, yes. Sit down.” Olivia replied, as she laid her book down on her lap. She looked at Sofía’s face and could see something was troubling her. “Is anything wrong?”

  “Yes, very wrong, so very wrong. I don’t even know where to start. I’m so ashamed, Olivia.” The words poured out as she shook her head.

  “Calm down, Sofía. Just start at the beginning.”

  Sofía shared with her cousin what had been going on the past few months with Enrique and how she now found herself expecting Enrique’s baby. Olivia was stunned. This was not the young woman she thought she knew. A pregnant, unmarried woman brought considerable shame on her family, especially a family with money and standing in the community. But, she loved her cousin and was filled with pity for her. Olivia resolved to try to help Sofía as best she could.

  “Let’s move your things into Mama’s room,” Olivia offered. “Then, when the baby comes you’ll have plenty of room for a crib. You can stay with me until the baby is born. After that, we’ll see what can be arranged.”

  Olivia truly loved her cousin like a sister, and she felt sorry for Sofía’s plight. But she couldn’t help Sofía for the long term. Olivia had been dating Alejandro for more than a year, and they were engaged to be married soon. Alejandro always liked Sofía, but he wanted Olivia to come and live with him in the home he built for them. Consuela’s house would be passed down to Olivia’s brother, Roberto, so he could marry and raise his family there. When Olivia married, Sofía would be forced to find another home for her baby and herself.

  For the next few months, Sofía worked at the restaurant and saved up as much money as she could. She worried every day about where she and her baby would go. “What will become of us?” she wondered.

  One afternoon, Sofía arrived at the restaurant to start work and found there was a new waitress the owner had just hired. Her name was Rosa Gonzalez. She was about Sofía’s age and also unmarried. She and Sofía became fast friends and spent their free time most days sharing stories of their lives and their hopes for the future.

  A few days later, before the dinner crowd began arriving, Sofía and Rosa were cleaning off all the tables and chairs before the rush. They were chatting about their lives and Sofía opened up about her relationship with Enrique. She told Rosa how she met him, how she fell in love with him, and that she now found herself pregnant and alone. She didn’t want to burden Rosa, but it felt good to have a friend she could pour her heart out to.

  “Enrique was so handsome, Rosa. He flirted with me every time he came to the restaurant. I was flattered. No man had ever given me such compliments, and then he asked me to go out with him. At first I said no because he made me nervous.”

  “Why would you be nervous?”

  “I never went on a date before. What if he didn’t like me after we went out?”

  “That’s silly,” Rosa said as she continued wiping down another table.

  “I figured he could have any girl he wanted, why would he want me? But he kept asking and asking, so I finally gave in and said yes.” Sofía wiped down another chair.

  “Sit down, Sofía, I’ll finish the rest of the tables. You need to rest your feet before people start coming in for supper.”

  “All right.” She pulled out a clean chair and sat down.

  “Tell me more about Enrique.”

  “We dated for a few weeks, and we had fun together. We were falling in love, or least that’s what I thought.”

  “Guys like that don’t fall in love, mi amiga. They make you think they love you, but really, they only want one thing. Telling a girl they love her is just a trick to get them into bed. When it isn’t fun anymore, they move on to another girl. I know, I’ve had my share of that kind of man.”

  “But he told me he loved me.”

  “I’m sure he tells all the girls he loves them. That’s how he gets them to do what he wants.”

  “I was so sure he was the one, you know, the one I would spend the rest of my life with. Like Olivia and Alejandro – soul mates. But when I told him I was pregnant and he was the father, he denied it and walked out on me.”

  “He’s just a pendejo. You’re better off without him, Sofía.”

  “You’re probably right, but look where I am now – pregnant and alone.” She lightly rubbed her protruding belly and a few tears trickled down her cheek. “And he’s off to the next girl, probably that girl he brought to the restaurant the last time I saw him.”

  “What are you going to do when the baby comes?”

