by J. Thorn
Oh no.
“Oh no,” I exhaled an irritated breath. “You’re smart, aren’t you?”
“I’m not joking, Reagan, I really think it was the Zombies that made him run in the other direction.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, I know that’s why he went the other way. And I didn’t say smart ass; I mean you’re intellectual, you have a big brain, and all of your gray matter is firing on all four cylinders.”
“I don’t think that metaphor is right,” he countered.
“Ok, brainiac,” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
“I have no idea.” He raised his arms, stiff and straight ahead of him, “I didn’t even finish seventh grade. But probably I’m just average.”
“What’s with all the big words then?” I dropped my voice back down to a whisper, not so much so that the Zombies wouldn’t hear me, but so I could hear them coming.
“Just wanted to see if I could still use them,” he shrugged in the dim light. “I figured you could at least understand them.”
My chest tightened. These kids needed to use their brains for more than just killing and foraging. He was practicing big words on me? Then he for sure was desperate. Although I doubted any of his brothers wanted to sit around and have deep, philosophical conversations with him just so he wouldn’t forget to make complete sentences or use basic English. I thought about Page and wondered if she could even read.
Holy hell, I bet she couldn’t! She was only six when the infection ruined everything for everyone. She might have a few words down, but there was no way she could read a book by herself- even an age appropriate book.
I wasn’t exactly the brightest crayon available but Haley was. She could help.
“Probably you’re going to regret having this conversation with me,” I grinned at King’s back.
He let out a huff of impatience and then fired his gun- one shot, two…. three…. dead. His fourth kill of the night and I hadn’t had a clean kill yet. Brat.
“Probably.”
Something grabbed one of my backpack straps and I spun around screaming and waving my gun around wildly.
“Don’t shoot!” Miller shouted while covering his head with his hands.
I screamed again, but this time it was a rush of relief and a whoosh of exhaled adrenaline. “Holy shit, Miller!”
“Cuss jar,” King nudged me in the shoulder, but it was with his gun- meaning he had been about to shoot, too.
I ignored him, “You cannot, under any circumstances, just sneak up on somebody!” I scolded him, but my argument was lost somewhere in my breathlessness and the hand clutching my heart.
“You’re so jumpy,” Miller pointed out.
“And you’re not jumpy enough,” I ground out.
Tyler sauntered up behind Miller, looking entirely too-casual, as well. They were both like this, neither of them really all that frightened of the Zombies lurking around every single, f-ing corner. They were desensitized because they’d never lived on the streets, never had to spend a night looking over their shoulder or been forced to kill over and over to stay alive. They had enjoyed completely cush lives until four days ago.
Even their fear of Zombies was mild. The Feeders they were used to were locked up in steel cages, weak with hunger and teetering on the brink of death. I’d like to think the last few days had opened their eyes to the reality of this world, but they seemed slow to get motivated.
I couldn’t tell yet if it was denial or stupidity.
I was inclined to believe it was stupidity, but that had more to do with a certain girl around my age that was very difficult to get along with- and I was in no way talking about Haley.
“What’s the matter?” Tyler asked in that bored tone she was famous for.
“Your brother just almost lost his head,” I ground out.
“You wouldn’t have really shot me, right, Reagan?” Miller asked with that adorable, thick southern accent he had. His bruises were healing but his face was still a bizarre mixture of purple and yellow. He was clearly a bit traumatized from his time with his family and we were working to normalize life for him- as easy as that was when we were constantly moving around and shooting at things most of the day.
I gave King a desperate look and he stifled a laugh. “Dude, she kills everything. I’d watch out.”
“How…. barbaric,” Tyler drawled.
She was next. In that moment, I decided she was next. I was going to kill her next.
“Reagan,” from behind me. He was angry. And shouting. And…. Hendrix.
So obviously, the store was officially cleared.
I spun around, already bristling at the lecture to come. So I decided to strike first, “If you want me to stay next to you Hendrix, then you shouldn’t just walk away from me. You shouldn’t just abandon me and then make me come find you later. Maybe you should stay next to me!”
“Oh, boy,” King groaned.
“This again?” Tyler asked incredulously and then sashayed off, ready to eviscerate someone else with her biting southern charm.
“I looked for popcorn,” Miller announced to King. “But I couldn’t find any.”
“That’s too bad,” King muttered. “Maybe we should go look again.” And then he led the boy away from what was sure to be an epic fight.
Hendrix was standing in front of me by now, towering over me. His body was coiled tight with tension, each muscle in his lean arms bulging and rippling as he struggled to control his temper. His long neck corded tightly as he worked to swallow and those bright blue eyes pinned me in place even while I couldn’t make out their exact color in the poor lighting from the dirty windows at the front of the store.
“I didn’t leave you,” he growled. “I did what was necessary for the group as a whole.”
“I understand that.” I gave him the best of my sarcastic benevolence even while I tucked my gun away and folded my arms across my chest so he could feel the full force of my attitude. “My point is that maybe you shouldn’t get so angry with me, when clearly you are the one that left me! I did my part-“
“Don’t start with me,” he cut me off. “You have one mission in this life and it’s to stay next to me! You can’t just suddenly go rogue and go off with another guy! I’m the one that’s supposed to protect you!”
