Maybe he could convince Olivia to paint an oil of Warwick Manor. Embellish it a little with how they envisioned it would look fully restored. Except, if what Lucas said was true, Amanda’s dreams were different now. A reminder of the past might not sit well.
He could get Olivia to paint Emma’s portrait off a photo. Amanda would adore that. However, that too, didn’t particularly feel like he’d selected something exclusively hers that she could enjoy when business took him on the road. A gift like that felt better suited for birthday, not Christmas.
Christmas was supposed to be special.
Clothes—but that killed the idea of special.
They shuffled forward as another child jumped into Santa’s lap. Two to go.
Perhaps he could get her a maid. She could have Sundays all to herself and do whatever she wanted. If that meant cooking for others, she could forget about the rest of the chores around the house. Even laundry wouldn’t be an issue with a maid.
He considered the idea.
A maid could clean, do laundry, and he could even hire the maid for the flower shop too. Amanda wouldn’t have to lift a finger. At the same time, he didn’t want to insult Amanda by inadvertently insinuating he thought her house was cluttered. It wasn’t, once the scattered toys were overlooked. However, she could be downright touchy about her personal space. A maid might infringe on her time and comfort.
Hell, he couldn’t think of a damn thing that would both mean something special and belong solely to her.
They shuffled forward again. Mrs. Claus beckoned to Emma and the little girl in front of her. Josh set Emma on her feet, urging her forward with a little push.
“What are your names?” Mrs. Claus asked in a sugary-sweet voice.
Emma gave her a shy smile. “Emma.”
“Stacey.”
“Well, Emma and Stacey, Santa is very old. With the elves working night and day all the time, he doesn’t hear so well. Be sure you speak loud and clear when you tell him what you want for Christmas.”
Josh held in a chuckle. What a brilliant way to explain the impersonator’s hearing loss. He exchanged an amused smile with Amanda.
Setting one hand on his shoulder for balance, Amanda rose to whisper in his ear. “That’s Mrs. Teathers. She’s the eighth grade home-ec teacher. And Santa you know very well.”
He queried her with a lifted eyebrow.
“Coach Allen. He retired four years ago and has done this ever since. He also plays the Easter bunny for the Easter egg hunt.”
A fond smile drifted over Josh’s face as he looked up at his old football coach. He made a damn good Santa. He’d always been large; the red suit just softened his intimidating size. Already grey-haired when Josh had played under him, he sported a beard and wig that looked almost natural. Years of being in the weather roughened his nose and cheeks, and Josh couldn’t tell whether he’d accented the reddish tint with makeup or not.
The girl named Stacey wandered over and climbed up on Santa’s knee. “Hi, Santa! I want a cell phone.”
Josh blinked. Good Lord, when had little girls decided they needed cell phones? That seemed ridiculous. When he’d been that age, they’d gotten along just fine without portable phones. What had happened to today’s kids?
Beside him, Amanda giggled. She ran a sympathizing hand down his arm. “It gets worse the older they get. But some of the things I’ve heard Emma’s friends say they want blow my mind.”
At least he wasn’t the only one who questioned what kids thought they needed. Or maybe he questioned the parents that didn’t seem to object. Whatever it was, kids didn’t need fancy electronics beyond perhaps a remote-control toy.
The camera flashed. Santa handed Stacey a candy cane, and Stacey skipped over to her mom and dad, beaming.
Smiling down at Emma, Josh said, “Your turn, Princess.”
She answered with a hesitant nod and made her way slowly to Santa, her earlier enthusiasm fading.
“She’s always been a bit afraid of Santa,” Amanda explained quietly.
He tugged on Amanda’s shoulder, bringing her in front of him, and slid his arms around her waist. Letting out a quiet sigh, he brushed a kiss over the top of her head and bathed in her nearness. This felt so right. Holding Amanda, watching Emma, doing all the things a family ought to. Next year, he’d sit Emma down for a long chat about Santa. Maybe that way she’d enjoy the mythological being as much as the rest of the kids her age did. Like she ought to. There wasn’t a damn thing she should fear about Santa Claus.
