Alice is worried about her too. She thinks Ivy’s bottling up her emotions because she’s trying to be strong, but also thinks it could make her a loose cannon. Eric thought she would loosen up if we took her demon hunting, letting her frustrations out for a good cause. While it was fun to kick ass with my girl by my side, I was paranoid about anything happening to her. It didn’t help when that fucking demon called her out by her rank. It opened a whole new can of worms.
We were supposed to go back into the city to hunt again, but with Michaels orders for Ivy to stay put, Eric coaxed the Griffins into taking our place. I can’t believe I’m going to miss it—Fallen Griffins hunting demons. The brothers are more excited than Theodora. Maybe that’s just the mask she wears. It works. With one glare from Theodora, she could put any man in their place.
Saying goodnight to Ivy kills me. I stand in her doorway with a hand on her hip, the other brushing her cheek as she gazes up at me with a sleepy smile. I’m not buying it. She’s not going to sleep anytime soon. I’ll let her have her space that she obviously needs, but it doesn’t mean I like it.
I know it irritates her, and I want to get a rise out of her, so I push the line she’s drawn between us, “Are you sure you’ll be alright? I could just stay until you fall asleep.”
Ivy ignores my prodding with a mischievous grin, “If you stay, we may never sleep.”
Pulling her closer to me, I whisper in her ear lowly, “I’m ok with that. Just say the word.”
She pushes me back gently, “I’m sure everyone needs their sleep tonight, Jack. Most of them leave for the city tomorrow.”
I shrug, “Can you blame me for not caring?”
Slipping out of my arms as she retreats to her room, she smiles, “Goodnight, Jack.”
“Goodnight, Sunshine.” I stand there watching as she closes the door. Before it seals shut, I catch her smile fall as she turns away.
What the hell’s that about? I swear, she’s lying about the nightmares. Has to be.
I turn for my room, switch the light on as I enter, and perch on the foot of the bed with my elbows on my knees. I watch the fire burning in the hearth a moment before I let my head hang.
There’s got to be a way to get through to her. I’ll go check on her in a few hours and make sure she’s sleeping. She can’t keep doing this to herself.
I busy myself with writing in one of my journals. Creator, help me if anyone finds my stash of journals. I’ve been keeping them in a safe behind a false wall in the back of my closet. There’s at least a few thousand of them, all sorted by year.
It was my father’s idea. He told me, “As the decades and millenniums continue, it will become more difficult for you to remember events of your existence. Write them down. Don’t forget. One day, you will be able to share your knowledge with your own children.” My father then gifted his first journal to me, which he began writing as a teenager. It’s odd to imagine your parents as children and read how much alike you really are.
I regret not being able to say goodbye to him as he left for his last mission. I had been in Rome, rebelling against my place in the family and wanting to create my own footprint on the world. I found it wasn’t for me. My place is here. Now, I know that for certain. Ivy is my destiny. I’ve known it since I first laid eyes on her. She’s intoxicating, a shining light in this world covered in darkness. My sunshine.
Walking into the shower, I lean under the downpour, letting the water trail over my head and cool off my higher body temperature. As the steam and hot water cleanse my mind and body, the constant gravitational pull of the bond between Ivy and me seems to dwindle. Its strength lessens slowly until I almost can’t feel it. Puzzled by the change, I turn the water off and grab a towel to dry off.
The bond stretches thin. I begin to worry she’s going for a walk on the property by herself. I throw some clothes on, and right as I pull my bedroom door open, the bond snaps. Disappears. I panic. It takes one step for me to meet her locked door.
“Ivy!” I call out, jiggling the doorknob. When she doesn’t answer, I slap the door with my hand. “Ivy!”
Alice pops her head out, “What’s going on?”
I don’t want the others to freak out. I calm my voice and push the same emotion through the house. “Sorry. Go back to bed. It’s nothing.” Alice nods with a yawn and returns to her room.
I bolt down the stairs and out of the house, ripping my shirt off and expanding my wings as I run. Taking to the sky, I check her balcony first. The French doors are unlocked, and I peek inside. “Ivy?”
There’s no answer. The room is empty. A low growl escapes me as I jump back over the balcony to fly over the property. Not finding her anywhere, I take off for the cliffs overlooking Red Meadow. She’s nowhere to be found. Fuming with the betrayal of her secrecy, I fly back home and decide to wait for her to return. I can’t imagine what’s going on for our bond to snap. It’s only happened when Beleth took her from me, and Lucian took her to Sheol. The wards are protecting the estate. There’s no way she could’ve been taken again. She’s too strong for that now anyways.
I text Eric, not wanting to wake the entire house.
Me: Ivy MIA. Meet n training rm.
Eric finds me pacing the soft floor of the basement, wings extended, muscles clenched, and jaw twitching with rage. He whispers in confused anger, “What the fuck, man? What do you mean, ‘MIA’?”
Without stopping to face him, I grit out, “Our bond snapped. Just like last time. I went to check on her, and she’s gone.”
“Where the hell do you think she went? The only time that’s ever happened is when she’s protected by a cloaking ward, like The Keep or Sheol.”
“I know.”
“You want to go look for her?”
