My head tilts the slightest bit with the scrunch in my face, “Why does that sound familiar; Kere?”
Alice reminds me, “The night you found out Eric and I are Guides, you thought we killed people.” She giggles, “Like what humanity sees when they think of Reapers with scythes. I told you that wasn’t our place, that we didn’t kill people, and the Kere are responsible for death.”
“But, who are they?” I persist.
Azrael enlightens, “The Kere are those who mark a soul for death when it is their time. Once a soul is marked by death, I send a Guide to escort the soul to its destination.”
“You said that Ruth and Frank weren’t marked, though,” I note.
Eric pipes in, practically gritting out his words, “Roman messed with Frank’s mind, making him kill Ruth and then himself. They weren’t marked. It wasn’t their time.”
I snip, “Why are you so pissed about it? If anyone should be mad here, it’s me.”
He claims, “Because this was a setup. They weren’t marked. Roman went after them to lure you in. He wouldn’t have acted on his own. There must have been an order from Lucifer. Then, there are the words he had spoken before you killed him. Something just doesn’t seem right.”
I insist, “Nothing about this situation is right. If Lucifer sent him to kill them and lure me in, he’ll get what’s coming to him.”
Azrael asks, “What did he say before you killed him?”
Contemplating a moment, I can’t find the answer. “I… I don’t remember. Must have been when my Darkness was creeping through.”
Eric recounts, “He said, ‘There you are, Princess. The King will be pleased… The other may not.’”
“He was taunting me because of the Darkness showing through,” I offer.
Eric takes a step closer to me, his tone deepening as his voice lowers, “But, who is the ‘other’ that won’t be pleased with it, and what do they have to do with Roman?”
The question burns a hole in my skull through the night, along with my guilt. If it weren't for me, Ruth and Frank would still be alive—at least until their true time. Maybe Ruth would have lived until the ripe age of eighty. Maybe Frank would have been hit by a bus next week. I can’t say I’m upset about his untimely death. It’s Ruth I hurt for. I know she loved me and did her best to raise me. Though the deeper connection between mother and daughter was lacking, she was always supportive and strongly believed in giving me the freedoms most teens don’t have. I had to earn that freedom by indulging Ruth’s request to put one hundred percent effort into my lessons; piano, equestrian, and the like. I’m grateful for the experiences now. I will miss Ruth. I loved her in my own way, and she loved me in hers.
If Lucifer sent Roman to kill them, what was he hoping to accomplish? Was it only to hurt me? Was it a distraction from something else he’s planning? Was it supposed to be a trap? Why didn’t he follow through? Or was it Roman’s job to lure me in and kill me? If it was, he failed miserably. And who is ‘the other’? Who wouldn’t be pleased with the Darkness within me, besides those of the Light?
Nothing seems to make sense about this, and I know I won’t be able to figure it out on my own. I go in search of my Chief Commander in the early morning hours, finding him in the dungeons. Solas is training alone, beating a red heavy bag to the point some of its seams have split. Sweat drips down his bare back, trailing down his spine, to beneath the waistband of his pants. There’s a stereo in the corner, playing a cello melody to a hard rock beat. The need to be near him causes me to gravitate closer. He continues pounding the bag, ignoring my presence as I admire the space he’s created for himself to train. I fight the irritation of being ignored, “Are you avoiding me?”
He doesn’t stop as he replies, “I’ve been focusing.”
I counter, “Then, why haven’t I seen you in three days?”
Solas stops the bag, steadying it with his raw-knuckled hands, yet doesn’t face me. “You and Jack deserve time alone.”
My heart breaks. How did I get here; loving two men with all my heart? There’s no right answer here.
I ask, “What are you talking about?”
His head falls forward, concentrating on the space between him and the bag. “I failed you. I know you need me. I vowed to protect you and stand by your side in and against all things.” His sullen tone has me stepping closer. He adds, “I love you.” There’s a pause. I swallow a lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. His hands slide down the bag as he finally faces me. “I can’t let being in love with you cloud my judgment… or yours.”
