He grins. ‘Obviously.’
I stand up.
‘But not tonight.’
‘Why not? Am I meant to just stay here and pretend everything’s all right?’
‘I don’t have enough verve to take us both back.’ He must see from my perplexed expression that I don’t understand. ‘Verve is our energy Variant,’ he explains. ‘We need enough verve in order to use our Ability. I’ll come back tomorrow night with a plan. Dad will know what to do. I can’t believe I get to tell him you’re alive.’ He looks at me seriously. ‘You can’t let them know that you know.’
I borrow his earlier word. ‘Obviously. But can you not wait here until you get your verve back? You can hide in my fancy bathroom. I have so many questions.’
He hesitates. ‘All right, I’ll stay. But just a few minutes. And not in the bathroom.’
‘Thank you!’ I sit on the red velvet sofa and tap the cushioned seat next to me. ‘Sit.’ Eli sits and waits but I can’t think what to ask. It seems impossible that only yesterday my life was normal. What I thought was normal. ‘I used to think that my future was ruling over the kingdom, as much as I didn’t want to,’ I say. ‘But now, I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t even know about tomorrow.’
‘It’s a lot to take in, I know.’
I muster a smile but he can’t really understand what I’m going through. I’ve had my whole life taken away. My old life feels far from my reach. I wish more memories would come back so I could start piecing together the puzzle.
‘Tomorrow we’ll leave and you’ll never come back here. Maybe we can convince Concord to finally head west. Dad and the elders have always been reluctant to go there. He thinks they’ll be the same as out here. I’ve heard from travellers it’s not so wired, though the people don’t fear Variants as much. I just wish Dad would take me seriously – but he thinks I’m wired!’
The West is an unknown to me. I never learnt about it and Duncan never liked talking about it. ‘As long as there are people, Eli, the world will always be crazy.’
‘I suppose you’re right. But at least you’ll be back with us, and we can deal with the crazy people together.’
‘What if it turns out we’re the crazy people?’
‘Then we can be crazy together.’
‘Tell me about us. About the Variants. All I know are the lies Duncan has fed to the kingdom, like his ancestors before him.’
He settles into a more comfortable position. ‘As the legend goes,’ he says melodramatically and I grin, ‘we, being the Variants, developed because some stupid government thought it was a great idea to hide toxins in a facility that could easily be bombed.’
‘I know that part.’
‘Don’t interrupt my beautiful storytelling. This facility was bombed and, lo and behold, the toxins were released into the air surrounding the facility. Our ancestors directly breathed in the toxins at full potency and were the first to show signs of altered genes. Hence, we’re called Descendants.’
‘So what are other Variants called?’
‘Oh, they’re just regular, boring Variants. Their ancestors inhaled toxins after they had dispersed, and only generations on did their children’s children show any Abilities. Generally, their Abilities aren’t as strong as ours.’
I think how scary it would have been for the first generations of Variants. Not knowing why you were changing. Or how. ‘What were the toxins?’
‘We don’t know. Once the world collapsed on itself, there wasn’t any information on what the facility was doing with the toxins.’
I think about my previous feelings regarding the Manipulators. ‘You’re feared.’ I look down at my wrist. ‘I’m feared.’
‘Because we’re different, Thee. Each generation passes on their fear, just like we pass on our Variant gene. The peace treaty we held with the North Empire didn’t last long. They thought it compromised their position against the Kingdom of Cardiff. We were protected by the North until then. Dad’s decided he’s done trying to make peace with others, he just wants to have peace within the Variant groups.’
‘Tell me about him. About our father.’
‘Because he’s the leader of Concord, he has to be strong, so sometimes he’s a bit tough, but I know he loves me – us. After what happened with you and Mum, he changed. She used to be able to calm him down when he was stressed and angry.’
‘They were good parents?’
‘Of course. I think they were nicer to you because your Ability hadn’t developed. You were so disappointed with yourself, seeing yourself as different to the other kids because you didn’t have a Token. You were their little angel while I was their devil Vaulting through space.’
