by Bold, Diana
Her gaze wandered from his grim face, still battered from when he’d saved that little boy, to the enormous bulge thrusting against the front of his sandy breeches. “Yes, of course,” she murmured, backing away. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Don’t go too far. Keep me in sight.”
Kate forced back a hysterical laugh. Keep him in sight? The sight of him was branded against the back of her eyelids. It would be there until the day she died.
She strode up the beach a couple hundred yards and then ducked behind a tree to take care of her personal needs. She took her time coming back, gathering as much wood as her arms could hold. By the time she returned, Talon’s body had returned to normal.
She dumped the wood in a pile beside him. “Do you have any idea where we are?”
He glanced up, his dusky lashes tangling at the corners. “I believe we’re somewhere along the Atlantic coast of the Carolinas. Of course, I could be wrong. We could be stranded on some little barrier island.”
“Wonderful,” she muttered, sitting down beside him. Her gaze drifted to the stand of trees. What lay beyond? Indians, wild animals? She shivered and stared back into the fire. “What do we do now?”
He shrugged. “I thought we’d spend one more night here, resting. Then we’ll get back in the boat and head north along the coastline, stopping to make camp on the beach every night until we reach some sort of settlement. If this is an island, we’ll just have to continue to row west.”
Her shoulders slumped. Lord, she hoped this wasn’t an island. In fact, she hoped they were only a few miles from civilization. Because if she had to spend more than a few more days with him, she’d forget how much she hated him and remember how much she’d once loved him.
* * * * *
Talon gazed into the fire, chewing as slowly as he could, considering he hadn’t eaten a thing for nearly four days. Kate sat to his right, picking at the rabbit he’d snared earlier. He was determined to match her pace instead of behaving like the animal he felt himself becoming.
She’d been civil all afternoon, but he’d kept his distance, embarrassed by this morning’s fiasco. When he’d awoken, he’d been hard and aching as he usually was. Touching Kate had seemed as natural as breathing.
It had been a terrible mistake. Once again, he’d opened himself up to rejection.
“I’ve been thinking about Daniel.” Kate’s voice surprised him out of his bitter thoughts.
“You’re free of him now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
She drew in a sharp breath. “Of course not. At least, not this way.”
“What way, then? Did you have some other plan to get rid of him?”
Talon was through being polite, through trying to win back Kate’s love. It was better if she saw him for what he truly was. A heartless bastard.
“How can you talk about him this way? He was your brother.” Kate’s green eyes were wide with hurt and accusation.
“Daniel wasn’t my brother any more than he was your husband. The only reason he ever lowered himself to speak to me was to threaten and cajole me into seducing you.”
Talon forced himself to forget the times Daniel had confided in him and the tentative camaraderie they’d shared toward the end. He wanted to believe Daniel had always had an ulterior motive.
But an ugly little voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him that Daniel had been there for him during his fight with McGuire.
“I know you cared for him. You were becoming friends.” Kate gave him a perceptive glance, her gaze searching and sympathetic. “It’s all right to admit you’ll miss him. I’ll miss him, too.”
“You don’t know anything about me.” Talon shook his head, overwhelmed with the guilt of leaving Daniel behind. “I will not miss him.”
Kate looked away, blinking back tears. “Never mind. I guess I was wrong. You probably didn’t care for him any more than you cared for me.”
“Think whatever you like. I just don’t give a damn anymore.”
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’m going to sleep now.” She threw him an angry glare. “I don’t want to wake up with your hands on me, Talon. Not ever again.”
“You won’t,” he told her, staring back into the fire. “I’ve learned my lesson.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Kate blew a sweat-soaked strand of hair out of her eyes, stifling a groan of pure misery. She was hot, filthy and infinitely tired of drifting along in this bloody boat. Her skin was chapped and dry, burnt from the punishing rays of the sun.
Talon’s tense, bitter silence was driving her insane. Since the night they’d fought about Daniel, he hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words. If she asked him a direct question, he gave her a yes or no response, and he issued a curt command or two when they made camp on the beach each night, but that was it.
He acted as though she’d hurt him, which was ridiculous.
He sat across from her, bare‐chested, his muscles flexing beneath an expanse of sun-bronzed skin, the crisp whorls of dark hair damp with sweat. His strength and endurance amazed her. She knew he was exhausted, but still he pressed on.
Probably because he wanted to be free of her.
Unable to bear the silence any more, she asked the question that had been haunting her for days. “Why did you bother to take me off that ship, Talon? Why didn’t you leave me to die with Daniel?”
“I never meant to leave Daniel behind. I told him to meet us at that lifeboat.” He stopped rowing, swiping the sweat from his eyes with his forearm. “Christ, do you really think I’d have let you die?”
“I don’t see why not,” she answered. “With Daniel gone, your father will probably leave you something. An estate. Money. Why leave me alive? It doesn’t make any sense. I’ll only give him something else to hold over your head. If I’m not pregnant, you’ll have failed to do as he asked. I’m sure he won’t be very happy about that.”
