As the tip of his tongue flicked out and trailed over the playful bite, the shock of heat made her shiver. But it was nothing compared to the magic of his hands and the way he worked them beneath her belted robe, running his palms over her belly. In a heartbeat, her insides turned to liquid.
His fingers dipped lower, slipping through her soft curls to stroke her sensitive, feminine flesh. She let out a soft gasp.
“So beautiful I get hard just looking at you. Let alone touching,” he whispered at the base of her ear.
He slid his other hand up to massage her breast as his thumb swirled around her clit in one, never-ending, lazy circle. She sank back into him, letting out a little murmur of pleasure as his hard arousal pressed into her buttocks. Little zings of pleasure shot all the way down to her fingertips. Between her legs, he massaged, caressed, tormented until she moved against his palm, seeking the ecstasy his touch brought.
“You’re going to make me burn breakfast,” she answered in a ragged gasp.
The hand at her breast reached out and moved the eggs off the burner. Dropping it back to her waist, he pulled on her belt, exposing her. “Turn around, baby.”
Amanda didn’t need to be told twice. She twisted around to face him, seeking his mouth as her hands glided over his chest, then lower, wanting to give him the same pleasure he gave her.
Dipping her fingers into his waistband, she eased his boxers off his hips. Running her palm over his swollen erection, she slowly closed her fingers around him. With firm pressure, she glided up and down his hard length. His mouth turned fierce. Hot, insistent, hungry. It eroded her senses, made her knees weak. When his arousal jumped beneath her fingers, his low groan left her trembling.
In one swift move, Josh backed her into the wall and splayed her robe wide open. “When’s Emma coming home?” he asked in a raw voice.
“One,” she answered in a breathless whisper.
“Good, cause this can’t wait.”
His mouth crashed into hers, along with his body.
Amanda’s head swam. She’d never seen Josh so frantic with desire. There was something primal about him, something wild that sent an equally ferocious need slamming into her. She pushed at his shorts until they fell to his ankles, and wound her arms around his neck, thirsting for the feel of him.
He glided a hand down her hip, around the back of her thigh, and lifted her leg to his waist. She locked her ankle behind him, and in one swift, heart-stopping drive, he impaled her.
Amanda gasped. God he felt so good. So fantastically perfect as he pulled back, sliding away. She brought her hips forward, chasing the contact, and he drove into her with abandon.
Until now, Josh had always been gentle. But this…this…was amazing. Seeing him so aroused, knowing somewhere in the back of her mind she brought him to this, did unspeakable things. Pushed her over the edge with staggering intensity.
Heat shot through her in waves. Crashing into her mind, weakening her legs, lighting her up from head to toe.
Josh dragged his mouth off hers. “Amanda, baby, you make me crazy.”
He plunged in once more, rolled his hips against her sensitive center, and her world exploded. Her climax stormed through her, stealing her breath. She clung to him, reeling in the feel of his shaking shoulders, the way his cock swelled deep inside her. With a low groan, he surrendered alongside her, and then went utterly still, the sound of his ragged breath joining hers.
Lifting his head, he looked at her, his expression edged with chagrin. “I’m sorry.”
Sorry for what? Dear God, that had been out of this world. She shook her head, but her mouth was too dry for words.
Her leg trembled at his waist, and he shifted, supporting her more securely. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she managed with a swallow. “Better than fine. God, Josh, where did that come from?”
He chuckled as he feathered his mouth over hers. “I don’t know, honey.”
She kissed him back. Let her lips linger softly against his. Touched her fingertips to his cheek as a slow smile drifted over her face. “Your breakfast is going to be cold.”
Releasing her carefully, he withdrew and pulled her robe around her, belting it once more. “Cold food is worth it.”
“You’re incorrigible, Josh.” She grinned as she eased away from the wall and put her pan back over the fire.
“No, baby, I’m just crazy about you.”
A little shiver of delight skittered down her spine. Something about the way he said that made her believe that maybe this time there was a little more substance in his words.
