Before turning the corner toward town, she blew him a kiss, and he watched until she disappeared from sight before sitting down at the kitchen table with Country Care's books. Going steady was for kids, and they were twenty years beyond that. He enjoyed spending time with her…working around the house, sitting on the porch, taking walks. His wiring had passed inspection, and he had the outside looking decent. She'd fixed up the inside, making it bright. This house felt more like home than any place he'd lived, but it didn't feel right, having Lily leave at night.
Sam tapped his pencil against Country Care's books. He'd messed up big time, leaving her for those couple of days. If he had it to do over, he wouldn't go. But one of these days… What?
* * *
The Browning American Legion Post put on one of the best fireworks shows around, and tonight's was no exception. Lily hadn't enjoyed a holiday so much since she was a child. Sam said he didn't know there were that many people in Browning, and she told him they came from all over the county.
Independence Day, July Fourth, was everything it should be--firecrackers and aerial bombs exploding in breathtaking profusion, the acrid-sweet smell of gunpowder, the ohs and ahs and applause of the crowd.
She and Sam remained on the hillside overlooking the field where the display took place, while whole families packed up picnic hampers and lawn chairs, racing for the parking lot. Everyone else seemed determined to exit as fast as possible. Lily felt as if she could sit here, with him, all night.
"Penny for your thoughts." Sam squeezed her hand.
"A mere one-cent for my musings?"
"Would you trade for a kiss?"
"Now, you're talking business, if it's a very long kiss."
Sam obliged and Lily responded with all the pent-up ardor she felt. Snaking her arms around his neck, she drew close to him. He held her tightly, and his lips were hot and seeking.
He'd asked her to the reunion. He'd bought her a heart necklace. He cared about her, she was sure. Now, if he'd just decide to stay.
"If we keep this up, I'm not going to hear about your thoughts," he said, twisting a lock of her hair around his finger.
"Who cares?" She kissed him again, pushing him gently to the ground.
"Lily," he whispered, tasting her lips with his tongue. "Lily."
She knew by the hard thrust against her stomach and the smoky passion in his voice, she'd gone too far. She didn't want to stop, but this wasn't the time or place. Shakily, she pulled away and he pushed up on his elbows to look at her. She was still lying on top and eased herself off. "My thoughts… " Her voice quivered.
They lay on their sides looking at one another, and she could see he was as shaken as she was. He lifted his brows in encouragement.
"I was thinking how long it had been since I had such fun. Everything was fun before Cindy got sick. I was twenty-seven, and she was thirty-one, when she was first diagnosed. I was more depressed than she was, until Jenny taught me ways to soothe the spirit and soul when you can't heal the body. Balloons, candles, hugs, music, bubbles, lotions--little gestures that ease the pain and sorrow of the patients and those they're leaving behind.
"When Cindy lost the battle, she went with a smile on her face, as did Jenny's Rebecca. Since then, I've tried to enjoy life more and help others do the same, but I've made it a business and haven't felt carefree. My time with you is healing deep scars I didn't know I had. You make me feel young, and happy."
Sam hugged her to his side, and she wondered if he knew what it would do to her when he left.
"I've never had this much fun," he said. I never thought I was the fun-type. I've always been goal-oriented. Accomplish this. That."
"Maybe you never gave yourself the chance. Did you always want to teach math?"
He lay flat on his back, looking up at the sky. "Don't laugh but I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher until my father found out and told me in no uncertain terms, it was not a masculine job. My mother said it would be a pleasant, important position and a wonderful opportunity to help shape young lives. Dad said a cop could shape up young punks and win a helluva lot more respect."
"Your mother sounds like a lovely person."
"And my dad doesn't?" Sam chuckled. "When I was in grade school, she volunteered whenever parents were wanted, and I saw the pleasure she gave and got. After Duke said what he did, I still wanted to teach kids but never told anyone else. Dad's a good man but tough as bull steak. I admired him more on the day of my mother's funeral than any other time, because I saw him cry."
