“What do you mean, the last thing you all knew? I only told you that!”
Karina shrugged, grinning. “Fine, if you want me not to have told them, just operate on the assumption I kept my mouth shut. Feel free to go through the entire story again.”
Lauren shook her head, “Forget it, that's fine. I'll pick it up from there. So, the next day, I went to his trailer to have it out with him once and for all...”
“Wearing only a trench coat?” Karina asked hopefully.
“No, wearing my normal clothes.”
Karina shook her head and sighed, “When will you people ever learn.”
Lauren chuckled wickedly, “Well, it had pretty much the same effect.”
“What? You little slut, you. Congrats!” Karina said.
“Yeah,” Lauren said, happily, “It was pretty awesome.”
“So, who did the girl end up being?” Amy asked.
“What?” Lauren was confused.
“The girl,” Amy clarified, “The one he brought to his room.”
“Oh,” said Lauren, her happy mood downshifting a bit, “Um...I don't know, actually.”
“And what did he say about giving you the cold shoulder? Did he apologize and promise never to do it again?” Amanda asked indignantly.
“Oh, yeah, well...” Lauren waffled, “I guess we didn't really get around to talking about that.”
“So let me get this straight,” Sam said suspiciously, “you had numerous concerns about not only his behavior but the way he was treating you, you went to his trailer to detail those concerns, stand up for yourself, and demand that he treat you with the respect you deserve-and what ended up happening instead is, you have hot monkey sex and don't discuss any of your issues. Sound about right?”
Lauren nodded, looking unsure. She hadn't really laid out the sequence of events exactly that way in her mind yet, but once she did, she had to admit they sounded just about right.
“And you all accuse me of being naïve about relationships,” Sam said with disgust.
“Don't listen to Judgy McJudgerson over there,” Karina said, “I, for one, like your style, kid. I approve wholeheartedly.”
“I'm not sure that's the best message to be sending her, Karina,” Amanda said, concern written across her face.
“What am I, an ABC Afterschool Special?” Karina said, “She's a grown-ass woman, she doesn't need to be forming her ideas about what the world is like based on the things that I say to her. Besides, I don't actually see the problem here. She went to his trailer to ask him to treat her nicely. It sounds like that's exactly what he did.”
“Except, this isn't actually my style,” Lauren said, sounding a little depressed.
“What?” Amanda asked.
“Karina said she liked my style,” Lauren responded, “except that's kind of the problem, isn't it? This isn't my style. None of this is my style. Not having such strong feelings, not giving over all of the control, and certainly not the bizarre experience of having absolutely no idea what is going through the other person's head at any given moment. None of that is my style, and I don't like it one bit.
“Except, I really like Ben. That's the part of this that I can't get past. Something about him is just special. Yes, he makes me absolutely crazy sometimes, and at times I feel like I'm losing my ever loving mind when I'm around him or when I think about him. But at other times, I feel the best and the safest and the happiest and the most fulfilled that I've ever felt with anyone or anything, ever.
“It's a little bit hard to reconcile, to say the least.” Lauren concluded.
“I should have you repeat all of that into the recorder app on my iPhone so I could transcribe it and base the lyrics of my next song around it,” Karina said, laughing, “that's how universal those feelings are, about falling head over heels for someone. I know you're not a very sit back and enjoy the ride type of person Lauren – but, honestly, my advice to you is – sit back and enjoy the ride. It may be bumpy, but it sure as hell is fun.”
Chapter Sixteen
Ben pulled his rental car into the parking lot at the Mountain Ridge Outdoor Adventures on Monday morning, having come to a decision and being determined to stick to it.
He had done a lot of thinking over the weekend. Having an entire weekend where you sat alone in a hotel room except for the lone three hours that you were committed to host a dedication ceremony will do that for you – plenty of time to think. And he had done plenty of that over the weekend – he'd thought while sitting in his room alone, he'd thought while standing in the shower, he thought while he ate, he thought while he sat by the pool, he'd thought while he worked out, and he had thought for the entire drive back up the mountain to Hope Falls.
The decision that he had come to was this – he needed to show Lauren what a good man he was, and how serious he was about her. He needed to show her the side of him that not everyone got to see. The sensitive side, the strong side, the deep side.
With most people, he stuck to his “television show host” persona, for several different reasons.
First, it was the simplest thing. He was at work to do a job, and so were the rest of the people who made the television show. Whatever their job, from the director all the way down to the PA, they weren't there to socialize and make friends, they were there to put out a damn good TV show. If he “stuck to the script” so to speak, it was just easier for everyone, all around.
Second, it was what people expected. From his coworkers to his fans, they liked to see him behaving offscreen the same way that he behaved onscreen. To see a different side of him, a side of him that wasn't perpetually witty and upbeat and obsessed with high-end real estate, would mess with their minds. To most people, if they knew you from seeing you on their television screens, it was very disconcerting for them to see you behaving differently in real life. It caused a cognitive dissonance that Ben, frankly, did not have time to deal with in his life.
