Bittersweet Surrender

by Q. B. Tyler

  I’m out the door, running down the stairs, sprinting for the end of the street, and turning the corner. I power my phone on the second I can no longer see my house. I call the number and I’m shocked when it goes to voicemail. What? I call back and again I get his voicemail.

  Me: I’m so sorry, Matt walked in…

  Will: I can’t talk right now.

  Me: Are you pissed at me?

  Will: I certainly don’t appreciate being hung up on.

  Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do…please call me back. I want to see you…I went for a run.

  Will: I can’t now.

  Me: What? You told me to go now! This is the only chance we will have today.

  Will: I’ll see you in your session.

  Me: That’s not the same! I said I was sorry for hanging up!

  Will: Goodbye, Charley.

  I resist the urge to scream as I feel like I am drowning in feelings of anger, sadness, and overwhelming dread, so I continue to run, hoping that it will calm me down. I’ve barely hit the half mile mark when I stop, and before I can think I’m dialing one of the few numbers I know by heart.

  “Hi,” I say taking a deep breath. “I need a favor.”

  * * *

  “YOU’VE GOT A BURNER PHONE!? Jesus Christ, Charley, you’re in so fucking deep.” My best friend, Lauren Michaels, shrieks as she makes her way onto route 41. I let out a sigh once we’re safely out of my neighborhood. I’d called her, knowing that her office wasn’t too far from where I live, and she’d be a plausible alibi for what I needed to do.

  And that was the thing about having a best friend; you rang the alarm, and they were there. They just might be a pain in the ass about it though.

  “It’s not a burner phone! I’m not a drug dealer.” I pull down the mirror and try to smooth the strands back into my high ponytail. My skin is flushed, the adrenaline from my run still coursing through me in addition to the fact that I had my best friend pick me up on the side of the road to take me to Will’s office in the middle of the day.

  “No, you’re right, Hot Doc is the dealer, and you’re the addict that keeps going back. He’s your drug and he’s bad for you.”

  “Oh, he’s bad for me, now? Two months ago, you were dying to hear every explicit detail,” I say looking at my best friend who’s weaving through the traffic toward the familiar building on Clinton Street. “And…Hot Doc?”

  “Yes, Hot Doc. I googled.” She shoots me a cheeky grin, her dimple poking in on her olive cheek. Lauren has the type of exotic beauty that stops people on the street, as they try to put her into a box. You can’t. Lauren is mixed with a little bit of everything, making her that rare worldly beauty. I’d hate her if I didn’t love her so much.

  I groan, shaking my head. I can imagine that Lauren has already stalked him on every form of social media out there. “Did you find his Facebook?”

  “He doesn’t have one…we’re sure he’s not a serial killer?” I see a hint of worry in her green eyes, but for the most part I see her usual sassy look.

  “He’s not a serial killer, Lo,” I say using my nickname for her. “He’s just—private.”

  “Mmmhmm,” she hums as we pull to a stop at a red light just off the interstate. We’re only a few minutes away from Will’s building, and I’m hoping to keep the interrogation at bay until then. “Char, are you sure you know what you’re doing? When this first started, you said this was just sex. Now he’s telling you he loves you and to leave your husband and… I don’t know. Aren’t you worried he might tell Matt?”

  I snap my head to look at her. “What!? Lo…no way.”

  “I’m just saying. He’s volatile…he’s like a volcano ready to erupt.”

  “Stop with the fucking metaphors!” I shriek at her as I rub my head.

  “And how are you going to explain being gone on this run all this time.”

  “That’s where you come in.”

  “Me?! I have to get back to work.”

  “Ten minutes. Drive me back, I’ll say you were on your way over because you needed to talk and you ran into me while I was on my run.” She sighs. “Lauren, please. You are basically the boss of your office. They don’t care that you’re gone.”

  Oh, Charley, what a tangled web you’re weaving.

  She sighs again. “Fine. Do not have sex with him while you’re here, I mean it.” She shoots me a scolding look.