I stop pacing to face him, “No. I want to keep this quiet. I’m going to wait for her to come back, but I want answers when she does.”
Eric sighs, “Agreed.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with her anymore. One minute she’s cold, the next she’s hot. That woman’s driving me up the wall. Did she leave in the middle of the night like this while I was gone?”
Eric shrugs, “How am I supposed to know? It’s not like I was watching her sleep, man.”
My glare has him apologizing. I ask, “What am I supposed to do about her? She doesn’t act like the same person since her change. I love that woman to death, but I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore.”
Eric’s eyes widen, “You don’t think…”
“What? Just say it.”
“You don’t think Solas is back, do you?”
My heart falls to the pit of my stomach. He wouldn’t take her from me, would he? I mean, I know they have a history together, but… Fuck!
“Do you think it’s possible?” I question.
His hands are up in a defensive position, trying to keep me from exploding, “Look, man. I don’t know what else to think. She hasn’t been herself. She’s tired all the time. Thea says her training has been affected as well. You said it yourself, one minute she’s hot, the next she’s cold. Now, we find out she’s left the manor—disobeying a direct order from Michael—putting herself in danger from every entity to come out of Sheol. And your bond is missing again. What else makes sense? What else could it be?”
Shaking my head and crossing my arms over my chest, I let my head fall forward. “I don’t know, dude.”
“Do you think the bond will come back when she does?”
I look him in the eye, determined to find out the answer for myself, “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
Walking past him to make my way back upstairs, Eric falls into step beside me, “What are you going to do?”
“Wait for her return.”
I sit in the darkness of Ivy’s room, waiting for her return. My anger grows more intense. It takes everything I have not to trash the room. I’ve turned one of the high-back chairs around to face the doors to the balcony inst
ead of the fireplace. My hands grip the armrests, my jaw is set, and I count the seconds as they tick by in the background with the silence of the house.
Where the fuck is she? It’s been four hours. If Solas is back, she would’ve told the Griffins. Cass would’ve told me. It can’t be him. He stepped aside.
His exact words before we shook hands were, “She’ll always love you. Take care of her.” Of course, that right hook I landed on his face made me feel better than his words, but I vowed not to let anything happen to her.
I know she hates being protected. It’s not because we don’t think she’s capable. It’s more about what Michael told my mother. Whatever it was, Mother seems to think the more Ivy gets involved with the danger around her, the more susceptible she is to allowing the Darkness to take over her soul.
I can’t let that happen. She’s mine, and I am hers.
But is she truly mine or does her heart still belong to him? If I could make a deal with The Creator, I would go back and slay the Griffins who captured us at The Keep. If I hadn’t died, she would still be mine and Solas would only be a blip in her memory.
I’ll destroy him if I ever see him again.
Two hours later, pressure grips my lungs with the weight of a thousand swords through my chest. I gasp a sharp breath, digging my fingernails into the chair. The bond to Ivy wrenches tight before releasing into a comfortable and typical pull. She’s close, but still far off. I think about following the bond to track her down, but reason I’d rather let her get caught red-handed than have her think I was following her.
The strength of the bond stays the same for another hour before it begins growing stronger. It’s almost dawn when I see Ivy’s shadow behind the curtains of the French doors. As she lands on the balcony, retracting her wings, I listen to the slowing beat of her heart and breath.
Opening the doors, ever so slowly as to not make a sound, she slips through the doors with the stealth of a cat. The smell of vinegar assaults my senses. I wait until the doors have closed softly. Before she can turn around, I ask in a quiet and low tone, “Where’ve you been?”
“Holy fuck!” she screams, spinning around with a hand to her chest. “What are you doing?”
I stay seated. “I could ask you the same thing.” She doesn’t respond, staring at me with sadness and guilt in her eyes. I press, “Where were you?”
Leaning back into the doors of the balcony, she bites the side of her bottom lip, fighting back the tears in her eyes. She shakes her head, “I can’t tell you.”
I’m less than an inch from her face in milliseconds. I don’t yell. I keep my voice low, “The fuck you can’t.” When she refuses to answer and keeps her gaze on the space between us, my voice growls, “Look at me, Ivy.”
Her head snaps up, fear and surprise evident in the set of her eyes. Placing my hands on the door behind her head, I lean in, “Why are you sneaking out? What’s so important you’re putting yourself in danger?” It’s then, I notice she’s not wearing the pendant I gave her for protection. “Where is it?”
Her hand jumps to her throat, knowing exactly what I’m implying. She stutters, “I… I…must have left it at home.”
I stand up straighter, “Home? As in your house?”
“Um… Yeah. That’s where I was. I was at home.”
“For what?”
Ivy throws up her defenses, pushing past me to put space between us, “I just needed some fucking space, ok? I’m tired of being locked up here! I’m tired of being locked up, period! The Keep, Sheol, here. Everywhere I go, I’m locked away! I’m tired of it! I need some space, Jack! Just give me some fucking space!”
As her voice rings out in the silence between us, we stare at each other, not knowing what’s happening to our relationship. Her chest rises and falls with her harsh breathing. I take a moment to focus on calming my own anger. Breaking the silence, I dread the answer to my next question, “Is he back?”
