by Tillie Cole
I looked down at my hands and stared. I closed my eyes. I could still feel Anri gripping my right hand as Jakhua walked into the yard. I could still feel Zoya holding my left hand, then crawling into my arms and pressing her nose into my neck.
A lump clogged my throat as those memories surfaced. My breath began to quicken as it hit me precisely what I’d lost. This could’ve been my life. I could’ve had my family. Watching them grow, having the same bond.
It was so much. Too much.
I was blindsided by too many memories slamming around my brain. Hearing the laughter from the Russians eating and sharing love was too much. I was going to lose it. I needed to leave the table. I—
Then a soft hand slipped into mine and gently squeezed. My eyes snapped open. Immediately my gaze joined with a dark brown gaze.
Talia.
Her beautiful face looked up at me. I could see the concern in her face. I could feel her worry for me in my heart. Her hand squeezed again, and she leaned in to press a kiss to my cheek. My eyes drifted to a close at her touch. I held on tight. Held on until the pain from the surge of memories stopped.
As I opened my eyes, I felt the stares arcing our way. I looked around the table, Talia’s hand still in mine, and I saw all eyes watching us. Talia’s mother’s eyes were shining as she looked at her daughter. But it was Luka’s face that caught my attention. Exhaling, I met his gaze. I saw something that helped me breathe: his understanding.
Luka sat back in his chair and looked to his father. “I need to take Zaal somewhere.”
Ivan placed his fork on his plate. Casting me a wary glance, he nodded his head. Luka stood, and he nudged his head in the direction of the door. Meeting each of the Bratva kings’ eyes, I bowed my head and I slowly, respectfully rose from the chair. Talia’s hand was still gripping mine. When I looked down at her she got to her feet, too.
Facing her brother, she said, “I’ve just got him back.” Her steely brown eyes met mine. “I go where he goes.”
A smile spread on my lips and I brought her hand to my mouth. I kissed her warm skin and Talia’s face flushed.
Luka pulled his chair and reached out for Kisa, his wife. “You come, too, solnyshko.”
Kisa smiled up at her husband and got to her feet. Luka wrapped her in his arm and looked to his father. “Send someone to Durov’s place”—he pointed at me—“it’s now his.”
Ivan clicked his fingers at a guard. “Prepare the apartment.”
Luka’s eyes met mine. “Let’s go.”
A car drove us through the streets of Brooklyn. My eyes drank in all the derelict buildings of a place called Brighton Beach, and the people walking about. At times I had to close my eyes. I did not know how to cope with all the new things I was seeing.
But Talia’s hand held mine. And when she felt me tense or lose my breath, her palm and lips would meet my cheeks, calming me down.
The car stopped at tall black gates. Luka and Kisa exited the car first, followed by Talia and I. I stared up at the black gates and the green beyond. The grass was filled with rows of stone objects.
The guard unlocked the gates and we walked through. Luka turned to me and said, “Zaal, come with me. I have something to show you.”
I nodded. Talia reached up and kissed me on the cheek. “You go with my brother. I’ll stay here.”
Kisa moved beside Talia. “I’m going to visit my mama, you want to come with me, Tal? I have something to tell you.”
Talia nodded at Kisa, then her gaze met mine. “I’ll be close.” She released my hand and moved off with her friend. I suddenly felt empty. But Luka’s hand wrapped around my bicep and he pointed to the far side of the grass.
I followed Luka, passing by stone after stone. At first I struggled to understand what they were, then a memory hit me. Anri and I stood with my papa at a stone. It was my grandpapa’s grave.
Ice spiked down my spine when I realized where we were—a graveyard.
Then Luka stopped. I didn’t look down. Instead I watched him watch me. Luka ran his hand through his hair, and swallowing, said, “When I escaped the gulag, it was your brother who opened my cell. It was your brother who freed me.” Luka rubbed his lips together and stared off at nothing, his eyes losing focus. “He was my friend. I was locked down on the lower floor, but he made sure I got out. He ensured I got my revenge.” His eyes then focused back on me. “As we said good-bye, he was heading west to seek his own revenge on the people who put him in the gulag. We were also full of drugs and had no memory of what had happened to us, but he was determined to make those responsible for his imprisonment pay.”