Tears well up in my eyes, “If this is about what I said the other day—”
“No,” he stops me, wiping the sweat from his brow with his arm. “You were right. No one should think for you, and I’m giving you the space you requested.”
His words bring my anger to the surface. I close the distance between us in one stride, “But you’re still doing it; walking away because you think that’s what’s best for me! Remember the last time that happened? I’m so tired of this! Why can’t you just…” I pivot away, running my fingers through my hair, trying to form my feelings into words. “…stay still,” I deflate, turning back to face him. A tear falls down my cheek and my lip trembles from the fight to not completely break down.
Solas moves close again, reaching for me. I shrink away, angry and heartbroken. He doesn’t relent. Taking both of my wrists, he draws me to him, clutching my palms on his bare chest. He stares deep into my soul. My anger melts, relaxing the tension in my body. Grasping my face in his hands, he wipes away my pain with the pads of his thumbs. “Because I’ve longed for the day when you would ask me to.” My sadness chokes me, tears streaming down my face. He whispers, “And that’s selfish of me. Loving someone should never be this difficult. You have to know that. I only want the best for you. Seeing you so torn, knowing I’m causing it in some way…” He closes his eyes with a slow and heavy sigh.
His hands tighten on my face. My fingers are digging into the skin of his chest, desperate to keep him from walking away from me. I stumble on my words, “Do you… Do you regret loving me?”
His eyes pop open. His hands slide to the base of my skull, pulling me to him as he leans his forehead against mine, “Never. Not for a second. I mean that loving someone should never be this difficult for you. I think you’ve made your choice. I think you’ve always known. I know you don’t want to hurt either of us. It’s one of the many things I love about you. I just want you to know… It’s alright if it’s not me. I only want one thing.”
My voice cracks with the splinter in my heart, “What?”
“Remember me, princess.”
I shudder with a sob. “I could never forget you."
He presses his lips hard onto my hairline, then embraces me forcefully. I don’t want to let go. We remain in each other’s arms a long time, yet my tears don’t stop. I feel like he’s leaving me all over again. My own emotions are distraught to the point I can’t differentiate if his are melding with them.
My throat burns when I attempt to speak, “How is this so easy for you?”
Solas holds me back at arm’s length. “It isn’t. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, but you deserve to be happy.”
There’s something in his tone I’ve never heard before; heartache.
He admits, “Jack can give you that. When all this is over, you can go back to living a more normal existence, finish school, get married, and have children if you want. I can’t give you that.”
“Why?”
“I’m a Fallen rogue. I’ll always be on the run, and that’s not a life I want for you. I can be happy as long as I know you are.”
As much as I want to argue with him on his theory, the truth is I don’t know if he’s wrong or right. My words vanish from my lips, my soul being stolen straight from my chest.
Camael clears his throat in the doorway. “Ivy, may I speak with you?”
I don’t answer, soaking up the ice b
lue oceans of Solas’ gaze one last time. His hands slide down my arms. I turn and silently walk past the Angel of War without so much as a glance.
He follows me into the Throne Room, an air of expectancy about him. “Ivy, we must speak.”
I continue to my room without stopping, my tone lifeless, “No.” Camael remains behind, allowing me to have a moment.
There’s no such thing as sanctuary in The Keep. Even in the refuge of my chamber, I have a few hours before I’m forced to put on a brave face. My bond to Jack constricts like a rubber band being stretched to its limits with each of us on one end before he knocks on my door.
“Come in,” I answer softly, sitting up straighter in bed.
Jack enters apprehensively as if the room will shatter if he moves too fast. “I heard what happened with your adoptive parents the other day. I’m sorry. I wish I had been there with you. Have you figured out why Roman would’ve been ordered there?” He sits on the edge of the bed.
I admit, “Not unless it was to either hurt me or distract me. If it was a distraction, I still don’t know what it’s from.”
He nods casually. “Can I do anything? Do you want to do something to get your mind off it?”
