by Toni Blake
“Who’d have thunk it?” Sue Ann quipped. “Big city girl Rachel Farris creating a hometown Christmas for her fiancé’s family.” Rachel had left Destiny right after high school, but after a visit home the autumn before last, hunky cop Mike Romo had coaxed her into staying.
“Well, times they really are a’changin’,” Rachel acknowledged. “I never dreamed I’d find my heart’s desire here of all places.”
As Rachel departed, though, a little of Sue Ann’s good mood was dashed—something to do with Rachel’s comment about changing times. For so many of Sue Ann’s friends, things had changed for the better over the last few of years—she was the only one whose life had gotten markedly worse.
“Ho-ho-ho, who’s next? Step on up here, little boy, and climb onto Santa’s knee.”
Sue Ann looked up, squinting, not only because the last child in front of them had just been beckoned by Santa Claus, but because Santa’s voice sounded weirdly familiar—weirdly . . . like Adam’s. Deeper, of course, but . . . and that’s when she made eye contact with him. She’d know those blue eyes anywhere, and now they sparkled on her from above a curly white beard, somehow even turning her on a little, despite the Santa suit. She was so stunned that a laugh escaped her without warning, even as their gazes remained locked.
“What are you laughing at, Mommy?”
The words drew her glance down to Sophie, whose hand she held, before she glanced back at Adam again. “Nothing, honey,” she assured her, squelching her reaction, but she had to bite her lip to hold in a smile. First a reindeer, now this. How on earth had Adam gotten roped into playing Santa?
Yet then her smile faded a little, because—oh brother—he turned her on even in a freaking Santa suit? Even wearing a ridiculous red velvet jacket with a pillow under it and big white beard? Her stomach even fluttered then.
Oh no, this was awful. I’m attracted to Santa Claus! And a bad Santa at that! Since even with padding, the red suit was way too big for him, and his beard was the silly, curling kind. And his eyes were . . . oh, his eyes were the same eyes she’d peered into while he’d moved in her. And now the juncture of her thighs ached for him again. Yep, even as Santa.
She swallowed. Then let out a sigh. It had been bad enough that she’d still experienced that nagging yearning for him at the Christmas tree lighting last Sunday, but now . . . this seemed much worse.
Of course, it would help if she’d quit running into him everywhere. But in a small town like Destiny, that was difficult.
“A-h-hall right, Trevor,” Santa Adam was saying, keeping a bit of that deep ho-ho-ho echo in his voice, “you keep doing your chores and eating your broccoli and I’ll do my best on the iPod. Now down ya go.”
As little Trevor went on his way, Adam shifted his gaze to Sophie, saying, “Wh-h-hell, who’s this pretty little girl? Come on up, honey, and tell Santa what you’d like for Christmas.”
Adam was having about as much fun playing Santa Claus as he had pretending to be a reindeer, which wasn’t much, but for the sake of the kids he kept it well hidden. And he hadn’t thought about the fact that Sue Ann would probably bring Sophie, but just seeing Sue Ann—even in this stupid costume—was enough to lift his mood. Even if he felt her laughing at him. He guessed it really was pretty damn funny in a way.
After he scooped Sophie onto his lap, they posed so Sue Ann could take a few pictures. Then he spoke more quietly to Sophie—already he’d figured out that most kids were more comfortable if it felt like a private conversation rather than one their parents could hear. “Have you been a good girl for your mom this year, Sophie?” he asked.
She nodded. “Most of the time.”
“Good, good—that’s what Santa likes to hear. Now what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
“There are only two things I want,” she said, sounding very clear and decisive on the subject.
“Well, what are they?”
“First, I want a reindeer.”
Adam pondered this. “Like . . . a toy reindeer? My elves make lots of nice toy reindeers.”
But Sophie appeared unmoved and Adam grew worried, especially seeing the serious look on her face when she said, “No, a real reindeer. Like the ones that pull your sleigh. I saw Prancer and Dancer at the Cincinnati Zoo last year, and I got to pet them and everything. So that’s what I want—my own reindeer. It can live in our backyard and I promise I’ll take good care of it.”