‘I bet you were.’
He puts his arms up in mock defence. ‘Hey, it’s not my fault, Jay was a bad influence on me.’
‘Yes, sure, blame Jay.’
‘Why not? You always did.’
The thought irks me; do I want to remember how I used to be?
Eli senses my mood change. ‘Anyway, you’ll remember it all. Don’t worry.’
‘And if I don’t?’
‘Then I guess you get to start over. Be whoever you want to be.’
‘I don’t know who I want to be. All I know is that I don’t want to be queen, I just want to be like everyone else.’
‘Hate to tell you, but you can never be like anyone else. At least you don’t have to be a princess anymore. Funny how that’s all you ever wanted as a kid.’
‘What?’
‘You were Princess Thea, always bossing people around.’
‘I sound like I was horrible.’
‘You were, but only because you were my annoying sister.’ He looks closely at my face. ‘You’ve changed. It’s weird though, I still think of you as my bratty little sister because we’ve missed five years.’
‘That’s how long it’s been?’
‘Almost five years.’
‘I really am sixteen?’
‘Yup. We’re almost seventeen so get excited.’
I know knowing my true age doesn’t change anything, but to know something real about who I really am settles me somewhat.
Eli must think my silence is a bad thing. ‘Hey, just look on the bright side, at least you know they told you one truth about yourself.’
‘Joking about my stolen memories is hilarious.’
He stands up. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow night. In the meantime, keep trying to unlock your memories. Oh, and don’t forget me,’ he says with a wink.
‘Wait.’ I run to him and draw him into a hug. His arms wrap around me and I feel safe. I let go and he gives me a smile before he disappears, creating a slight breeze.
I sigh as I drift over to my bed, collapsing onto it. The last half-an-hour answered many questions but raised many more. I close my eyes. The pieces of the puzzle are slotting together but there are still gaps that need to be filled. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
I am up by the time Lucy knocks on my door. I’ve spent the last hour preparing myself to be normal, and she will be my first test.
‘Come in.’ My voice is a little higher than usual.
Lucy walks in with a bounce. ‘Morning, Your Highness. How was your sleep?’ Her chipper presence eases me immediately, almost making me feel like nothing has changed, like I am Duncan Cardiff ’s daughter – like I’m not a hated Variant.
‘Fine thanks, Lucy.’
Lucy starts chatting, ‘Do you remember me telling you about the farmers in the south yesterday?’ I nod. ‘Well, Samson told me that they are becoming restless with the supply demanded by . . .’ my ears stop listening as my own thoughts consume me.
I stand a metre back from my window, looking at the blue sky.
Lucy’s light touch on my shoulder refocuses me. I don’t know if I’ve been daydreaming or actually slowing down time. The thought worries me. Act normal. ‘Sorry, Luce. I was just thinking what a lovely day it looks to be.’ A lovely day to keep secrets.
‘Why, yes, indeed it does, Your Highness,’ she says, pulling up the top sheet on my bed. ‘Shall I lay out something summery for you to wear today?’
‘That’s all right, Luce, I’ll pick something out.’
‘Princess, you really do need more lessons. Your elocution is terrible again today.’
Act normal. ‘Yes, you’re right. I mean, you are right. I have not been concentrating lately.’
‘Shall I book you in for a lesson this afternoon?’
‘No!’ Lucy stops making my bed and stares at me. ‘Sorry, I, uh, have a day planned with Tahan.’ She adjusts my pillows.
I am off to a fantastic start. Only another twelve hours left in which to perfect my acting.
I walk to my wardrobe and assess my options, opting for a pair of wide-leg black trousers and a loose, short-sleeved light-green blouse. Act normal.
‘I shall bring you some breakfast, Your Highness,’ Lucy says.