Ok, so it didn’t take a genius to figure out that we were arguing about something completely different than what was on the surface. We had a few unresolved issues, to put it lightly. But even though I knew we both had deeper disputes than this grocery store, it didn’t seem like either of us was capable of getting over them. We’d been bickering almost constantly since we got out of that stupid town.
And it all started because he asked me why I’d gone off with Kane!
Like I had some kind of choice about it!
“Is that what I did?” I asked dryly. “I went off with another guy- who also happens to be you’re fifteen year old brother! I was protecting King!”
He took a step toward me. Suddenly his entire aura changed. Gone was the angry, irrational Hendrix and in his place was a smoldering, protective, magnetic man that was absorbing me into his gravitational pull before I had a chance to think about it. I shivered at the change in the atmosphere around us as fury turned to sparking electricity. My breaths were heavy and uneven, my hands slightly trembling. Our bodies were just breaths apart, his chest brushing against mine with every inhale of his lungs.
His hand reached up and brushed down my cheek to hold my jaw gently in his calloused hand. “But who’s going to protect you?” His voice was achingly tender and immediately my stomach flip-flopped and then erupted with tingling heat.
I pressed my lips together in an effort to find some sanity. My mind was spinning after the panic and terror from fighting Zombies, to the blinding anger and now to something different…. something entirely…. more.
“Reagan,” he sighed- his voice like rough gravel. Goose bumps pebbled my forearms and my stomach
took another dip. He had me on pins and needles with his consuming energy and orbit of intensity. He was telling me something- not just with his words but with his entire being and every part of my body and soul was in tune with what he was about to say. “I’m-“
“What are you two doing?” Nelson asked impatiently from behind Hendrix.
Hendrix’s hand clenched on my jaw and his mood swung again from whatever it was just a second ago to raw irritation. I was actually a little nervous for Nelson.
And depressed that we got interrupted- again.
I had lost count of how many times he seemed on the verge of confessing something important to me and then someone would walk in the room, or wake up, or sit down between us.
Zombies were ruining my life!
“I used my last bullet on my final kill,” Hendrix whispered to me on a growl. His forehead dropped to mine and his hands moved to clutch my shoulders. We were closer than we were before but the intimacy of the moment was gone. And while I enjoyed being held like this, Nelson wasn’t finished.
“You can have mine,” I whispered back.
“We’re making our way to the deli. There’s a freezer back there that we are clearing out,” Nelson was firm and impatient. And while I understood the need to stay together and get somewhere safe, I resented it.
But then maybe Nelson did too. Ever since Haley and him had decided to make it official, he had been particularly irritable.
Of course, they’d gotten the same amount of alone time as Hendrix and I- not that we were a couple- which was none. So I could understand some of his building frustration.
“We’ll be right there,” Hendrix announced- but it sounded very close to a warning.
“Nope,” Nelson replied firmly. “Not a chance. If I can’t have three goddamned minutes alone with Haley, my girlfriend; no way in hell do you get a special time out with your girl friend.”
I laughed- he was right.
Hendrix let out a tired sigh but straightened, ready to comply. Apparently he saw Nelson’s logic too. He leaned into me though and surprised me with a lingering kiss to my forehead. It was soft and sweet and I melted a little bit. How could I not?
Taking my hand he led the way after Nelson. There was even less light near the deli and the smell was foul.
When people went about looting what was left of food and clothes, they often overlooked things that would go bad- like lunch meat and deli salads. Obviously this store had been abandoned in the middle of some kind of business hours. In the time since that no doubt dreadful day, the dry food and paper products had been taken, or most of them anyway. And the fresh food- produce, frozen items, refrigerated items and anything and everything deli related were all left behind.
That made this place smell ripe. Initially we were hit with the sickly sweet smell of rotten fruit and vegetables and then eggs and dairy products in the refrigerated section. There was also a healthy mixture of animal feces and something terrifying coming from one of the bathrooms.
At the time most of us had been otherwise engaged with shooting and killing to really pay much attention, but now back in the deli with different salads still laid out in display cases and dripping, disgusting hunks of lunch meat only partially eaten away by mice, maggots or worse, I felt the familiar gag reflex that seemed to haunt my every waking moment during this Apocalypse.
I followed Hendrix around the employee entrance and side stepped piles of trash. The trash was either from the previous looters, or cardboard boxes that had been dragged into place by some kind of animal- most likely rats.
Oh no. This was definitely prime territory for rats.
Cue the ominous music and montage of Reagan’s worst fears.
We had a long night ahead of us.
“You made it,” Vaughan greeted us with a smile.
“Did you doubt?” I asked with fake offense.
“A little,” he laughed.
“I am a Zombie-killing machine, Vaughan Parker.” I scowled at him.
He chuckled again, “Oh, no I knew you’d be fine against the Zombies. I just wasn’t so sure you’d survive Hendrix after you abandoned him.”
