“I didn't come here to fight. I came here to apologize.”
“You … wait, what?”
He sighed and took a couple of steps towards me. “You said I hadn't been approachable, and you were right. I should have listened. It wasn’t fair of me to shut your powers down like that and I’m sorry. You’ve handled everything pretty well and I should have had more faith in you. I'm not saying I'm thrilled about it, but you've got to play the cards that you've been dealt. I underestimated you, that’s on me, but I still want you to be careful because I’m still right about it changing you. Are you willing to forgive me?”
“Of course I will, and … I should be apologizing too,” I admitted sadly. “If I hadn’t been sneaking around with Aidan behind your back, you’d have had no reason to doubt me. You were right about it changing me, I’d never felt so out of control before. I didn’t like it.”
Caleb smiled. “Does that mean we’re okay?”
“Yeah, I don’t like fighting with you.”
“I don’t like fighting with you either,” he told me with a smile. “But you make it hard sometimes.”
I gazed back at him, feeling vulnerable and exposed. He could see my aura, just as I saw his, and I had never been more nervous of what he’d find.
There was an awkward moment of silence until he cleared his throat and said, “Are you seeing him again?”
There was a hint of jealousy in his tone, but I just smiled and shook my head at the obscurity of his question. “No, I’m done with that.”
Caleb visibly relaxed, I could see it in his jawline. “Good.”
I chuckled nervously and held up my hands as evidence, “He didn’t take me ending our training sessions very well.”
He snorted, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and smiled. “Yes, I heard about that. Some of the Elders were quite impressed.”
“They were?” I asked him in surprise.
Caleb nodded. “So was I,” he muttered as his eyes went soft and grazed his eyes over the bandages. “Are they still bothering you? Because I could heal them if you’d let me.”
“You would do that?”
“Of course, that’s what I’m here for.”
I grinned and gestured for him to follow, walking down the hall towards my room. “So you and Nate are buds now, huh?” I asked him teasingly when I shut the door behind us.
“He’s a good kid,” Caleb responded with a smile. “And he thinks the world of you, so try not to be so hard on him.” He sat down next to me on the bed as I began to unwrap the bandages. When it caught on the tender flesh I let out of painful hiss.
“Careful,” Caleb soothed me. “We’re not in any rush.”
As the fabric left my fingers, I took the puss-filled mess and threw it in the trash, then started on the other hand. Now that they were unwrapped, I held them out for him to see. The skin had been practically flayed off my palms and what remained was a bloody mess, ripped deep into the fascia. He winced at the sight of them and leaned in to examine them more closely.
“What? You can’t handle a little blood?” I teased.
He smiled weakly and I thought I saw him gulp. “It’s not that, I just don’t like seeing you in pain.”
The affection in his voice made me blush and I looked up at him. He's beautiful, I thought to myself miserably. Why did he have to be beautiful? It wasn't just my teenage mind playing tricks on me.
“Hmm, I’m not sure if I can heal it after all, that’s pretty bad” he told me slowly after examining the wound. “Nerve endings, muscle tissue … all that is beyond my skill. I’m not a healing talent, just a Guardian, but I can at least close the skin over it to prevent infection and let your body do the rest. This may hurt a little.”
“Why do you look so nervous?”
“Because you’re technically a demon, which means your body could reject it.”
I exhaled nervously, bracing myself for anything. “I guess we’ll take our chances.”
“Here goes nothing.”
Caleb looked at me warily one last time and placed his hands above mine. After a few seconds our skin began to glow and a pleasant warmth wrapped around them.
The heat grew rapidly within my hands and was soon borderline uncomfortable when I felt something begin to pop. He must have felt it too, because his face grew slightly worried. There was another spark, and then another — I flinched with every one of them. It was like the electric spark that accompanied putting a metal object in the microwave. When the odd sensation eventually subsided, Caleb pulled his hands away and the skin on my palms had been fused together. The wounds were completely gone, except for jagged scars down the middle of both my palms.
“How does it feel?”
I touched them gingerly and could not suppress a smile. “Caleb, that’s incredible!”
He glanced over at the roll of unopened gauze sitting on my nightstand. “You’ll have to keep it covered for a while to keep up appearances,” he warned me. “And it’s still going to be tender while it heals beneath the surface, but that should hold you over until it does.”
“Yeah, thanks.” I pulled my hair back around my neck, leaning back against the wall. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told him weakly. “When you didn’t come back last time I thought … I thought this was over.” My eyes flickered towards his face and my breath hitched inside my chest.
The corner of his mouth lifted up into a boyish grin and I realized I lived for that smile — I never wanted to go a single day without it. “I’m not going anywhere.”
It felt like time had slowed to a crawl, just him and me together in our own little perfect bubble. Aidan and the rest of my trials could wait for another day, because right now, all I wanted to see was him. His eyes dilated when he drew near to me and his breath fanned across my face.
For one moment, we forgot that we couldn't touch.
