by Ella Brooke
"Thank you very much for this dance," he said softly, and she knew she would never forget this, never forget him.
The night passed in something of a blur, and almost before she knew it, they were back in the limousine heading back to the townhouse. She slipped her feet out of her shoes and curled up in one corner, watching the lights pass by outside with a slight smile on her face.
"Do you ever have an evening that you know is going to be one you keep in your heart?" she asked, almost unaware of what she was saying. "Like, it's so bright and beautiful that you want to keep it with you like a treasure?"
"I have had a few, yes," Jinan said with a smile. "I will say that, though you were beautiful on the dance floor, there is something about you right now that is simply captivating."
"Is it the fact that I have gotten rid of my shoes, or that my hair has gone all fluffy and weird, or that I can barely keep my eyes open?" she asked with a slight laugh.
"I think it's the fact that no one else got to see you like this," he said after a moment of thought. "Of all the people who just got to see you gleam like a star, this version...this version is just for me."
Something about the way he said it made her heart squeeze, and somehow, her hand found its way to his. They held hands all the way back to the townhouse, and when they were finally alone, there was a moment of silence that felt at once tense and pleasurable.
Benny knew she should speak, that she should say something about getting to bed. They had a free day tomorrow, nothing on the docket, but that didn't mean that they should stay up all night, of course...
The words simply wouldn't come, and after a long moment, Jinan reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes.
"I do admit that I have always wondered what you looked like with your hair down," he murmured. "You always pull it back so tightly that there were days where I imagined that you slept with it up, all tight and proper and neat."
"No... I think it gets too messy when it's down. Or at least I did. Tonight was...just fine."
"I like it," he said, and there was a strange sensuality to that line that made her yearn towards him. She knew she should make her excuses and leave, but she couldn't, not when he was brushing a bare fingertip over her cheekbone, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and watching her with those great, dark eyes.
The attraction between them had never gone away. She had told herself that it had. She had told herself that she was more than capable of ignoring it, but now she realized she had been lying to herself. Instead of subsiding, here it was again, stronger than ever, and all she wanted was him.
She could tell that Jinan heard the siren call between them as well. He stepped closer, and his free hand came up to settle on her waist. She wondered if their combined heat was enough to burn through their clothes, leaving them naked in front of each other.
"I want you," he said, his voice thick. "If you tell me to go, if you tell me you don't want this, I swear to you, Benny, this won't happen. It is not my intent to force you, to pull you towards something that will make you regret..."
The words he was saying were almost painful, and she couldn't hear them anymore. There was never and would never be a world where she didn't want him, and so she showed him in the most elemental way she could.
She reached up and pulled him down for a kiss. This was different than the kisses they had shared before. There was no mockery here, no agenda, nothing but two people who wanted each other like nothing else in the world. The moment their lips touched, she could feel herself start to shake at the intensity of it all. This was what she had wanted, what they had both wanted, and now that they were in each other's arms, there was nothing she could do to stop the onslaught of heat and need.
"I need to see you naked," he murmured thickly. "I can't stand these clothes between us..."
She could only whimper as he reached for the zipper behind her back. The dress was covered with beads, heavy, and when the zipper was down, it slithered from her shoulders, leaving her standing in nothing but her bra and panties.
Jinan swore quietly.
"Is that what you've been wearing the entire time we've known each other?" he demanded.
She laughed, slightly breathless. "No, they're brand new. It seemed a shame to wear my old ratty things under such a beautiful dress, so..."
"I want you wearing these forever...when you are allowed to wear anything at all," he said, and the idea of it took her breath away, to only be allowed to wear what this man told her she could, to be bare and aching for him underneath.
He swept her into his arms, his mouth ravaging hers in the kiss that they had been denied so very long. His entire body was a contrast to hers, hard where hers was soft and practically shaking with need for her.
Benny grabbed fistfuls of his clothes, tugging imperiously.
"Take these off," she pleaded. "Take them off, please, I want...I want you naked, please, I need to feel your skin against mine..."
With a cry that was almost a growl, he pulled back just enough to start tearing at his clothes, sending his jacket flying, tearing his belt off.
She was watching him, hunger in her eyes...and then her phone rang.
Chapter Five
Benny nearly jumped out of her skin, and Jinan looked at her, confused.
"Who in the world would be calling you at three in the morning?"
"I don't know," she said, and the strangeness of the situation felt like an icicle shoved through her heart, cold and sharp. For one mad moment, she wanted to let it ring, because if she didn't hear it, it wouldn't exist.
That's ridiculous, she thought. Utterly ridiculous. It's...a wrong number. Or Sandra butt-dialing me...or something else.
Her hands were shaking slightly as she fumbled her phone from her purse. Jinan came to stand behind her, and when he put his warm and steadying hand on her shoulder, it was a tiny comfort.
"He-hello?"
"Hello, this is the Dane County Sheriff’s office. Is this Bernadette MacLeod?"
"Yes, yes it is. What is this about?"
"Could you name your sister, please?"