"So when did you change career objectives?" She rubbed a finger in a circular motion on Sam's temple.
"Which time? For a while, I wanted to be a detective. Later, I wanted to work construction. I kept looking for something my dad would approve. A naval career is the only thing that would have totally satisfied him, but that wasn't an alternative after years of moving around. I wasn't sold on anything, but my aptitude tests indicated I was suited to a career in accounting or business administration. I got a double major, in accounting and education, and that's where I ended up. Teaching. I minored in business administration." He pulled a blade of grass and chewed on it. "I like what I do, but it's not the fulfillment of a lifelong dream."
"Will being named department chair fulfill you?"
"I'll feel successful and make more money. I think there's still a hole in my psyche, but I don't know what's missing."
"Did you ever think you may have just settled?" Lily laid her head on his shoulder and wove her fingers through his.
"If you think I'm easy…" He laughed and tugged a strand of her hair. "I did just settle. I'm a practical man. If teaching is where my aptitudes lie, so be it."
The moon was beginning to peek through the haze of smoke that hovered over the park. The sound of shouts and laughter, and cars, had long faded. Stars winked from the sky. Sam stroked her wrist with his thumb.
"I'm a dreamer who wishes she could do everything in life," Lily said. "I wanted to be everything from a dress designer to a missionary to an entertainment director on a cruise ship. My shop gives me the opportunity to dabble in different things."
"You're lucky." He squeezed her hand.
"Maybe it's the children you want that make you feel empty. Profession isn't everything. I ran for mayor so I could keep this town alive. I have roots here and I think they're important. I like a sense of continuity. The rest of my family scattered. Mom and Dad divorced after we all left home. I thought they were happy." Lily watched the lights blink off one by one. The blanket was starting to absorb dampness from the cool grass, and she was glad she'd worn jeans, not shorts.
"Maybe we were the glue that held them together. All I know is that Mom moved to California where she has a cousin, met a man, and remarried. She even quit nursing. Dad will continue to live in Peoria until he retires; then he plans to move to Florida near one of my brothers. I guess they're both okay with their lives, but it came as a blow to us kids."
Sam wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulders. "My mother talked about Browning wistfully. I didn't expect to like it, but I've enjoyed my time here."
Lily stiffened. "Are you leaving?"
"Would you miss me?"
She ducked her head. She didn't like going home to her lonely bedroom at night, but he'd have to choose her and Browning over Elizabeth and Tempe before they could share the same house again. "You know I would."
He raised her chin with his broad forefinger.
"My dad always put his interests first and Mom let him, but I don't want a one-sided marriage. Elizabeth and I always did what she wanted, and I can't settle on that. We were never in love, and I want a loving relationship."
The last light winked off and their only light came from the moon and stars.
He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "I could love you, Lily."
"But you don't want to?"
He planted his hands on the blanket behind him and leaned back. "I don't know if I can resist."
&nbs
p; Her heart did a two-step and she smiled into the darkness. "Why do you need to?"
"You wouldn't like Tempe and my townhouse with its gravel and cactus yard. Taking you to Arizona would be like plucking an orchid from a greenhouse and planting it in a vegetable garden."
She loved Browning, but she'd be tempted to go to Mars, with Sam, if he asked. A lonely little petunia in an onion patch? When her mother sang that song, could it have been because she felt like she belonged elsewhere? Lily, unnerved, pushed to her feet. What if Sam was right? What if he asked and she left the Midwest, then resented him for taking her away from a home and job she loved? What was she thinking? Browning was at the heart of her dreams and plans.
"I'm no hothouse flower, Sam, but I have set down roots. I set a goal to keep Browning on the map, and if I left like all the other sons and daughters, I'd be a hypocrite. I want to grow the town, marry and raise a family here."
Lily's heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it, and tears ran down her face. Glad it was dark, she whispered too quietly for him to hear, "I could love you too and I do."