He leaned forward to kiss me and our lips came together for the briefest moment, barely a brush of his against mine and then … nothing. When I realized what had happened a hollow ache crept in to my blissful reverie because I knew we could never touch — it was just a dream. When he pulled away I could see it in his eyes, he was thinking the same thing. I gritted my teeth in frustration and he reached for me again, this time brushing his fingertips across my cheek. “Wynn…”
“Don’t,” I begged him miserably. “Just don’t, it will only make things harder.”
Caleb’s face was tortured when he responded, “I know … this isn’t easy for me either.”
I nodded stiffly, refusing to let the tears spill over while he was still here in the same room. His eyes went glossy for a moment and looked suddenly away as if someone had called his name.
“They're summoning you, aren't they?”
Caleb swallowed hard, but when he didn’t answer I took that as confirmation.
“You better not keep them waiting.”
He winced at the gentle dismissal, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he brushed his lips against the side of my cheek and in a matter of seconds he was gone. I felt a small sense of relief, knowing that I had at least stitched back one of the sorted pieces of my life — but it wasn’t enough.
I decided I also needed to salvage whatever relationships with my family I had left. Even with my mother. Ever since that vision I had about her deal with Aidan, I knew she’d been manipulated. That didn’t excuse her actions or make it any easier to forgive her, but at least I understood them better. Well, sort of.
It had been well over a month since I last visited her and I could tell it was upsetting my father. He didn’t understand what I was going through, what Mom went through — was still going through. I checked the time on my watch — 5:30, I wasn’t too late. I choked back the unshed tears and went down the stairs to find Dad sitting on the couch.
“Dad, are you busy? I need a ride somewhere.” My voice cracked unexpectedly with emotion and I shifted my weight on the balls of my feet.
He sighed
loudly and set the newspaper down on the couch. “Wynn, you just got out of the hospital, where could you possibly need to go?”
“I want to go see Mom.”
In an instant, Dad’s face turned from annoyed to joyful as he choked back tears of his own. “When do you want to go?”
“Right now.”
~ * ~
The sun was beginning to set as we drove the city streets back towards the hospital.
Instead of coming with me, Dad agreed to wait in the car while I went in alone to work through whatever “issues” I was dealing with — his words, not mine. He didn’t quite understand what my motives were, or what spurred my change in attitude, but he was willing to do anything to bring the remaining part of his family back together.
Truthfully, I was glad he hadn’t come because I wasn’t sure how I’d react when confronted with her again. So far my emotions were still in check, but that could change in the blink of an eye and I didn’t want him to witness it if I had another meltdown.
Here goes nothing.
It was a long walk across the pavement to the entrance of the hospital, my footsteps echoing throughout the parking structure.
The automatic doors opened to welcome me when I made it to the lobby and the familiar smell of harsh cleaner hit me like a slap in the face. My nose crinkled at the smell of it as I walked past the info desk to the service elevator.
I pressed the silver button and waited patiently for it to arrive. Every nerve, every muscle in my body was painfully aware of everything going on around me. Even the cheery — ping! — of the elevator's arrival made me tingle from head to toe. The metal doors closed behind me and brought me all the way up to the terminal unit.
I held my breath as I exited the elevator and walked down the hall towards her room.
Here it was. Room 1258.
I lingered in the doorway feeling conflicted, staring at the woman who had complicated my existence in so many ways. For some reason, I felt like this was the only place I could receive the answers and redemption I needed. She was pale as ever, but impossibly lovely and still frozen in time. I cleared my throat and took a step into the room. “Hey, Mom. I know I haven't been here for a while, but I wanted to come see you.”
The moment I spoke it was like turning on a light bulb. Her aura twisted suddenly and the color swelled to a deep burgundy. She could hear me. I pictured her eyebrows knitting in confusion and everything inside me opened up all at once. “I'm sure you can understand my reasons for not coming sooner … I was angry at you. You sold me to a demon! Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for that. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just, didn’t. It was just too much. And I can’t believe what you did to Anna. But even though you made some really, REALLY bad decisions in your past, you’re still my mom, and I guess I still love you. I could spend my entire life hating you, but I’ve lost so much already I don’t want to spend my life like that.”
For half a second, it seemed like she was with me again — I could feel her in the room with me. We connected in a way I hadn’t felt for quite some time and all at once a powerful surge pulled behind my eyes as Mammon’s gift transported me to another time and place yet again. I was still in the hospital, but the surroundings had changed significantly. The walls were a soft, yellow paint and the wallpaper trim had dancing teddy bears. The nurses were wearing pink scrubs instead of blue and the ambiance had an overall cheery feel.
Why am I in … the maternity ward?
While I looked around confused, a voice I recognized echoed out from one of the rooms. I went to find it and stared slack-jawed at a much younger version of my parents. Mom was propped up on the bed with a ring of pillows around her and a half-eaten meal on the rolling table beside her. She looked awful — her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her long, black hair hung disheveled around her shoulders. Dad didn’t look much better, he hadn’t shaved in a couple days and there were hollow bags beneath his eyes.
In the bassinet next to them lay a newborn baby, wrapped in a white blanket with giraffes sewn onto the front of it. Dad sat down next to her on the bed with a worried expression and asked, “Michele, are you sure that you’re all right?”