“Hello there, Emma. Have you been good this year?”
Dropping her chin, she looked down at her hands, and answered with a nod. “Mostly.”
“Mostly is fine. You’re growing up, young lady.”
As Josh listened, he realized this Santa had an advantage over the big city Santas. Coach Allen held the benefit of knowing the children. He knew if important things occured, watched as they grew up, and while he might not know them intimately, if something significant happened in their lives, he certainly heard the news. It gave him a bit more credibility and added to the magic of his purpose.
“What do you want for Christmas, little lady?”
Emma fidgeted in his lap. Glancing between her mom and Josh, she mumbled.
“What’s that? You have to speak louder, dear. The elves hammer and bang all day long, and I can’t hear so well.”
She fidgeted some more. With her head lowered, she looked up through long eyelashes, and said, “I want Josh to be my dad.”
Josh’s eyes widened. His heart drummed to a slow stop. He tried to breathe, but his throat had closed so tightly nothing could pass into his lungs.
In his arms, Amanda stiffened with a gasp.
Emma’s dad…
Emotion rushed through him, tingling his skin in its wake. His hands felt shaky, and although he could breathe now, he could do little more than stare. His throat worked soundlessly. That one little request reached in and wrapped a fist around his heart so tightly he thought it might break.
Nothing had ever meant more.
Hot tears stung his eyes, and he blinked, trying to hold them at bay. But the more he tried to stop the welling drops, the heavier they pooled. Wresting away from Amanda, he made a beeline to the car as one slid down his cheek. He would not cry in front of all these people.
Twenty-six
Amanda stared after Josh, icy tendrils of fear turning her blood as cold as the winter air around her. Had Emma just pushed him away? Oh, God, she should have never said anything to Emma this morning. If she hadn’t, Emma wouldn’t have come up with the idea on her own. This was all her fault.
Yet as Emma slid off Santa’s knee and walked over to slide her hand in Amanda’s, her daughter’s crestfallen expression sent a flash of anger rolling through her.
“Did I make Josh mad, Mommy?” she whispered.
Amanda hunkered down and gave her a tight hug. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll talk about it later. Let’s go home—Amy should be there any minute.”
Standing, Amanda ground her teeth together. Josh had no right to react like that. He could get as angry with her as he wanted to, but storming off from Emma was inexcusable. How could he expect Emma to understand his ridiculous fear about caring for someone too much? She was five, for God’s sake.
Amanda hustled to the car where she found Josh already behind the wheel, the engine running. He didn’t look up as she put Emma in the backseat and buckled her in. Just stared straight ahead at the brick storefront. He didn’t acknowledge her as she slid into the passenger’s seat, either.
Without so much as a hello, he backed out of the parking space, the eerie silence filling the car as he headed for her house.
Amanda glanced over her shoulder to check on Emma. Her hands twisted in her lap. She gnawed on her trembling lower lip.
Offering her a reassuring smile, Amanda slipped her arm between the seats and squeezed Emma’s knee. Bless he
r heart, she tried to smile, but her lower lip only quivered more.
Amanda shot an accusatory glare at the side of Josh’s head. Damn him. If he didn’t say something soon, it would be too late. Emma would never believe he meant it.
“Josh.”
With a shake of his head, he bit out a harsh, “Not. Right. Now.”
Not right now? What kind of insensitive remark was that? As another wave of fury rolled through her, she gripped the door handle and gritted her teeth. Fine. She’d give him his not right now. When they got home, she’d be more than happy to tell him, in thirty different ways, just how much of an asshole he was. Right on the heels of get out.
He would not treat Emma with the same indifference as he’d always given her. The same cool approach he used when she told him she loved him wouldn’t cut it with a five-year-old little girl. It was high time Josh realized what he’d walked into by coming back to Lexington. This wasn’t a game. This wasn’t fantasy. This was real. And Emma couldn’t help how she felt anymore than Amanda could.
She didn’t know who reached the door first—her or Emma. As Emma pounded up the stairs to her room, Amanda yanked off her coat and threw it over the back of the couch. She started for the stairs, but thought better of it when Josh walked in and quietly shut the door.