I gather he must believe my reddened face is from crying about Ruth and Frank. I feel ashamed for his compassion being misplaced, but I want what happened between Solas and me to stay that way. I’m afraid that if I tell Jack, it will change his behavior towards us. With Solas, he may gloat. With me, he may push for us to be together again even harder. I’m not ready for that. “No. I just want to be alone.”
Jack wrings his hands in his lap. “I know this is bad timing, but my father thinks you should ask Michael to clear you of any connection with your adoptive parents.”
I’m quick to counter, “Why?”
He explains, “There’s been word sent to Beckett that the authorities in Red Meadow have been looking for you.”
“By who?”
Jack shrugs, “Beckett won’t say, but if you go back to Red Meadow, you’ll be responsible for taking care of their affairs for sure. Who knows how long that would take, and you would be left exposed. It would also hold you back from your training. We don’t know how long we have until the Horsemen come. You need to stay here.” His eyes plead with me for understanding.
“If the authorities are already searching for me, how can Michael clear me of any connection to them?”
“He does it every few decades for those on the surface. Otherwise, people get suspicious of why we don’t age.”
I think about it a moment, then decide, “I want to be sure Ruth gets a proper burial. She deserves it.”
Tucking back my hair behind my ear, Jack rests his hand on the side of my face, “Anything you want, Sunshine.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Jack leans in, kissing a tear from the apple of my cheek. “I’ll let you be alone now. You can talk to Michael in the morning. Let me know if you need anything.”
I nod, biting my bottom lip. Jack kisses my knuckles and leaves as quietly as he came.
Apparently, when I requested a meeting with Michael, it meant meeting with all of the Originals… plus Merrick again. Sitting at the head of the table in the War Room, I think, Why does this feel like a tribunal before a council? I snicker to myself, The Council.
I begin, “I’ve asked you here to make a request.”
They wait patiently with unreadable gazes for me to continue. “It’s been brought to my attention that it may be in my best interest to clear myself of any connection with my adoptive parents since their recent deaths.”
Camael approves, “I’m glad you can see reasoning.”
The angel irritates me, but I know he’s right. “Yes, it’s obvious Roman’s efforts were to persuade me to be there. We don’t have time for distractions. I can’t afford to be away from The Keep and my training. The sensible thing to do here is to let go of my old life completely.”
“Are you positive this is what you wish?” Michael contests.
I affirm, “I promised to give you everything I can to assure the safety of humanity. If that means erasing me from the system, so be it. Who’s to say I don’t get distracted or captured while on bereavement, resulting in the fall of humanity. The way I see it, there’s no question here. Either I stay, train, and fight for humanity or I leave here, and it’s destroyed. I don’t belong in normal society. I belong here.”
The Council’s smiles grow. Michael acknowledges, “Very well. Raphael, Gabriel, and I will take leave. We shall return tomorrow. In the meantime, I believe you have training yet with Camael.”
I follow Camael through the corridors, assuming we’re going to the Throne Room, but he passes the entrance. “Where are we going?”
He continues past the kitchen, “I’ve had a few weapons taken to The Common. Wouldn’t want to damage this beautiful mountain from the inside out, would we?” He smirks over his shoulder.
We are not alone on The Common. The Griffin triplets, Alice, Eric, Jack, and Solas are there. They wait in wide stances with inscrutable features, weapons in hand, all in one line. The Griffin sentries on the mountainside settle back on their haunches. I open my mind to Solas, What is this?
There’s no reply. Camael challenges, “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
My attention snaps to him on my right. There’s movement in front of me as Eric’s hand squeezes the hilt of his sword tighter. The wind blows lightly, my and Alice’s hair whipping to the west. I’m weaponless, but that doesn’t stop me. I charge for Eric, my wings bursting from my back and shredding the shirt I have over my racerback tank. The others converge. His sword comes up, and I cross my wings, shielding from the blow. As the sword pushes me into a crouch and the others encircle me, I spin with one leg out, releasing my wings. Each of them is knocked on their backs with gashes sliced across their chests.
