by Jean Bruller
How I came to be outside I have forgotten, except that it was dark. How I hired a cart (or how it was hired for me, and by whom), how it got me back to Richwick Manor, I have forgotten too. The first picture I can see, shaky and blurred, is the bulldog face of Mrs. Bumley. Or rather pieces of her face which I cannot manage to put together: a pair of eyes full of sorrow; two sagging cheeks quivering with disapproval; two thin, long lips opening on a gulf, in the depths of which quivers a lump of moist flesh whose crimson color fascinates me. And words reach me as if from another world: “Sylva is back. She is upstairs.”
I recollect an endless flight of stairs which rises and rolls with me, and starts over and over again. I must have fallen down several times, for next morning my knees were very sore. A door in a dark corridor resists malignantly. Even more malignantly it suddenly opens; I am sent sprawling and crawl across the carpet on all fours, I pull the bed sheets toward me, the blanket comes with them, what I now see sobers me suddenly—or rather, ah! my drunkenness amplifies strangely, breaks into an inspired paean, bursts out like a heavenly fanfare…
Faced with this sleeping body in the reclining grace of a Correggio, it seems to me that everything has at last become marvelously clear. No more mystery. A dazzling brightness floods me, I send up to heaven a Te Deum which, though somewhat profane, is nonetheless a thanksgiving—Halleluja! Halleluja! But what happened afterward I cannot say. I would set it down quite truthfully if my memory could conjure up the slightest picture, however dim. But there is nothing: what comes after this hosanna is a drop into a black hole. At most I retained on waking the very vague impression of having spent a restless night.
Chapter 17
NEXT morning when I woke, sobered, I was holding between my chest and my knees, as if in a pair of nutcrackers, a very small, frail Sylva, curled up, foxlike, in a ball, her hair caressing my chin. And I was amazed that, with my drunkenness gone, I did not feel at all ashamed, or at least embarrassed or perplexed, at holding the sweet creature in my arms. On the contrary, I felt lighthearted, happy. I remembered having thought, as in my drunken stupor I gazed at the sleeping sylph in her amber-colored indolence, that I had at last “understood everything.”
“No more mystery.” But I vainly tried to recapture that sense of sudden perspicacity and, with it, what it was that I had perceived so irrefutably in my drunkenness. I could recapture none of it. Nor, as a matter of fact, could I rediscover the source from which, the night before, had sprung the sort of shame or disgust that had impregnated me for so long: six glasses of whisky had swept it away, but logically it ought to have reappeared. The conditions, I reflected, are the same as they were yesterday, and the warm little animal I am holding ensconced like a sweet hazelnut in the crook of my body still has nothing feminine about her except her appearance. I am not trying to deceive myself. She is a vixen. And yet I feel no confusion, no regret, at imagining (quite mistakenly, perhaps) what may have happened last night. All my previous repugnance now seems to me silly and prejudiced. What has changed then? If Sylva hasn’t, have I?
I first tried to assume with Christian humility that since I had not raised Sylva to a human level I myself might consequently have sunk to the level of a fox. Was that not highly probable, alas? Had I not experienced a bestial carnal obsession among the crowd in the market? Was this not the ominous portent of a degradation? But I was clasping my sleeping vixen in my arms, I felt her breathing gently swell and relax the young body coiled against mine, and I felt no shame, not even a stirring of the senses. I merely smiled with great tenderness, convinced there was nothing brutish in this gentleness, in the quiet calm that pervaded me.
For better proof of the peace in my soul and to make quite sure of these new thoughts, I woke Sylva and softly caressed her spine, as one does to a cat to make it purr. And as this murmur of pleasure rose in her throat I realized with a sort of exaltation that I was sure, profoundly sure, that some day, under my guidance, the purring would cease to be the solitary noise of unconscious flesh; that some day it would become the love song of a being who no longer submits but gives herself, who dedicates herself body and soul to the ineffable communion of human love. I realized that if I had wrested my vixen from her ape man, from the innocent but blind debauchery of mindless creatures, it was (even before I knew it) because of this—today luminous—certainty that she would later become capable of this communion under my guidance; that to abandon her to her instincts forever, even if to her it meant happiness and—quite literally—a fool’s paradise, it was yet a betrayal; that true loyalty and courage demanded on the contrary that I help this peaceful little animal to blossom slowly into a woman in love, into a lover—even if she had to suffer for it; and that I would henceforth live in this hope, or, more exactly, in this determination.
While this mental avalanche swept all before it, I did not once think, I confess it with shame, of Dorothy.
But when, early in the morning, Mrs. Bumley discovered me in Sylva’s bed (wasn’t that the shortest way of introducing her to my new disposition?) it would be putting it mildly to say that she was indignant. She gasped for breath and almost fainted. I made her drink a glass of rum, put on my dressing gown and pulled her into the living room.
She was too agitated to be capable of listening to me. Words poured from her quite incoherently, as if the shock had released a talking machine of which she had lost control. Like a tune ground out by a barrel organ, certain words recurred over and over again to express her disapproval: “Taking advantage of the poor creature!” It was hard to make out from her vehemence whether she felt more ashamed for me or more fearful for “the poor child.” I eventually grasped that while her imagination was outraged by what seemed to her (as it had to me only the day before) an abominable depravity, she feared above all that it might jeopardize the evolution of the retarded child entrusted to her care.