  “No promises,” I say.

  “You’re going to smell like sex. You think Matt won’t notice it?” I don’t say anything as we pull up to the building. I unbuckle my seatbelt and bolt for the front door when I hear her voice ringing through the air. “MAKE GOOD CHOICES!” she yells. I flip her off before I disappear from her sight.

  Once out of the elevator, I push through the wooden door with the words “Dr. William Montgomery: Marriage Counselor” etched into it. Vanessa looks up when I enter, her eyes looking me up and down, no doubt wondering about my choice of attire and why I am three hours earlier for my “afternoon delight” appointment.

  “Dr. Montgomery has—” she starts, but I’m already knocking on his door. Hard. “Ms. Pierce, he’s in a session.” I ignore her words and continue to knock, turning normal raps to rapid pounding when the door opens.

  “What in the—” His eyes widen when he sees me, shooting fire at me. “Ms. Pierce, I’m in the middle of a session. Now is really not a good time.” His eyes are almost black with fury and I can only hope that his forcefulness is meant for those in our presence and not because he’s actually angry with me.

  The tears flood my eyes as I look toward the people behind Will that are staring at me in confusion. “I…” I look back and forth between Will and Vanessa and back away slowly. “I didn’t know…that…” I swallow. “Sorry, Dr. Montgomery,” I say before I’m on my way back out the door. Once out of his office, I realize the magnitude of what I’ve just done, and I feel the tears falling down my cheeks.

  What if that couple says something? I mean I guess there really isn’t proof but I certainly didn’t act like we have a professional relationship.

  I’m entering the elevator before a hand grips my arm, yanking me back and suddenly I’m being dragged into the women’s bathroom.

  “What the fuck?!” His voice is harsh, but not much above a whisper.

  “I’m sorry, I thought…you don’t usually have sessions at this time,” I say, the tears rolling down my cheeks. “Please don’t yell at me.”

  He closes his eyes and takes a breath. When he opens them, he looks far less angry. “Vanessa told you I was with someone before you started pounding I’m sure. It was a last-minute decision to see them.” He looks at my attire and narrows his eyes at me curiously. “Did you run here?” He looks at his watch. “There’s no way, I just talked to you.”

  “I…got a ride.”

  “From who?” I swallow guiltily and realization dawns on him. “Who knows about us, Charlotte?”

  “Lauren,” I say, and he sighs.

  “I didn’t realize you had told anyone.”

  “She’s my best friend.”

  He shakes his head, and I know he’s irritated, but I think deep down he understands. “What are you even doing here?”

  “I thought you wanted to see me… I wanted to see you. I felt bad that I hung up on you and I knew you were mad.”

  He crosses his arms and gives me a stern look. “So, you felt the need to come here and interrupt my session?”

  “I said I was sorry and that I didn’t know.” I shrug sadly. “I just thought…” I bite down on my bottom lip and feel his presence surrounding me.

  “You thought what?” He lifts my chin so I’ll meet his gaze. “That you could show up here unannounced, half dressed, and I would drop everything and fuck you?”

  My lip trembles at the harshness of his words. “I just—”

  “Because you’re right.” His lips seal over mine and within seconds I feel him fumbling with his pants. “We have to be qui
ck. I left them yelling at each other.”

  I start to pull my spandex down when he shakes his head. “No.”

  “No?”

  “I want your lips wrapped around my cock,” he says rubbing my bottom lip with his thumb and I smile before dropping to my knees in front of him. His impressive erection juts out the second I lower his briefs and I run my tongue up the underside of his shaft before taking him into my mouth and hollowing out my cheeks. “Fuck…” I pull him out of my mouth, a trail of spit connecting my lips to his cock. I swirl my tongue around the tip before glancing upwards at the man who I somehow can bring to his knees, even when he’s pissed. He’s looking down at me, his eyes hooded with raw lust when I feel my butt start to vibrate indicating my burner phone is ringing.

  “Shit,” I mumble around his cock.