Flipping the omelet onto a plate, she cracked another egg to fry for herself. As it sizzled in the skillet, she set his breakfast down on the table. “I have some orange juice.”
“Please?”
With a nod, she poured him a glass.
When her egg was done, she sat down to join him. They ate in silence, sharing only intimate smiles. Beneath the table, her ankle twined around his, wanting to keep him close, to maintain the contact she craved.
Finished, he pushed his plate aside and set his elbows on the table, regarding her with such a serious look, she squirmed. “What?”
“I want to talk to you, Amanda. Before Emma comes home.”
“About?”
He took a deep breath. Reaching across the table, he took her free hand. “Us.”
The bite of food in her mouth got stuck as her fork clattered to her plate. Josh never wanted to talk about relationships. This couldn’t be good.
Chasing her egg with a long drink from his glass, she folded her hands in her lap to hide their nervous shaking. “What about us?
“The last time I was here, the day of Dad’s funeral, what I did was terrible.”
She dropped her gaze to the table. “It’s in the past, Josh.”
“Maybe. But the past looms between us right now. I can’t undo what I did. I stayed away because I was ashamed. Convinced you hated me. When I thought you’d married, it made me a little insane. I hit Lucas because I thought he’d stolen you.”
Her heart stuttered a little, growing wings of hope. His eyes were laden with sincerity, bright with unspoken emotion. Was it possible he’d come to terms with his fears?
His voice was thick as he admitted, “I don’t want to ever go through that again.”
Oh, God.
Maybe he had meant what he’d said last night. That he didn’t intend to leave her.
He held her gaze for several long moments before glancing out the window. “But I can’t stay in this town, honey. It just reminds me of Dad. Of Mom.”
Her swelling hope burst. He was leaving. That’s what this conversation was about. She should have known. Shouldn’t have allowed him to catch her off guard. If she’d been on her toes, it wouldn’t feel like he’d just cut out her heart.
Tears gathered in her eyes. She wrung her hands.
Josh’s voice softened. “Don’t cry, baby. I want you and Emma to go with me.”
As Amanda blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek. Go with him? She stared, speechless.
“Let’s do what we planned long ago. Go to Kansas City. They tore Warwick Manor down, but we can find another house. Come with me, Amanda?”
She opened her mouth to agree, then closed it. Something wasn’t right. Though her heart should be soaring, it thumped dully. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. Though there wasn’t a thing wrong with his words, they left a stale taste in her mouth.
A spark of anger lit in her gut. Clenching her teeth against it, she frowned. “Is there nothing in your memories about the good things here?” About her? About what they had?
“Of course there is. But everywhere I look, Amanda, there’s Mom and her musician, and Dad and his gun. I see it in people’s eyes—Look there’s Josh. His father killed himself because he was heartbroken over his poor mother. Bless her heart.”
Amanda frowned at him. “No one thinks th
ose things. Everybody’s just glad to see you. But no one knows what to say to you anymore. I’m not even sure I do.”
His eyes pled with her. “Say yes. Come with me. We’ll figure it out together. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”
Suddenly, Amanda understood what was so very wrong about this conversation. It wasn’t what she wanted. What she’d longed for involved marriage, family, love. Not just escape. Josh hadn’t said one word about any of those things.
“No, it’s not,” she said in a quiet voice.
Josh drew back. In his green eyes something very close to fear flashed.
She hated seeing it but pushed aside the accompanying stab of guilt. This wasn’t just about Josh anymore. There was no way he could convince her to uproot Emma without a concrete promise of forever.
Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself against the apprehension of wounding him and let her heart speak. “What I’ve always wanted is your love. I’d go to the ends of the world with you if you’d let me in that far. But until you realize I’m not your mother, that I’m not capable of doing to you what she did to your dad, I’ll never have it. I’ll never be your wife. I’ll never grow old with you. Until you can make that leap of faith, Josh, what’s right here is all you get.”