My breathing was hard as he spoke of my brother. I could see his loyalty for Anri in his eyes. Thinking of Anri was painful. Painful, but at the same time, Luka knew him. It felt like I knew Anri, too, as Luka spoke about him.
Luka coughed. I knew it was to clear the emotion from his throat. “I didn’t see him again until the night we had to fight in the cage here in Brooklyn. He had been recaptured and forced to fight.” Luka looked up at me again. “It was by another Georgian crime family. I don’t know who. They’re keeping themselves under the radar. But one day I’ll find out.”
My jaw clenched at that, and I vowed that I would help him in this endeavor.
“He died, Zaal. Died under the blades of my ’dusters. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.”
I stared at Luka. A flash of anger swept through me. He had killed my brother, my twin, but when he met my eyes with sadness in his eyes, the anger left me.
“His death haunted me. Has haunted me for months. I didn’t know his name, I didn’t know who had sent him to the gulag. But now I do. I know it all.”
Luka’s head turned away and he pointed to the grave. Inhaling, I closed my eyes. I held my breath as I turned, and opening my eyes, stared at a black gravestone. Breath rushed from my lungs as I read:
Anri Kostava
Warrior. Friend.
Brother.
“Be strong. Keep strong.”
I read those words. Then read them again, all the time fighting the heavy burning in my chest. I felt Luka stand closer to me.
“He deserved to be honored in my family’s graveyard. He deserved to be honored for the brother he was, to both you, and I.”
I wanted to speak. I fought for words. But they didn’t come. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say?
But my heart was full as I stared at those words. “Be strong. Keep strong.”
My hand clenched as I remembered Anri holding my hand, as Jakhua invaded the yard. “Be strong. Keep strong.” Remembered him holding my hand as we were strapped to a bed, and the man in the white coat filled us with drugs. He met my eyes and mouthed, “Be strong. Keep strong.”
Water dripped from my eyes, and then Jakhua’s words replayed in my mind.…
… you looked right through him as he begged you to see him. Didn’t react as he whispered in your ear … and you didn’t even shed a tear as he was dragged from the room … and you never saw him again.…
Gasping, I remembered his voice in my ear. “Be strong. Keep strong, brother. I’ll come back for you. One day, I’ll come and set you free.…”
Anri’s voice, his words, circled in my head. I tipped my head back and screamed. I screamed for the brother I had loved, but had forgotten. I screamed for Jakhua stealing my self-control, taking away my good-bye, and I screamed for my brother being gone, for my family, my sister, my little Zoya being gone.
Unable to remain standing, I dropped to my knees. I pressed my hand to the cold stone. I guided my hand over his name. Anri, my brother.
My tears dropped like boulders to the soft grass. I felt Luka still standing behind me. Luka, the man who had killed my brother to save his love. My heart squeezed because I now understood. I understood. I had killed to save my Talia. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to Luka and said, “Thank you for honoring my brother.”
&
nbsp; Luka kneeled down. He placed a hand on my back. “He was my brother, too, maybe not my blood, but my brother in arms.” Luka glanced away, then looking back, said, “As are you.”
My heart beat faster and faster as he said those words. I thought back to Anri, in the grass as children.…
You’re my twin. Grandmama says we share a soul. We’ll lead together. We will always be together. We’re stronger together. You know this.…
Anri had adopted Luka as a brother, and I would do it also. I would honor Anri by following his lead.
Pushing off the grass, I held my hand out to Luka. “My brother took you as a brother. I would be honored to do so, too. A brother in arms. And some day, as a brother-in-law.”
Luka exhaled like I had freed him of a demon. He took my hand and I began to slowly exhale.
“Zaal?” Releasing Luka’s hand, I turned to see Talia standing behind me.
“Talia,” I whispered, and she moved into my arms. I held her close, breathing in her calming scent.
