Amaranth

by Rachael Wade

  She hung her head, but peeked at me from the corner of her eyes, then reached in and pulled a red flannel mojo bag from her purse and set it quietly on the coffee table. “From Vivienne. For the pain later.”

  She paused at the front window as she made her way to the door, watched the sun as it began to rise. “Please don’t do something you may regret, Camille.” She’d muttered this, her back to me, but I heard her.

  Putting on her sunglasses, she stepped through the front door.

  Stupid, disloyal, lying vampire. What does she know? I closed my eyes and surrendered to sweet sleep.

  CHAPTER 10

  Confrontation

  Days passed as I waited for my injuries to heal. Gabe left me some kind of phony doctor’s note for work regarding my supposed car accident, and thankfully, fall classes didn’t start for a few more weeks. Carol called the house several times, and I assured her I wouldn’t be out of commission for much longer. Gabe kept an eye on the perimeter of my house for any reappearance of Andrew, and provided pain meds as I needed them, sometimes even when I didn’t think I did. I resented taking the meds for the bond it suddenly gave me with my mother, but they helped.

  I still didn’t want to see Audrey. Although Gabe had broken my trust as well, it was less personal with him. As he catered to my every need, I grew fond of him. He had a good heart, and better intentions. Unfortunately, so did Gavin. But that didn’t change things.

  Audrey sent numerous notes and messages with Gabe for him to relay to me, but she wasn’t the one I wanted to speak to. Gavin hadn’t called or come to see me. Gabe told me Gavin was trying to give me my space, but I had enough space, pent up in the house for days, with plenty of time to think.

  By the time I was ready to go back to work, his absence overwhelmed me, but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to face him. No matter what had happened, I missed him. He’d changed me in the strangest of ways. I didn’t look down when I walked anymore, and I longed to see places I’d never seen and to learn things I’d never learned. He was pure, fresh air that expelled the poison I once ingested, stopped it before it claimed my life.

  Audrey was right about one thing. I couldn’t escape love, the very thing that kept me mobile since the day I realized I was capable of giving and receiving it.

  Happy to be done with my first day back at work, I went to see Vivienne. She was turning the “Open” sign to “Closed,” but when she saw me, her eyes flew wide and she unlocked the door.

  I handed over the pouch that Audrey gave me. “I didn’t use the mojo bag. I had pain medication, but thanks anyway.”

  “Nah, this wasn’t for physical pain, child. It was for a broken heart.” She placed the bag back in my hand, closed it into a fist. “Findin’ out what he was sure don’t do your heart no good.”

  “How did you know about them?” I whispered, looked around. “Why didn’t you tell me what they are—?”

  She shushed me and turned to the record player behind the counter to turn the volume up, then led me through a brick dust-lined doorway, bones hanging above it, to a small, dark room.

  “Listen nah child, I didn’t know what ya were dealin’ with ’til ya found out the spells weren’t workin’. I tried to explain but ya jus’ wouldn’t listen. Truth is, we have a long history with the frozen souls, and it ain’t never end good. But this one here that saved ya,” she reached out and pointed to my chest, took my locket in her hand and held onto it, “he got some kinda fire in him, burnin’ the ice, ya hear?”

  “What does that mean? They have history with Voodoo? Tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

  “I’m no psychic, child. But as an ol’ rootworker once said, no harm in followin’ somethin’ that feels right ’til ya discover it’s the wrong road. This one here,” she gently grasped the locket tighter and shook it, stared into my eyes, “he the beginning of things to come for the frozen souls. Don’t be afraid, ya hear? Go see him before it’s too late.”

  “Too late for what? Please, tell me about the history. Tell me what you know—”

  “Another time, child, another time. Ya gon’ listen to me this time or not?”

  “I guess, but—”

  “But nothin’, nah. Scat!” She took me by the shoulders and spun me around, shooed me out the door like a fly.