She stood, gathered their plates, and took them to the sink. It was the hardest thing she’d ever said to him, but she wouldn’t take a word of it back. She hadn’t denied him her love, hadn’t even forbade him the pleasure of what they shared. Yet, she’d stood up for herself and doing so felt damn good.
When she turned around, Josh was gone.
Thirteen
Josh pulled on his dress pants, contemplating Amanda’s statement. For as long as he could remember, she’d wanted out of Lexington. Now, he gave her the opportunity, and she asked for things he couldn’t give. Things she knew he couldn’t give.
He didn’t know what to do, what to say, or how to make this right. But in the back of his mind, he understood he had to find the answers. The last twenty-four hours she’d tapped into a portion of him he’d kept hidden, even from her. She’d come close on several occasions, but he always blocked her at the last minute…when he ran out the door.
She’d never pressed him for marriage. True, she never hid her desires from him, but she never pushed. Why now?
As he stuffed his arms in his shirt, footsteps drummed in the hall. Bare feet, too heavy to be Emma’s.
Amanda leaned against the doorframe, her arms folded over her chest. One look at her tight eyebrows and narrowed eyes, and he knew he was in trouble.
“So you’re leaving now? Because I laid it out on the line?”
“No,” he answered patiently. “I’m going back to my hotel to get some clothes.”
Her frown eased as her eyes widened.
Josh tried not to smirk, but inside he complimented himself. Surprise was always a helpful factor. Particularly when he could surprise her. She knew him too well for him to be able to pull it off very often.
“I’m coming back here. Unless you’ve decided that’s off limits too?”
Shit. He hadn’t meant for the venom to come out. But damn it, her ultimatum was the last thing he’d expected, and it didn’t sit well. In fact, it downright burned.
She pursed her lips and glared, but she didn’t raise her voice. “I never said that.”
Thank, God. He’d left himself wide open for retaliation, and she didn’t seem to be in the mood. He couldn’t stand fighting with her. She could talk him in circles faster than he could blink. Before he knew it, he’d admit to something he hadn’t planned on confessing. He had yet to remember a single time they’d argued over something where she’d legitimately been wrong.
Reaching for his suit coat, he let out a sigh. “I don’t want to fight with you, Amanda. I said I wasn’t leaving you. If you aren’t ready to come with me yet, I’ll wait.”
And prove to her she’d be so miserable without him that she’d concede.
“For how long?”
He gritted his teeth. Good Lord! She really didn’t get it. He wasn’t going anywhere until he had her and Emma’s bags packed in his trunk. Checking his frustration, he ordered himself to exercise restraint. Getting annoyed with her wouldn’t make things any better. “Till you change your mind, honey.”
Amanda let out a mutter as she threw her hands in the air. “Josh! It’s not me that has to do the changing.”
He absolutely was not going to fight with her. Not under any circumstances. Fighting back his agitation, he crossed the room to fold his arms around her. He nuzzled the side of her neck and whispered, “I’m not going to fight with you.”
Groaning, she reluctantly slid her arms around his waist and set her head against his shoulder. “I don’t want to fight either, Josh. But I need you to understand what I’m telling you. Don’t make light of it. I can’t uproot Emma without knowing you aren’t going to freak out one day and ask us to leave. Or worse, remove yourself.”
“That’s not going to happen, baby.” He kissed her cheek. “Now would you say something to indicate you’d like me to be here, so I don’t feel like I’m inviting myself?”
With a perturbed little mutter, she turned wary eyes up to him. “Are you really not going to just vanish without a word? I don’t want you making plans with Emma, only to disappear the day before.”
“I told you, I’m not leaving you.” When her expression didn’t change, he put on his best innocent expression and batted his eyelashes. “I made it to morning, didn’t I?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re terrible, Josh. That’s really not very funny at all.”
Sliding both his hands to her hips, he maneuvered her body flush against his. With a mischievous grin, he dipped his head and kissed her softly. “I know. But you’re crazy about me anyway, aren’t you?”