I nod, but doubt I can eat anything, even my morning cocoa, I feel so anxious and uncertain.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I think about what Eli said. I look different. I’m older, of course, but I should have blonde hair. How have they changed it? The markets sell homemade hair dye but I’ve never used it. But what if I were drugged and it was dyed while I was unconscious? The only thing I know to be real are my eyes.
I am not a princess destined to be queen one day, but just a girl who happens to be a feared Manipulator. A girl kidnapped by a strange man who gave me to the king so he could raise me as his daughter. I smile at my reflection. Yes, I’m a completely normal girl.
The breeze is cool against my skin, the air refreshing. I felt enclosed within my chambers and decided the open outdoors was what I needed. Harries stands dutifully behind me, while I know two other sentinels lurk close by.
I stand outside Casteel, taking deep breaths. My eyes are closed, not wanting to see the world. I am further hidden by the black cloche hat with an emerald band, the brim hovering over my eyes, wanting to disguise myself to the world.
My tranquillity is lost when I hear a voice. ‘What are you doing?’ I leave my eyes closed. The voice belongs to Finn and I fear looking into his hurt eyes. ‘Althea, are you all right?’
I take one more deep breath before opening my eyes. Finn stares back at me with sadness and worry. Lines crease his forehead and the corners of his mouth are turned down. ‘Good morning, Finn. I am well, how are you?’
His forehead smoothes. ‘I am fine, thank you.’ There is none of the liveliness in his face that I am used to.
We stand facing each other for what seems an eternity. I worry that I am using my Ability but realise it is just the awkwardness of our current state that is causing the silence.
‘So . . .’ Finn’s voice is a few octaves higher than normal.
‘So.’ My voice is steady but I think it’s only because I am concentrating so hard on not sounding different.
‘Have you talked with your father?’
‘About what? About us? Finn, if you think Dun . . . my father can change my mind about our courtship, then you are mistaken.’
‘That is not what I meant,’ he says defensively.
After everything I discovered last night, I am not sure what to make of Finn. My life has been taken away from me and replaced with a lie. Finn is one of those lies. I look at him and see the same person I’ve always seen; a caring, generous person who loves me. But now I also see lies. Does he know the truth? Was courting me part of Duncan’s plan?
I remember meeting Finn when I was thirteen, back when my ‘princess life’ started. We were introduced by our parents. His mother was the newly elected delegate of the North-east Quarter and I looked up to her. She was the first woman to be put in charge of the armament and her leadership has helped solidify the Kingdom of Cardiff ’s dominance in our small world. I wonder if she coordinates attacks on Variant groups.
I liked Finn from the start – he was charming and sweet. He asked me to be his sweetheart when we were fourteen and I didn’t hesitate. I knew it would make my father happy but it also made me happy.
‘Look, Althea,’ his tone is sharp, ‘I will not stand here begging you to take me back. I have an important meeting with Mother about an issue with the Rampart. But before I go, I want you to know that we are meant to be together. Regardless of your status or mine, I want to be with you.’
His words are kind but I’ve never heard him speak in this strident tone before and I’m not sure what I feel. ‘Finn–’
‘You need me. I know you dread being queen. Do not deny that you wish for me to help you, to give you strength.’
‘How dare you! Just because I dread something does not mean I need help, especially from you! I have my own strength and do not need to find it in you!’ I storm past him, nudging his shoulder with my own. Finn has never spoken to me like that before, I didn’t think it was in his nature. I spin around as I reach the East Road. ‘Our relationship is over, Finn, and you can tell your mother all her hopes of a Cardiff-Donoghue dynasty are dashed. And you can tell my father for that matter.’ I march away without looking back.
All this time, his sweet, gentle behaviour must have been an act, fooling me into loving him.
We are across the west side of the Imperial Gardens before Harries speaks. ‘Your Highness, I know it is not my place, but can I assist . . .?’
I continue my determined walk along the dirt path. ‘Harries,’ I say, my voice loud, ‘I am perfectly fine.’