She didn’t know why she was pushing him so hard, but she was desperate to crack that icy veneer. She wanted to make him angry, wanted him to show her something of his true self, his real emotions.
Talon gave her a cold smile. “Well, I wasn’t thinking too clearly at the time. I’m sure if I’d thought about it as much as you have, I would have left you there. In fact, now that you’ve brought it to my attention, I’ll have to think of a way to get rid of you.”
Kate swallowed, wondering if she’d gone too far. She searched his face, which suddenly looked faintly sinister disguised by the fading bruises and nearly a week’s worth of thick, black beard. It was as if all the trappings of civilization had fallen away. This man looked every inch the bloodthirsty pirate.
And she was entirely at his mercy.
“Nothing too bloody, I hope.” She smiled, trying to bring humor into their conversation, missing the days when she’d felt comfortable with him.
He ignored her, picking up the oars and rowing with renewed vigor. Silence lapsed between them once again, and her apprehension grew. Good Lord. Was he truly thinking of ways to dispatch her?
Suddenly, he let the oars clatter to the bottom of the boat and leaned forward, pinning her with his furious gaze. “Damn it, Kate. Sometimes I would like to kill you. I’d like to place my hands around your pretty little throat and squeeze until you shut up, squeeze until you stop looking at me as if I’m a monster.” He shook his head. “I never claimed to be a hero.”
He looked so tired, so utterly drained, that all her nervousness disappeared and she was forced to remember all his kindnesses to her.
“If you want me to quit looking at you that way, then give me one reason to trust you again, one excuse that makes any sense at all.” She implored him with her eyes, begging him to set her world to rights. She didn’t want to believe her love for him had been completely unwarranted.
He sighed and looked away. A muscle in his jaw clenched. “There’s a part of me that wants to tell you everything, fall down on my knees and beg you to believe in me again.
”
She held her breath, hoping against hope that she’d finally broken through his defenses.
Talon met her gaze and shook his head. “The time for trust and love and explanations has passed. We can’t go back to the way it was. It will only be harder on both of us in the end if we try.”
* * * * *
Talon remained mute the rest of the day, concentrating on the ache in his shoulders instead of the piercing pain in his heart.
Kate had asked him for the truth, had given him the perfect opportunity to tell her how his father had blackmailed him.
Unfortunately, her questions had made him think about what would happen once they found their way out of the wilderness.
She was probably right about Sutcliffe. If she wasn’t pregnant, his father would deem the mission a failure and follow through with his threats.
Either that, or he’d force Talon to try again.
He stared at her through the shifting flames, watching as she spread out her blankets. She looked up and met his gaze, her expression lost and lonely. “This country is so wild, so huge. Sometimes I think we’ll be lost forever.”
He gripped his cup of coffee a little tighter, raising it to his lips and taking a bracing swallow. “Still don’t trust me to get you back to London?”
“I don’t even know if I want to go back. There’s nothing there for me now.”
“There’s nothing for you here, either.” He forced himself to be brutal, tamping down a crazy surge of pleasure that she wanted to stay.
He’d never be able to build a future in this country unless there was at least an ocean between them. Otherwise she’d be too much temptation.
“What about you? Where will you go once you’ve seen me to safety? Will you continue on to Holyoke?”
Questions and more questions. She seemed determined to torture him today.
“I doubt it.” Holyoke was ruined for him now, no matter what happened. “As you pointed out earlier, Sutcliffe might decide I haven’t earned it.”
She bit her bottom lip. “What if I am pregnant? Will you take your prize and walk away? What about your son or daughter? Will you abandon your child the way your father abandoned you?”
She was right. So heartbreakingly right. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his child to grow up without him.
He closed his eyes against the sight of her. “What would you have me do? There was a time back on the ship when I thought you were worth fighting for. I thought we’d found something rare and wonderful. I planned to tell you the truth and beg you to forgive me.”
“What made you change your mind about me? About us?”
He shook his head, refusing to look at her, knowing if he met her earnest green gaze he would shatter into a million pieces. “It was your reaction to Daniel’s letter. Your lack of faith in me. We could try to start over again, but it would never be the same.”
“I understand why you don’t want me anymore, but I never thought you were the kind of man who would walk away from your own child.” Kate’s voice broke. She curled in on herself, pulling the blankets up around her shoulders. “You’d be the kind of father neither of us had. You’d be stern yet loving. You’d give piggyback rides and read stories…”
Her words painted such a sweet picture. He thought of her growing up alone and unloved in that dreary mausoleum of a house, dreaming of a father who’d give her piggyback rides and read to her before she went to bed at night.
His throat tightened with emotion. God, I can’t do this. He couldn’t remain aloof, couldn’t pretend the mere thought of losing her wasn’t killing him.
“I don’t want you to raise our child without me. I never wanted that.” He put his head in his hands and rubbed his aching temples. “Holyoke wasn’t the reason I seduced you. It was never about land, never about money.”
He could sense her stillness. Her whole being was attuned to him, and he realized how much she’d been longing to hear what he was about to say.