Chapter Thirteen
Sam was glad he hadn't asked Lily to move to Arizona. Her refusal would have laid him low. It hurt enough the way it was. She hadn't even said she loved him, and he'd thought she did. He'd come as close as he dared to admitting his love for her.
He'd gotten into the habit of rising early. He told himself it was to make sure she ate. If he didn't cook, she'd tuck a banana or bagel in the huge straw bag that held everything from makeup to a paperback novel, and eat at work. Truth was, he'd become more addicted to Lily in the morning than his caffeine fix.
She'd come into the kitchen barefoot, looking dewy-eyed, and he'd wish he could lie next to her when she opened those emerald peepers. Her subtle curves outlined by a silky robe never failed to entice him, and his eyes invariably darted toward the vee where the garment came together, exposing silky skin and a hint of cleavage.
Leaning against the counter while she had her wake-up glass of juice, she'd regale him with a sloe-eyed smile, and he'd reluctantly turn his eyes away. It was all he could do to control himself. He wanted to strip away the robe and see what she wore beneath it. If anything. He'd dart his glance back, low, to take in the sight of long shapely legs. The robes--she had several--all ended slightly above her knees.
Having her come in the door wasn't the same.
This morning, when Lily appeared in a yellow dress, her scarlet hair falling in loose waves about her shoulders, he felt like the sun had risen in his kitchen. She was that dazzling and made him that hot. When he set a plate of French toast in front of her, she looked up to smile, and he kissed her lips, unable to resist. At least, she spent as much time with him as she could. They both knew their time together was growing short.
"I got those sketches of daycare layouts. I had my friend fax them to Schube's." Sam learned soon after he came to Browning, you could send and receive faxes there. "If you like any of them, we might be able to get him to do the blueprints, at a nominal fee, for a buddy."
"Thank you." Lily's smile raised the wattage of light in the kitchen. "I wish I had time to look now."
After she left, Sam sat on the back steps drinking coffee with Brandy lying at his feet. He was in a helluva mess. He understood why she thought she'd be hypocritical leaving, but what could he do in Browning to make a living? He'd gone to college a long time to get where he was and the promotion should be his. It would be easy for her to start a shop out west, but she wanted to save this town. He wasn't interested in teaching at the middle school or consolidated high, and he wasn't certified to teach kindergarten or grade school. He didn't want to be a CPA and there wouldn't be enough business in Browning anyway. He should "get over Lily" and go back to Tempe.
Easier said than done. Sighing, Sam dropped a hand to stroke Brandy's head. She butted it against his fingers, inviting him to scratch behind her ears. He did, and she closed her eyes blissfully. Simple gestures, a simple life, and ecstasy. He'd found contentment here but didn't know how to hold onto it.
Robins chirped, a lawnmower hummed, and the swish of bicycle tires told him Mr. Tuttle, who'd invested in a three-wheeler, was passing by, headed for the Chrome Grill. He always went for breakfast on the days Jodie made blueberry pancakes. Sam hadn't learned what days she cooked what yet. Sipping his coffee, he inhaled the heavy scent of roses in bloom. Arizona and the university seemed far away. He'd have to go back. He had to sell the house. He didn't want to do either. Damn.
"I'm starting to enjoy life in Browning and that can mean only one thing. I'm in love with Lily Madison." He rose so abruptly, Brandy whined. "I have to do something," Sam said. The retriever nudged his hand with her head as if to say, 'stay here and pet me.' He hadn't tried to teach her to shake hands yet.
Would Lily like him to stay? If she loved him, wouldn't she go to Arizona, even if she had roots here? He'd thought he put down roots in Arizona, but had he? Or had he just put in time at one place?
He walked around the yard, soaking in as much of the day and atmosphere as he could. Some of the roses were big as teacups and smelled as sweet as ambrosia. Others, the climbers, were loaded with tiny blooms. He'd cleared away the weeds at their bases and sprayed for bugs. The lawn was greening, and the garden, since he'd cleared it, wouldn't take much to ready for planting. They'd eaten fresh lettuce from Lily's garden, and the tomatoes from two plants she'd set out next door were starting to turn red. She'd know what he could still plant in early July.
