by Young, Luke
"What the hell is a cell phone?" Alan asks.
"It's a portable phone that works anywhere." I pick my iPhone off the table and hand it to him.
"Oh, wow, cool." Alan pushes buttons on the phone and looks shocked when the screen lights up.
"So, if she calls we'll ask her to go. If not, it's her loss," Ben says.
Moving to Ben, I look him in the eye. "You cannot go to The Turtle tonight. If you go, you'll meet Emily and you won't be able to resist her. She's beautiful and funny and sweet and she has like the perfect ass. Trust me, it will be the biggest mistake you ever make."
"Beautiful?"
"Yeah."
"Sweet?"
"Uh-huh."
"And with a great ass?"
I sigh. "Yep."
"Oh, that sounds horrible. Alan did you hear that? We can’t go to Fells Point, because I meet a beautiful girl with a great ass."
"What?" Alan says while still studying the phone. "Can I call someone?"
"No, it only works in the future."
"Oh…" Frowning, he tosses it on the bed. "What are we talking about?"
"He's telling me I shouldn't go to The Turtle tonight because I meet this hot girl with a great ass."
"I'm a big fan of great asses and I can't think of a better reason to go," Alan says smiling.
"Neither can I!" Ben looks at me wearing a smug expression. "Any other nuggets of advice from the future you want to share?"
"I'm serious you cannot go."
Alan turns to Ben. "Dude, you really become a dick in the future."
"Hey, I'm right here," I say.
After looking away thinking, Alan says, "I wouldn't do anything he says, because you see how he acts, maybe if you do the opposite of what he says you won't end up like him."
"That's what I'm trying to get him to do, you moron," I say.
"Huh?" Alan's eyes glaze over.
"The opposite." Moving to Ben, I plead, "Look, I went to Fells Point on July fourth nineteen eighty eight and it set in motion a course of events that, yes, at times were good, but overall were a disaster. How often do you get a second chance in life?"
Ben shrugs. "I don't know."
"Never. I'm serious, it doesn't happen. Help me take advantage of this second chance. I've seen the future if you go tonight and I'm convinced she'll be better off and so will you if you don't. Trust me."
"All right. All right. Then set it up with Laura. I thought you were sure she was crazy about me."
"I was… I am. She's just sorta involved with someone else."
"She has a boyfriend?" Ben's jaw falls open. "Why the hell didn’t she tell me?"
"They broke up, but she's having second thoughts."
Ben gives me a sarcastic look. "And what... your magical sex techniques didn't help make up her mind?"
"They didn't hurt. If we were relying only on your lame performance we wouldn't even have a chance and now we do."
"Whatever." Ben sighs. "Just call her, since you’re so good with women. But after that I'm taking over. No more spying on us or locking me in a closet and being my stunt cock. Hopefully once you get us together, your angel friend will come here and take you right back to wherever the hell you're supposed to be."
"That's exactly what I want too." I give him a big smile, then rush out to the hall to make the call.
Chapter 22
Calling from the hall phone, I speak to Barbara again and she seems nice enough, but claims to have no idea where her sister is. She does tell me she's expected home soon and that she'll have her call me.
I return to the room and leave the door open in order to hear the phone if it rings. I tell Alan and Ben that Laura should be calling soon. Alan picks up take out for all of us and by the time we finish dinner, it's after 7:00 p.m. and still there is no call from Laura.
"Do you know where she lives?" I ask Ben.
"In Greenbelt."
"That's only ten minutes from here. Let's go to her house. You have the address?"
He shrugs. "No, I don't."
"It's got to be in her file at work, right? Do you know where they keep the files?"
"Yeah," he shoots me a hesitant look. "It's in the manager's office. She's always back there and I'm not getting fired over something stupid like this."
"Oh, you won't get fired." I sigh, rolling my eyes.