“I know. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said. I was just so hurt, so frightened.”
Her words gave him the absolution he’d been waiting for. No matter what happened, he wanted her to know what had motivated him, wanted her to know how much had been at stake.
He lifted his head, meeting her gaze. In her eyes, he saw such trust, such love. For the first time, he dared to hope she might be able to forgive him.
“I’ll tell you everything. As long as you come over here and let me hold you while I talk.” It was a big gamble, and for a moment he thought it had been a foolish one to take. She stared at him for a long, long moment then stood and crossed to his side, sinking to her knees in the sand beside him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kate moved into the circle of Talon’s arms, her heart hammering at the thought of learning the truth. She wanted to know what he’d been hiding from her, but she was afraid he’d disappoint her, afraid she’d learn her faith in him was unwarranted.
“Where shall I begin?”
She sighed and snuggled closer, determined to listen with an open mind. “Begin at the beginning.”
Talon reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers, squeezing tightly. “I never knew who my father was until the night my mother died. She told me the whole story then, how she’d been his mistress, how he’d cast her aside when she had become pregnant. But she wanted me to go to him. Even after all the pain he’d caused, she thought he’d take one look at me and be unable to turn me away. I can’t believe I was foolish enough to believe her.”
“You were just a child,” Kate whispered, her heart breaking already. “It’s not foolish to expect your own father to provide for you.”
“He sent me packing, of course. Offered me a few pounds, but I didn’t take it. Instead I went down to the docks and found myself a job working as a cabin boy.”
She squeezed his hand even tighter, wanting to say something, but unwilling to do anything to interrupt this halting glimpse into his childhood.
“It wasn’t a bad life. The captain was a good man and I got to see the world, places I’d never even dreamed of. I had quite a bit of free time, and he did me the tremendous favor of teaching me how to read.”
Talon looked up at her, brushing a lock of hair out of his eyes. “I worked my way up through the ranks. Then, when I eighteen, our ship was attacked by some some American pirates. I was given the choice of dying or joining them.” He gave her a rueful look. “Well, you know my choice. Eventually, I worked my way up there, too. I became first mate, and then, when we took a particularly rich prize, we seized the ship and the captain offered to give me my own command. I gathered a whole crew of men I knew I could trust. Those men were my family, Kate. The only one I’d ever known.”
Kate was surprised by the passion in his voice when he spoke of his journey from street urchin to pirate captain. Perhaps Sutcliffe’s rejection had been a good thing. It explained why he’d seemed so different, so fair and kind compared to his father and brother.
“So, there I was with my own ship and a crew of loyal men. I was making a good living and it should have been enough, but it wasn’t. I was tired of the cramped spaces and the lack of privacy. I started dreaming of a home, a family, all the things I’d never had, all the things I thought my father had stolen from me.”
A home. A family. Dear God, how she wanted to be the one to share those things with him.
“I dreamed too big. I set my sights on a grand plantation a few miles outside of Charleston… Holyoke. The owner had died and the heirs were asking a fair price. I started imagining myself there and decided to do everything it took to buy it. I took some risks, pushed my ship and my men too hard.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know why the British Navy came after us. I didn’t even realize the danger they posed until it was too late. We were charged with piracy and thrown in prison even though I had a letter of marque. I was so desperate to save my men I even sent word to the earl, hoping he’d help,
but he didn’t reply. We were found guilty and they executed my crew, but for some reason I was spared. They took me back to Newgate and threw away the key.”
She pressed a tender kiss to the back of his hands. “Oh, Talon.”
“It killed me. I thought I’d lost everything. So, when Sutcliffe told me he’d intervened on my crew’s behalf, saving them from the gallows, I was willing to do whatever it took to keep them safe.”
“He saved them in order to get you to seduce me.” She understood now. She understood completely, but it still hurt to say the words.
A look of utter pain and loss crossed his stark features. “He put my men on one of his own ships so he could control them. If you and I don’t provide him with an heir, he’ll make sure my men really do hang.”
Kate hugged him. “You did what you had to do. There was no other choice. My virtue hardly compares to the lives of all those men.”
“I’m so sorry.” His arms tightened convulsively, and she buried her face against his warm, broad chest. “I wish you hadn’t been caught in the middle of it.”
She lifted her face and brushed a tender kiss to his mouth. “I love you, Talon. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
He gave her a wary look, clearly yearning for her forgiveness, but afraid to give too much away. She thought of the motherless boy he’d been, and her heart bled.
“I’m so alone without you.” She brushed the faint purple bruise on his cheek with her fingertips, feeling the warmth of his skin and the rough, dark bristle of his beard. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
He shuddered at her touch. “Ah, Kate. It seems like a lifetime since you touched me like this.”
It had seemed like a lifetime to her, too.
Emboldened by his husky words, she let her hands trail from his face to his shoulders. Holding his smoky gaze, she caressed his chest, loving the feel of his hard, thick muscles, thinking of every moment during the last week when she’d longed to put her hands on all this golden, silky skin. “Take off your shirt,” she whispered, stunned by her own audacity.