“I’m fine, just go,” Mom clipped at him in an icy tone.
My dad sighed and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, but she rolled away from him and wouldn’t let him touch her. He flinched at the cruel refusal and patted her on the arm instead. “Okay, I’ve got to pick up Elyse, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I stared at the baby in the bassinet. It’s mottled skin pale beneath the blue light and I noticed the hair on top of its head was indeed strawberry blonde. It made gurgly cooing sounds as it kicked its arms and legs in the blankets.
It was me.
Mom nodded, burying her face into the pillow as he headed for the door. The nurse stopped him on his way out and pulled him aside so the two of them could talk. “Mister Hendricks, I’m concerned about your wife. She’s not bonding with the baby the way she should. Have you thought about seeking psychiatric help?”
Dad nodded solemnly to address the nurses concern and stated, “I’m worried about her too, but we’ll make it through this.”
As he was about to leave the nurse persisted, “Sir, post-partum depression can be very serious—”
Dad whirled on her in anger before she was able to get another word out. “Do you think I’m not taking it seriously? Because believe me, I’m well aware of how badly things can go.”
His eyes welled up and I knew he was remembering Elyse’s mom, Anna.
He took a breath and continued, his voice icy but controlled, “Right now we’re going to take things one day at a time. If she ends up needing therapy then we will certainly look into it, but no one, NO ONE is more concerned about my wife’s welfare than I am. I certainly don’t need you second guessing my intentions! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up my other child from the babysitter.”
The nurse shrank back from him, completely unprepared for the suddenness of his verbal attack and gave a timid nod. I was just as shocked as she was and watched him storm off down the hall. Once he was gone, the nurse collected herself and stepped into my mother’s room.
The baby was crying in the bassinet beside her, but she didn’t even turn at the sound of its pleas. “How are you doing today, Mrs. Hendricks?”
She whimpered in the bed and tried to reposition her weight on one of the pillows. “Is there anything you can do for pain? The incision really hurts.”
“I’ll talk to the doctor for you,” the nurse assured her. “In the meantime, I’m going to place Wynnona beneath the bilirubin lights until her jaundice goes down. She’s got this little mask on, so she may not like that, but you can hold her, if you want, as long as the lights keep shining on her.”
“I’m fine.”
“Can I get you anything else?”
“No, thank you.”
The nurse busied herself with removing the baby’s blanket and left her naked except for the diaper she was wearing. As the lights of the bilirubin chamber turned on, the baby started to cry and swat angrily at the mask which had been put on her face. Mom observed what the nurse was doing out of the corner of her eye, but didn’t move from where she had rolled over on the bed.
“Okay, use your call light if you need anything. I’ll be right outside at the nurse’s station.”
“Thank you,” Mom mumbled sadly as the nurse finished repositioning her. At the sound of the door shutting, the crying started getting louder and Mom groaned into the pillow. “Please, be quiet,” she pleaded. “I’m so tired!”
A lump rose in my throat as I looked back and forth between my mother and, well, myself. The baby’s screams just kept coming and the whimpering from the bassinet just got louder until she finally rolled over to try and soothe me. I watched her face contort with pain as she reached over to grab the bassinet and roll it closer to her. As she turned, one hand clutched painfull
y at her abdomen. “Augh!”
With another hiss of pain, she lifted her hand towards the baby and offered it her finger. “Calm down, please?”
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she choked out, “Please, Wynonna? Shhh … shhhh…”
The sound of her voice calmed the tiny infant, and as she reached out to pat it, it wrapped its tiny hand around her finger.
Mom looked at the small delicate fingers wrapped gently around hers for what seemed like an eternity.
Her stony look of frustration and indifference broke and she cried out hysterically, “Oh God, what have I done? I’ve lost you already and I haven’t even met you yet!”
She cried with my infant self, clutching the bassinet desperately as if Aidan would show up any minute. Then her face began to change from despair to anger, then to one of fierce motherly protection. A fire lit behind her eyes and I knew this was the moment she decided to fight — the moment she decided I was worth fighting for. She reached over again and pulled the lights alongside them so they were shining on the bed as she lifted the infant in her arms.
“Hello, baby,” she cooed, her voice cracking as she spoke. When an elated gurgle escaped the child’s lips, she laughed quietly to herself. “That’s right, I’m your mommy. It’s very nice to meet you.”
Before I knew it, I was crying too. The vision before me faded, and I was back standing beside her unconscious body. One of the nurses knocked at the door. “I'm sorry miss, but visiting hours are over.”
I turned to her and smiled, wiping a tear off my cheek. “Thank you, I'll just be a minute.”
She nodded and left me in privacy to say my goodbyes.
“I'm sorry I missed Mother’s Day,” I whispered. “It won't happen again. I love you.”
Chapter Eighteen
Dancing with the Devil
“Stop fidgeting and stand up straight,” Elyse commanded, tightening the lacing on my back. I stood in front of the floor length mirror with my arms braced against the wall and whimpered when she gave the strings another forceful tug. “Did I hurt your shoulder?”
Dealing with the Devil (The Earthwalker Trilogy Book 1) Page 31