"Er, my sister is Sandra Winthrop, she's married to my brother-in-law Paul... Sir, what's the matter?"
"Ms. McLeod, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Three hours ago, there was a bad accident on the freeway, and your sister and her husband were killed."
No.
It couldn't be true. It couldn't be true, it couldn't. There was no way that Sandra was dead, not Sandra, who was brave and funny and loving and smart. It couldn't be. She hadn't even gone to visit yet, of course Sandra couldn't be dead.
It felt as if the world was somehow far away, or as if she was feeling and hearing and seeing everything through a length of long black tunnel. She was aware of the voice on the phone asking for her again and again, and she knew that Jinan was calling her name.
No. Don't be a little fool. Do not collapse now. Do NOT.
Somehow, inch by inch, she regained her composure, and when she came back to herself, her body, which had felt as if it was made of fire and air before, was now made of cold, cold clay.
She climbed to her feet--apparently at some point, she had slumped down to the ground--and waved Jinan away when he went to help her.
"All right," she said, and even in her own ears, Benny thought she sounded frigid and frozen. "What needs to happen?"
"Well, miss, our first priority is going to be taking care of the baby that survived at the scene..."
Piercing that cold was a hope that almost felt painful. "Jodie? Jodie's all right?"
"Yes, miss. Somehow, she survived. She's got a few cuts, but she was sheltered during the crash. She's currently being held at the hospital now, until her grandparents can come pick her up."
Grandparents. That meant Paul's parents, and Benny almost welcomed the hot wrath that licked through her.
"No. That's unacceptable," she said. "They are not designated as Jodie's guardians if something should happen
to her parents. That is me. I am her aunt, and I am her godmother. Sandra and Paul signed the documents on that..."
"Ma'am, I really do not know what the legal standing is. Paul Winthrop's parents were notified, and they stated that they were returning from their trip to Colorado first thing in the morning to retrieve the baby."
"I will be up to Madison in four hours at most," she said. "In the meantime, if they hand that baby over to anyone who is not me, I swear that I will raise hell. Give me the address of the hospital."
She hung up as soon as she got the address, and only then did she notice that she was only wearing her underwear and Jinan wasn't wearing anything except his trousers and shoes.
"Benny, should you be standing up? You're shaking so much."
"My sister and my brother-in-law are dead," she said, and surely that voice didn't belong to her, so cold but trembling. "I have to get to Madison to take care of my niece."
Her mind was racing ahead, trying to move in a dozen different directions at once.
"I need to get on the road, no, I need some clothes, I can't go get her in an evening dress..."
To her surprise, Jinan put his hands down on her shoulders. They felt warm and stable, real in a way that nothing else in this night had been. Earlier, she had been flying so high, and now she was crashing so fast...
"You are not driving anywhere when you are like this. I will drive you. I will dress, I will run you by your place to pick up some things you need, and then I will drive you up to Madison."
She started to protest, but he only looked into her eyes.
"Right now, you need to gather your strength for what comes after. Let me do this part, which is simple for me. Let me take care of you, all right?"
She nodded, and he looked relieved.
"Will you stay right here until I get changed?"
"Yes."
She felt as if she were in a haze until he got back, her eyes focused on nothing as she tried to figure out what needed to happen. She knew that her body and her brain were still trying to process the reality of it all, the reality that was simply too large and too terrible to understand.
It felt as if it took Jinan forever to return, but she knew that it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. He was dressed in jeans and a blue button-down that looked ridiculously soft to the touch.
"All right, let's go."
She grabbed her overnight bag from the townhouse, and at her own place, she grabbed some clothes as well as some snacks and change for the tolls. She was almost shocked by how calmly she was doing these things, attending to the small tasks that would eventually allow her to do the big ones.
When she got back into Jinan's car, she was shocked and then comforted when he reached over to give her hand a soft squeeze.
"The GPS says it'll be several hours before we get to the hospital in Madison," he said. "Why don't you try to get some sleep? There's nothing to be gained from you staying up and simply being tense and stressed for hours."
She hesitated, but she couldn't explain that it would feel as if she were giving up somehow, that if she fell asleep in the car, she would be waking up to the first new day without Sandra and Paul, that she would be giving up something that would never come again.
She could feel the tears at the back of her throat; Benny wondered if it was strange that she hadn't cried yet. Maybe she was simply too tired to cry.
Instead, all she did was murmur a thank you and curl up on the seat.
I'll just rest my eyes. There's no harm in that.
The moment she closed her eyes, she could feel herself start to fade away. She was exhausted in every way she could be, and after a while, she simply drifted off into an exhausted slumber.
***
When Benny awoke, the sky was just beginning to lighten. She was sore and stiff from being curled up for so long, and she heard a soft and pleasant humming.
She glanced up and saw Jinan, who looked much as he had when she went to sleep hours ago.
"That's a pretty song," she said, her words slightly muzzy.
"It is. It's one my grandmother used to sing. There's some water in the cup holder.”
