by Jon Scieszka
“There is nothing they can do,” says Frank. “They can’t violate their robot laws. We have to save them.”
“Right,” says Watson. He jumps up and starts running toward Klink and Klank.
“Though I was thinking we could make a plan first . . .” Frank chases Watson and tries to pull him back, but only manages to catch him just as they both reach a ring of pressure-activated floor plates surrounding the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun.
The weight of Watson and Frank sinks the floor plate a barely noticeable half inch. But that half inch interrupts a photoelectric light beam, which triggers a switch, which activates a spring, which shoots a line of titanium bars out of the floor, which trap Watson and Frank in an escape-proof cage against the scarred brick factory wall.
“What?!” yells Edison. And this time he looks truly surprised. “How did you two idiots get in here? You are supposed to be in the junkyard across the lake, saving your robot pals.”
Mr. Chimp opens his mouth wide and bares his four large canine teeth.
“Sorry to spoil your test,” says Frank. “We just missed you so much, we had to come back and visit again.”
Edison uses his remote control to swivel his Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun back and forth. He looks at Klink and Klank.
He looks at Frank and Watson.
He thinks.
He smiles.
“Oh, this is even better. Klink, what is that First Law of Robotics?”
“A robot cannot injure a human, or let a human be injured by not helping.”
“Perfect! Now we will get to test the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun and have Mr. Genius Frank Einstein destroy his own robots. How good is that, Mr. Chimp?”
Mr. Chimp is, for once, actually impressed. He signs:
Edison fires up his Antimatter Squirt Gun. A stream of white light shoots out of the tip, annihilating all matter in its path on the brick wall. The gun swivels slowly on its base, tracing a line of destruction heading right for Frank and Watson.
“Robots, that antimatter stream is heading right for those two humans. And the only way you can save them is to get in the way of the beam yourselves. Now go!”
Emergency red lights start flashing.
The Danger-Overload siren blares a very loud whoop-whoop.
The white-light antimatter beam sizzles across the bricks.
“Don’t do it, Klink and Klank!” calls Watson. “Wait What am I saying? I mean, yes, do it! No, wait. Frank! How do we save them and us? You do have a plan, right? Tell me you have a plan. Quickly!”
MATTER,” SAYS FRANK EINSTEIN, KID GENIUS AND INVENTOR. “The stuff that every living and nonliving thing is made of. That’s what this is all about.”
“Great,” says Frank’s longtime pal Watson, crouching behind him. “So how does that help us get out of this?”
Frank Einstein applies, as he always does, the scientific method he learned from his Grampa Al.
Frank thinks:
OBSERVATION:
Red lights flashing twice a second.
Incredibly loud whoop-whoop sound echoing over factory floor.
Cage bars: metallic-white color, lightweight, high-strength.
Two mechanical shapes against far brick wall.
Two shadowy figures, both wearing ties, on platform above.
A beam of concentrated white light, sparking and melting a line across near brick wall, presently moving on a path to intersect position of Einstein and Watson in twenty-eight seconds.
Frank says:
“HYPOTHESIS:
“Lights and siren probably an alarm.
“Bars most likely titanium and unbreakable.
“Those two over there might help us.
“Those two up there will not.
“We now have thirteen seconds before every atom, element, molecule, and bit of matter we are made of violently explodes into ashes, heat, and smoke.”
“Why do I ever listen to you?” asks Watson, moving as far away as he can from the advancing beam of brick-sizzling light.
Frank Einstein cracks a smile. “Begin EXPERIMENT . . .”
HIGH UP ON THE BOOM PLATFORM, EDISON STAMPS HIS FEET impatiently. “Come on, you mechanical meatheads! Get your tin butts over there! I want to see some antimatter fireworks!”
“Eeeee-eeee-eee! Ooooo-oooo-ooo!” screams Mr. Chimp, hopping and flapping his arms and kind of losing it, going full chimp for a few wild seconds.
Klink rolls, Klank clomps reluctantly toward their own annihilation.