  Before I jumped on the highway, I took one last glance in the rearview mirror and eyed my tall black riding boots and burgundy dress, so nervous I could hardly think straight. I adjusted the crescent locket that dangled around my neck, wondered if Vivienne would ever tell me all she knew about the vampires. I threw the Jeep into reverse and made my way to the Duval house, ready to take her advice.

  When I pulled up, the whole house was lit with a warm glow, illuminating the grounds surrounding it. I shuffled up to the porch; the first signs of a milder-than-usual Louisiana fall welcomed me as I approached the door. The familiar end-of-summer breeze swayed through the tall oaks while leaves danced lightly around my feet.

  Not bothering to knock, I let myself in and entered the main corridor. An echo of beautiful music surrounded me, invited me in as I casually floated toward the night’s fate. Curious, I wandered around the corner to Gavin’s main living room area, entranced by the riveting melody that filled my ears, “Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.” My heart leaped at the sound of my favorite piece.

  There Gavin sat, perched at the grand piano in the corner, his back to me as he played. I eyed his apparel, the same black suit he’d worn the night of our ill-fated date.

  I allowed my feet to slide me toward where he sat, my eyes glued to the keys as fingers moved over them. When I neared the side of the bench, he didn’t acknowledge my presence, didn’t even move, but instead concluded the sonata. I walked to the enormous window that sat next to the piano and stared off into the night, and my hair blew against the side of my face as his feet lifted from the floor and flew next to me in a soft flash.

  “You knew I was coming.” I didn’t look at him.

  “Yes. Audrey said you might come tonight.”

  “Figures.”

  “I hate for you to see me like this.”

  At once I turned my eyes to his. The moon’s grim hue shone on his pale, already luminous skin, his eyes darker than normal, yet not quite the dead black I’d seen the night of my attack. There was a heavy sadness in them, an apology lurking behind the irises.

  “I would have seen you like this at some point,” I said. “It’s about time I see you as you are.”

  “Not telling you is inexcusable,” he agreed, his sharp fangs revealing themselves from behind his lips as he spoke. At first sight, it was hard to look away. “I know that all of this is a lot to process.”

  “It alters my entire reality,” I replied, letting my lingering hurt show. He looked down, tucked his hands in his pockets. “I just have to know one thing.”

  “One thing?”

  “What did you expect to happen? I mean, even if Andrew never came for me. If that whole night never happened. I would have found out, or you would’ve had to tell me anyway.” I pried my eyes away from his teeth and back to his eyes, awaited his response. He began to speak but paused; the room filled with silence. “You planned on keeping it from me indefinitely, didn’t you.”

  “No.”

  “So, what? You were just going to wait around until I accidentally stumbled over to your house after midnight to find you like this?”

  “Camille, no. Nothing like that.” He ran his hand across his forehead and through his hair. “There’s so much you don’t know, there’s so much to explain.” He sighed heavily, turned to stare out the window.

  I straightened my posture and folded my arms, furrowed my brows. “So explain.”

  “I can promise you, I honestly never expected you to find out this way. Not in a million years. I had no idea you were seeing Andrew. That he was the one you were trying to get away from.”

  “Audrey told me. She said you and Gabe were forced to tell me the truth because
of the attack. I can’t even fathom how you honestly thought you could keep it from me in the first place.”

  “I wasn’t planning on it being part of the equation. That’s how I thought it would be possible.”

  I bit my lip and began to fidget, distracted by his fangs. “What are you talking about?”

  “Look. I know this entire thing is insane to you, but I was hoping I wouldn’t be what I am … for much longer.”

  “By going to see Samira?”

  He jutted his head backward. “You know about Samira?”

  “You forget that your best friend is now in love with the nosiest vampire in the world. When she dishes details, she doesn’t leave anything out.”