Ivy stops breathing, frozen in place.
“Is that it? He’s back, isn’t he?”
Her breathing starts again, yet more controlled, “No. He’s not back.”
I can’t decide if she’s lying to me again, but I believe her. There’s a sadness in her admission. “What then?”
More stable in her tone, she repeats, “I just need some space.”
Before we start waking the entire house with our fight, I let her win. “Fine. You want space? You got it, Sunshine.” I walk past her and slam her bedroom door shut behind me.
So much for not waking the whole damn house.
Alice, Eric, Cass, and Beck have their heads poking out of their doors. I don’t acknowledge them. Instead, I push through my bedroom door, find a bag and pack.
Chapter 14
Ivy
My throat burns with unshed tears and my chest aches with the pain of Jack’s anger with me. Fuck! What have I done? What am I doing? Am I searching for Solas for nothing? What if he refuses to come back with me? I hate lying to Jack, but he would never let me go after Solas because of the danger.
A soft knock at my door has me jumping and praying it’s Jack coming back. We’ve never fought like this before. I stand silent, not knowing if I want to answer. My heart sinks at Alice’s voice, “Ivy? Can I come in?”
After that fight, I’m sure the entire house knows I’ve been sneaking out. I don’t know how to keep them from intervening with my efforts, but I have to try to smooth things over. I open the door for Alice at the same time Jack exits his room with a duffle bag over his shoulder. Alice turns to see him as I ask, “Where are you going?”
His expression is hard, his jaw clenched tight. He shuts his door and looks to his feet a moment.
“Jack?” I croak.
The keys to his Skyline spin around his finger before he catches them in his fist and walks away. I call after him, but he continues to ignore me. Alice takes my hand and leads me back into my room, “Let him go. He needs to cool off.”
I begin pacing, squeezing my torso and biting my lip to keep from crying out. I’m afraid I’ve hurt Jack in the worst way, and I’ll never see him again. Alice seizes my biceps to stop me, then backs me into the chair Jack had been waiting for me in. I sit.
How did he know I left?
Alice keeps her voice low, “What happened?”
I give her a look, “You know what happened. I’m sure you heard everything.”
“Yes, but why are you going home? I understand you feel trapped here, but it’s only temporary.”
I want to tell her the truth, but I can’t have her trying to stop me. “I can’t think here, Alice. I feel like a prisoner here. I have no freedom!”
She sighs, lowering herself before me to sit back on her heels. She takes my hand in hers, assessing my emotional state. “That can’t be the only reason. What’s really going on here? Is it Jack? Are you not sure you want to be with him anymore? Talk to me.”
“I can’t even think about that right now.”
“Why? What else is eating at you? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
Flinging her hand away from me, I stand and walk to the foot of my bed, “I don’t need to talk, Alice. I need to do something. I can’t keep sitting here like there aren’t Fallen after me. I can’t keep hiding from the inevitable. They’re coming. I’m ready. But I want to be the one to strike first.”
“What does that have to do with you sneaking out in the middle of the night?” I stare at the ground, trying to concoct a believable lie to get me out of her questioning. I go blank. Alice’s face narrows with wide eyes, “You’re not going home, are you? Are you hunting?” Her voice raises, “Alone?”
Should I let her think that’s what’s going on? Technically, I wouldn’t be lying. I have been hunting. Yes, alone at first, but not anymore. Now, Sasha’s helping me.
I focus on the ground at my feet again as I mumble, “Not alone.”
Alice explodes, “What! What the hell are you thinking? Do you have any idea—”
“Have you had any success?” Tallulah asks.
Shit! Please, not right now.
I turn away from Alice for privacy, even though I know she can hear every word. “I can’t talk right now.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no.’ Well, I thought you should know I heard something. He was seen on the surface about a month ago.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Right here in Red Meadow.”
“Ok. Thanks.”
I stare at the screen of my phone a moment after it disconnects with Telly. He was here? Why didn’t he come see me? Did the Griffins know? Is he still here or did he go back?
Alice barks my name as if she’s been trying to get my attention. “Mmm?” I hum as I face her in a daze.
“Who was that?” she demands.
I’m still reeling with the news and mumble, “Nobody.”
Her anger rises, “Bullshit! Is that who’s helping you? Who was spotted in Red Meadow? Was it Lucian?”
I snap out of it, thinking this is my chance to lie so no one realizes I’ve been going to Sheol. “Yeah. But she said it was a month ago. There’s no telling where he is now. He was probably scouting to see when he should send in the Fallen that attacked the other week.”
“Who is she?” Alice questions.
I rub my forehead, “She’s a friend of Trey’s.” Alice looks surprised. “She reached out to me. She’s a Reaper.”
Alice reflects, “A friend of Trey’s… A Reaper… What’s her name?”
“Tallulah. She goes by Telly.”
Her eyes go blank, seeing nothing in front of her. She whispers, “What’ve you done?”
I’m confused with her response to the name. “What do you mean? She’s a Reaper. Reapers are neutral.” I let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s not like she can do anything to me without breaking the Enochian laws of balance she’s sworn to.”
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 53