My eyes narrowed on Vaughan for skillfully rekindling Hendrix’s anger flame.
He turned to look at me over his shoulder and with raised eyebrows exclaimed, “See!”
“Stupid boys,” I grumbled and yanked my hand from Hendrix’s.
Changing the subject, Vaughan thrust something into each of our hands. “Zombies are bad…. But this, uh, this might be worse.”
Oh no.
I looked down to see a spray bottle of Lysol Disinfectant in my hands. Ok, so sometimes they were clever boys. Of course this wouldn’t have been top on any looter’s list of necessities. But it would make tonight bearable and sanitizingly safe.
“At least tell me the door was sealed and shut this entire time,” I pleaded.
“Sure, I’ll tell you that,” Vaughan grinned again. “But it won’t be the truth.” He turned to the side and gestured toward the walk in freezer. “And no using bullets on the beasties! We can’t waste the ammo!”
I quit. I quit right now. I was officially done with the Zombie Apocalypse. Nothing could make me go in there. Not one single thing.
“Reagan, if you don’t get by my side right this second, I’m going to send whatever creatures are in there after you,” Hendrix threatened with only the faintest hint of amusement coloring his tone.
Obviously he wanted me to punch him in the kidney.
Vaughan jumped in, “It will be like the running of the bulls in Pamplona! Only with rats.”
“Haley!” I shouted into the dark space. I could see shadows of people beyond Dumb and Dumber, but couldn’t make out which one was Haley. “Get your things, we’re leaving.”
“That’s fine with me,” she shouted back.
“Get your ass over here,” Hendrix demanded. He stalked back to me and looped a hand around my waist. I was too disgusted with our current predicament to feel butterflies or tingling sensations or acknowledge any reaction my body had to his caressing touch- way too distracted. I didn’t even squirm at all. Or not much anyway.
“I can’t do it, Hendrix,” I whispered.
“Yes, you can,” he argued. His voice was low and assuring, but firm as well. He wasn’t going to let me give into fear. And that was one of the reasons I respected him so much. “Do I need to remind you that you are bad ass.” He smirked down at me. “Even I’m a little afraid of you.”
I let my forehead drop to his chest and felt the rhythmic beating of his heart against my skin. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let his words soak in as I simultaneously relished this moment with him.
Things were changing between us- just like he’d promised. We were going slow, so, so slow. But I couldn’t deny there was something there, couldn’t ignore that he affected me, mind, body, spirit. I was scared of it, resigned to it and anxious for it all at once. It was like at the same time I was pulling away from him, I was also pushing into him, testing the limits, discovering how much I could move him like he moved me.
And with every new moment between us, my heart stirred a little bit faster in my chest, my stomach dropped further to my toes and my soul swelled with this awareness of him and everything he did to me.
I was a mess.
And a girl.
It was weird acknowledging that the fickle-female-idiocy didn’t disappear with the introduction of Zombies in my life.
“I can do this,” I echoed on a shaky voice.
“You can do this.” His voice was authoritative but the gentle brush of his hand along my spine was tenderly comforting.
“Did you just cave?” Haley asked in an annoyed voice. She was standing directly next to us and when I looked over at her, her backpack was strapped on and she was wearing a ball cap to hide her long blonde hair.
“Sorry.” And I really was. “He made me feel like Superwoman.”
She let out a loud groan and then a vile cur
se word.
“Hales!” I gasped. Hendrix chuckled at her foul mouth and I felt the vibration of his body all over mine.
“If one of these bastards even brushes up against my leg I am going to lose my shit!”
“Please don’t lose your shit,” I giggled.
She tore the Lysol bottle from my hand and then stomped back over to Nelson who I heard shout, “Were you really going to leave me, woman!” He sounded pissed.
“Wait,” Tyler’s voice interrupted us. “What are y’all talking about?” She sounded so self-assured and confident. It was a trait I was kind of envious of. She could barely shoot a gun and her ignorance was dangerous, but she took everything in stride with an attitude that made her seem superior in every way.
I mean, she was also highly obnoxious, but I had to admire her moxie.
“Rats,” Hendrix explained easily.
She gasped, “Where?”
“In the freezer.” He nodded his head in that direction.
“The freezer we’re planning on spending the night in?”
I couldn’t see her face clearly but I felt her eyes narrow on Hendrix and his offensive words.
“The very one,” he said seriously.
“Hell no,” was her reply. “Let’s go Miller.”
Miller sauntered over to her without a care in the world. He obeyed her every word- which was endearing since I’d seen the same thing from Page. But it was also annoying since Tyler could in no way stack up to any of the Parkers and their survival instincts.
“Where are you going?” Hendrix asked, trying not to laugh.
“We’re going to wait outside,” she explained simply. My mouth gaped open- she could not be serious.
“There are Feeders outside,” I finally reminded her.
“I’ll take my chances, thank you very much,” she snipped back.
Oh, no. I dug deep- like center of the Earth’s core kind of deep- for patience and understanding and…. empathy. But even in my vastest most benevolent stores of emotion, I could not come up with anything to offer this girl.