While I stayed with Brett and Kris, I saw the kind of relationship I wanted. They supported each other, and it was obvious how much they loved each other. And they expressed that love loudly. Sometimes, several times a night. I learned to sleep with headphones on. I felt sorry for any kids they had in the future.
But now that future may be in question with the way Brett fucked up. She had told me before that she couldn’t stand a cheater, that it was a hard limit for her. Did Brett have a chance? And did I really want him to? As soon as that thought popped in my head, I felt horrible. But you can’t help how you feel, right?
Chapter 7
Kristen
I end up staying at Mallory’s apartment. Thank goodness, she has a spare bedroom that I can crash in and cry in peace. The only time she comes in is to replenish my junk food supply. I think I’ve lived on potato chips and chocolate ice cream. For the past week, I’ve eaten, slept, and cried. I’ve watched weepy chick flicks and cried some more. She’s a saint for putting up with me. I’ve kept my phone turned off for the most part, because every time I turn it back on, I have tons of voicemails and texts. I finally texted Brett back to let him know that I was okay, but I didn’t want to talk to him. The betrayal hurts too much. I decide to call Derek back. He’s the only other person I can talk to. I dial his number and he answers on the second ring.
“Hey, Kris. You finally ready to talk?”
I can feel the tears starting to well in my eyes. “Not much to say, really. You know what happened?”
I hear him take a breath and let it out loudly.
“Yeah, I do. He called me the next morning, telling me how much he fucked up. We had no idea you’d even been there until he found your clothes in the bathroom. Kris, I’m sorry he did this to you. I know that doesn’t mean much, but I don’t think he ever meant to hurt you, not intentionally.”
I wipe the tears that are streaming down my face. “It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. He did it. I get sick thinking about it. You should know how I feel. You walked in on Stephanie and that guy. I just sat there and watched. I couldn’t move.”
“Wait. What do you mean you watched?”
I take a deep breath. “I was sitting in the chair in the hotel room, waiting for him. Brian had called to let me know about what time he would be there. I went in the bathroom and changed into one of my dresses. I came back out to wait, and I heard him at the door with a woman. They came in and he was kissing her. Another one was behind them with her hands all over him. He ordered one girl to strip and get on the bed, while he had the other girl suck his dick. The one on the bed wanted him to snort something off her pussy, can you believe that? I was just…frozen. I finally got up to leave and heard one of the girls ask who I was. I looked back and he was looking right at me, and he said I was nobody. Nobody, Derek! How could he do this to me? I fucking loved him, and he did this to me!”
I can’t hear if Derek is saying anything else. I’m sobbing too hard and I can’t catch my breath. I hear the door open and Mallory’s there, wrapping me in her arms, making soothing noises. I guess she picks up my phone and talks to Derek, but I have no idea what she says. She just keeps holding me.
I guess I cried myself into exhaustion, because the next thing I hear is a deep voice in the other room, talking to Mal. There’s a soft knock on the door and Derek comes in. He takes me in before moving to the bed, and he too wraps me up in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Kris. So sorry you’re hurting. Want me to kick his ass?”
I let out a watery laugh. “You can’t do that. You’re his best friend.”
“Hey, I’m your friend too, and I don’t feel bad for him right now. He got his own ass in this mess. I still can’t believe it.”
I can’t either. All I can think of is what did I do to drive him to other women? I know we hadn’t seen each other in months, but it hasn’t been the first time we’ve had miles between us. But what if this isn’t the first time he’s done this? How many others have there been?
“I don’t think he’s done this before, Kris.”
I look up into Derek’s face. “I said that out loud?”
He nods. “I’m not going to excuse what’s he’s done, but I think this was the first time.”
“What about the drugs? They were all high as kites! Has he been using? I know y’all drink after the shows, but drugs?” I just can’t wrap my head around it.
“We’ve always stayed away from the drugs. God knows there’s enough of them backstage, but we never wanted to fall into that trap. I don’t know what happened that night. Hell, neither does he. He can’t remember a thing after the show.”
“Well I can remember enough for the both of us, I promise you that. I see it every time I close my eyes.” I hear Derek’s phone ring. He grabs it, looks at the screen and runs his thumb along the bottom.
“It was him, right?” He nods. “Please don’t tell him where I’m at.”
I figure if he hasn’t shown up by now, he doesn’t know where I am. And Mal would never sell me out like that. The only reason Derek knows is because she talked to him during my crying jag. I still don’t know what she said, but I’m glad she talked to him, and that he showed up here.
“Are you going to talk to him? You know we leave for Europe tomorrow and we’ll be gone for four months,” Derek whispers into my hair.
“I can’t talk to him right now. I need to wrap my head around this before I can do that. Right now, it may do more harm than good. I really don’t think I can forgive him. Cheating has always been one of those things that is unforgivable to me, but I never expected this with Brett. I thought he loved me enough. Hell, he proposed right before y’all left. I just…I don’t…I don’t know what to do right now. Maybe the time apart will do us some good, put things into perspective.”
