What Makes a Classic?
A classic is an icon. It’s something that always looks good on everyone. A classic two-button blue blazer looks good on almost everybody because of its silhouette, how it’s made, and the materials. Same goes for cowboy boots, Levi’s 501s, and Ray-Bans. But you don’t even have to look to clothes for inspiration—beautiful design can be found in everyday objects.
Polaroiding, Not for Amateurs
In one of my favorite films of all time, Legally Blonde, the main character, Elle Woods, would always take a friend shopping with her so the friend could take a Polaroid of her in each outfit. It’s something we did when I worked fashion shows, too. If you want, you can photograph outfits that look great on you so you can remember how to reconstruct them. I would suggest you do this only if it’s a special wardrobe item that you don’t wear very often—like your favorite wedding suit/shirt/tie combo. If it’s an all-time favorite, yeah, go ahead and take a photo of it and keep it in your underwear drawer. A meddling girlfriend can break up with you over it. Let me repeat: This is not for amateurs or the average guy. Honestly, who is going to have the time?
The ironic thing for me is that so many straight men hate shopping, but they can sit in trees all day waiting for a deer to scamper across their path and shoot it. Shopping is like hunting or sports: You’ve got a goal. You’ve got a barrier. (Bad credit!) You’ve got people on your team. You’ve got opponents. You’ve got coaches. You’ve got cheerleaders—well one, that’s me. What, you didn’t recognize me with the pom-poms? You’ve got men in tight spandex pants. Well maybe if you go to Barneys you’ll see a couple. But they’re not on your team, they’re on mine.
Anyway, if you know how to navigate the system, shopping is much easier and quicker and you get better results. It doesn’t have to be painful. It can be fun, enjoyable, and productive, it can save you money, and it can make you look better. Best of all, you can have lunch while you’re at it. So let’s empower you to be a better shopper, shall we?
Shopping in five easy steps:1. Never shop alone. You want to be with someone who can provide you with an honest opinion, someone who will tell you straight out if the clothes are not right for you, if the color is off, or if something doesn’t fit correctly. So take your significant other or a friend. If you don’t have any friends, that’s sad. But just try to get a second opinion: A fairy godstylist at your favorite clothing store, or another gay man can tell you if things look good or not. And whether you’re alone or not, before you buy anything, check yourself in a three-way mirror.
2. Go out and practice. This shopping thing isn’t easy. It takes a lot of hard work and practice. Do an experiment: Go shopping for a day and resolve not to buy anything. Just see what’s out there. It gives you some education and helps you keep from making impulse purchases that you might regret.
3. Shop for who you are now and not who you will be five pounds from now. But on the flip side, don’t be afraid to try different silhouettes and experiment with looks outside your comfort zone.
4. Mix it up. There are so many places to get a wardrobe together, from Target, T.J.Maxx, and Marshalls to Barneys and Neiman Marcus. They all have great things and oftentimes the more interesting looks come from mixing and matching. Don’t forget the Internet. There’s a vast world of clothing available to you by just browsing. And then you don’t even have to leave home! Just avoid whosmydaddy.com, will you?
5. Don’t become a sale slut. You shouldn’t just buy stuff because it’s inexpensive or on sale. If you don’t ever wear that sale item, or you have to dispose of it wearing a haz mat suit, it’s not a bargain.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: Carson’s Secrets of Bargain Shopping
Looking good is not about the price tag. But I won’t lie: Shopping on a shoestring is not as easy as shopping on an endless budget; you just have to be smart about it.
Here’s my theory about bargain shopping. You can find deals in any area of your wardrobe. If you want a bargain suit or shoes, you can find them. But I’d rather see you buy good quality brands and materials, even if you have to hunt for them on sale, rather than buy cheap things at full retail.
If you’ve got the time—perhaps you’re unemployed and have nothing else to fill up your day—you can dig around and find good things almost anywhere, even at those cheesy mall stores with shiny double-breasted lavender suits in the window. But in my opinion, you would be better served to go to a store where you know they have clothes that are well constructed, well made, and flattering. Finding bargains
TIP
Fairy Godstylist Carson
There are two important times of the year to hit stores for great sales: 1. After Memorial Day for summer clothes
2. After Christmas for winter and ski clothes
can sometimes be a little bit like a scavenger hunt, and you have to be more of an expert to know what you’re looking for. You’re going to spend less money, but you’re also going to spend more time and effort looking. The luxury of spending more money is that it doesn’t take as much time to walk into a place like Bergdorf Goodman and say, “I’ll take that, that and, oh!, that.” Money for time is a totally viable trade-off. God, I sound like an economics major.
There are some stores with a reputation for having good quality clothes at seriously discounted prices: national chains like T.J.Maxx, Marshalls, Filene’s, Loehmann’s, or New York’s gem, Century 21. Here are three quick tips for shopping at places like these:1. Go early in the day, when the store is organized and the merchandise is fresh.