Her hands smoothed over my back and into my hair. “Are you okay, zolotse?”
Pulling back, I gazed on the most beautiful face I had ever seen, and said, “I am free. I have you.” I glanced to Kisa who was cradled in Luka’s arms, and added, “I have a family again.” I closed my eyes and allowed myself a smile. I caught Talia’s quick inhale of breath, and whispered, “I am no longer alone … and my heart is full.”
EPILOGUE: TALIA
The evening wind was strong, carrying with it an icy chill.
But all I felt was warmth.
I lay in Zaal’s arms, my back flush to his front. We were lying on the soft garden bed on the balcony of our new home, staring at the stars. Only a thin bedsheet covered our naked bodies.
Zaal breathed deeply as his hands traced lazy circles on the back of my hand. My heart swelled with love and adoration, we had found our happiness, such intense and radiant happiness.
Only a few weeks had passed since Luka had returned Zaal to me; since Zaal had sought revenge on Jakhua; since he’d honored his family’s deaths—blood for blood with the man who had cast him into slavery.
Luka had arranged for Alik Durov’s empty apartment to be given to Zaal, and me. My parents hadn’t been happy about my leaving their home and moving in with Zaal. My father had insisted we marry first. But like Kisa with Luka, I understood Zaal needed me by his side more than I needed marriage. He was just learning about life, and he refused to let me go.
We hadn’t spent a second apart ever since.
Kisa rolled her eyes when I moved in against the grain. She’d always called me the rebel.
And I was glad for it. Zaal and I couldn’t get enough of each other. We touched, we bathed, and we made love day and night. I loved him. I loved him so much that at times I was sure my chest would not be able to contain all the love I had in my heart.
And I knew he loved me, too. It showed in every glance from his jade green eyes, his every gentle touch, and the way he kissed me; gently, softly, like I was his universe.
Like he was the Earth and I was his sun.
Zaal shifted under me, and his hot bare skin smoothed against mine. “I like the stars,” he whispered into the silence of the night.
I smiled as my fingers played with the ends of his long black hair. “I like them, too,” I replied. And I did. We spent night after night out here on this beautiful rooftop, just watching the night sky. And the daytime, too. Zaal told me that he remembered watching the sky as a child, and after twenty years of nothing but darkness, I wanted to give him his sky. His night and his stars.
I wanted to give him the world.
I had already given him my soul.
My music played softly in the background. I closed my eyes. And I knew. I simply knew that life would never be better than this.
As one song ended, the crackled sound of a familiar song drifted across the rooftop garden. Zaal stilled, his hand halting on the back of mine. Dinah Shore’s “I’ll Walk Alone” drifted through the French doors. I smiled.
This was our song. A song that meant the world to both of us.
As Dinah’s words of a lover’s promise sounded, Zaal’s mouth moved to my ear and he whispered, “Dance with me.”
My heart fluttered at his request. All I’d ever wanted was for a man to hold me as we danced. And Zaal had passed all my expectations.
I nodded my head to his invitation and moved forward, only for Zaal to take me in his strong arms. He lifted me from the bed and carried me into the living room. Sliding me down his body, I gripped his strong arms. I stared into his green eyes.
He looked stunning, breathtaking. His olive skin was golden in the blue light of the full moon shining through the windows.
Silently, Zaal lifted my hand and placed it on his shoulder, then my other in his hand, which he brought to the warmth of his chest. Zaal’s free hand wrapped around my waist and he pulled me flush against his hot skin.
Then we began to move.
Zaal led us slowly around the room and I pressed my cheek to his chest. I closed my eyes, letting the old song express to Zaal everything that I felt.
We had found our own peace in our brutal world. And I wouldn’t change it for anything. This was my heaven. Zaal was everything.
He owned me.
Possessed me.
Was soldered to me in every possible way.
As the song drew to its close, Zaal’s hand on my waist traveled north to rest under my chin. He guided my head up and he fixed his gaze on mine.
Green to brown.
