by J. Thorn
“You are dancing with me,” I argued. “See?” I took his hands and held them in the air while I moved my hips back and forth with the music. Nelson stood still but allowed me to maneuver his arms however I wanted.
“You like to dance?” he asked in a rumbling voice I felt in my core.
“I love to dance,” I smiled at him, hiding my reaction to the crazy sex appeal he was throwing off. There was just something about how he enjoyed watching me dance, but was too nervous to join in that I found irresistible. I kind of liked this shy version of Nelson.
Ok, more than kind of liked.
“I haven’t done this in a while,” he admitted. He took a tentative step into me and I took that as a good sign. I placed his hands on my hips and then ran my fingers up his biceps. He shivered underneath my touch and that only fueled my courage.
“Like how long?” I asked, twirling around in front of him. When I faced him again we were inches closer and I could smell the soap he used during yesterday’s personal hygiene stop in a small creek bed. “What was pre-Zombie Nelson like?”
The music continued to sing out of my iPhone speakers, changing to a different but equally as upbeat song. I messed around with some goofy moves, making Nelson laugh. I loved the sound of his laughter; it rumbled his chest and sounded like its own kind of music.
“Probably a little bit before the outbreak,” he finally answered. His fingers trailed over my hips and up to the slender part of my waist. He took another step into me, now we were only two inches apart. “I was a sophomore at Northwestern before the infection; we used to go out all the time.”
“Chicago?” He nodded. “You were how old?” I asked, thinking he was only twenty-one now.
“Nineteen,” he smirked at me. “Haley, it was college. There used to be these things called fake ID’s and minors would use them to get into places like bars or clubs and-“
“Hush now, smartass,” I placed my fingers over his lips, silencing him. For a moment I stopped moving completely at the feel of his mouth under the pads of my fingers. My skin felt ice cold against the warmth of his lips. My gaze dropped down to the full mouth partially hidden beneath my hand and I suddenly was struggling to swallow. “I think I get your point.”
“Mmm-hmmm.” Suddenly he pulled his head back and then chomped down on my middle finger.
“Ow!” I squealed, outraged. He didn’t bite hard enough for it to hurt, but still! “You can’t bite people in this day and age! I might just shoot you!”
He pulled his teeth back, grazing my skin in a surprisingly tantalizing way and then pressed a very gentle kiss to the pad of the same finger. I watched, mesmerized by his seduction technique.
This guy was a pro.
Or I was seriously affection-starved.
Possibly both.
“I told you I was going to kiss you today,” he whispered, his voice thick and rough.
A little dazed, I replied, “I thought you meant on my mouth.”
Nelson’s attention was then drawn to my mouth, where he seemed hypnotized by the smallest movement.
“Tell me more about college,” I suggested, hoping to steer away from wherever that was going.
He shook his head and forced his eyes up to meet mine. They were dark, navy blue with heat and shining with anticipation. I rested my forearms on his shoulders and clasped my hands behind his head. My fingers were trembling and I was embarrassed by how worked up he had gotten me just by biting me- this had to be an aftereffect of living with Zombies for too long.
Our chests brushed once, twice and then he pulled me closer to him with hands back on my waist. We were pressed together now, wrapped in each other’s body heat and hearts pounding against each other’s chest.
“Vaughan, Hendrix and I all went to Northwestern before the infection,” he shared casually, although the intensity was still in his eyes. “Hendrix swam for their team and we were close to home. My dad went there; Harrison and King would have gone there too. We were just…. comfortable. Having a good time, you know? It was where we belonged, where we wanted to be. Where I wanted to be.”
“It didn’t bother you to have both older brothers so close by?” I asked. As an only child I didn’t really get the whole sibling dynamic, but I would have felt smothered or maybe competitive if I went to the same school as my older brothers.
“We’re so close in age, we’ve always been better friends than brothers,” Nelson explained. “I liked having them close by. Who do you think got me my fake ID?”
“I hope there were enough girls to go around then,” I drawled dryly, before I could analyze the green eyed jealousy monster taking over my body. I just imagined those boys- those insanely attractive, family-oriented, good guys walking around a college campus. I felt like no female was truly safe from the seductive powers of the Parker brothers.
Nelson’s expression grew very serious, his eyes darkening even further. “Vaughan was really the only one of us ever interested in chasing girls. Hendrix was too focused on swimming and I just didn’t- I was looking for something particular and hadn’t found it yet.”
“What were you looking for?” I asked carefully. I felt like I was walking into a trap. But somehow I knew he already captured me.
“A good girl,” he smiled down at me.
I snorted cynically, “Are they hard to find in bars and clubs?”
The song changed again, this time to a slow, sexy ballad. Nelson pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me against his chest.
“Depends on the bar.” I rolled my eyes and he amended, “But no, I did not find a good girl during my wild days.”
“Maybe that was the problem,” I shrugged. “You were too wild for the good girls.”
He let out a soft laugh and agreed, “Probably.”