A flash of scarlet stopped Sam in his tracks, and he drew in a breath as a cardinal landed at the feeder he kept filled. Standing still so he wouldn't scare it away, Sam tried to imagine his mother, Evelyn, growing up in this town, a young girl with long dark hair and blue eyes.
He'd gotten his looks from his mother. Dad was light-haired and fair-skinned when he was young, but long years of exposure to wind and sun had turned his face ruddy, and his blond hair was darker with a lot of gray.
When the bird left, Sam went inside the house where he prowled, trying to picture Evvie as she'd been called when a girl, living here. Which bedroom did she sleep in? He imagined it was the one with roses on the now-faded wallpaper and curtains where Lily used to sleep.
Did Evvie date a local boy before meeting his father? What would her life have been like if she'd married someone from Browning?
Sam despised the cancer that had taken her away, just as it took Lily's sister. Like Lily, he'd felt helpless and that angered him further. Mom needed a liver and he couldn't help her, but he'd been able to save another life, later, with one of his kidneys.
Elizabeth said giving a part of his body to a stranger wasn't helping his mother who'd never know. Sam believed she knew and approved, and saving a child made him feel he'd done something. He'd never forget the looks on the faces of the boy's parents. The child, Ricky, thanked him too. Neat kid. Sam scrubbed a hand over his eyes.
Lily approved of what he'd done. Maybe he and she were more alike than he thought. Elizabeth seemed cold compared to Lily. Was he, or had he been, cold too?
To shake his mood, Sam once again sat down with Country Care's books. If he couldn't solve his life's dilemma, maybe he could at least solve theirs.
* * *
When Lily came home and saw Sam's van was gone, she lost the spring from her step as she entered her house and let Brandy in. Mr. Fixit, next door, had found a posthole digger but Brandy wasn't happy inside the fence. She wasn't as happy in Jenny's house as in Sam's either. Nor was Lily.
She changed clothes, picked up a bit around the house, and feeling restless, decided to surprise him by fixing dinner at his place. She didn't cook much but knew how to make a hamburger skillet dinner she thought he'd like. Opening her freezer door to take out some ground beef, she spotted a note on the refrigerator door, fastened with the Grow Browning magnet. Sam, who'd learned no one locked their doors in Browning, must have left it while she was at work.
"Carl
a's bringing someone by to see the house. Would you please let them in? I have to take care of business and may be late."
Lily took the ground beef over to his house where she took a beer from the fridge. Why had he decided to sell now? What business was he attending to? Whatever he planned, it didn't include her, or he wouldn't be leaving.
She stuck the meat in his freezer and sank down in a kitchen chair.
When she said she had roots here, he must have decided they had no future and leaving would be the best way to get her out of his system.
And him out of hers? She wished it worked that way. Should she tell Carla she'd found Jack Ryan, or surprise her? Would Sam hang around until the reunion was over? Did it matter? She might as well get used to going places solo, again.
A car door slammed out front, then another. Carla introduced the man with her. Lily didn't catch his name, but thinking she heard funeral director, took a second look. Early to mid-forties, he looked like an outdoorsman. She must have misunderstood.
"William Robbins." He held out a brawny hand and smiled, showing a deep cleft in his chin.
"If you have something to do, don't let Rob and I stop you," Carla said. "We can show ourselves around."
They were on a first name basis and Carla was assessing her client's attributes with a hungry smile. She clearly hoped to score with this man, and not just on a sale. Maybe this wasn't the best time to tell her she'd found Jack. "Sam should be home by the time you finish. Nice to meet you, Mr. Robbins."
"Rob, please. I believe we'll be meeting again soon. Carla invited me to your class reunion."
Lily was surprised and disappointed. What about Jack?
Carla turned to him, hands on hips. "How did you know Lily went to school with me?"
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