  “Don’t you dare,” he groans, holding onto my ponytail to keep me on his dick.

  “It’s Lauren…”

  “I don’t care if it’s Jesus. Suck.”

  “Well, get there fucking faster,” I whimper around his dick as I start to suck harder and faster, needing to get him to the finish quicker when I feel him start to spasm.

  “That’s right, baby. Take it, fucking take it all.” I feel my eyes start to water as he pushes to the back of my throat and empties himself. I swallow every drop, as always. He finishes and zips himself back into his pants before I’m even off my knees. He lifts me off of the ground to my feet.

  “So, this was all about you? You’re not even going to attempt to fuck me?” I ask narrowing my eyes.

  “I thought you had to go,” he says rubbing a hand through his hair, the smugness evident in his voice.

  “You’re a fucking asshole,” I growl at him before I look in the mirror and rub my hands under my eyes to wipe the stray tears away. “I came here to try and apologize and talk and spend time—”

  “Spend time? Charley, don’t you dare even go there. Like this,” he points between us, “is enough.”

  “I know it sucks but—”

  “But nothing. Make a fucking decision, Charley.”

  “Is that what this is about? You said you wouldn’t push me.”

  “Is that what this is about? Did you really ask me that? That’s what ALL of this is about! Sneaking around and lying and you showing up to my office in your workout gear because you had to sneak out of your house under the illusion of going on a run! Your best friend calling you while your mouth is on my cock summoning you back. Me only being able to see you when your husband is ignoring you. I’m not trying to push you, but I told you I love you. How long do you expect me to wait?” He looks at me.

  “Please don’t do this now… I don’t know when I can see you again.”

  He shakes his head at me. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he says before he heads for the door. “I’ll see you at three.”

  He leaves the bathroom, and it’s suddenly much chillier than when we entered. I can’t focus on anything except getting out of this building, as I make my way out of the elevator and toward the familiar car.

  “God, I was about to come in after you,” Lauren says as soon as I close the door behind me.

  “It’s been like fourteen minutes,” I say, looking at my phone.

  “I take it things didn’t go well.”

  I give her a deadpanned look. “Brilliant deduction.”

  “’Kay. can we check the attitude before I leave you on the side of the road?” She puts the car in gear to drive me back home.

  “Good one.”

  “What happened?”

  “I sucked his dick. He’s still pissed.”

  “Clearly you didn’t do it right,” she jokes and I shoot her a glare.

  “I’m serious. I’m in so deep, Lauren. I don’t even know how I got here.” Hot tears stream down my face.

  “Just…stop, Charley. You have to stop.”

  “But…I can’t,” I whisper.

  “Yes, you can. You have to. Forget about Matt and the fact that you’re married and cheating on him. Think about you. Look at what it’s doing to you!”

  “Please don’t tell me to give him up,” I cry, the tears beginning to flow more rapidly at the devastating thought.

  She sighs and looks at me as we sit at a stoplight. “I would never tell you what to do. And I know you haven’t been happy with Matt but…you know I’ve always been straight with you.” I nod, knowing I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear, but knowing that I need to hear it. “This is going to blow up in your face. Both of you. Will is going to lose his practice, you’re going to lose Matt and who knows what else.”

  “Am I going to lose Will too?” I ask, needing the reassurance that this man will be with me even in the end.

  “God, Charley, is that all you care about? All of this is going up in flames, and it’s like you will gladly burn if it means he’s right there with you?”

  “Isn’t that what being in love is about?” I ask quietly as she turns onto my familiar quiet street.

  “You’re in love with him?” she asks me, her eyes confused and curious but not at all judgmental.

  I nod once. “I haven’t told him that yet.”

  She sighs. “Well, then you know what you have to do.”

  “I know. I’ve known for a while. I just… I don’t know how to do it.”

  “This is going to sound terrible but maybe…maybe Will can be there when you do it. You know as your unbiased counselor,” Lauren says, raising an eyebrow at me.

