by Oliver Mayes
“Lillian, if we—”
“What are you doing here? Go check your side! I’d like to get through this riddle before I eat, so we’re all fresh and rested for the next part. Is that too much to ask?”
Andrew scratched his head, but didn’t move. It was too much to ask.
“I know you want to get on with this. So do I. But I think it’s very important we sit down and talk things through first. I did spend the whole day getting everyone organized, solving the hairy hands riddle and applying myself to this one while you were at work. I just need ten minutes. Please?”
Lillian stared at him. Andrew might’ve said please, but he wasn’t pleading. If anything she could detect just a hint of frustration bubbling under the surface. It was obviously important to him that they have their long-awaited talk. The circumstances of their breakup were messy, to say the least, and Lillian could also do with a chance to vent her feelings. Just not right now, when there were other things at stake.
She had to admit, he’d gone above and beyond on her behalf the last two days. If it was anyone other than him asking for this, after doing so much, Lillian would’ve immediately accepted. It was only because of their history that she didn’t want to talk to him.
She couldn’t afford for them to fall out, now that he was one of the only people she could rely on. That was one issue. The other was the crushing paranoia that Hammertime could complete the quest chain at any second. If they couldn’t spare ten minutes, it was likely already too late. Ten minutes. If it got out of control, she’d call it off and get back to the matter at hand.
“If we have this talk, you have to promise there won’t be any more distractions. Even if you don’t like how it turns out. We’ll both focus on the quest for the rest of our partnership. Deal?”
Andrew’s hand shot out to shake on it. This all seemed very formal. Well, that was preferable. If he’d tried to play their history off casually she’d have been furious. Lillian grabbed his hand and they shook, then he turned and motioned for her to follow.
“Come sit with me. We’ll have a good vantage point if anyone comes for us from either side.”
Lillian shrugged. Fair enough. She followed him and he sat down cross-legged, right in the middle of the courtyard, before beckoning her to sit opposite. She was looking back toward the gate by which they’d entered, with her back to the gate they needed to pass through next. They shouldn’t have to worry about anyone coming from her side until sunset, but better safe than sorry.
Andrew let her get comfortable, spared himself one last glance at the keep gate separating them from the continuation of their quest, then focused entirely on Lillian. He didn’t waste any time.
“So the way you screwed me over with Damien was pretty cold-hearted, huh?”
“That’s how you want to start this? You’re not serious?”
“I’m very serious. We put all that work into making my life viable again and you tore it out of my hands at the last second.”
“Okay. First up, it’s your fault your life fell apart. You were in your final year, exams coming up, all you had to do was study your way through them and you’d have been done. You’d have been placed in an apprenticeship, like me, and your future would’ve been on rails. Then you got into the Saga Online Alpha.”
“I told you all about it, you agreed it was a good idea. Saga had been in the pipeline for years, nobody knew when it was coming out. Then my brother invited me to join the alpha test. Only a thousand people invited and he gave me his only plus one! You said so yourself, it would be a good way to blow off steam when I wasn’t studying.”
“Oh, you blew off steam alright! You didn’t study at all! How many times did I wake up to find you still on the headset? You slept through the day and played all night. You barely ate. Worse than that, you lied to me. You told me you were studying while I was asleep. Then the exams rocked up. Lo and behold, you failed. Not just marginally, they wouldn’t even let you retake the test. All those years, wasted.”
“It’s Richard’s fault. He should never have invited me to the alpha when he knew I had exams. It was the worst time to have any distractions, and Saga—”
“It’s got nothing to do with Richard. That was entirely your fault. You’re not a child. If someone offers you something, it’s up to you whether you accept it. You’re responsible for your own actions. Magnitude isn’t my favorite person but you don’t get to blame him for this, any more than you get to blame me. Own your mistake.”
Andrew had been speaking levelly for the duration of their ‘chat’. This was the first time Lillian had given him pause. She could read him so easily. They’d been together for a long time, and she’d seen him at his worst and his best. Right now, he was some terrible place in between.
“You’re right. You’re completely right. I let my emotions get the better of me and ruined everything. I lied to you, because I knew what I was doing was wrong and you’d stop me if I told the truth. I was just so fed up of studying, and I wanted to forget all the pressure and the stress. That part was definitely my fault.”
“But it gets better, Andrew. You didn’t just ruin your own life, you took your best shot at ruining mine. I gave up my holiday to get you established in the same game that put you in that position. It was the only viable option you had left and I didn’t want to support a deadbeat. You’re too clever to live off my back, it would’ve destroyed you. But I could still support you. I did so the best way I knew how, by coming to stand by your side when you needed me. You showed me the ropes, you gave me all the information you got in the alpha about paladin skills and traits. I studied how to play Saga as hard as I ever studied to gain my apprenticeship. I kept your people in line and destroyed everyone who got in your way. How did you respond? By putting my career at risk.”