  “Oh, right,” he started to chuckle but stopped himself. “Well, yes, that’s a part of it. I planned on leaving with Gabe for a while and then coming back—”

  “But you still willingly got involved with me before you even knew for sure that this creator of yours could grant your request. To make matters worse, you set another vampire up with my best friend, my only family. You’re responsible for what’s happened to Audrey, too. She’ll never be the same because of you.” My voice grew shaky and I stepped farther away from him, wrapped my arms tight around my body.

  “I know I don’t deserve it,” he said, his voice rough, “but please listen. Lying to you is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done, in all of my existence. I have no other defense than I had to know you. I felt like I would regret it for the duration of my eternity if I didn’t. I just had to be near you.”

  He stepped closer to me, reached for my face. “Gabe and I were trying to live a new way, and … I got overly confident. I admit that. I was so convinced we could coexist, that our kind was capable of loving without hurting. I wanted to love a mortal as a mortal could. And then you came along.…”

  I pulled his hands from my face. My head didn’t want to hear this, but my heart did.

  “You weren’t like other mortals,” he continued, recoiled his hands, “you were so foreign to me, an absolute enigma. It drove me crazy. Most mortals instinctually steer clear of us, but you—” He leaned his weight on the ledge of the window, searched for my eyes again. “You were curious. Unabashed. And unafraid. Your courage astounded me. The day we met in Paris, you seemed so detached from this world and everything in it, like you’d been looking for something more than what it could offer. It seemed as if you’d been looking for centuries, without ever really knowing what you were after in the first place. The longing was written all over your face.”

  I wanted to run, wanted to cover my ears and block out his words. But my feet were cement, and I was desperate for his voice, desperate with the need to accept his confession.

  “Before you walk away from me, you need to know why I love you.” He reached again to place his hand on my face, and this time, I allowed it.

  “That day in the bookstore, when you agreed to see me again, there was a look on your face. You had a hope in your eyes. The same longing I saw when we first met. Only this time I sensed … relief. I didn’t know what you’d discovered, or what had changed. All I knew was that somehow, I had the privilege of being a part of it.”

  He pressed his forehead to mine, shut his eyes. “Your brokenness was a mystery to me, but I saw your motive through it. You had such a strong desire to love, to prevail,” he kissed my forehead gently, pulled away to look at me once more. “It humbled me, and I knew instantly that I’d crossed paths with the most beautiful soul that has ever walked this earth.”

  “You read desires….”

  “I haven’t seen a heart as pure as yours in centuries.” He smiled softly, relief in his voice.

  I choked out, “You’re not making this very easy for me … staying mad at you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything, Camille. I have nothing to offer you, I know that now.”

  I took one step toward him, rested my hand on his chest. He cupped his arm over it and lifted up my chin to gaze into my eyes. “Why do you have to go see Samira? Audrey told me you could be killed. When did you expect to tell me you were leaving for such a dangerous place?”

  He glanced out the window and slipped his arm around my lower back to hold me tight. “I planned on going before I knew you. Had a plan in place, but then I needed more time to prepare. Word spread about the resistance, and then I met you.… I can’t put it off any longer. But there are many things you don’t know, and I need for you to not worry about me.”

  “That’s impossible.”

  “Samira is a threat. She’s the mother of us all, the most powerful. But I have something she wants. It gives me some leverage to compromise.”

  “Can’t you take some time? Think about it some more?”

  “I have to go, Camille. I wanted to wait until you came to see me. I plan on leaving tonight.”

  “Tonight? No, please don’t do this.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulled tighter to hold him in place. It felt so good to be near him again, to feel at home again.

  “I’m sorry, but you can’t talk me out of it. This might be the only way to make things right.” He let me keep my arms around his neck.

  Much as I hated to admit it, I knew he was right. There was no way I’d be able to stop him. There was too much to say and not enough time, so the most important thing came first. “The night Andrew came, you never let me explain anything.”