I feel Derek squeeze me a little tighter. “Yeah, maybe it will.”
We lay in the bed, watching TV and eating junk food, neither really talking. He watches another cheesy chick flick with me and lets me cry on his shoulder. He never pressures me to talk about it again, or try to make me see Brett’s side. He just holds me and lets me cry. Eventually, he’ll have to leave. He hasn’t been home long from Minneapolis and he has to get ready to leave again, so he needs to spend time with his parents, and Brett’s uncle Jake.
“Thank you for coming by, it means a lot. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. I don’t want to drag you into the middle of this, though.”
“You’re both my friends, so I’ll be in the middle regardless. I can be the shoulder you both lean on. I can see both sides and help both of you see the other’s side.” He kisses the top of my head and leaves with a goodbye.
Damn, I wish he wouldn’t go.
I get up and look at myself in the mirror. I look like something the cat dragged in. My face is all blotchy and my hair looks like a rat’s nest. I’ve dripped ice cream on my shirt, and I can’t even remember the last time I showered, so I decide to do that. I’m stronger than this.
I get in the shower and soap up my hair and the rest of me, then shave my legs. I feel a lot better. It’s amazing what some hot water will do for you. I get out, dry off, and reach for the lotion. It’s apple-scented. I feel the tears well back up, but I blink furiously to make them go away. I throw the lotion in the trash and walk out the door and throw on some clothes. I stick my head out the door.
“Mal? Do you have any lotion I can use?”
“Sure, what kind?”
“Anything but apple.” I’ll never wear apple again.
Chapter 8
Kristen
It’s been nearly four months since the guys left for Europe. I finally got out of Mallory’s apartment and found my own place. Thank goodness, I still had some of my old furnishings in storage from when I had moved in with Brett. I couldn’t go back there with the way things were. I went back to work and eventually started back to school for the next semester—my last semester; the most important one. I needed to be on top of my game
. All I seem to do is work on the weekends and go to class and study during the week. I’ve even taken up CrossFit. It’s helped me focus, and it’s helped me lose the ten pounds I gained with my pity eating.
The pain has lessened, but it’s still there. I try not to think too much about that night, and I haven’t talked to Brett on the phone at all. It hurt too bad in the beginning, and now I don’t know what I want to say. Maybe that makes me a bitch. I don’t know. We’ve texted back and forth, and he sent me a long text explaining that night, or what he could remember of it. He told me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. But I can’t believe it and I can’t accept his apology. I don’t know how I feel about me and Brett anymore. I’m still not over what he did, and to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will be. Trust is a huge thing and I can’t trust him.
I talk to Derek pretty regularly and he keeps me up-to-date with what’s going on with the band and the sites they’ve seen. I think he may feel a little guilty that I talk to him and not Brett. The last thing I want to do is get between them, but Derek keeps reminding me that he’s my best friend too. There’s only a week before the guys come home, and I don’t think I’m ready to face Brett. But it’s coming, whether I like it or not.
I’m lying in bed, waiting for my alarm to go off. Why? I don’t know. My bed is so comfortable. I actually slept through the whole night. Or, at least, I don’t remember dreaming. My alarm beeps, and I turn it off. What the hell was I thinking when I said I’d do CrossFit at five in the morning?
I put on my sports bra, leggings, shoes, and grab a tank top, then I’m out the door. Luckily, it’s only a couple miles away from my apartment. I drink some of my pre-workout drink as I pull into the parking lot.
I’m the first one here after Josh, our drill sergeant. Well, that’s the way I see him. He’s awfully flirty, unless it’s time to work out. I had to set him straight a couple months ago, about being available. But I’m not sure what I am. Nevertheless, I head inside to see what the WOD is. Son of a biscuit eater. I hate burpees. They’re the devil’s spawn.
Camryn walks in and comes over to me. “Is he trying to kill us today?” she asks as she glances over our work out for the day.
“Maybe.”
We start stretching as we wait for the others to come in. Josh rounds us up and we get started. As Camryn and I start our run, she starts checking out Josh. “Sarge is looking mighty fine this morning. Do you think you could bounce a quarter off that ass?”
I look at her and laugh. He really does look good. He knows it, but he’s not a jerk about it.
“All right, ladies, quit laughing and run, or I’ll add some more burpees.” We shut the hell up and run.
We make it through our workout without dying. Camryn and I head over to the coffee shop for a hit of caffeine.
“So, have you talked to him yet? He’s gonna be back next week. You need to put yourself, and him, out of misery.” One thing about Camryn, she gets right to the point.
“No, I haven’t. I don’t know what to say, and I can’t forgive him. Not yet. Maybe never. Then where will we be? If I can’t trust him, we can’t have a relationship. But I know I have to make a decision soon.”
She nods her head in agreement. We spend the rest of our time drinking our coffees and talking about school. Camryn decided to go back to school with me. I think we’re both crazy. Once this semester is finally over, all we have to do is take our nurse practitioner boards.
We part ways so we can get ready to go to lecture. Boring. I get home and head into my room to shower. I lay my phone on the table and it rings. I glance at it and see it’s Brett.
