by Black, Lacey
“Hearing her say those words brought it back to me. That night. When you told me I was the love of your life, but that you were not mine. You begged me to live.
“Well, I think you were wrong. You were the love of my life – my first love. But maybe you’re not my last. Maybe I’m meant to love someone else,” she says, squeezing my hand so hard I begin to lose circulation to my fingers. But I don’t care. I don’t move. I barely breathe.
“There is enough room in my heart for two. There’s you, Josh. My first love. The man who taught me just how truly wonderful love can be,” she says, before glancing at me. “And then there’s Nick. My last love. The man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my days with.” She chuckles, sniffling her nose and frantically wiping at tears with her left hand.
I turn her to face me.
“That is, if I didn’t already fuck it up when I ran away from him,” she says, her green eyes so bright in the moonlight.
“You didn’t fuck it up. Actually, I was here telling Josh how badly I fucked it up,” I say, catching a few tears with the pads of my thumbs.
“No,” she says, anxiously shaking her head. “You spoke the truth, right?”
I nod.
“Then you didn’t fuck anything up. I did,” she insists.
“No, honey, you didn’t. You were scared. I know that. But you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to run from me. I want to help you. I want to stand with you when times get tough. I want to be your friend and your lover, who carries the burden when it gets too much. I want to be by your side,” I tell her, wrapping my arm around her back and pulling her close.
“I want that too, and do you know why?” she asks, gazing up at me with big, wide eyes.
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” I’ve never heard sweeter words in my life than having this woman in my arms, staring into my eyes, and saying them directly to me for the first time.
“I love you too,” I reply, dipping my head down and kissing her soft lips. I link my fingers with hers and notice the change right away.
Pulling my lips from hers, I glance down and notice her left hand. Or more accurately, the fact that her hand is now ringless. “You took it off?” I ask, my heart pounding against my breastbone.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “It was time. When I was visiting with Josh’s mom, I realized that the only way to fully move forward was to let go of the past.”
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her before taking her lips in another searing kiss.
Realization sets in all too quickly, and I slowly pull back. It’s as if we both know it at the same time. She gives me a sad smile before turning and facing Josh’s stone.
“Thank you, Josh, for loving me. I’ll never forget you,” she whispers, closing her eyes and tilting her head up to the sky. “I’ll always love you.”
Just then, a light breeze picks up again. Her hair gently blows against my face, and I see her smile. I feel her smile, all the way down to the bottom of my heart. My heart that beats just for her.
When she’s ready, we turn and walk toward the cars. Our hands are still linked as I walk her to the car parked behind mine. My hand immediately goes to her face, brushing the hair from her forehead and tracing the gentle curve of her jaw. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m ready to go.”
“Do you want to go to my place?” I ask, not wanting to assume we’ll be going anywhere together, but damn sure hoping.
“Actually, I was kinda hoping we’d go to my place. I have a few things to put away.” I can see her resolve reflecting in her eyes.
“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this tonight,” I offer.
“No, I’m sure. I’m ready,” she says with conviction, giving me a decisive nod.
“I’ll follow you,” I reply, pulling her into my chest and placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Actually, I’ll follow you,” she sasses as she opens the driver’s door.
“I’ll meet you there,” I tell her before turning and heading to my own vehicle.
Before I climb in, I glance back at her. She has one foot inside the car, but she’s facing Josh’s final resting place. I almost turn and go back to her when she says, “Goodbye, Josh.”
She offers a smile before sliding down into the car and starting the engine. I do the same, and together, we slowly make our way out of the cemetery.
Toward her house.
Toward our future.
* * *
We step through her front door, the light above the sink, as well as the moonlight filtering through the big picture window. She releases my hand and drops her purse on the table before awarding me with one of her killer smiles.
I don’t say anything. I can tell she has something on her mind, a resolve in her posture and determination in her eyes that tells me to just stand aside and watch.
Meghan reaches for the shoes sitting beside the door. She takes them in her hands and seems to gaze lovingly down at the pair of runners before bringing them to her chest in a hug. She smiles a small, sad grin as she opens the closet door and sets them inside. She slowly closes the door, her green eyes on mine.
I’m not sure if I should say anything or not, but I know how big this moment is.
No words are spoken as she reaches for me, offering so much more than just her hand. She’s offering me her heart, the greatest gift ever.
I will forever cherish it.
And her.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Meghan
“Hey,” he says, giving me that smile that I’ve always loved.
“Hey, yourself,” I reply as he jumps up out of the chair and approaches.
“I’ve been waiting,” he adds, giving me a knowing look.
“Yeah, well, sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake,” I sass, laughing.
“No kidding. You’re as bad as your sisters sometimes, you know?” he teases and comes over to where I’m sitting. “I’m going to miss you.”
My eyes and throat start to burn. “I’m going to miss you too.”
“But you don’t need me anymore, sweetheart. You have someone else now.”
I drop my chin to my chest and nod.
“I really like him,” he says, drawing my eyes back to his. “I’ve always liked him. That’s why I know you’re going to be in great hands, Meggy.”