  “I just want to be sure first, you know? I’m turning my life upside down for a guy that I’ve been sleeping with for four months and have known for seven. What if I end things with Matt and…things with Will don’t work out?”

  “And that’s a reason to stay with Matt? Because you’re what—afraid to be alone?”

  “It’s so much deeper than that and you know it,” I snap at her.

  “I know. There are things that go bump in the night and they terrify you, but you’re not really living right now, Charley. I know you’re scared of the unknown and being left unprotected, but is that what all of this is about? Or are you using that as an excuse to hide the fact that you have a fear of being alone. And you’d rather have someone to come home to at the end of the day—even if you can barely stand them half the time—than no one at all. As much as you want to throw caution to the wind and be with Will, you’re used to stability and doing that would invite chaos into your life.”

  I want so badly to call her a bitch. The worst friend ever. Storm out of her car, slam the door, and tell her to fuck off. But she’s right. And I hate it when she’s right.

  “Even a broken clock is right twice a day,” I grumble as she pulls next to my car.

  She gives me a weak smile. “I have to get back to work, but you know I’m here.”

  I’m about to answer when I see my husband standing in front of her car with his arms crossed. I immediately tense as I slip my phone back into my back pocket and zip it shut as he comes over and stands next to Lauren’s window. She rolls it down and looks up at him.

  “What’s up, Wells?”

  “Ladies.” He nods. “I was wondering where you ran off to. You didn’t even take your phone,” he says looking at me.

  “Totally my bad. I was on my way over to talk. Emergency. This fuckboy won’t call me back.” Lauren shrugs and I resist the urge to smile at how quick she covered for me. “I ran into her on her run so I kidnapped her.”

  “I see, well I’m sure he’s just a bit overwhelmed at the Lauren Michaels whirlwind.” He raises an eyebrow at my best friend and I smile thinking about their usual banter.

  “What can I say, not everyone can handle me.” She looks at me and we share a look that only we understand. “Call me later?”

  “Yes, of course,” I say, hugging her a second longer than usual in an attempt to express my gratitude.

  I get out of the car, and walk quickly into the house, before moving up the stairs.

>   “Next time, just take your phone,” Matt says, following close behind. “I’m surprised you didn’t. You always listen to music.”

  “It’s…it’s a new thing. Running in silence,” I lie.

  I think even he hears the lie in my voice because he eyes me warily. “Well, I’ve got some work to do before our session. I’ll be in my study if you need me.”

  “Okay,” I say, thankful that he didn’t try and kiss me with the flavor of Will’s cum still in my mouth.

  * * *

  I RUN MY HAND THROUGH my hair, my knee bouncing aggressively as Matt and I sit in the waiting area. His hand wraps around my knee giving it a gentle squeeze. “Stop fidgeting. What’s with you today?”

  I stare at his hand, noting how foreign his touch feels. “Sorry,” I say.

  “Mr. Wells, Ms. Pierce,” I hear and look up to find Will in his doorway, his eyes darting back and forth between us and settling on Matt’s hand on my knee. I stand and follow behind my husband as we make our way into the room.

  “Well, I haven’t seen you two in a while. How are you? Mr. Wells, I trust your trip went well.”

  “Yes, great. I don’t think I really needed to be there, but it is what it is,” he says.

  “So, what’s—” Will starts when Matt interrupts.

  “I have something. I’ve been waiting to talk about this, and Charlotte is going to be pissed but frankly I want some goddamn answers.”

  My eyebrows furrow. I have no idea what he’s going to talk about but I brace myself for the worst.

  “Charlotte blatantly refuses to touch me. If I even go near her, she shuts down.”

  Yep, as bad as I thought it was going to be. Well, at least Will can be assured that I’m not sleeping with him. I’m silent, completely at a loss for what to say.

  My eyes find his.

  Will, I’ll let you field this one.

  He clears his throat clearly uncomfortable by this, and I can see he’s not reading my thoughts as well as I’d hoped. “Ms. Pierce?”

  “Yep?”

  “Do you have anything to say to that?”