Nursing Emma’s tears wouldn’t solve a damn thing until she gave Josh a good piece of her mind.
She whirled about, prepared to explode, and snapped her jaw shut. Blinking, she stared at Josh.
Hunched over, his hands braced on the back of the couch, he held his head low. His shoulders shook once, and he lifted a hand in front of his face, doing something she couldn’t see.
“Josh?” Concern overrode her anger, and it sputtered to a low simmer.
He shook his head. Straightening to his full height, he slowly turned around. His gaze strayed up the stairs to the landing above. He swiped at his eyes casually and let out a haggard sigh.
Frozen in place, Amanda blinked. Crying? Had he realized he’d upset Emma?
“Emma?” Josh called in a hoarse voice. He cleared his throat and hollered again. “Emma, come down here, please.”
Overhead, heavy footsteps trudged down the hall.
Amanda backed up to the wall, allowing Emma to pass. Too caught off guard for words, she watched silently as Emma traipsed down to stand in front of Josh.
He knelt before her, taking her hands in his. “I don’t want you to think you made me mad, Princess.”
“I’m sorry, Josh,” she mumbled.
Spellbound, Amanda descended the bottom two stairs and sank down into a chair. Poised on the edge, ready to sweep Emma away if Josh said the wrong thing, she listened. Afraid to breathe, afraid she’d do something that would erase the incredible look of tenderness etched into Josh’s features.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Emma. Sometimes people cry because they’re happy. You made me that happy, and I didn’t want all those people to see a grown man cry. I shouldn’t have been afraid to let them see it, but sometimes even grownups are afraid.”
Amanda bit down on her lower lip so hard that the coppery taste of blood stung her tongue. If he said any more, she was going to join him as a blubbering mess. Tears already pricked the corners of her eyes, and it was all she could do to hold them at bay.
Emma lifted troubled eyes to his. “You’re not mad at me?”
“No, Princess. I’m not at all.” Pulling her close, he enveloped her in his strong arms, and Amanda’s heart lurched a little more.
Emma wound her tiny arms around his neck. “Can you be my dad?”
“Oh, honey…” Sniffing, Josh hesitated.
Amanda looked away as her pulse jumped. Logically, she knew she should step in and help him out of the conversation. On the other hand, she couldn’t move. God, how she wanted him to say yes. To extend the invitation. Offer those impossible dreams.
“It isn’t that easy, Emma. Tyler will always be your dad. Nobody can change that—not me, not your mom. But if you want to think of me as your kind-of-dad, I’d like that.”
Well that was certainly progress for Josh, Amanda noted on a deep breath. He didn’t turn her down; he didn’t break her heart. Truthful, yet at the same time encouraging. Probably the best he could offer, given his aversion to marriage.
She stood up, meeting Josh’s soft smile over the top of Emma’s head. “Emma, you better go on up and pick up your room before Amy gets here. We can talk about this more later.”
The crisis over, Emma’s usual cheerfulness returned. She wiggled out of Josh’s arms and bounded up the stairs, her feet pounding on the wood in an anxious hurry.
Amanda went to Josh. Looping her arms around his waist, she laid her head against his chest. “Is that why you didn’t say anything in The Square?”
He sniffed once again. “I was afraid once they started, they wouldn’t stop. Amanda she’s…” He trailed off as his arms tightened around her. “She’s perfect,” he finished in a low whisper.
Headlights flashed against the wall, announcing Amy’s arrival and spoiling Amanda’s response. As she went to the door, Josh picked up their coats to hang them in the corner.
“Honey, I want to talk to you in a little bit. When you get the girls settled, will you come down?”
Her hand stilled on the doorknob as hope she knew she shouldn’t feel sent a shiver rolling down her spine. Had tonight changed his mind? Had he only evaded Emma’s question until he could talk to her?
Please, please, please.
At the sharp knock, she opened the door with a jittery smile. “Hi, Laney.”
“Hi, Amanda. It was so nice of Josh to let Amy come over tonight. She’s been wound up all afternoon. I hope she’s not too much trouble.” With one foot in the doorway, Laney’s gaze slid around Amanda and settled on Josh.