“Hi, Brett.” He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“I can’t believe you answered. God, I miss you so much, sweetheart. How are you?”
I sit on the bed and check the time. I have a little time to talk before I should get ready. “Tired and sweaty. Just got home from working out with Camryn. How are you?” This damn small talk is killing me, but I don’t know what else to say.
“Tired. It’s been a long four months. We have the night off. I figured I was just going to get your voicemail again. Did Camryn come over and work out, or did y’all go take a class somewhere?”
“We’re doing CrossFit a couple miles from my apartment.” He doesn’t say anything, then I hear him take in a sharp breath.
“Your apartment? What do you mean, your apartment? You moved out? When the hell did this happen?”
“Right after y’all left, Brett. I couldn’t stay there. I needed some space to think. I mean, I told you I was leaving.”
“I can’t believe this. First you leave your ring on the table, then you move out. I just thought you left for a little while to stay with Mallory, needing some time.”
“God, you are an arrogant fucking bastard, aren’t you? Did you just expect me to go on like nothing happened? Sit around like the good little girlfriend, waiting for you to come home and try to justify why you fucked other women? Do you think you own me?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Good, because that sure as hell wasn’t going to happen. I’m not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Do the poor, pitiful me act. I don’t need you or your money. I know that you pay all the bills, and I never had to worry about any of that stuff, but that doesn’t mean you can control me or whatever. I make a good living doing what I do, and I love it.”
“Kris, damn it, I don’t want to control you or own you. I love you. I pay for all our stuff because I can. It makes me feel like a man knowing that I can take care of you. I know you love your job. I would never expect you to just sit at home. Are we through? Is that it? Can you just turn off how you feel for me? Because I sure as hell can’t. I love you, Kris.”
“No, I can’t just turn it off, you idiot, but I can’t forget what you did either. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. You broke my fucking heart and I don’t know if it’ll ever be whole again!” I’m screaming at him over the phone. Tears are rolling down my face. “I just can’t, Brett,” I whisper and hang up the phone.
I throw the phone on the bed and head for the shower, wanting to wash away the tears that continue to flow. My stomach hurts. I feel bad that I yelled at him because that’s so not me. I’m usually the level-headed one, the calm in the storm. But not this storm.
After my shower, I decide that I can’t go to class. I never miss, but there’s no way I can concentrate today. My head is pounding from crying. I grab my phone and see a text from Brett.
I love you. I will always love you, but you need to decide where we go from here. I know I fucked up, and I can’t change the past. You’ll never know how much I regret hurting you. I want to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together. But it’s up to you. I’ll see you next week when we get back. I need to see you. I love you.
I sit on the bed, wrapped in my towel, as my wet hair drips water down my back. I feel the tears well, and I blink to clear them before I text Camryn to let her know what happened, and that I won’t be in class. She texts me back with a sad face, and offers to get the notes to me.
Getting dressed, I head to the kitchen and grab some ibuprofen for my headache before I sit on the couch to watch some mindless TV, because I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Chapter 9
Brett
I hang up with Kristen, stunned. I can’t believe she answered the phone, first of all. She’s ignored every call I’ve made to her in the last four months. I was happy to hear her voice and not a recording, but then she dropped the bomb; she moved out of our house.
Fuck, I guess I was being an arrogant ass, expecting her to be there when I got home, to our home. I may have bought it before we moved in together, but that house was ours. Her touch is everywhere. She belongs there. I guess I just didn’t want to believe that she wouldn’t be there when I came home. And when she started yelling at me? Damn. She never lets her emotions get the better of her. I guess it just shows how upset she is. It’s
killing me to know that I’m the cause.
I head to the minibar and grab a few of the bottles. I open them up one by one and down the contents, not even bothering to see what they are. All I know is that they burn on the way down. Finishing them off, I call downstairs and request a bottle of whiskey, then lay back on the bed and wait. I think back on the first time Kris saw the house that I bought. I had taken her house hunting with me because I knew eventually that we would get married and live there together, so she needed to choose the house too.
We pull up to the house and step out of the SUV. The realtor had started out with the mini mansions, but I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t like them. This house is much more modest. Kris has a small smile on her face.
“This home is twenty-eight hundred square feet. It has four bedrooms, three baths, and a media room. It has an open floor plan and a gourmet kitchen. There is a three-car garage, swimming pool, and a storage shed out back. It sits on three acres. Please, take a look around.”
The realtor steps out the door and we start looking around. Kris eyes everything. When she walks into the kitchen, she stops and smiles wide.
“It’s gorgeous.” I grab her hand and head upstairs to where I assume the master is.
Kitchens and bathrooms sell a house, right? I glance in a few rooms, but they don’t look like a master bedroom. Finally, we get to the end of the hall. This is it. It’s nearly twice as big as the other two bedrooms up here. It’s open, with huge windows on one wall, and plenty of space for a king size bed. I walk her to the bathroom and hear her gasp.
Down in Flames (Silver Tongued Devils Series Book 1) Page 4