Aw, damn. She sounded so earnest, and so needful. How was he going to tell her he couldn’t bring her a reindeer? Well, maybe it would be easier if her second request was something more doable, something he was sure Sue Ann—or even he—could make sure she got. “What’s the other thing you want?” he asked.
And she told him softly, “I want my daddy to come home and live with us again.”
Oh shit. Adam’s heart broke then, right there on the spot.
And Sophie was looking up at him with such longing, such innocent desperation, that he had no idea what to do or say. So he spent a second wanting to kill Caroline Meeks for roping him into this—and then he did the best he could. “Sophie, honey,” he said, “as much as I wish I could give you the things you want . . . Santa brings presents, toys, things to play with. Isn’t there anything like that you’d enjoy getting?”
But Sophie just shook her little blond head, peering up at him as if he were . . . magical or something. And that’s when he remembered—Santa was supposed to be magical. Caroline had made this sound so easy, but it wasn’t, not at all. He held all these kids’ hopes and dreams in his hands tonight—and right at this moment, he held Sophie’s, and that was even harder because he cared about her so much. Hell, look at the mess he was in here.
And he didn’t want to crush Sophie, but he also thought it unwise to give her false hope. “Sophie, about your dad . . . Santa can do a lot of special things, but something like that . . . well, I’m afraid I can’t control people, or the feelings in their hearts.” In fact, if I could control the feelings in someone’s heart, your mom would be spending a whole lot more time with me. “Do you understand?”
She lowered her eyes sadly, but nodded, acceptant. And Adam felt more like a Scrooge than he had at any other time this whole holiday season. He couldn’t fix her family, and he didn’t know how to make her understand—since, hell, humans were complex, love was complicated, and he couldn’t even claim to understand it himself.
Finally, she raised her sweet little face back up to meet his gaze and said, “What about the reindeer? Can you bring me a reindeer? I want one sooooo bad.”
Aw Christ. What now? Again, this would be bad enough if it were some random kid he didn’t know, but Sophie was . . . Sophie. His goddaughter, for heaven’s sake. And he knew—too intimately, from his own kids—what she was going through right now. “The reindeer . . . ” he began uncertainly, “will be tough.”
She just kept staring at him, though, even when he’d finished, hope still shining in her eyes and almost silently begging him to go on. And that’s when he heard himself saying, “But . . . if anybody can get you a reindeer, it’s me, right? So . . . I’ll see what I can do.”
Uh-oh. He was pretty sure he’d just promised Sophie a reindeer.
But when a big smile unfurled on her face—just before she gave him a huge hug—it made it all worthwhile. Especially when he met Sue Ann’s gaze over Sophie’s shoulder as he warmly hugged her back.
“All right then, honey, down you go. You have a merry Christmas, okay?”
“Thanks, Santa!” she said, still beaming.
“Next,” he said, glancing to a little boy wearing gigantic glasses.
And then it hit him. What the hell did I just do? And how am I gonna fix it? If he wasn’t already on Sue Ann’s “naughty list,” he sure as hell would be when Sophie told her Santa was bringing her a reindeer.
Half an hour later, everyone at the Santa party was eating, drinking, and making merry. Except for Adam, who had one last child on his lap.
And Sue Ann, who was absolutely livid and planning on killing him as soon as he was done. “Um, why?” Jenny asked when Sue Ann shared this with her.
She spoke through tightly clenched teeth. “He told Sophie he could get her a reindeer.”
Jenny flinched, clearly as taken aback as Sue Ann had been. “Oh. Well, yeah, you should definitely kill him.”
Now Sophie was dancing around with some other little kids to the Hall and Oates version of “Jingle Bell Rock,” giggling and having fun, so maybe Sue Ann should be glad in a way—but what the hell was she supposed to do on Christmas morning when there wasn’t a reindeer under the tree? As if a reindeer could even fit under a tree, for God’s sake.