“I do not want to be antimatter fireworks,” whines Klank.
“I told you that humans were unstable thinkers,” says Klink. “What a waste of perfect intelligence—me!”
The antimatter beam crackles exactly one meter away from the trapped Watson and Frank. Red lights flash. The siren whoops.
As soon as Klink and Klank are close enough to hear him, Frank yells over the deafening siren, “Klank!”
“What?”
“You like to hug, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And now you can’t hear anything that human on the boom loader says, can you?”
“No.”
The antimatter beam now smokes the wall one-half meter away.
Watson covers his eyes.
“Good! So go give that big pink squirt gun the biggest, strongest hug you possibly can. That is a human order!”
Klank thinks for one long, precious second.
Must not let a human be injured. Must obey orders by humans. Frank Einstein orders to hug pink gun. Frank Einstein is human. Hugging gun will not harm a human.
T. Edison can’t hear what is happening down below. But he sees the robots stop. And he knows Einstein is somehow messing with his plans.
Klank’s whole metal head lights up with the answer. “Hug!!!” He charges the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun at full, floor-pounding, Klank-stomping speed.
Edison yells at Klank, “Ohdfuhg hwjho ffhjhf dhbhcyy mmrff!”
Or at least that’s all Klank hears between the whoops of the siren.
Klank enthusiastically follows Frank’s order, smashing into the giant pink pistol with a whanging, full-metal, body-slamming bllllannnnngggg!
He wraps his big aluminum flex arms around the pistol grip, powers his arm motors to max, punches HEAVY METAL 2, and squeeeeeze-huuuuuugs the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun with every bit of his mechanical strength.
Mr. Chimp sees where this is heading. He lets go of the boom controls and signs:
Mr. Chimp jumps and grips the top rail with his toes, drops down, and swings his way to safety, hand over foot over hand.
The antimatter beam hits the first titanium bar and vaporizes it.
Frank and Watson back as far away from the bars as they can. Frank recalculates. “OK, that wasn’t part of the plan . . .”
“Stop!” yells Edison, at everyone, at everything.
But there is no stopping this antimatter matter.
Klank hugs, squeezes, spins. He twists the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun off its mount, redirecting its deadly beam in a dangerous arc that slices through the tops of the titanium bars, a stray tuft of hair on Watson’s head, the middle of the boom with Edison still on it, and the very heart of the massive particle collider.
Dancing whang, whang, whang to his HEAVY METAL 2 beat, Klank hug-twirl falls, pulling the Edison Antimatter Squirt Gun down on top of himself. Klank gives one more max hug, and the cracking, smoking, sparking pistol erupts in a blinding white-light explosion, annihilating every bit of itself, the Antimatter Motor—and the robot Klank.
FRANK AND WATSON SIT AT THE LABORATORY WORKBENCH, FACING Frank’s laptop screen.
“We are so sorry to hear you didn’t win the Science Prize, sweetie.”
Frank waves a hand. “Ah, don’t worry about that, Mom. The science is more fun than any prize. And just this morning I sold a magnetic levitation idea to a cool skateboard company and paid off Grampa’s deed, so we can keep the store.”
“
You sold a magnet?” says Mary Einstein. “For Grampa’s steed?”
Frank laughs. “I’ll explain it all when you get home.”
Grampa Al pops his head in Frank’s laboratory door. He calls, “Hi, Mary! Hi, Bob! Everything’s copacetic. Now if you will excuse me, I’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
“Huh?” says Watson. “What does that mean?”
“I’m making us dinner. Bye, Mary! Bye, son!” Grampa Al disappears into the kitchen.
Bob Einstein appears next to Mary. “We’re back in the country, sport. So I’ll be able to help you with your next invention!”
“Oh gosh, Dad. That is . . . uh . . . great.”
Klink wheels up to the workbench. “Are you being sarcastic?”
“Wow,” says Bob. “Did your Shop-Vac just say something?”
Klink beeps.
“Uh, more to explain when you guys get home. See you soon. Bye!”