“Talia,” he whispered. I nuzzled against his cheek. Zaal’s head leaned down and he said, “Potzeluy menya.” “Kiss me.” I smiled wide and a soft contented sigh left his parted lips. Lifting my chin, he crushed his mouth to mine on a low hum. His lips were soft. I felt his love, all of his love, in this one simple touch.
Breaking from my mouth, Zaal pressed his forehead to mine and whispered, “You are … for me.”
I smiled again. I whispered back with absolute conviction, and tears in my eyes, “I am … for you.”
They were our own words.
Straight from the heart.
Because I was his.
And he was mine.
A Kostava and a Tolstaia.
Heart to heart.
Scarred soul to scarred soul.
Unnamed Female
Manhattan, New York
The door to my apartment burst open. Footsteps pounded down the hallway. I jumped from my seat and faced the door, my heart thumping. Panic quickly consumed me.
Had they found me?
Did they know I was here?
Had they finally come for me?
I held my breath, just waiting, when Avto rounded the corner and ran into the room. I exhaled a long relieved breath at my old friend, then noticed his aged face was flushed, and he was shaking.
Frozen to the spot, fear seizing my limbs, I could feel the incredible heat from the open fire burning my back. Avto fought for breath and I kept waiting, waiting for him to speak.
“Avto?” I whispered in question, eventually drawing lost breath.
I watched him swallow hard and his dark eyes met mine. “He’s alive, miss. I’ve just discovered he’s alive.”
My eyes widened and my hands joined Avto’s in shaking. “Which one?” I asked, voice trembling.
Avto stepped forward, his old body moving slowly. My pulse pounded in my neck when he informed, “Zaal, miss. Zaal is alive.”
My knees went weak and I dropped to the floor at the news. Staring at Avto, with tears in my eyes, a single word slipped in a whisper from my lips.…
“Sykhaara.”
REAP PLAYLIST
The National—“I Need My Girl”
Lorde—“Glory and Gore”
Billie Marten—“In for the Kill”
Emile Haynie—“Come Find Me”
Of Monsters and Men—“I of the Storm”
Lykke Li—“Possibility”
X Ambassadors—“Renegades”
Five Knives—“Savages”
Johnnyswim—“You and I”
Imagine Dragons—“Warriors”
Marina and the Diamonds—“Forget”
NEEDTOBREATHE—“Multiplied”
Emika—“Wicked Game”
WrongChilde—“Love Is a Battlefield (featuring White Sea)”
Sia—“Chandelier (Piano Version)”
Lia Ices—“Love Is Won”
First Aid Kit—“Long Time Ago”
Dinah Shore—“I’ll Walk Alone”
Savage Garden—“You Can Still Be Free”
RHODES—“Breathe”
To listen on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/user/authortilliecole/playlist/6ObTTCIweNU6wCguQkzzha
REAP ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I can’t believe I’m writing these acknowledgments.
I feel like I am dreaming. I feel like I am in some kind of fairy tale—as dark as that fairy tale may be—that I never want to wake up from.
To Mam and Dad, thank you for all the support. How crazy is this moment? Love you both.
To my husband. You have been there from day one, and you’re still hanging in there with me. I love you to pieces. You are my inspiration, my rock, and my heart.
Sam, Marc, Taylor, Isaac, Archie, and Elias. Love you all.
To my fabulous beta readers, Thessa and Rachel. Your comments and advice were invaluable.
To Liz, my super agent. The best decision I ever made was pairing up with you. You believe in me. You champion me. I wouldn’t be here without you.
Eileen, my wonderful editor at St. Martin’s Press, thank you so much for believing in my dark and twisted Bratva world. Thank you for loving Kisa and Raze. Thank you for giving Zaal and Talia a chance to live. I CANNOT WAIT to see where this journey will lead.
Tracey-Lee, Thessa, and Kerri, a huge thank-you for running my street teams. And to all of my street team members—LOVE YOU!!!
My FlameWhores on Instagram. You ladies brighten each and every day.
Jodi (the other Mrs. Tolstaia), Alycia, Celesha, and Natasha. Love you, ladies. Your support is everything to me.