“He is pretty wonderful. But so were you.”
“Ehh, I was only wonderful because of you. You made me the man I was.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You were the only one who could put up with me and my crazy family,” I reply, making him laugh.
“They are pretty nutty. I enjoy dropping in on them from time to time and seeing what they’re all up to. They all have a pretty good life,” he says with that familiar smile as he reaches for my hand.
“They do. I’m proud of all of them.”
“And I’m proud of you, Meggy. For finally taking the steps you needed to take. I know it wasn’t easy. Hell, it wasn’t easy, nor fun to watch. But you got there, just like I knew you would. And I owe a big chunk of the gratitude to Nick for that. He helped you see just how amazing you are, and just how big your heart is.”
“It wasn’t easy,” I tell him honestly.
“No, it wasn’t. Life isn’t easy, Meggy. But love makes it worth it. Like I told you that night… Live, Meg. Live and love, because that’s who you are and why you were put here.”
We’re both silent for several seconds. I memorize his features, the way his eyes light up when he smiles, and the way his hand feels in mine.
“I gave the ring back to your mom,” I tell him.
“I know. She cried after you left, but she’ll be okay. You’re both going to be okay,” he says, offering me a sad smile. “It was hard watching you take it off.”
“It was hard to take it off,” I confess, my fingers automatically going to the place that ring has sat for the last couple of years. “But it was time.”<
br />
“It was,” he agrees.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” I say, silently crying once more.
“I’m going to miss you too. I promise to check in on you every once in a while too.”
“I’d like that,” I tell him honestly.
“You were my forever love, Meggy. But now I leave you in Nick’s hands. He’ll help guide you and love you through the rest of your life. And someday, we’ll meet again. I promise.”
“I look forward to it,” I say as we both stand up. “I will always love you, Josh.”
“And I will always love you, Meghan. Be free, sweet girl. Be free and love.”
“I will,” I state, shedding more tears as he moves forward, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.
“Goodbye,” he says as he turns and walks away.
“Goodbye,” I reply, watching him go.
When I wake with a start, I know he’s gone. The house feels different now. Even though I realize Josh will always be with me, I know that the rest of this journey through life isn’t with him by my side.
But I’m not alone. I have my family. I have friends.
And I have Nick.
For how long? No one knows.
But if I’m lucky, I’ll get to spend the rest of my life beside him, loving him.
Angie was right. There’s room for two in my heart. Josh’s love was my past, and Nick’s is my future. One doesn’t trump the other, they just co-exist.
I feel Nick’s arm wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. His heart is beating steadily beneath my fingertips as I softly caress the light dusting of dark hair on his chest.
“You okay?” he whispers.
Snuggling in close, I recall my dream. Not the one I’ve been plagued with since the night Josh died, but the one I had tonight. The one where we said goodbye. The one where I let him go.
“Yes,” I answer honestly, smiling upward. Because I know that I will be okay.
I’ll be okay because of this man I have at my side, as well as the one who watches over me.
I’ll be okay because I’m a strong woman who has survived heartache and come out only slightly scathed and yet smiling on the other side.
I’ll be okay because I know how to love, and how to accept it in return.
That’s what I’ll carry with me forever.
My forever.
Chapter Thirty
Nick
She is stunning in that red dress, but all I can think about is getting that damn thing off her.
Meghan chats with her family, slowly sipping a glass of champagne. Her smiles are lighter, carefree even. She seems much more at ease than I’ve ever seen, at least since she lost her fiancé.
But tonight is a night of celebrating.
Earlier, I sat in the pew with Dean, Ryan, Levi, and Linkin, as well as a few babies, while Sawyer and AJ exchanged vows. It was an emotional ceremony for many, but for me? Well, I just couldn’t stop staring at the sexy bridesmaid in the middle. She kinda owns my heart.
Now, everyone is hanging out, drinking and laughing, and I find myself hanging back and just watching them interact. They’re a close family, sure, but they’re more than that. They’re friends too, and their love for each other is evident.
“Happy to see you here,” I hear behind me. I turn to find Meghan’s Dad, Brian, standing there.
“I’m pretty happy to be here myself,” I tell him honestly, taking a sip of my Sprite.
“I take it everything worked itself out last night?” he asks.
Nodding, I reply with a smile, “It did.”
“Glad to hear. I really like you Nick. You’re a good guy,” he adds, grabbing my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.
I offer him a smile, not really knowing what to say. I feel like there’s so much more he’s not saying, but implying with his simple statements. “Thank you, sir.”
“Don’t let her push you away,” he says, turning and looking at his group of daughters.
I follow his gaze and smile when I see Meghan kissing her tiny niece Amelia on the cheek. The baby is once again in her father’s arm, where the big guy seems to prefer her to be. She must sense my gaze and glances over. When she sees me watching, she says something to her group and starts to make her way toward me.
“Hey,” she says when she reaches me. She quickly wraps her arms around my chest and steps in close. She smells like vanilla and champagne.