The spark of interest that lit Laney’s dark brown eyes made Amanda narrow hers a fraction. She ought to be used to it by now, the way Josh commanded every woman’s attention. Yet the way women seemingly forgot her presence the minute he entered a room, whether she was at his side or not, never quite sat well with her. Admiring Josh was one thing. Acting like they had hopes of stealing him away, entirely something else.
“I’m sure she won’t be trouble,” Josh replied, joining Amanda at the door.
Laney’s appreciative gaze drifted down to his toes then back to his face.
Amanda bristled. Damn it, this was her house. Did the woman know no courtesy? Hadn’t she learned anything when her husband ran off with another woman? In a much harsher voice than she’d intended, she asked, “Do we need to bring Amy home tomorrow?”
Laney didn’t bother to look at Amanda as she replied, “I’ll pick her up around ten if that’s all right? We have Christmas Eve plans.”
“Come on in, Amy.” Amanda stepped back. “Emma’s up in her room.”
Amy wriggled her shoulders free of her mother’s hands and darted past Amanda. Barreling up the stairs, she yelled for Emma.
“Well, we’ll make sure she’s up and ready,” Amanda offered with a sugary smile. Normally, she would have let Laney inside. But after the way she looked at Josh, the doorstep was close enough.
The lack of invitation wasn’t completely lost on Laney either. She blinked, faltering a moment. With a short nod, she said, “All right. Good night, Amanda, Josh.”
“Night, Laney,” Josh called from Amanda’s left.
Amanda didn’t bother with a farewell. She eased the door shut and let out a long breath.
Before she had a chance to fully recover from the jarring encounter, Josh fastened his hand in hers and pulled her to the couch where he tugged her down onto his lap. “I get ten minutes of your undivided attention.”
Grinning, she snuggled down into his embrace. “That sounds…dangerous.”
His deep rumbling laughter reverberated in his chest. “Baby, ten minutes isn’t time enough for dangerous.” He punctuate
d his sultry insinuation by nuzzling the side of her neck. His stubbly chin grazed against her skin enticingly, and she let out a little sigh of contentment.
“It was long enough for the kitchen,” she teased.
A spark lit behind his green eyes, changing them to a vibrant hue that sent a little thrill spidering through her veins. The way he was looking at her, as if he could devour her in an instant, warned her now, with the girls upstairs, wasn’t the right time to flirt. That and the way he gave in to a mischievous grin as he dropped his hand between her legs, teasing with his fingers.
“Okay, okay,” she answered on a laugh. Squirming out of his arms, she sank into the cushion beside him. “Ten minutes of undivided attention.”
He chuckled. “Sure, now that you’ve got me thinking about something else.” Shifting, he tossed an ankle over one knee and reclined.
When he turned a thoughtful look her way, the shameful flicker of hope ignited once again. He looked so serious, yet hesitant all at once. Like he couldn’t make up his mind where to start or what to say first.
With a deep breath, his brows pulled together. “I want to talk about this property of Emma’s.”
Her rising hope extinguished faster than fire doused with water. She tried to keep her disappointment out of her expression, but it struck so fiercely she had to look down at her hands. She should have known better than to think Josh might have a change of heart simply because Emma struck something inside him.
“I don’t want to talk about that, Josh. I’ve told you that’s Emma’s land. There’s nothing you can say to convince me into surrendering it to Sandra.”
He gave her a slow nod. “I talked with Lucas about it. I know why it’s important to you. But Amanda, you’ve got to make a decision one way or the other. It’s the twenty-third. You have nine days, baby. Nine days to come up with six thousand dollars. If you’ve got a plan, tell me how I can help.”
She let her head fall back into the cushion and closed her eyes, struggling to temper the anger her wounded pride summoned. “I don’t have a plan.”
Reaching between them, Josh picked up her hand. His thumb brushed against hers in a gentle, soothing motion. “Miracles are a little short these days, honey. I’m willing to loan you the money if you don’t want to accept a gift.”
All I Want for Christmas is Big Blue Eyes Page 22