“We’d always—”
“After two months of co-running Rising Tide with you – leveling, budgeting, researching, planning, fighting, editing, conquering, all of it – after all that you ‘pranked’ me, by showing up at my hospital on a gurney pretending to be dead! Aside from the humiliation of investing in you as a human being, I also had to deal with the shame of not seeing through your trick. My peers couldn’t believe I’d fallen for it. I was off work for two weeks recovering from your stunt. As if you hadn’t already—”
She hadn’t realized she was ranting. Everything she’d wanted to tell him was pouring out of her. This was why she hadn’t wanted to talk about it until they were done with the quest. No good could come of this. But they were here now, at his request, and he was going to listen. So she found it hard to grind to a halt when Andrew threw up his hand, asking her to stop. She did, but just barely.
“Lillian, it’s no secret that you’re angry with me. You’ve made that abundantly clear. But please, let me speak. I can’t explain myself if you’re trying to do it for me.”
“Why start now? I did everything else for you! What more could I have possibly done? How did you think—”
“Lillian! Please! I’ve needed to talk to you about this for so long, and you’re taking it from me. I know how badly I screwed up, but I’ve had time and distance to process it and it’s time you heard my side. When I’m done, you can keep—”
“It’s always about what you need, isn’t it? You need to talk to me for ten minutes. You need to tell me your side. You need to unwind from exam prep. You need help managing Rising Tide. You need this, you need that, when will your needs end? If you’re really sorry, you should consider what I need: I need you to shut up and listen!”
Andrew shut up. Andrew listened.
“I ran into Damien after he killed all the players in that Twisted Forest raid. I went there to do it myself, but he got there first. He even brought Godhammer into it and got all of them killed as well. He was in the middle of announcing his victory, and rather than stopping him I let it run. I was happy he’d shown up to give you grief in the last days of the competition, when I knew it would hurt you most. I wasn’t plan
ning on taking it from you. I just wanted to show you your actions had consequences. I needed to let you know you hadn’t beaten me, after you turned me into a social outcast of the guild we built together and ended our relationship in the worst way imaginable. I was stuck on forced leave at home, nothing better to do. I couldn’t just let it slide, even though I knew how stressed you were and how much you needed to win.”
Andrew had stopped trying to interject. He wasn’t complaining, or interrupting her. A pleasant change from usual.
“Then I saw Damien getting attention. I could hurt you even more by supporting him. Good! He wouldn’t win, but he’d make a stir and you’d suffer for it. Good. I invited him to my house, so I could help with his campaign. The same way I’d helped you. What do I find? His mother was dying. He came to you for help. And you kicked him down a hole. I had to leave him alone and cry when I finally realized what a monster you are. That’s when I decided to destroy everything. I would’ve liked to turn the other cheek and let you be on your way, even after you took everything from me. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I made myself the final nail in your coffin. But you had it coming! You deserve all the misery that’s come your way! It’s no one’s fault but your own. Learn to accept the blame for your own mistakes.”
Lillian was done. The quest ahead of her was completely out of sight and out of mind. Andrew had eclipsed it by pushing her into this discussion, and she’d given him both barrels. Lillian was relieved to have finally unburdened herself on him, having carried the weight of her revenge for weeks. The only question now was how he’d react. It was hardly a question, given how well she knew him. But he still had the right of reply. He was staring at the floor for some time before he answered.
“The competition ended up being more stressful than the exams, but I had nothing left if it failed. Richard was messaging me the whole time, trying to convince me to cut you out of Rising Tide and end our relationship. He wanted his party to support me, but they’d only do so if you were out of the picture. I got the whole ‘This guild ain’t big enough for the two of you’ speech. He also said you were unstable. Not good for me, in general.”
“You never told me about that. So the whole time I was helping you, you were keeping that from me. As if I didn’t have enough—”
“He made that offer at the end of the summer, when you’d almost left. Look, I let you speak without interrupting, even though there was plenty I wanted to say. Will you let me finish?”
Lillian folded her arms. Fine. She’d just have to save her grievances for the end. This would probably take longer than ten minutes, but they were invested now. If it took too long, she’d hold that against him as well. In the midst of her own indignation, Andrew’s ‘air quotes’-accompanied intonation of the word left did not ring the alarm bells it would have otherwise. Andrew glanced at the closed gate behind her, muttered under his breath, then picked up where he left off.
“As well as the two-leader problem, he said you were stealing my limelight and you’d take votes from me just by staying in the guild. After everything I’d seen, I knew he was right. You were getting way more attention than I was, even though you were trying to redirect it to me. But I refused to throw you out. I owed you too much to do that to you. So I told him no. Then, right after we took Godhammer’s base and turned it into our highest-level outpost, you told me you were leaving. Later the same day, we had that argument when you kicked Trinytea out of the guild. I was handling it my own way, but you took over without asking me. You were leaving, but you wouldn’t hand over control. That argument was the last time we spoke. I left your apartment the next day, while you were on your first day at work. I messaged you that evening, but you didn’t reply. I kept messaging you. Nothing. You ghosted me. For the whole final month of the competition.”