“Always.”
“Good.” He gave her bottom a little pat before he stepped away. “In that case, I’m going to get my things. I’ll come back here and shower. Afterward, I’d like to take you and Emma out to eat.”
Amanda’s face filled with hesitancy, and she nibbled on her lower lip.
Now what had he said wrong? “What?”
“I always make Lucas and Emma a big dinner here on Sunday nights.”
This was going to take some getting used to. Sharing her with Lucas had never been something he’d had to deal with. “Oh-kay. What would Emma like to do?”
“Play dolls with Lucas.”
That sealed it. Forget dinner, Josh would cut off his thumbs to see Lucas playing dolls. “We’ll stay in. I’ll be back.”
Feeling somewhat like things were relatively normal, Josh jogged down the stairs and out the front door. The cold air hit him in the face, stealing his breath. The shock ran straight to his bones, and he huddled into his suit jacket. But it wasn’t the only thing that chilled him.
With Amanda out of his immediate presence, that icy blast awakened another realization. He’d been awfully risky with her. Not just once, but three times. Like he was tempting the fates. It might be smart to stop by the drugstore and pick up some condoms, seeing how he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her. If it wasn’t too late already.
He glanced up the street, looking at the tall roofline of The Square.
Something deep inside protested that idea with violence. The same something aroused a strange feeling of misplaced elation over the idea of getting Amanda pregnant. A feeling that didn’t belong anywhere near him. Yet he couldn’t dislodge it.
To hell with it. Maybe he could get her to Kansas City faster if she was.
That felt so wrong and terrible he couldn’t help but grimace. But damned if it wasn’t true. She’d get her wedding too…without all the fuss and necessity of making him get down on one knee and spout foolish things about love and emotions that were far more fickle than responsibility and dedication.
He couldn’t possibly love her.
Could
he?
Absolutely not. He was crazy about her. Wanted her at his side all the time. He never intended to spend another day where he couldn’t see that beautiful smile or look into her fathomless blue eyes. But that had nothing to do with love. Love meant he couldn’t live without her. Which made him as weak as his father.
He’d spent eight years living without Amanda. He could spend the rest of however many he had doing the same. He didn’t like it, but he could.
There was absolutely no way he was in love with her.
****
“Josh asked me to go back to Kansas City with him this morning.”
Lucas’ head snapped up at Amanda’s quiet statement. His gaze shot to Emma, checking to see whether she’d heard her mother or not. Outside the kitchen, her Bratz dolls spread all over the living room floor, she talked with them in an animated voice. She made no sign, not even a quick glance over her shoulder, that she could hear them.
Ten years, and the day Amanda had waited for finally arrived. On the heels of a Christmas party no less. Maybe there was some magic in this holiday after all.
Staring down into the dark black coffee in his mug, he asked in a hushed voice, “When do you leave?”
“I’m not.”
Or maybe not.
He lifted his head to give her a quizzical look. “Say again?”
“We’re not leaving with him.”
That made absolutely no sense. All he’d heard about throughout the last decade was how much she wanted to be with him. What she’d give to be in Kansas City. How she’d never want for another thing if she could spend life with Josh. While Lucas wasn’t exactly excited about the prospect of seeing her and Emma pick up and move, that was the most absurd response he’d ever heard.
He set his coffee cup down calmly and leaned back in his chair, one ankle tossed over his knee. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he cocked his head and furrowed his brow. “‘Manda, I coulda sworn ‘bout a week ago you sat right where you are now, cryin’ into your coffee about wantin’ to be with him. What cross-fired in your brain? He just offered you your equivalent of the world.”
“No.” She shook her head, took a sip of her coffee, and held the mug between both hands. “No, he didn’t. I want the whole package, Lucas. Emma can’t have a dozen uncles. You fill that role perfectly. She needs a dad. When she gets older, I won’t have her introducing Josh as her mother’s boyfriend.”
All I Want for Christmas is Big Blue Eyes Page 11