2. Shop when you have time and won’t be distracted.
3. Be mindful of final sale items that cannot be returned.
Another great resource not to be overlooked is consignment shops and resale places, where they have designer clothing that may be a season or two old. Shhh! No one’s going to know. You can get a great deal, like a Gucci jacket half off. They’re only lightly worn. Don’t worry. You won’t find Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress. That’s over at the Gap world headquarters.
Thrift stores can also be a gold mine—as much as it pains me to use the word thrift. Just know that there’s a difference between vintage clothing and thrift. At a thrift store like a Goodwill, you’re going to have to wade through mounds of skanky clothing to find those hidden treasures. But at a more upscale vintage clothing store, they’ve already waded through the junk and narrowed it down for you. Obviously prices will be higher at a vintage store than at a thrift store.
What’s in a Name?
You might be surprised to hear this coming from me, but it’s not that important that your clothes bear a designer label. What’s most important is the look, fit, and quality of the clothes. The designer label isn’t important in and of itself, but it can help clue you in to a lot of information about construction and quality before you make the purchase. You might know a designer whose clothes have a reputation for being super high quality that lasts forever. Or maybe you know a designer who makes good quality, inexpensive clothes that are meant to be thrown out after a season. Either way, that’s useful information.
Designer labels do represent reputation, quality, and commitment to design excellence. So don’t be fooled by cheap imposters. Giorgio Mymommy and Dolce and Garbanzo are not what they’re pretending to be. Polo with two ls? That’s chicken, people. Think of it like a car. A brand has a heritage and
tradition of quality and a benchmark that they set to maintain their customer base. Would you buy a car called a Dyslexus and expect it to perform like a Lexus just because the name was similar? I think ton. I mean not.
If you see new “designer” clothing at a flea market or being sold on the street by a guy also selling glowsticks and Yankees tickets, hello! It’s not the real deal. Someone like me can spot fakes a mile away because the silhouette is off—it’s big and boxy rather than trim and tailored. Or the fabric is different; it’s hard like sandpaper rather than soft and supple. Or the logo is the wrong size. My favorite is “Knights of the Rou
nd Table,” which is a Polo knockoff. Instead of a horse and polo player, they have a horse and jouster. Nice try, people. This is not my first day at the Renaissance Faire.
Regardless of the store, you want to really look at construction and fabric content, because there are some really cool designs from the fifties, sixties and seventies. However, this was the heyday of Dacron, so beware of clothes that seem to be made of old lawn furniture. Look for things that are real cotton, silk, or wool, and try everything on because sizing and fit in earlier eras were very different from today. A small in 1970 does not a small in 2004 make.
A Cheat Sheet for Brands
These brands all tend to be very consistent. You’re buying peace of mind that you’re going to get consistent quality at various price points. • Abercrombie & Fitch
• Banana Republic
• Barneys
• Bloomingdales
• Calvin Klein
• Club Monaco
• Diesel
• DKNY
• Dolce & Gabbana
• The Gap
• H&M
• Tommy Hilfiger
• Levi’s
• Nautica
• Neiman Marcus
• Nordstrom
• Polo Ralph Lauren
• aks Fifth Avenue
• John Varvatos
And lastly, the most important piece of advice: Wash it, wash it, and wash it again. Clothing can host mold and mildew and harbor all kinds of strange and mysterious odors. If you wash it with one cup of white vinegar, it will remove some of that thrift store fragrance—you know, the one that smells like old lady feet or the interior of a 1974 Dodge Dart.
EPILOGUE
NOW THAT YOU’VE GOTTEN THIS FAR, I BET YOU’RE WONDERING, “CARSON, JUST WHAT WOULD THE WORLD LOOK LIKE IF STRAIGHT men were good little lambs and followed your fashion advice?”
Well, people, it would be a beautiful thing. The world would look like everyone was a sales associate at Neiman Marcus. No, wait, that could be hellish. Scratch that.
It would be a yummy world of color and cashmere, of friendly hellos and twinkles in the eye from knowing we all looked and felt our best. Everyman would find a style that worked for him and wouldn’t be afraid to embrace who he really is, even if it meant wearing stripes in a paisley world. The GNP would soar, and we’d all be like one big Benetton ad, with everybody united in peace, harmony, and couture.
It would be a world without hockey jerseys, except on hockey players. (But they would fit tighter!). Sweatpants hiked up to your knees would be eradicated. White Reebok hightops would be banished, never to be seen again. Mock turtlenecks would be a thing of the past. Little children would say things like “What is this mock turtleneck you speak of, Father?” or “Daddy, tell me again about the olden days of yore when people used to wear Coogi sweaters and Cavariccis.” And the answer would come. “Oh, son, that was a long, long time ago and the world was a dark, scary, ugly, evil place. But then along came a fairy godstylist named Carson Kressley, and he changed all of that . . .”
But then things get all blurry and I wake up in a sweat, thrashing about in my thousand-thread-count Pratesi sheets, giving my hair even more split ends. It was only a dream.
But it doesn’t have to be. You can make it a reality. So I leave you with these parting words of wisdom: Go. Shop. Grab lunch. Cuddle.
Together we can make the world a beautiful place.
Hugs and Cashmere,
Carson
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