The third reason, and the one that was most applicable in this situation, is that he had never met anyone that he had had a reason to go deeper with, or felt the need to.
That had all changed now, with Lauren. He wanted to share everything with her. He wanted to make a life with her. He wanted to hold nothing back from her.
But she wasn't the kind of woman who would simply jump at that chance. That was part of the reason why he had fallen so hard for her, precisely because she was like no other woman he had ever met. To make things work with Lauren, he was going to have to put forth some serious effort. Yes, to make things work with Lauren, that was going to be the operative word – work. And he couldn't wait, he was going to love every minute of it.
One thing he knew he might have to face, possibly as soon as during the meeting this morning, was her giving him the cold shoulder. That was one of her quirks, she ran hot and cold. He couldn't blame her, he had actually done the same thing since they had known each other. But when a couple ran into problems was when both members happened to be running cold at the same time.
He was determined that from now on, that simply would not happen. He was going to run warm from here on in. If he walked into the meeting this morning and found that she was ignoring him, or angry with him, or in any way had bricked back up those walls surrounding her heart that he had worked so assiduously to tear down, he would merely ignore that attitude and continue to treat her with the kindness and warmth that came so naturally when the two of them were both running hot.
Ben pushed open the door, a huge smile already gracing his face. It didn't have to be pasted on. The thrill he felt at the opportunity to see Lauren again was enough to bring it there naturally.
He sat down in his customary seat next to her, and she lifted her head and smiled at him.
His heart sang.
For all his tough talk to himself about how strong he was going to be at keeping a friendly, warm, and open attitude no matter what resistance he was met with – it still felt really damn good to see that gorgeous smile on her
face.
He leaned over to whisper in her ear. “I missed you, beautiful. It was a long weekend without seeing your gorgeous face.”
She turned to him, still smiling, and said, “For me, too.”
“You know,” he said, “our last location is in Malibu. It was a last-minute substitution, otherwise we could have just gone out there and done it when we were in Palm Springs last weekend.
“But the great thing about that is, I'm from LA. Malibu is practically like my stomping grounds. I'm really excited about the chance to show you a lot of the cool places that are important to me at home.”
Lauren laughed, “It's only fair, right? I mean, I've gotten to show you around the vast metropolis of my home base, Hope Falls, for the past several weeks now – so I figure you should get at least one day to show me LA – that seems fair, doesn't it?”
Just then, Paul came in and got the meeting started. Since this was the last week of filming, it was going to be a busy one. All the things that have been put off “just for a while” had to be done this week, or they weren't going to get done at all.
Not to mention, they were flying out to film their Malibu location.
Yes, it was going to be a busy week. But with Lauren by his side, particularly with the two of them getting along as well as they were right now, it could very well shape up to be the best week of his life.
--- ~ ---
The ride to the airport with Ben, and the flight to LA that followed, were by far the most purely happy and camaraderie-filled hours that Lauren and Ben had ever spent together.
Even still, Lauren felt a clenching undercurrent of dread in her gut. If the show didn't get picked up, then the reality was that this would be the last time that they would be jetting out of town together on an out of town shoot.
I mean, come on, Lauren, she chided herself. It's not like you've been doing this for years, this is only your third trip.
So, why then, she lamented internally, did it already feel so familiar? So wonderful? So treasured? Why did it feel like she would be losing a precious and integral part of her life were this to be the last business trip that she and Ben ever went on together? Because that was exactly how she felt.
Lauren didn't know how Ben felt about that realization, or in fact, if it had even occurred to him. He was, for his part, fairly caught up in the excitement of heading back to his home base, Los Angeles. He kept rattling off things that he wanted to show Lauren. Like a proud kid on back to school night, he had lists of places and things that he wanted to show off to her.
Lauren was touched that he was so invested in showing her the things that were important to him. She knew it was a real mark of how much you meant to a person, how excited and eager they were to let you in to the minutiae of their everyday life. Ben certainly did seem eager, so that was a good sign.
Still, though. She could not shake this undercurrent of melancholy that swept through her every time she thought about the possibility that this would be their last 'last weekend.'
In fact, even as they disembarked from the plane and made their way out to the sidewalk where they normally would have gotten into one town car together and been whisked off to their hotel, things were already different. Because this was Ben's home base and he had a place here, he was not going to be staying in a hotel, but rather in his home. So now, rather than the cozy routine of climbing into a town car together, they got into separate town cars and were whisked off to different sides of the city.
Lauren couldn't help but wonder if it was a metaphor for the direction that their relationship was going to go, should the pilot not get picked up. Ben speeding off in one direction and her jetting off in another. She hoped it wasn't, but she couldn't help but think that it probably was. After all, they lived far away from each other, and without this show, what did they really have in common? There was no way that they would keep up the discipline of constantly traveling to see each other. Not with their busy schedules, for God's sake! As sad as she was to admit it, it was most likely the truth.