We swayed for a little bit, rocking back in forth in each other’s arms. His skin singed mine wherever we connected, his muscles firm and protective, his body warm and promising wicked things. I really tried to get my head out of the gutter- away from all things “bad idea.” But it was impossible with Nelson this close, this intentional about having something with me.
I’d never been pursued before, save for the occasional Zombie that wanted to make a snack out of me. The boys in my high school liked to hook up, but it didn’t ever go anywhere because neither of us wanted it to. It was hard not to fall for this- fall into this. Nelson had so many good qualities, like having saved my life several times and good teeth even with the extinction of easily accessible dental care.
I didn’t want to make my decision to finally commit based on lack of options.
But on the other hand, things didn’t have to get serious with Nelson. Just because we were doing this- whatever this was- didn’t mean this was it for either of us. This could be mutually beneficial until we figured it out.
“What were you like before the Zombies?”
I cleared my throat before answering, not really sure what to say. “Young,” I finally decided. “Naïve.”
“You’re supposed to be young and naïve and eighteen,” Nelson chuckled.
“I was popular,” I added, as if it mattered now. “Reagan and I were cheerleaders and our school was pretty small. So it wasn’t like it was this huge accomplishment, but I had a lot of friends. That seemed important back then.”
“Being popular or having a lot of friends?”
“Having a lot of friends,” I clarified, realizing how shallow I sounded. “I mean, I didn’t really care about the popularity part of it, but I liked knowing everyone, I liked being liked. You know? And I liked liking other people. When I say I had a lot of friends, I mean the friendship went both ways. I wasn’t just this two-faced person that everyone thought liked them while I talked bad behind their backs. I genuinely liked most people. That just came naturally to me. It’s weird now. Not having more than one friend, not being able to like people or trust them. I feel wrong about it. It goes against my nature. But at the same time, so do
es dying. And it feels like if I let my guard down for just one second I’ll regret it- something will happen and I’ll never be able to get my life back.” I paused and then added, “Not that I would exactly call this the life I want to live, but it’s better than nothing.”
“You have more than one friend,” Nelson promised. He dropped his head and ran his nose up the line of my jaw, from chin to earlobe. “You have my brothers. And Page. Page counts for something, doesn’t she?”
I smiled at that, “Page definitely counts for something.” His nose went from my earlobe down the line of my throat and he kind of played a back and forth game against my collarbone. My stomach clenched and tightened at the feeling and I resisted the urge to close my eyes and lean into him- but barely. “What about you? Are you saying you’re not my friend?”
“Mmm-hmmm,” he breathed against my skin. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“That’s not very nice,” I tried to argue, but I was breathless and dizzy from the onslaught of his caressing touch.
“Sure it is.” He brought his head up slowly, so that he looked me in the eyes again. “I’m something so much better than a friend.”
I burst into laughter at the sound of his smooth charm and flawless arrogance. “Really? You thought I would be that easy?”
He laughed too, not even seeming embarrassed, “No, I guess not. And I’m probably glad you’re not that easy.”
“Thank you,” I said while my giggles tapered off. “Now that is a compliment.”
“But it’s true, Haley. I have no interest in being your friend.”
“I’m not a good girl, Nelson. I kill things on a daily basis. I would do anything to stay alive and keep those I love alive. A good girl would not do anything; a good girl would be able to find her moral compass. I lost mine somewhere between going on my first college trip with Reagan and when the Zombies invaded my home town. She’s probably out there, though. You just have to be a little more patient than the first girl that literally falls into your lap.”
He was silent for a minute as we continued to sway back and forth with the music. I couldn’t even tell you what had been playing for the last several minutes. The only thing my brain seemed to care about at the moment was Nelson. Consequentially, Nelson was the only thing my body cared about at the moment too.
“Do you really think that’s why I’m interested in you,” he asked in a soft kind of outrage.
“I think I’m a good option, if you had to choose one. I’m not ugly, I have all my teeth and plus side, I’m all the way alive. But I also don’t believe in love at first sight; and you and I haven’t known each other for that long.”
“I don’t believe in love at first sight either, Haley. Which is why I’m not in love with you,” his words were gentle and careful. So when I felt the pang in my chest when he said he wasn’t in love with me, no one was more surprised than I was. He held my gaze with his hypnotic dark blues and then confessed, “But I want to be.”
“I am not a good girl,” I echoed in a hoarse voice.
“Here’s the thing about that. When I was in college, I had this idea of what a good girl looked like and acted like. I have since changed my opinion about that.” Nelson was smiling again and I felt a little bit safer in this territory. I was much less vulnerable if he was laughing and joking. It was when he looked deep into my eyes and lowered his voice that I got in trouble. “I used to think a good girl didn’t smoke, she didn’t do drugs, she only occasionally drank and never acted out of control. She went to church, she cared about the homeless. She had a whole list of traits that could qualify her as a good girl. And while a lot of good girls do have those characteristics, I find that I am much more attracted to good girls that put others before themselves, that meet little eight year old girls and immediately adopt them as their little sister. In my newly formed opinion, good girls make the best out of a devastating situation by finding the best pieces of everywhere they go and not only enjoying the world we live in today, but somehow making it possible to remember the past without it being traumatic. You are a good girl, Haley. And if you fell into my lap, then it’s not by luck but by pure act of God that you’re with me now. So instead of looking at you like a fluke, I’m probably going to look at you like a gift. Like you walked into my life, not just as someone who will help my family survive, but as everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl- everything I’ve wanted for me.”