Just then, a glance to her right across the fake wintry scene revealed that Adam had sent the last child on her way and was standing up from the old leather wing chair they’d given him to sit in. The fact that he still looked ridiculous did nothing to calm her temper as she marched across the floor—dodging a crushed cookie and a stray red ribbon that must have fallen from some little girl’s hair.
He didn’t seem to see her until she was right in front of him, holding up her hand to stop him from moving forward, then even smacking his chest with her palm for good measure. “Hold it, Santa,” she snapped. “I need to have a word with you.”
“Uh-oh,” he said. Then took her by the arm. “If you’re gonna yell at me, why don’t we take it someplace more private.”
“Private schmivate,” she said in a loud whisper, but she did allow him to lead her away from the center of the big open area and down a short hallway. After all, she didn’t need to make a spectacle of herself—she was just getting over being Destiny’s latest spectacle. And she intended to completely ignore how good Santa’s hand felt on her arm.
“Okay,” he said when they were secluded in the narrow hall, “go ahead, let me have it. I told Sophie that Santa would try to get her a reindeer. I’m scum. I should be beaten with candy canes or something. I know. And I’m sorry.”
Hmm. Well, all that kind of took the wind out of her angry sails. So she just pursed her lips, let out a sigh, and feared she sounded more whiny than mean when she asked, “What were you thinking, Adam?”
And then Adam told her what else Sophie had asked for—for Jeff to come home—and her heart dropped to her stomach. “Oh. Wow.”
“So . . . I had to say something. And next thing I know, I’m telling her I can maybe come up with a reindeer. I didn’t want to—it just came out, ya know? And I knew I’d screwed up the second it left my mouth. I mean, believe me, I don’t want to be wearing this goofy outfit to begin with and it didn’t come with a training manual.”
“You do look pretty silly,” she admitted, her anger all but gone now. Except for your eyes. Your eyes are still absolutely gorgeous. How had she gone all these years not realizing what amazing eyes he had? “And . . . I understand. About the reindeer. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do about it, but I understand.”
“Maybe I can talk to her. Not as Santa,” he said. “As me. Maybe I can set her up not to be too disappointed when it doesn’t happen.”
Sue Ann nodded appreciatively since she was tired of letting her daughter down. “That would help. A lot.” And—damn it—she kind of missed Adam’s touch now that it was gone. Though she still sort of felt it anyway, halfway between her wrist and elbow.
“Well, I’m the one who created the problem,” he said. “I can be the one to try to fix it.”
After releasing a sigh, she pointed out, “You aren’t the one who really created the problem.” That fell squarely on Jeff’s shoulders. And then her thoughts turned back to Dickens. “She must be feeling . . . really starved for love right now or something. She asked me for a stray kitten living at Under the Covers, too—but I said no, because it’s just one more responsibility to handle and my plate is already full these days. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to refuse, though. I probably should have gone for the kitten before the reindeer thing got so out of hand.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sue Ann,” he said. “You’re a good mom.”
And that touched her—maybe more than the simple words should have. Because she tried so very hard to be a good mother. And despite his own transgressions, Adam was a pretty great parent himself. And since she hadn’t felt particularly gifted at much of anything lately, she truly meant it when she said, “Thanks.” She just wished she could quit feeling so tingly in his presence. Then she tugged playfully on his beard. “Bet you’re ready to get out of this thing, aren’t you?”
Since she, for one, was ready for him to get out of it. She still didn’t particularly like being attracted to a man in a Santa suit. Even if she refused to act on her feelings for Adam, at least he was a hot, handsome guy. Lusting for Santa Claus just felt ooky to her.
“Ho-ho-ho,” he said, reassuming his deeper, echoing Santa voice. “You want Santa out of his suit, huh?” Then he flashed a sexy grin the silly beard couldn’t dim.
And like earlier, she was biting her lip to hide her smile even as Adam’s flirtation moved all through her like something tangible, touchable. Since she didn’t want to do anything to encourage him. Now if she could only hide the blush burning in her cheeks. “It’s, um, not like that, Santa,” she told him. But the claim came out sounding far more bashful and playful than she’d intended.