Frank closes his laptop. He stacks his papers.
Watson wipes down a shelf. He organizes some tools.
Klink sits silently, his LED lights pulsing ever so slightly.
“Man, Edison sure was mad,” says Watson.
“Mmm-hmm,” agrees Frank, looking through his science encyclopedia.
“He is going to be your enemy for life.”
“Uh-huh,” agrees Frank, drawing a doodle.
“And that ape is not going to be your best friend either.”
“Yeah.”
It is suddenly very quiet in Frank Einstein’s lab.
Watson picks up a copy of Klank’s favorite Captain Underpants book. He frowns. “Einstein, sometimes I think you are a robot. Don’t you miss Klank? He was a good guy.”
Klink powers up. “A robot cannot be good or bad. Klank was a robot.” Klink blinks once, then twice. “But I would like to try to understand his jokes again.”
Frank looks up from his science book. “So our next subject is Energy. Here’s what I’m thinking.”
Watson stares at Frank. “Are you kidding? Klank blew himself up for us, and all you can think about is—”
There is a knock on the door leading out to the backyard.
“Oh, wait. Just a second.” Frank gets up from the workbench.
A voice on the other side of the door says, “Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?” asks Frank.
“Little old lady.”
“Little old lady who?”
Frank swings open the door. Klank clomps in and booms: “I did not know you could yodel!”
“Klank!” yells Watson.
“Ha-ha-ha,” beeps Klink.
Klank plods over to the workbench and wraps his aluminum flex arms around Watson, Klink, and a smiling Frank.
“Hugs! Give Klank hugs! Klank give hugs! Klank hugs give! Hugs Klank give!”
Before anyone can ask any questions, Frank answers, “Re-assembled artificial intelligence. With just a little help from me. Though we still couldn’t find much memory or brain power.”
Klank holds up his new pipe-wrench hand. “But we did find this! Klank is now bigger and better than ever!”
Everyone laughs. Even Klink. Kind of.
Frank looks over this strange group. He says:
“RESULTS: Three good friends. Grampa Al’s place is safe . . . for now. May have a lifelong enemy in T. Edison.”
Frank looks up at the Wall of Science.
“CONCLUSION: Matter and antimatter—amazing.”
Frank pauses for a second.
“Now, about that energy idea. I have an invention that just might be even more amazing. Who’s with me?”
Watson smiles. “Count me in.”
“Me too,” beeps Klink.
“Me three!” boom-chicka-boom-booms Klank.
“All in,” says Frank Einstein.
FRANK EINSTEIN’S MATTER NOTES
MATTER
Stuff everything is made of.
All living and nonliving things.
Rocks, water, air, this paper, you, me.
All matter is made of tiny particles called atoms.
Atoms connected together make molecules.
STATES OF MATTER
SOLIDS
Have a definite shape.
Atoms and molecules arranged in a tightly packed shape.
Don’t move around much.
Like ice. And Klank’s head.
LIQUIDS
Take the shape of whatever container is holding them.
Atoms and molecules move around, sliding over each other.
Like water. And the fluid that leaks out of Klank.
GAS
No shape of its own.
Atoms and molecules are far apart and move around at high speed.
Most gases invisible.
Like steam from boiling water. And the smoke from Klink’s head when he listens to Klank.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE (FIG. 1.2)
A machine that can do the things humans do.
See Klink.
ARTIFICIAL ALMOST INTELLIGENCE (FIG. 1.3)
A machine that can do some of the things humans do, only not very well.
But usually pretty good at joke telling and making music.
See Klank.
COW METHANE (FIG. 1.7)
Gas. Produced by cows’ digestion.
A molecule made of 1 carbon atom and 4 hydrogen atoms.
Released into the air mostly by cow burps. But also by cow farts.
Estimated 250 liters per cow per day.
That’s 250 liter-sized bottles. Full. Of. Cow. Gas.
ATOM (FIGS. 1.11 AND 1.12)
Particle that makes up all matter.