She tried to buck up. After all, she reminded herself, this isn't the let's-work-out-Lauren-and-Ben's-feelings-about-their-relationship-if-we're-even-calling-it-a-relationship show. This was Home Sweet Vacation Home, and she and Ben were just the hired help. The 'talent' as they called it. They both had a responsibility to give good performances, and this weekend was about work.
Yes, she told herself, that's what you need to keep in mind. This week is about work. Whatever happens or doesn't happen with Ben after Friday, you'll deal with it. It's not as if you need a man to be happy. You haven't had a man since you came to Hope Falls, and it's been the happiest time of your life so far. So, remember, girl. Whether Ben is in your life going forward or not, the point is - you will handle it. You can depend on yourself. You can be strong for yourself.
She shook her head. It was true. She was incredibly independent and strong. She thought about Sam, Karina, and Amanda. About the beautiful relationships that they had found with Luke, Ryan, and Justin. She was happy for them, she really was.
But when it came down to it, she had to realize that she was not built the same as her friends. In fact, if the four of them had been starring on Sesame Street, she was pretty sure their theme song would have been, "One of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same..."
She wasn't made the same way they were, she wasn't made to fall madly in love. She was made to find comfortable and contented compatibility. The last few weeks had been like a roller coaster. She wondered if the best thing of all might be to just get off the ride. She didn't know if she could handle the dips and the turns.
--- ~ ---
The town car which was to take Lauren from her hotel to the house where they were shooting in Malibu arrived to pick her up at 5:30 in the morning. It was an ungodly hour, but Lauren was glad for the distraction, in a way.
Twenty times the night before she had committed to herself that she wasn't going to obsess about the future with Ben. Twenty times she had broken that promise. Now, on her way to what could very well be their very last out-of-town shoot, she had made up her mind once and for all that she was simply going to enjoy the day for what it was.
She wasn't going to torture herself thinking about whether or not this magical experience was going to be able to be re-created on a regular basis if the show got picked up, she was merely going to enjoy it while it lasted, live in gratitude for what she had, and enjoy Ben while she had him. That was what she had made up her mind to do.
Yeah, right.
Asking Lauren not to obsess about the future was like asking a butterfly not to flutter. She couldn't even ask it of herself. She knew very well that she was going to spend all day worrying about what the future held with Ben. But, at the very least, she would try to keep it in the back of her mind. The early hour would help with that. A large chunk of her brain would be devoted to the task of seeming alert and awake, which would serve to occupy her mind away from more complex problems, like her situation with Ben.
As the town car drove her through the streets of Los Angeles, she looked at the big city buildings out the window and marveled.
Not that she'd never been in a big city before – she had lived in New York for years before moving back to Hope Falls. And LA may be a lot of things, but in the “impressively and visually urban” department, it was SEVERELY lacking when compared to New York.
So, no, it wasn't that she was dazzled by the urban splendor of the big city. It was that the natural comparison which she drew between what was now sitting before her and what she saw every day in Hope Falls made her realize how much her life had truly changed in the past six months.
She wouldn't trade it for the world.
Sure, the city had its allure, as all cities everywhere do. But could the hustle and bustle and neon lights compare with the thrill of unexpectedly running into a friend from elementary school shopping on Main Street? Could the frenetic pace of any city compare to
the closeness of the people that she loved living all around her in their tiny town?
She smiled. Never.
If her real estate agent friends from New York could see her in Hope Falls, in her tiny office with her part-time receptionist who didn't do much more than file and get coffee, on the sidewalks that were made of planks, and the roads which were paved with dirt – they would probably pity her. She pitied them.
As Lauren sat in the makeup chair, she expected to see Ben come walking in, but he never did. That's odd, she thought. But maybe he is in wardrobe before makeup today.
When she went to wardrobe, Barbara and Marlene said that they hadn't seen him yet today. Lauren started to feel a little concerned when she saw the tightening around their eyes, the slightly worried looks that they exchanged, obviously trying to hide their concern from her.
Lauren went back to her trailer to wait to be called to set. She felt unsettled. Was Ben here, and avoiding her? Was that why Barbara and Marlene had not wanted to meet her eye?
It seemed unlikely. It seemed to Lauren that the two warm and gossipy women were more likely to try to get Lauren to spill the dirt about what was going on between her and Ben then to exchange shifty and apprehensive looks behind her back.
After an hour of sitting in her trailer and waiting to be called, Lauren's vague sense of dread had blossomed into a full blown panic. This was wrong. This was so wrong.
Even when Ben had been trying his damnedest to ignore her existence, she had at least seen him around. They were now running officially an hour behind schedule – not Ben’s style at all – and she had not seen hide nor hair of Ben all morning.
This. Was. Wrong.
Because Lauren's philosophy was to face trouble head on rather than hiding from it, and that even with bad news, it was better to know than not know, she decided to simply go looking for someone who might have the answers about their delay and Ben's absence and attempt to get the details from them.
She walked out of her trailer and, to her shock, found the place almost deserted. This was unprecedented in the time she'd been working on the show. If there was one thing that every single one of the sets have had in common, it was the almost constant buzz of activity which characterized the day-to-day production.
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