  “I don’t know. I worry about it every day. Olivia is getting married in a few months, so I’m quickly running out of time.”

  Rosa noticed an older couple coming into the restaurant for dinner, so she handed her damp cloth to Sofía and hurried over to greet them.

  “Hello, Señor, Señora,” as she nodded to each of them. “Would you like a table for two?”

  Sofía got up from the chair and headed to the kitchen to dispose of the cleaning cloth. She was grateful that Rosa was willing to listen to her, but she had no more idea what she was going to do than she did before their chat.

  She only had a few more months before the baby would arrive and then a month or two before Olivia’s wedding. Sofía could not go on working much longer. Her situation weighed heavily on her mind every day.

  The week before Sofía quit her job at the restaurant, she met Rosa’s brother, Carlos, and some of his friends. They had come by the restaurant one afternoon, just making a quick stop to say hello to Rosa and hoping to get some free food. Figuring the lunch crowd would have thinned out, they thought maybe Rosa would be able to give them some beans and rice with tortillas that might be left over from lunch.

  “Sofía, Sofía! Come over here,” Rosa called out to Sofía, who had just come out of the kitchen. “I want you to meet my brother, Carlos Gonzalez.”

  Sofía padded across the room and said hello. Carlos was polite and returned the greeting.

  “Carlos and his friends are on their way to Florida to pick oranges. He’s always traveling to one place or another. I’m just happy to have a chance to see my big brother whenever he can stop by.”

  Sofía thought Carlos seemed nice, even ruggedly handsome. He was not much of a conversationalist, but nice enough. However, in her present condition, she was in no position to think about him any more than that. She thought his work sounded interesting, maybe even a little exciting. He traveled all over the country and saw different places, having the freedom to just pick up and go to some new place.

  Hearing him talk about his farm work made her remember back to when she was much younger, when her family first came to the United States. She recalled the time that her family was working as migrant farm laborers and even the children worked in the fields. She remembered they moved a few times from place to place, but when Mama died Papa sent her here to the Phoenix area. That was almost ten years ago. The memories of how hard it really was, moving
around to work the fields and orchards, had faded considerably. Now, the nomadic life almost sounded a little romantic.

  She and Rosa saw Carlos and his friends off the next morning from Rosa’s little house, where she rented a room. They left in an old pickup truck for Florida, and Sofía did not think of them again. She had more important things on her mind. The baby inside her continued to grow and time to give birth was upon her. It was 1932. Olivia had arranged for a midwife to help with the birth at her home. Sofía’s labor was short, her baby was anxious to come into the world. The contractions became increasingly close together and their intensity grew as her labor progressed quickly. She screamed out in pain as she gave the final push.

  Before long she was holding her new baby in her arms. It was a girl, a sweet pink baby girl with a few wisps of dark hair on her head. A flood of emotions washed over her in waves – first love, then fear, then excitement, then protectiveness, and more love.

  Sofía liked that new baby smell. Holding the baby close to her, she breathed in her sweetness. Bathing her gently, she then wrapped her new daughter in fresh linens that Olivia supplied. Sofía was determined to enjoy every moment of caring for her first baby. This child was an innocent, not responsible for how she came into this world. Sofía intended to lavish on her baby the only thing she had to offer, her love.

  She named her tiny daughter Eva Sofía Ramirez. She was committed to doing whatever she had to do to provide for her. Baby Eva was completely and utterly dependent on her mother, and Sofía accepted the challenge, mustering every ounce of courage she possessed. She recognized that this little baby needed her mother to be strong, and Sofía resolved to do whatever she could to never disappoint her daughter.

  Olivia did her best to make Sofía and little Eva comfortable in her mother’s old bedroom. Roberto brought in a small cradle Olivia had borrowed from a friend. Sofía was very thankful for all the help and the love Olivia and Roberto provided. She decided she would not think of moving out of Olivia’s house that day. On that very special day, she would only spend it enjoying her first child.