So small it would take millions of atoms to make a dot on this page.
Main particles of the atom are protons, neutrons, and electrons.
Some matter— gold, copper, and silver—has just one kind of atom.
Other matter—water—is made of different atoms that are connected.
Connected atoms are called molecules.
ANTIMATTER (FIG. 1.13)
Universe made of matter, but scientists have done experiments that show antimatter exists too.
Antimatter has opposite electrical charge of matter.
When matter meets its antimatter, they destroy each other . . . and release a lot of energy.
Should be just as much antimatter as matter in the universe, since both were created equally when the universe began in the Big Bang (say, 13.82 billion years ago).
No one has been able to find much antimatter.
Scientists at CERN and other places are producing antimatter by smashing atomic particles together.
MOLECULE (FIG. 1.16)
Different atoms connected to make a substance.
Water is molecules of 2 hydrogen atoms with 1 oxygen atom. Written as H2O.
Methane gas is 1 atom of carbon with 4 hydrogen atoms. Written as CH4.
CERN (FIG. 1.21)
Research center near Geneva, Switzerland. Scientists from a bunch of countries built a machine that speeds up atomic particles in a giant underground ring . . . and then smashes them into each other.
Scientists trying to learn more about how atoms, and the universe, are made.
Biggest man-made machine ever, built to study smallest particles of matter.
Named the Large Hadron Collider.
Underground ring is so big it crosses the border of France and Switzerland four times.
A WATSON FAVORITE INVENTION
1.00: CHANGING STATES OF MATTER: THE POPSICLE
When Frank Epperson was eleven years old in San Francisco in 1905, he left a stirring stick in a pot of flavored soda water on an outdoor porch.
That night, the temperature went down below freezing (32 degrees Fahrenheit, 0 degrees Celsius). The water changed states from liquid to solid ice.
The next morning, Frank picked up the stick, and the whole block of flavored ice came with it.
Eighteen years later Frank remembered his frozen treat o
n a stick. He registered his idea with the patent office and called his invention the Epsicle.
But Frank’s kids called him Pop. And they called his invention by a better name—the Popsicle.
KLINK AND KLANK PRESENT HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ANTIMATTER MOTOR
INGREDIENTS
1 dropper of water (H2O)
1 dropper of antiwater (anti-H2O)
EQUIPMENT
1 old bicycle, 1 lawn mower motor, 2 extension cords, 3 copper tubes, magnets, detectors, shielding, storage rings
1. ASSEMBLE INGREDIENTS AND EQUIPMENT IN YOUR LABORATORY.
2. MAKE ANTIWATER BY FIRST—
“Hey, Klink!”
“Klank, why are you interrupting? We are explaining how to make an Antimatter Motor.”
“I know, I know. But this is just like matter and antimatter.”
“Is it really?”
“Yes, really.”
“It is not another knock-knock joke?”
“No, it is not.”
“Are you positive?”
“Yes.”
“It better not be.”
“Robot’s honor. This is not a knock-knock joke.”
“OK. What is it?”
“So there are these two robots named Pete and Re-Pete. They are sitting on a wall. Pete falls off. Who is left?”
“Re-Pete.”
“So there are these two robots named Pete and Re-Pete. They are sitting on a wall. Pete falls off. Who is left?”
“Re-Pete.”
“So there are these two robots named Pete and Re-Pete. They are sitting on a wall. Pete falls off. Who is left?”
“Re-Pete.”
“So there are these two robots named Pete and Re-Pete. They are sitting on a wall. Pete falls off. Who is left?”
“Re-Pete.”
“So there are these two robots named Pete and Re-
T. EDISON’S NEW INVENTIONS
JON SCIESZKA grew up loving science. Some of his early groundbreaking science fair work, placing celery stalks in colored water, is still referenced today (by his mom). He is the author of The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs!, The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, Battle Bunny, the Time Warp Trio series, and too many other books to list. He is also the founder of Guys Read. Scieszka served as the first National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, and still loves science.