The squealing of the kids playing on the oval breaks my train of thought. Without lyceum in session over the summer, they have all day to play. Most wear ragtag garments, the cheap cotton colours faded and thin. Too busy working in the markets or factories, their parents leave the children to look after each other.
A pack has formed on one side, all jostling for front position. I watch as a lone kid on the other side of the oval kicks a leather ball high in the air. The pack jumps, almost as one, and the ball hits a boy’s head and bounces away. The others all laugh as the boy forces a grin, humiliated.
Beyond the group of children I see someone walking along the edge of the field, his head turned in our direction, his face shadowed by a grey flat cap. He must notice my regard because he looks away. I glance at Harries and then at the two sentinels walking behind us. Their constant head-swivels reassure me that they haven’t noticed my watcher. Perhaps the man recognises me as the princess. But I am not a real princess, and I can’t wait for the day when people will have no reason to stare.
I sit on the nearest wooden bench, trying to collect my thoughts. Finn’s words replay in my mind. Anger boils inside me and I ball up my fists. I don’t need him. He can have his highborn life, Rampart troubles and all.
The children begin playing keepings-off. A boy, by himself in the middle, runs back and forth, trying to catch the ball, and getting more frustrated as each kick sends the ball over his head. His shirt has a huge hole down his left shoulder. I always thought when I became queen that I would close the gap between the rich and the poor. I won’t have that chance anymore.
Time has slipped away from me. I didn’t notice that the kids have stopped playing. Did I speed up time? It’s so confusing not knowing whether I have used my Ability. I glance down at my wrist but feel nothing. Time must have travelled at its usual pace, then. I think back to all those times I thought the nerves in my wrist were wired wrong. I didn’t know it was a sign of my old life coming back to me.
I think of my father, lying to me all these years, the poverty of the kingdom’s citizens, the fear of the Manipulators. Maybe this life is the disease and my true self is the cure. Everyone in the kingdom is part of my disease, whether they know it or not. The sooner I get out of this place and away from the people in it, the better.
I think of Tahan and my heart softens. She has been my rock in this false life, the one person I could always rely on to make me smile and forget my ‘royal’ life. I must say goodbye to h
er, today before I leave forever – although she won’t know it’s a goodbye. She doesn’t live far from the gardens, only a few blocks west.
‘Harries, I am going to Tahan’s.’ He nods and signals the other two sentinels. I am grateful for his silence, it makes his presence slightly less irritating. I think of Francis. Now more than ever I wish to question him about my life – does he know who I really am?
I start heading west across the field, thinking of all the questions I could ask Tahan without giving myself away. Along with Finn and my father, Tahan has been a constant in my life since I can remember: supporting me in my fights with father, listening to me complain about Finn, enduring my teenage mood swings. Tahan doesn’t know the truth. Regardless of my royalty, she’s the only one who has never put me on a pedestal or treated me differently.
I leave the gardens and head down a laneway covered in graffiti. I look away from the one that reads ‘the king is a monger’. The houses along here are rundown, with windows either shattered or boarded-up with scrap material. More and more of the kingdom is descending into poverty. Only around the East Road do the buildings remain completely undamaged; the rich maintaining, and increasing, their power and wealth.
As I step into the end of Tahan’s street she emerges from her small house. She rushes down the street, dodging carts and pedestrians, looking around with a worried expression. Never in my life have I seen Tahan anxious and my greeting dies on my lips. Her cool exterior has never faltered, not even when she talks about her family, who I never had a chance to meet. I cannot compare the feelings of a lost brother to a dead one. She turns a corner, heading towards the Imperial Gardens. I start walking fast to catch up to her. As I round the corner, I see her a couple of blocks ahead, still walking fast.
I feel a knot growing in my stomach, worried for Tahan. Something has her spooked, which in turn is spooking me. With her cavalier attitude, I sometimes forget the people she deals with on a daily basis. Crime is rife in the markets, and a seller like Tahan has to be tough and smart. I close the gap, but allow her a block’s lead. Harries and the sentinels patiently follow, saying nothing.
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