“Hey yourself,” I reply, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Hi, Daddy,” Meghan says, offering her father a warm smile.
“Hi, sweetheart. Having fun?”
“The best,” she answers just as a pretty blonde walks up and stands at Brian’s side. “I still can’t believe you’re the woman my dad has been seeing,” Meghan adds, offering her a smile.
“Sometimes I can’t believe it myself,” Cindy says, glancing up at Brian. “He’s a pretty amazing man.”
Brian wraps his arm around Cindy’s shoulder and gives her a little hug. “She’s the amazing one,” he says.
Meghan was completely surprised when she saw Cindy at the wedding this afternoon. When she asked what she was doing there, Brian intervened and said she was the woman he had been seeing. Meghan appeared a bit shocked at first, but quickly recovered, wrapping the woman she considered a friend in her arms and hugging her tightly. She whispered something into Cindy’s ear that made her tear up, but I don’t know what was said.
“Dance with me?” I ask the beautiful woman in my arms.
“Always,” she replies with a grin.
I lead her to the dance floor, where Sawyer and AJ, as well as Dean and Payton, are already dancing to a slow song. The familiar melody speaks of love and forever, which is pretty damn fitting for this night. Not only are we celebrating the love of Meghan’s sister, but in a way, we’re celebrating the love I now share with Meghan. Last night, I took a chance, and while it may have been a little hairy during that time I couldn’t find her, it worked out for the best. Now I get to spend my days with this amazing woman, sharing our love and enjoying our time together.
Maybe someday, I’ll get to add the word forever.
I can’t wait for that day.
Meghan fits against me like a puzzle piece. We gently sway to the music, my arms around her waist and her head against my shoulder. We continue to move in time to the beat, and I secretly wish this song would never end. There’s no other place I want to be.
The dance floor starts to fill up. First, Brian and Cindy share a dance, and then the rest of her sisters. Brielle comes out and jumps into her dad’s arms, and together, the three of them dance to the song and share a few laughs. Levi holds Abby close, her hand in his. He toys with the engagement ring on her finger and kisses the top of her head. Jaime and Ryan take to the floor next. Their sleeping daughter is still in his arms, and as he brings his wife against his chest, they form a protective cocoon around the sleeping infant. Lexi and Linkin have Stella, while their twin boys left about a half hour ago to go home with Linkin’s mom.
Finally, Emma and Orval join us on the floor. He pulls his wife into his arms, and they move in time, their hips swaying to the music. He holds her so tenderly, so lovingly, that a lump forms in my throat.
I want that.
I want sixty years with the woman in my arms.
Years of love and laughter and inappropriate sexual innuendos.
Orval glances my way and gives me a grin. “Hey, Doc,” he whispers just over the music. “There are a few pieces of cake left in the back. I made it special just for tonight,” he adds with a wink.
Special cake?
Suddenly, I see Sawyer move uncomfortably, adjusting not only AJ in his arms, but his black tuxedo pants as well. Linkin moves a bit, juggling his daughter and his wife as he tries to get comfortable. Levi stops completely and glances down. Dean gives his daughter to his wife and tries to discreetly adjust his own pants.
And me? I’m stuck watching it all like a train wreck.
You know the one where you should definitely look away, but you can’t seem to do it?
Abruptly, all of the guys turn and face the ornery old man. There’s no mistaking the problem they’re all trying to conceal and the looks of panic on their faces. They all go from wide-eyed shock to outrage in a matter of seconds. Even Brian looks a bit uncomfortable in this situation, but I don’t dare laugh.
And Grandpa just smiles, gazing adoringly down at his bride of sixty-some years.
My heart starts to pound in my chest as I look down at the woman I love. “Thank you,” I say, pulling her flush against my body, my own groin stirring in my pants, though not for the same reason as everyone else.
“For what?” she asks, stopping her dance and looking into my eyes.
“For taking the chance. For letting me love you.”
She gives me that smile. The one I hope to see on her face for the rest of my life. “Loving you is the easy part.”
“Loving you is pretty damn easy, too, honey. I’m just glad you realized it. But know that if you wouldn’t have, if last night had ended much differently, I wouldn’t have given up on you. I wouldn’t have given up on us. Because you and I? We’re forever.”
Her eyes fill with unshed tears, and even though I know these are the good ones, it still makes me unhappy to see them in her eyes. I never want to see those fucking tears again. She’s cried too much, and I make a silent vow to never put them there again, for as long as I live.
I’m about to tell her when the moment is shattered like a glass on ceramic tile. Even the music seems to stop and all eyes turn in one man’s direction. Tension (and erections) fill the dance floor as all of the guys stand there and gaze at the only smiling man still dancing with his wife.
“Orval!”
Epilogue
Meghan
1 year later
It’s a Summer sister tradition that on the first Saturday of each month, the six of us get together. We take turns picking the location or activity, anything from margaritas and a movie to wine and painting classes at the small gallery uptown. One thing, though, is as certain as the sun rising over the Chesapeake Bay every morning: there will be alcohol involved.