“Won’t she soon be needing you as a father?” she repeated with an excessive gush of pity. “Just think what it will be like for her when…”
I vainly tried to interrupt the torrent and explain to her the discovery I had made: how in the course of time I hoped to bring the darling child to look upon me in a quite different light. But she just would not listen. More than ten times I started my explanations, but she obstinately shook her head and continued inveighing against me.
In the end, she exasperated me to such an extent that I jumped up and lost my temper. “Damn you for a pigheaded old fool! If you don’t like it…”
She promptly jumped to her feet in turn, ran toward the door. I caught her by the arm and forced her to sit down. And for the eleventh time I was about to resume my arguments when there was a knock, and the French window leading from the garden opened.
It was the wretched Jeremy. Visibly, he had scrubbed himself from head to foot; he had put on his Sunday best, and his metallic blond hair, which a thorough wash had restored to its natural fuzz, surrounded his brutish face like the petals of a dandelion. But I was much too angry to be alive to humor or pathos. I thrust Nanny back into her armchair, spun around furiously and, as that grotesque clown came in, strode toward him with such a resolute and probably menacing air that he shrank back to the terrace. I was shaking with fury.
“Get out!” I yelled. “Be off and don’t let me see you again, or I’ll set the dogs on you!”
I would have been hard put to carry out the threat, for my two mastiffs, though ferocious-looking, were incapable of harming a fly. Jeremy fortunately did not know this; he shrank back even farther and I slammed the French window in his face, turning the key in the lock. With clenched fists and still shaking, I turned back toward Nanny, who was staring at me, pale and gaping, her chin a-tremble—perhaps she was afraid I would strangle her? Come, come, I told myself, pull yourself together. I approached her, trying to smile.
A windowpane crashed in pieces.
Then another, then a third. A stone fell at my feet. Was I to let this brute smash all my windows? But by the time I reached t
he garden Jeremy was no more than a distant figure fleeing toward the woods—as Sylva had fled not long ago. At this memory my rage subsided. Poor chap! I understood his despair all too well. And for the last time I asked myself whether, by tearing my little vixen from her native forest and from the savage love of this Lord Utan, I was not being very selfish and very cruel.
In a pensive mood I walked back into the living room, and found there a very pensive Nanny too. We exchanged a long look, this time without impatience or anger on either side.
“You think I’m wrong of course.” I sighed, and as indeed she did not answer, I went on: “She’d be happier with this man in the forest. Much happier. Yes, that’s certain.”
Nanny gazed at me without a word. “She’s a young vixen,” I admitted sadly, “and she’ll probably remain one. Our plans for her future are just wishful thinking, it may be quite absurd to persist.”
I fell silent and sat down, stirring the dying embers in the fireplace; and for a minute or so there was silence in the room.
Nanny sat motionless as a tree stump. The stillness was becoming unbearable. I shouted without looking at her:
“Say something, for God’s sake! I know what’s in your mind: it’s Dorothy, isn’t it? I’m behaving like a cad toward her, that’s what you’re thinking, aren’t you? Well, say so, damn it! Spill it out!”
“Miss Dorothy is old enough to look after herself,” Nanny said at last, and she rapped out the name in a curiously rough, almost aggressive voice. “No, I wasn’t thinking of her,” she went on, and added: “When you haven’t seen someone with your own eyes…”
“But you’ve seen her almost every week!” I cried.
“I’m not talking of her,” said Nanny, “but of him. That monster! That gorilla. I never imagined…”
She fidgeted in her armchair, the wood creaked.
“That monstrous ape… What a blessing!” she cried, and this time I was completely at sea.
It must have shown so clearly on my face that she began to chuckle silently while a thin line of moisture shone on the rim of her eyelids. She waved her hand feebly as if to say: “It’ll pass, don’t mind me,” and blew her nose loudly, then folded her handkerchief and smoothed it with the flat of her hand on a thigh as thick and large as a table.
“That poor child, I keep forgetting,” she said. “I keep forgetting.”
She shook her head wistfully, regretfully, while I wondered what she was forgetting.
“I never knew her as a fox, did I? That’s my excuse. I did not see her metamorphosis as you did. I keep forgetting that she is not a backward child, that she is still a young female animal, with all her instincts. She has got to satisfy them, poor thing. Even in the arms of a monster like that… that… And what would become of her?” she cried. “Oh, do forgive the scene I made just now,” she said with eager contrition. “I didn’t understand. But now… now that I have seen him… How right you were! And what a blessing that you… that you…”
She blushed crimson, like a very young girl.
“She will love you one day,” she said with a kind of fervor. “Oh yes, she must! You’ll make a woman of her through love!”
These were, almost word for word, the arguments she had refused to listen to three minutes ago. Yet coming back to me from Nanny’s lips like an echo they seemed to me so preposterous and out of season, they made me feel so ill at ease, that I found nothing else to do but laugh sarcastically. The bulldog face, however, seeing me sneer, took on an expression of such grieved astonishment that I rebuked myself for my childish cruelty.