"It's a really good job and—"
"Even if you did get caught, they don't fire you for something like that… I mean, sure, in the future, they might consider that," I make quote marks in the air. "…stalking. Hell, you can't even tell a woman her outfit looks good without a sexual harassment claim being filed against you, but today this kind of thing is not only accepted it's really expected." Lifting my palms in the air, I smile resting my argument.
"I don't know." Ben looks away, unsure.
"I know you watch Moonlighting." I widen my eyes.
"Well, yeah, but—"
"That show is pretty much based on little episodes of minor workplace harassment. Ever see anyone get fired there?"
"That's a fucking TV show."
"Whatever. Look." I sigh. "I'll go in and get it."
"No way."
"You really need to learn to live a little. You're such a girl."
"Screw you." Ben turns to Alan. "Help me out here, will ya?"
Alan shrugs. "You are being sort of a pussy."
"Thanks," Ben replies sarcastically.
We drive in Alan's car across the street to the strip mall and I'm slumped over in the back seat. He parks at the end of the lot far from the restaurant to avoid anyone seeing both Ben and I together. After checking around, Ben tells me it's clear and I head from the car to Swensen's.
Inside I say hello to somewhat familiar faces that I haven't seen in more than two decades who all, of course, seem to recognize me. It's hard to get used to this. Stopping in the kitchen, I ask the cook. "Is Karen back there?"
"No, but she should be right back. She went to the bank."
"Um, I'll just, uh, leave her a note then."
"Okay, great," The cook says in a voice which screams, why the hell are you telling me this douche bag.
I make my way to the manager's office and find it empty. After glancing down the hallway, I rush to the file cabinet and quietly open the drawer. I find a folder full of copies of blank employment applications and another containing some other random form, but no personnel records. I close the drawer and move to the one below it. There I find the personnel files and pull the drawer open all the way to find Laura's folder second from the last.
Pulling it from the drawer, I hide it behind my back as I poke my head out the door to check if anyone is heading my way. It's still clear, so I open the folder and find the address, 8756 Midsummer Hill Lane, Greenbelt. After repeating it a few times, I've got it. Hearing footsteps approach, I quickly return the folder to the drawer and carefully push it closed before rushing to the timecard bin. I grab my card and study it with concern.
"Hey, Ben." Karen says as she plops down behind her desk. "You need something?"
"I, um, just…"
She looks at me waiting.
"I thought I forgot to punch out, so I came in to check. But I did already, so…"
"Okay." She looks down to some papers on her desk before giving me a concerned look. "I heard you went out with Laura last night."
"Who told you?"
"Amy."
"Oh."
"Was that like a date, date or just friends or…"
"It was a date," I reply confidently.
She narrows her eyes. "Really, I always thought she was… um…"
"What?"
"Nothing, I thought she was seeing someone."
Shrugging my shoulders, I say, "Not sure, I've got to go."
"See you on…" She looks down to a paper on her desk. "…Tuesday."
"All right."
I walk outside, repeating the address over and over. When I reach the edge of the parking lot where
Alan's car should be, it's not there.
I stand there dumbfounded, checking around like I might be in the wrong place. I'm not, they must have ditched me. After mumbling some expletives under my breath, I walk back to Swensen's. I'll bet Alan and Ben are heading to Fells Point to meet Emily. I can't go chasing them, I'll have to deal with that later, my only hope is to talk to Laura and convince her to see Ben again.
I stand before Karen wearing a sad expression. "Can I borrow your car for an hour?"
She scoffs. "No way."
"It's an emergency. Seriously."
"Where do you need to go?"
"Only to Greenbelt. It's only a few—"
"Why?"
"I just really need to go. Do you think you could drive me then?"
She shakes her head. "No, but Molly's off in a few minutes. Maybe she can give you a ride."
I head out to the counter and spot Molly. She's short and pretty, but a tad slutty. If memory serves, she was dating four guys on the football team all at the same time. Talk about an illegal motion.
She agrees to give me a ride and after we climb into her beaten up Corolla she heads out of the parking lot and says, "Ray came in to the store again today."