“Wh-h-hell,” he said, still in Santa mode, “before Santa goes, he’s got one more question for you.”
“Um, what’s that?” Darn it, why did her voice sound so breathy?
And when she looked back up into his eyes, there was no mistaking that they shone warm and seductive on her as he asked, “What do you want for Christmas, little girl?”
Eleven
And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips . . .
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Adam could see all the heat he was feeling reflected in her eyes, as well. And it wasn’t exactly like he’d planned to put the moves on her—he was wearing a Santa suit, for God’s sake—but it had just happened. One minute he’d been apologizing for what he’d said to Sophie—and the next he’d been thinking about how much he’d like to kiss her again, soft at first, but maybe then harder. He supposed something about Sue Ann just brought out the animal in him these days. Even behind a ridiculous fake beard.
And now . . . damn, he was pretty sure she wanted to kiss him, too. She sure as hell looked like it anyway.
“I should . . . uh . . . probably go,” she said then, her voice barely audible. And yeah, the words said go, but her eyes still said kiss.
“You haven’t answered me,” he reminded her. “Or . . . maybe you want to sit on Santa’s lap first?” He raised his eyebrows—even though he wore big white ones glued over his own at the moment.
And like before, a smile snuck out even as she lowered her eyes and bit her lip. He felt that lip bite of hers right in his big red velvet Santa pants, directly between his legs. “That . . . sounds like a bad idea,” she said.
Moving more on instinct than thought, Adam tilted his head, leaned a little closer, and tried to keep his voice Santa deep. “Why? Have you been a naughty little girl?”
He met her gaze and watched her swallow—nervously it seemed. “Lately maybe. A couple of times.”
And that . . . well, that wasn’t what he’d been going for at all. He’d been flirting, playing—not trying to make her feel like she’d done anything she shouldn’t have. So he just tilted his head and didn’t weigh his response—though he dropped the Santa voice completely. “Listen, Sue Ann—I don’t think you’ve been naughty at all. In fact, I think you’ve been damn nice.” In every way, he meant. As a mom, as a woman adjusting to being alone for the first time—and as a lover. Definitely as a lover.
“Well, maybe it’s more a matter of dumb than naughty,” she offered.
“You haven’t done anything dumb, either, Little Miss Sugar Plum,” he told her. He didn’t like her coming d
own on herself for having indulged in a little pleasure—or even a lot of it. And he wasn’t going to let that hesitation of hers get in the way of what he was feeling right now—because just like other recent times with her, what he was experiencing in this moment overrode everything else.
Since she’d lowered her eyes again, he used one bent finger to lift her chin. And her brown eyes looked so clear right now that he could read everything in them: the doubt, the trepidation, and the fire. But he felt the last part the most, and he wanted to kiss her almost more than he wanted to breathe. “Sue Ann,” he murmured, leaning forward instinctively.
And that’s when she ducked away from him, moving from the wall he’d somehow managed to back her against without having even planned it. “I should go. I’ll see you later,” she said, and that quick, she was walking back up the hall, the click of her boot heels on the linoleum reminding him with each passing second that she was getting farther and farther away.
Mick was ready to go. He’d moved the big Santa chair back into the storage room, carried garbage bags outside, broken down the folding tables, and hauled Caroline Meeks’ boxes and bags out to her car. It was nearly ten and he was in the mood to take his wife to bed when they got home. Then again, he was usually in that mood. And he was damn thankful Jenny was generally in that mood, too—it was one big thing they had in common.
He’d just come back in, ready to grab her and go—when he spotted her and Sue Ann holed up in a corner on a pair of folding chairs having a heart-to-heart. This had been happening a lot since the summer and he knew to leave them alone.
Most everyone else was gone—only Caroline and a couple of other ladies remained working in the kitchen area. And Sophie knelt next to the Christmas tree, examining ornaments but otherwise looking bored. Damn, he felt for the kid. Not just now, but for everything she and her mom were dealing with. As best he recalled, being a kid was pretty hard at times—and a hell of a lot harder when things went wrong.