This was taking a turn for the worse. Andrew had nailed it. He’d been watching and analyzing her every bit as intently as she’d been watching him. And he was circling the truth of it, which she’d worked so hard to keep from him.
“I told Richard you were out and he rewarded me with high-tier items, including this bag. Thanks to that, I was able to deal with your frontline duties as well as my own administrative duties. I had to. With no one else I could trust, managing the game’s largest guild alone, I had to be online eighteen hours a day. I spent most of the time coordinating from in base, just trying to hold onto what I had. My leadership sucked compared to yours, so I compensated with severe consequences. I didn’t have anything else. I kept messaging you, asking for advice, begging you to get back in touch. You never replied. So when Richard said I needed to prove we’d severed ties with a stunt, I agreed. At least I’d get your attention. Then he told me what the stunt was. I refused, point blank. He threatened me to go through with it, or else lose his support. I was terrified, but I couldn’t do what he asked. I was alone, scared and tired. That night, unable to sleep, I logged into the game at 5am. I thought since I couldn’t sleep I might as well get some organization done. I think you know what I saw.”
Lillian had really, really hoped he hadn’t noticed. But now he was presenting it like this, everything was starting to make sense. And he was building up, exactly the same way she did when she was so sure she was in the right.
“I saw you. On the Rising Tide player list. Leveling up your character in secret, in the early hours of the morning. You’d blocked me to make sure I couldn’t see when you were online, as I found out not long after, but as guild leader I could still see you on the list of Rising Tide members. Which you well knew. You logged out about thirty seconds after I logged in, just in time for me to pull up the list of online players and watch your name fade to gray. You were level 36. Eight levels higher than when you had announced your “retirement”. None of my night watch had told me you were still playing. They respected you more than me and were veiling your actions from me, right under my nose. Do you know what that looked like? No contact with me, leveling up in secret, bringing in guild members to keep it secret with you? You were organizing a coup. Richard must have known about it, which explains why he was pressuring me to do something so horrible to you.”
Lillian had completely forgotten about getting through the gate. This was awful. She really thought she’d gotten away with it. Instead, it was her own actions that had triggered the whole series of events leading to Andrew’s defeat.
“That was the last straw. I consented to the prank on you and pulled it off later that morning. I hated my entire guild for the rest of the week, because they’d all lied to me on your say so. I couldn’t punish them all, but I punished the ones who’d been on night watch when I saw you log out without bothering to tell them why. It was better left unsaid. And then, for good measure, I kicked Damien down a hole. I was already planning on it, just to upset my brother. First he’d gotten his own way by making me consent to that horrible prank, and wouldn’t stop going on about how he’d been right all along. Then, the very next day, he wanted me to chaperone some kid who’d taken my spot on ‘The Saga Continues’. You know, that guy you made competition leader in my place? Damien made it much easier when he fed me that tear-jerking story about his mom being in hospital. I mean, what a cliche, right? I dealt with ten scammers a day at my peak, all coming to me with sob stories like that. The story wasn’t even particularly creative! I expect at least a little effort from people scamming me. Except it turned out his mom really was in the hospital, and that I’m a psycho for not accepting his ridiculous story at face value. What a horrible person I am. Even Richard’s party agreed I was a psychopath. But let’s all praise Lillian and Damien, for taking down the big, nasty bully. Damien got his mom out of hospital by taking me down. Good for him! And you were by his side, using inside information to kill the mount Richard sent me, destroy the waiting room you’d once helped me capture and set the stage for my downfall after your own takeover bid failed. Good for you.”
Lillian hadn’t been looking at Andrew for the last portion of his rant. She coul
dn’t. She was holding her hands over her face, trying not to scream into them. All this drama because she’d been trying to hide her intentions from him. How had such a simple plan gone so horribly wrong?
She was still playing the events over in her head when Andrew coughed, pointedly. She drew down her hands to look over her fingertips. He looked exhausted, and smug. He had a unique smugness to fit every occasion. This must be his trademark vindication smugness. He pointed over her shoulder and she followed it to find his smugness was even more justified than she’d thought. What she saw did not quite outweigh Andrew’s storytelling showmanship, but it came pretty close.
The gate leading forward was wide open.
“What the—how did—”
“No time. Let’s go before it changes its mind. I’m still not 100% sure how this thing functions, technically.”
He Blinked forward and stood at the gate as Lillian struggled to shift gear, gathering herself and running to meet him. He turned inside as she arrived and the two of them passed through together. Her EXP bar shot up another level and a half, bringing her to level 46 in the blink of an eye. She’d never been less interested in her character’s progress. As they crossed, the gates swung closed behind them. Lillian was still reeling as Andrew went into his menu and started typing. Her internal workings were in complete disarray. There was only one thing that was clear, so she started from there.
“You tricked me through the riddle. Why did you do that? Why couldn’t you just tell me how it works? Was it all an excuse to take out your anger on me?”