"Really, which one is he?"
She takes a deep breath. "Um, the one I talked to you about earlier."
"Oh, sorry, I yeah, um—"
"Do you think I should see him again?"
"Why wouldn't you?" I give her a confused look. "I mean what did he do?"
"Seriously? I told you he's too big. Well, I think he's too big."
I say, "My father is much taller than my mother. I don't think it's—"
"No, his dick. I told you all this before." She gives me a tired look.
"Oh, yeah… sorry, I'm just a little preoccupied today."
"Can I ask you something else?"
Oh, God please don’t. "Sure," I say. After all, she is giving me a ride— a ride to my destiny.
"Have you ever peed on a girl in the shower?"
"What? No!" I cringe.
"Richard peed on me in the shower the other day. I asked him not to, but he did anyway."
"Why'd he do that?"
"He's an ass," She says casually.
"Oh, you should stop seeing him and go out with monster dick instead. He probably won't pee on you."
"Maybe." She shrugs. "Hey you want to come over? I was thinking of smoking some pot and going for a swim. We have a pool."
"No, I don’t have a bathing suit."
"You can wear Richard's."
If he's peeing in the shower and on her, who knows what he's doing in those trunks and in that pool. I think I'll pass. "Thanks anyway, but I've really got some things to do."
When we turn onto Midsummer Hill Lane, I have Molly drop me off a few houses away from Laura's place and wait until she drives away before I walk to the door.
Standing at the front door, I summon the courage to ring the bell. After a few seconds the door opens and Laura is there giving me an odd look. "How did you know where I lived?"
"I found your address at work," I reply sheepishly. "I really need to talk to you."
She sighs and steps aside so I can enter the house.
Once we're in her room, she sits on a chair and directs me to sit on the bed. I begin, "Look, I'm really crazy about you and I—"
"Ben, before you… can I say something first?"
"Sure."
"Well…" She gives me a hesitant look. "I told you I was seeing someone, but I didn't tell you—"
"What?"
"The person I'm seeing is a girl. Ben, I'm a lesbian. I mean, I was sorta bisexual, but now I'm convinced that I only want to be with girls."
"A lesbian?"
Running her hands together nervously, she nods.
"Shit, but we, uh, we really had an amazing night, last night."
She widens her eyes. "Oh, yes, it was great."
"It was. Help me to understand this. You were bisexual…"
"Yeah."
"And then we have sex and suddenly you don't like guys anymore."
She shrugs her shoulders and nods. "Pretty much."
"Huh." Flopping back against her mattress, I sigh. "I can't believe I came back for this."
"What?"
After pounding my fist on the bed and whimpering for a few moments, I sit up straight and ask, "You're not basing this decision on the beginning of last night are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I think, um.... Do you remember last night when my roommate came back?"
"Yeah."
"Did you notice any difference in my, um…" I nervously make some odd gestures with my hands. "…my performance after that?"
"Well, I, uh…"
"Tell me the truth."
"Honestly, you didn't seem to know what the hell you were doing at first, but then, yeah after your roommate came back, you really took it up a notch."
"That's what I thought." I give her a proud smile. "So, can I ask, was it the best sex you've ever had?"
"No," She replies.
"No… Really?"
She nods apologetically. "I told you I like girls."
"Yeah, but don't you need, you know…" I point down to my groin and give her a wide-eyed look.
"Not really," she says
"Wow, you really seem to enjoy, you know, putting that in your mouth."
"It's okay. I like going down on a girl a whole lot better."
"Yeah, so do I, I mean, I haven't you know, done the other thing, but…"
Chuckling, she says, "Sorry, I just really think I'm more into girls."
"Give me another chance. Just one more chance," I plead.
"What?" She looks at me like I'm out of my mind.
"Let's go right here. I can do better. I know I can."
Looking away for a moment, she seems to be giving it some thought. "Look, it was fine. It really was, but I don't think this would be such a good idea."