He must have stopped for gas at some point. There were two cold bottles of water there, and she drank half of one down with gratitude before pressing the cool surface of the bottle against her warm face.
"Are we almost there?" she asked.
"Another forty minutes or so. You haven't missed much, and your phone never rang, so you can go back to sleep for the rest of it if you would like..."
"Nah, I might as well try to wake up now," Benny said, shaking her head. "Last night really happened, didn't it? It wasn't just a bad dream."
"No, I'm afraid it's not. I'm sorry to hear about your family."
"Yeah, me too," she said wryly. "It's... On one level, I can't believe it's happening at all. That was Sandra. She was...she was the one person in my life who was always there for me."
"Was she your older sister?"
"Yeah, and she was more of a mother to me than our mom ever was. I remember her standing up for me while we were at school, making sure that I got my homework in..."
She shook her head.
"And I was so awful to her, too. I used to yell at her, telling her she wasn't our mom, and that she couldn't tell me what to do. And she got really mad and yelled back too sometimes, tell me that I was an ungrateful brat...but she never left. She never, ever gave up on me..."
Benny thought she would be able to speak without crying, but there was a lump in her throat that wouldn't go down.
"And she always supported me, and tried to get me what she could. God, I mean, she didn't even want to date Paul at first because she thought I still needed her, and I really had to set her straight on that."
Benny wavered for a moment, and then the dam broke. Tears streamed down her face, and after a moment, Jinan cursed and pulled over. She started to protest the loss of time, but then he gathered her into his arms, holding her close. She was stiff at first, but then she couldn't help but collapse into his embrace, sobbing as if her heart was going to break.
"Oh god, I miss her, I miss her so much," she cried pitifully, and she knew that not all the tears in the world would bring Sandra back, but she couldn't help it.
"She knows you love her, she always knew it. She loved you, and she trusted you, and you are going to take such good care of her niece. I know you, and I know that you will."
Finally, her sobs subsided, and she pulled back, dashing at her eyes with her palms. She felt as if her eyes were full of sand, but she was calmer now, and that was all she needed.
"We should get back on the road," she said, and silently, Jinan pulled back onto the freeway.
"I can't let Jodie go with her grandparents," she said, almost to herself. "There's no way. Paul was an amazing man who treated my sister like a goddess, but his parents..."
She shook her head, and Jinan glanced at her.
"Were they cruel to your sister?"
"More than that. They were cruel to Paul as well. They're well off, and they had a vision of how things needed to be. They needed everything perfect, and when their youngest son ran off with a girl that they thought of as white trash..."
Those fights were still on her mind, when Sandra was afraid that she would never be good enough for the man who had fallen in love with her, when she had hidden in her room and cried until Paul came in and told her that he would far rather have her than his parents, that they could be together and never speak to them again.
There was a long pause, and when she started speaking again, she surprised herself by telling Jinan something that Sandra had told her years ago.
"They were...cruel to Paul in lots of ways. When he was young. They were...very traditional, I guess, the old spare the rod and spoil the child. Well, I guess they wanted to make sure that Paul wasn't spoiled. Sandra told me that sometimes he had nightmares, even when he was an adult, about the things they did. They locked him in the s
hed overnight once. They hit him. They are not going to get a chance to do that to Jodie."
She gulped, because the tears were close again. This time, though, there was something iron in her spine. In the hours after she had found out about Sandra and Paul, she had been lost. Now, though, she had a plan in front of her. She had a course that she needed to take, and she had a niece to protect.
“You are very fierce,” Jinan said softly, and Benny glanced at him.
“I guess you are not seeing my most attractive side,” she said with a slight smile. “All I can say is that these are extenuating circumstances and I am not usually so very grim.”
“That is a strange thing to say, because honestly, I think you are lovely no matter what is going on.”
She didn't know what to say about that, and she was grateful when he kept talking.
“This is not the time. As a matter of fact, I could think of few times less appropriate. However, it will keep. For now, I want you to think of me as entirely at your disposal. Things are going to be rough for a bit, and it sounds like you are going to have a great deal on your mind. Let...let me be the one that you count on.”
For some reason, that speech made her want to cry again, and the only thing she could do was to try to remain calm and stare directly out the window, trying to conceal the tears in her eyes. Blindly, Benny reached across the console towards him, and without a sound, Jinan took her hand in his.
They drove like that as the sky above them shaded closer to pewter and blue, towards whatever was coming next.
Chapter Six
Somehow, Jodie had survived the wreck almost completely unharmed. Now she nestled in Benny's arms, sleeping with a peace that Benny could admire. She couldn't take her eyes off of her niece. After losing her beloved brother-in-law and sister so brutally, it felt like a miracle that her niece was here with her and safe.
As she held the baby, Benny could feel a surge of protective love course through her. She had always loved her niece, but there was something more to this. This was something protective and intensely fierce. She would fight to protect this little girl, to keep her safe as she grew to adulthood. There was nothing else that was even going to be considered. That was simply what was going to happen.