  He pushed his fingers through my hair and let the back of my neck rest on the palm of his hand. “You didn’t have to. Once I realized he was one of us, I knew everything I needed to know. Nothing you had with him was real, the details didn’t matter to me, still don’t. I’m sorry I was so short with you that night, but I knew he’d come after you, knew I needed to act fast.”

  “Well for the record, there was no one before him … no one serious. You’re it for me.”

  His smile, though brief, was as unexpected as it was warming. “You’re it for me too, love,” he said. “There’s never been anyone remotely close to what you are to me. I’ve waited for you for centuries.”

  I didn’t bother asking him his technical age. It was time to put us both out of our misery, time to end this yielding torture. “Gavin, I—”

  “Please, don’t.” He stopped me, shut his eyes.

  “I love you, but I can’t do this—”

  “I know,” he silenced me, then suddenly leaned in and pulled my face to his, waited for my permission. I granted his request, pulled his mouth to mine and let him kiss me. His fangs dragged across my lips, dug into them as he pressed harder. Afflicted by his touch, I tore his face from mine. Defeat weighed his arms as they let me go.

  “Don’t kiss me like that,” I said.

  “Like what?”

  “Like it’s the last time.”

  “It’s the best way, don’t you think?” He grinned and pulled me in again, and I surrendered, a moth to a flame.

  In silent agreement, before it became any harder to say goodbye, he led me out of the lofty house and towed me toward the Maserati instead of my Jeep. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?” I agreed, and as we drove into the dark, he kept looking at me, aware of my discontent. “Ask whatever it is you’re thinking. I know you have more questions.”

  I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to take him up on his offer. I couldn’t help but feel like I should discipline myself from getting any closer to him. Perhaps it was best to leave things as they were. I decided one last question couldn’t hurt. “The night everything happened … I noticed the knives you had. Is silver what kills you?”

  He waited for a moment to respond, as he often did to weigh his words. “Well … we’re technically already—”

  “Oh. Right,” I said, neither of us looking at the other.

  “Silver’s just a pure metal that happens to slow us down greatly. After that, for one of us to be destroyed completely, our body must be … burned to ash.” His voice solemn, he stared straight ahead and reached over to turn the radio
on, quickly bringing it to a faint volume.

  I let the conversation die there. Wherever we were headed, I hoped we’d be there soon.

  CHAPTER 11

  Unveiled

  Gavin parked in seclusion, nestled somewhere in between a copse of trees and mangled piles of brush. I was so disoriented from the drive, I hadn’t the slightest idea where we were. I only knew we were near a bayou, not far from the bank.

  “We have to walk a little ways,” he said, tucked his hands in his pants pockets after we got out of the car. We came to a clearing near the bank. An eerie, ominous vapor encroached across a wide section of the bayou. I looked out into the murky water, felt condensation form on my boots, glanced at Gavin’s dress shoes and suit. “You’re going to ruin your clothes out here, you know.” I pointed to the damp, muddy earth beneath us.

  “It’s a valid loss,” he replied glumly, looking out at the water. “I knew this was most likely the last time you’d want to see me. Figured I’d look presentable for it.” He rolled his eyes from the ground to my face.

  “Oh,” I said, looked away. “Listen, can’t we—”

  “Get on with it?”

  “Yeah,” I answered, relieved. “We both know that regardless of how we feel about each other …”

  “It’s not going to work.”

  “I wish that weren’t the truth.”

  “Don’t worry. After tonight, you can see me on your own terms, I promise. I’m not holding you here. I want you to move on. There are no words to accurately express how sorry I am for the way things happened. Even that sounds shamefully shallow.”

  “Moving on won’t be that easy,” I said, moved away from a puddle of muck I’d managed to step into. “I just want you to promise me you’ll be careful, wherever you’re going.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “Promise me one more thing?”

  “Anything.”

  “Can you let me know when you get back? I mean, will you tell me yourself … not send Audrey or Gabe to tell me? I need to hear it from you.”

  “If that’s what you want.”