Covering my face with my hands, I take a couple deep breaths before looking her in the eye. "I've got something I need to tell you."
"Okay…" she replies in a cautious tone.
"I'm not sure how to put this."
"Just say it."
"I'm actually not Ben, well… that's not exactly correct."
She eyes me, confused. "Who are you then?"
"I am Ben, but, um, I'm from the future."
"What?" She scoffs, holding back a laugh. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"It's hard to believe, but hear me out. An angel granted me a wish and all this crazy stuff was happening in my life and I was desperate, you know, so I just did it."
"Did what?"
"Came back... I'm really forty five years old and I didn't realize it for a long time, but subconsciously I've been wishing for one more chance with you and that's the wish I chose— to return here to you." I wait wide-eyed for her reply.
"You're forty five?" She makes a sour face.
I point to my head. "Up here maybe, but the rest of me is twenty. Thank God, because if William had sent me back with my other body, that would have really been awkward."
"Okay..." She humors me with half a smile. "So when did you come back here?"
"Yesterday."
"So like a week ago, I gave you…" She makes a face. "…I mean, Ben a ride home from work. Or was that you?" She shakes her head confused.
"Well, that was me twenty five years ago."
"But who was that a week ago?"
"The other Ben," I say matter of factly.
"And where the hell is he now?"
"In Fells Point, I think."
"So old Ben is in Fells Point and—"
"I call him young Ben, but yeah. He's there and I'm here."
"Oh, okay, yeah..." Rising up from the chair, she gives me a weak smile as she walks slowly backward toward the door. "I'm... thirsty, do you want something to drink or…"
"I could use a drink."
She sl
ips out the door and closes it. I hold my head and sigh while I wait.
Suddenly the door opens and I look up to find a huge guy in the doorway wearing an angry look. Behind the hulk, another girl and Laura are peering around him.
"Hey, I'm Ben it's—" I start to say, but the guy yanks me off the bed.
"Dude, don't ever come back here."
"Wait… hold on." I look at his face then the other girl and say, "Aren't you David and Barbara? Yeah, you're Laura's sister right?"
Barbara glares at me as David says, "Let's go Marty McFly. McFly the fuck out of here."
He's pulling me out the door when I look at Barbara. "You're pregnant right? I mean, I think you might be if I have the years right in my head."
"You're pregnant?" Stopping in his tracks, David looks to Barbara.
"Um, well, yeah, but, I—"
"When were you going to tell me?"
"I was trying to find the right time." Barbara looks to me. "How did you know?"
"From your Facebook profile. Barbara and David Miller. Daughter Hannah, twenty five, I think and son, Joshua twenty one… in two thousand thirteen anyway."
"Wait, you're really pregnant?" David asks.
Sighing, Barbara nods.
"Shit." He plops his ass down on the bed. "What the hell is Facebook?"
"It's this thing in the future that everyone posts all their personal crap on."
They all look at me like I'm nuts then pause a moment to seemingly take it all in.
Laura chuckles and gives me a skeptical look. "Okay, so you guessed she was pregnant, but you could be pulling all this other crap out of thin air. What else do you know?"
"David works at Raycorp and—"
"Wow, I work at my Father's company?" David asks with his eyes still glazed over.
"Okay, what do you know about me?" Laura challenges me.
"Um, nothing. You're not on Facebook that I could find." I motion to Barbara with a nod of my head and frown. "I messaged her about trying to find you, but she never replied."
"Sorry." Barbara shrugs before shaking her head confused. "Wait, what didn't I do again?"
I turn my attention to Laura. "You still don't believe me?"
Laura folds her arms. "No, not really."
I pause thinking, rubbing my chin. "I wish I knew more future stuff that I could tell you, but um… wait!" Pulling my iPhone from my pocket I push the button, select a song and Gangnam Style blasts out of the speaker. All three look at it like cavemen watching the first guy start a fire. I crank up the volume and hold it out for them to see. "This is like the biggest song from 2012."