I push off the ground, a blazing comet into the sky. Beckett catches up with me first, blocking me from flying higher. I only stop because he transforms into his full Griffin form before my eyes. It happens rapidly. His clothes rupture as his face contorts with a beak and feathers pushing from his skin. Around his body, light golden fur grows. His hands morph into talons, his feet into paws, then a lion’s tail emerges from behind him.
Jack and Solas dive for me from each side. Not wanting to be crushed, I tuck my wings and drop straight down, landing back on The Common. Alice pulverizes into my side, sending us spiraling over the ground. She skids further. In her full Griffin form, Theodora lands on top of me with the weight of an elephant, taking the wind from my lungs. Cassius lands next to my head and grasps my hair in his beak. I cry out as he pulls and Thea’s talons dig into my chest.
Skin and sinew are torn from my thighs to my shins. Jack’s tactics change swiftly, pushing Thea from me and taking a defensive stance for Cassius. The physical pain transferred through our bond must have changed his mind. He growls as Solas, Alice, and Eric standing behind Cass while I heal myself. It’s not as fast as I would like. My thoughts travel back to what Raphael said, but after Solas giving up on me again, it doesn’t help me love myself any more.
With that revelation, I pick myself off the ground. Fury flows through me, directly for Solas. The harmony of their wide eyes as Jack passes me a sword without regard is followed by Alice warning, “Don’t!”
I don’t need a mirror to know the Darkness inside me is showing through again. Jack doesn’t blanch when he observes me, “If you go down, so do I. But we won’t.”
Jack’s father calls out, “Jack, she’s never going to learn if you help her. This wasn’t the plan.”
Jack speaks low, keeping his unblinking, green irises on me, “Screw the plan. Let’s fuck some shit up.”
I sneer blissfully, giving the sword in my hand a quick flick, spinning it full circle. Solas intrudes on my thoughts, “Don’t let the Darkness get to you, princess.”
I respond, It’s not the Darkness… It’s you!
I attack as he orders, “Now!”
Before I know what’s happening, all but Solas go for Jack, keeping him preoccupied as the Griffin sentries along the mountainside pin me to the ground. I struggle to work my way from their clutches. Solas is allowed through the throng and doesn’t waste time gripping my face in his hands. Each of their emotions shoots through me, pushing back the Darkness from the forefront. It retreats deliberately, but the Light ultimately overcomes.
Solas and the Griffin sentries fall silent, judging the clarity within my eyes. I keep my tone level and emotionless, “Get off me.”
The Griffins release me with caution, and Solas backs away. I take what dignity I have left, rise from the ground, brush off my clothes, and drift to the vaulted entrance. I’m stopped at Camael’s words, “If you don’t learn to control it, you will fail.”
Again, he is right. I continue back to my room without a word.
Chapter 6
Camael intrudes without knocking, his features contorted into a serious scowl. “Training is not over.”
Emotion remains absent from my tone as I face him, “It is.”
He rages, marching up close to me, “This is the biggest problem you’ve had all along. You let your heart determine your actions. The Darkness within you will always emerge when you’re overwhelmed with negative thoughts. It doesn’t help that you surround yourself with Fallen. Darkness feeds on Darkness. Your love for that boy is misplaced. If you were truly Teloch, you would be of pure Light and never would have given his essence a second glance before destroying him.”
Though I can feel my Darkness creeping beneath the surface, the feelings of love, respect, and loyalty from Solas and the Griffin sentries keep it locked in place. I should be cowering in fear of the Original Archangel. I should be distraught. I should be falling to my knees, groveling for forgiveness. I don’t. I’m livid.
I don’t stop myself. A thunderous crack reverberates in my chamber as my flat palm meets the cheek of the Angel of War. His dark green eyes burn with wrath. He doesn’t flinch. The longer he remains unmoving, the more I think my point wasn’t made. I swiftly swing to strike again. He grips my wrist hard. I attempt to slap him with my other arm, and I’m thwarted again. A low growl rumbles in my chest.
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 76