Chapter Three
I couldn’t breathe. Or think. Or even pretend to use that inflated brain in my head. All thoughts had stopped completely for me and I was reeling with all of his revelations.
Nelson had somehow managed to turn my oppressive guilt into strength of character. He turned self-doubt into pride. And then he changed the way I looked at us. While I thought about the simple convenience of the two of us making out- because there were no other options- he was looking at us like some fateful, cataclysmic event that was ordained by the cosmos.
And that turned my feelings of blah tolerance into something unnamed and incredible.
“You’ve got all the right words,” I looked up at him and I could feel how my expression had softened. He had done something to me just now- reached into my soul and pulled out the good girl he saw, the good girl I was convinced didn’t exist until he came into my life.
“And you’ve got all the right thoughts.” He leaned down and kissed my temple. “And I want to know them. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
After a few moments of hesitation where I struggled to come up with any kind of response whatsoever, I finally admitted, “I don’t know what to think! I thought you were just excited about the possibility of getting laid. But unless this is some kind of sick game you and your brothers play on all the vagrant girls that happen to fall into your camp, I’m currently at a loss for words.” I paused as if to prove my point, but then launched into another tirade. “Nelson, we fight Zombies on a regular basis, a couple weeks ago you were almost forcefully drafted into one man’s army of weird, while Reagan and I were sold off to the sexual R&R department. You’re asking me to look at the two of us like we’re…. like we’re…. like we’re real, like we could possibly be happy in this upside down world we live in. And I can’t even process that.”
“Yes you can,” he argued quickly. “You probably already have processed it. I watch you think, Haley. I know it’s constantly for you. And I know that if you’re deflecting, then you just don’t like the outcome. So now I have to figure out if it’s because you don’t like the idea of you and me together at all and that’s what’s freaking you out. Or if you’re freaked out for the exact opposite reason- you do like us together.”
I had known the Parker brothers for a total of thirty-four days. Thirty-four. And yet, Nelson knew me better than any one boy ever had. There were all kinds of factors I could take into account over this, like heightened emotions when our lives were being risked daily, or the innate need every living, breathing human being would feel to repopulate the planet until we were the ruling species once again. Or even the fact that we were young, in our prime, without any hint of parental supervision or guidance and left to our own reckless choices, we would always choose to fall head over ass in love and waste away our youth with angst and sex.
But….
But the truth was Nelson seemed right. Was I his dream girl come to life? That was hard to believe- for real, that seemed crazy. But wasn’t he my ideal man? Protective, loyal, caring, focused, smart, funny, good-looking to me, the right combination of possessive and confident. He was everything I’d ever imagined a good man to be. So were we the same? Was I less commitment-phobe and more waiting on the right guy to come along? Was I also just looking for a good guy?
Ugh. Sometimes I really needed my brain to shut off.
“Where’d you go?” Nelson asked patiently in maybe the sweetest voice I’d ever heard.
“A million different places,” I admitted.
“Will you come back to this one place?”
His finger tilted my chin up toward his face and his other hand trailed a gentle line down my spine.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I’ll go slow,” he promised and my mind went silent- the entire jumble of thoughts disappeared immediately so I could listen with perfect attentiveness to all his soul-aching promises and sexy as hell voice. “I’ll let you catch up at your own pace.”
“But?” My voice was barely a whisper, more like an echo of a thought I couldn’t squash.
“But I want this, Haley. I want you. I want you to trust me with this. With us.”
I nodded, giving him my permission and my heart in one silent gesture.
His smile was blinding in its brilliance, his eyes so dark and full of emotion they seemed black. He leaned down achingly slow, with so much care and tenderness my body vibrated with anticipation. His soft lips brushed against mine once, then twice and then he pressed his mouth to mine.
My eyes closed and my stomach jumped at the impression of his lips against my lips. He moved with a sensitivity I was completely unfamiliar with. Adoration this intense had been lacking from my life for the last two years- or maybe for my entire life. Because I had never been kissed like this before- never with so much reverence, so much perfect devotion.
Nelson kissed me like we had forever to stand here, like he wasn’t stacking our relationship up against every obstacle and odd out there. He kissed me like he was trying to win me, and convince me to pick him.
But what he didn’t know was with the first contact of our lips I fell into a place devoted only for him, a place I was sure I would never escape.
Nelson pressed against me with a touch more force and swiped his tongue across my lower lip. I opened my mouth immediately and he took advantage to deepen the kiss. One hand threaded through my hair at the nape of my neck and the other slid under my shirt, holding my hip firmly in his strong grasp.
I was tentative at first- embarrassed with how rusty I was. But soon his insistence and passionate delivery clouded my fears and doubts with exquisite oblivion. His mouth was all I could think about, his soft, expert tongue all I could feel.