Chapter 18
THE village tom-toms operate quite as effectively in Somerset as in Zambezi. Soon the whole neighborhood knew of the affair of the backward young girl from Richwick Manor and the forest idiot. Tongues wagged ceaselessly. Some praised me for having put a stop to it, others criticized me for having wrecked the only possible happiness for those hapless creatures. Fortunately nobody seemed to suspect that I might have done it for any other motive than the strictest respectability. All this came to my ears via old Walburton, who would tell me this gossip with a hint of irony, not to say a slight sarcasm. I wondered what he was thinking deep down. Overtly, he was one of those who approved my having put an end to that “grotesque union,” as he called it. But he had a funny way of adding “I hope she has consoled herself?” which I didn’t like. Perhaps I was imagining things.
It was the same with Dorothy, and even with her father. They both came to see me shortly after. Despite the sultry heat that brooded over the countryside, the doctor wore his perennial black frock coat and the waistcoat that rose right to his collar. His daughter, more sensibly, wore a light dress which disclosed her beautiful shoulders. The doctor made me relate in detail the walk in the forest and Sylva’s flight, the discovery of her presence in Jeremy’s hut, her attitude and second flight, and finally her return to the fold, brought back by the gorilla who had fortunately been scared by Walburton’s threats.
“All you have told me would apply perfectly well,” he said when I had finished, “to a clever young bitch. A springtime escapade. Odd, that. For if I am to believe what Dorothy has told me after each one of her visits here, our young lady is making rather sensational progress in other ways.”
I replied that she had indeed made some progress; but sensational seemed a rather big word for it. To me, on the contrary (but of course I was always about), it seemed slow and doubtful. It was a fact that she had made various kinds of progress which might appear “human” in all sorts of domains: cleanliness; speech, using a vocabulary which, though still exceedingly poor, was definitely increasing every day; the use of objects too, very simple tools: combs, spoons, forks, dusters, brooms. She had learned without much difficulty to sweep her own room, make her bed, yet in most essential matters she remained subject, just as in the first days of her training, to her appetites, her fears, her impulses; she obeyed them implicitly and without even a second’s reflection, seeming unable even to conceive the possibility of a refusal, still less of choice or consideration or even hesitation. Yes, she did behave like a “clever young bitch,” and even like a very clever one, to whom one could teach all sorts of tricks—save one: reasoning.
“Nothing new as regards the looking glass?” asked the doctor.
“Oh!” I said. “The other day I thought we’d got somewhere! After watching Nanny for a long time at her dressing table, she too sat down in front of it. She picked up a brush and went on brushing her hair for a long while. Unfortunately, it was only an illusion. Just enjoying the mimicry, like any monkey. But she did not see herself. We had proof of that pretty soon. Nanny stepped up to her silently and put a rose into her curls. Sylva reached out her arm and hit her fingers trying to seize the flower not on her own head but where she saw it: in the glass. She hurt herself and got a great fright and has since been sulking against all mirrors, even more than before if possible.”
“But this is interesting!” the doctor exclaimed to my surprise. “Damned interesting!”
Seeing my astonishment, he explained:
“You say this was only an illusion. Not at all. What you call an illusion is itself illusory. All you have gathered from a failure is its negative aspect. You are not thinking of the invisible work, caused by each one of these missed opportunites, which goes on day by day in a new brain: what junctions, what concatenations of frustrated impressions, unfinished acts, forgotten emotions, lost visions, what dim associations, what sudden flashes… You know nothing of them and cannot, of course, imagine them, but how do you think that reflection is built up in the brain of a young child? Already your vixen no longer behaves like a small wild mammal, but like a highly developed primate. That is a good stretch along the road of evolution, my boy! It proves that her gray matter does not remain inactive, as might have been feared. Patience, patience—you may be sure that things will begin to happen, perhaps quite soon.”
With his big fat nose, his bald pate fringed with white foam, th
e grandiose gestures of his long hands and skinny arms, he had, as he spoke, the somewhat odd look of an old ecclesiastic prophet out of a Rowlandson print. This gave his words a curious effect, halfway between the ridiculous and the inspired. At the time, I was particularly alive to the preposterous side of it and had to prevent myself from smiling. But what he said must have silently burrowed into my mind, for when the day came on which, in his words, “things began to happen,” I was not as surprised as I would probably otherwise have been. However, at the moment, as I said, I saw in his optimism only the doggedness of an old scientist who doesn’t like to have been wrong.
Nor was I the only one to think so: Dorothy did not restrain herself as she listened to her father, and laughed almost openly. She remarked that he did not seem to mind contradicting himself, for a few weeks earlier he had predicted that Sylva, on the contrary, would prove too old for intelligence still to be able to form.
“Yes, I said that,” Dr. Sullivan agreed. “That was my opinion, and I’d still hold to it if it were not for all these obvious signs that a certain form of intelligence is about to dawn. Actually, I had not considered the fact that her brain was just as blank as that of a newborn babe. The only difference is that it has the dimensions of an adult brain. That’s the whole point, and that’s what is so thrilling!”