I hear Solas move closer. His voice travels through the door between us, “How?”
I roll my eyes, buttoning my jeans, “Come on, Solas. I know you don’t want to hear about Jack and me. It’s not right for me to talk about him to you or about you to him. Besides…” I slide a shirt over my head, “This is my decision to make. If I start getting feedback,” I open the door to him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, “…from both of you, it would make my decision harder to make.”
“Fair enough,” he says.
I nod, “There’s something else I need your help with.”
“You know I’ll do what I can.”
“I need to expel most of the Darkness in me, and I’m going to need Raphael to help.”
He questions, “Most? Not all?”
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip as I pass him to retrieve my boots. I sit on the foot of the bed, pulling them on. “Only most. I’m not sure how much I need to leave yet, but I’m hoping Raphael can guide me.”
He magnifies, “Why do you want to reserve some of the Darkness?”
I tighten the ties of my boots with a jerk, then stand to face him. “Because some of it belongs to me.” His brow raises in speculation of my sanity. I elaborate, “It’s a piece of me. Like my heart is a piece of my body, the Darkness is a part of my essence.”
Solas disagrees, “That’s not possible. An essence is inherently of the Light. It can be consumed by Darkness, snuffing out the Light over time, but an essence cannot naturally be of both Light and Darkness.”
I smile with elation, stepping close to him. Admittedly, I’m slightly proud of myself for proving him wrong for once. I offer my open hands to him, “Do you trust me? Can I show you?”
He hesitates but takes my hands, “Always. Show me.”
Solas practically drags me into the War Room where Raphael and Gabriel are waiting for my arrival. They spring from their seats as we enter, reading the urgency in Solas’ demeanor. Solas directs, “Has there been word from Azrael or Camael?”
Gabriel answers, “There has been nothing so far.”
I prompt, looking to Raphael, “I’m ready to expel the Darkness.”
Raphael appears taken aback. His question comes as a statement, “You have found the way to love yourself.”
I reply, “Yes. I used it to heal the people of Red Meadow.”
Gabriel cross-examines, “Why have you waited?”
I give him my full attention. Standing strong, I admit, “Michael was right. I hadn’t wished to go on without it.” The two Originals gasp. I add, “I didn’t understand why, but I know now. When I purge the Darkness, I’m threatening to destroy a part of my own essence; the Darkness that belongs there.”
Raphael’s features fall to pity. He shakes his head to the ground before regarding me sadly, “Oh, Ivy. Darkness does not belong inside an essence.” He ponders to himself, “How may I explain so you may understand?”
Gabriel assists, “Darkness is as cancer is to a human being. It does not belong inside the human’s body. It’s a sickness, a disease that eats away their vitality. It cannot be extinguished, only subdued.”
I counter, “Humans have been born with cancer and survived long, happy lives, dying of natural causes.”
He excuses, “Miracles performed by Enochian means through the power of praying to The Creator.”
I argue, “You said cancer can only be subdued, yet I’ve destroyed some of my own Darkness before.”
Raphael alleges, “Because you are Teloch. You are the miracle.”
Solas steps forward, “Then why is it so hard for you to fathom that she’s right?”
Gabriel explains, “Ivy was thought to merely be a Lilim, belonging to Lilith until Michael gave her echoes of our abilities. Even Lilim are born with essences of Light. Our echoes were to ensure, not only her success in overpowering the Horsemen but protect her from Darkness.”
Raphael accounts, “And it did protect her until she made her deal with Lucifer.”
Solas fervently shakes his head, “Your echoes only subjugated her Darkness. Her deal with Lucifer awakened it. She’s the result of a merge between Light and Darkness. It’s never happened before. Who are you to say she doesn’t possess her Darkness purely?”
I wave a hand, “She is right here.” The three of them turn to me. I petition Solas, “Why don’t I just show them?”
Solas regards the Originals, “They have to invite you to show them.”
My focus bounces between them expectantly. “Well? Would you let me prove it to you?”
“You will not lay a hand on them,” Michael demands coolly from the doorway.
Solas growls, a deep rumble, warning The Supreme. I hold a hand across his chest as I address Michael, “Dominions let you walk after what you did?”
Michael’s chin tilts up a fraction. Camael enters behind him, “They believe there was justification for his actions due to the manifestation of your Darkness.”
Solas barks with me, “Bullshit!”
Camael adds, “Michael is still in control of this mission against the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He will be treading on thin ice along the way.” Camael squints at Michael, “One wrong step, and I’m taking him back.” He addresses Solas and me, “Dominions demand there be no retaliation against him. Whoever disobeys will be sent straight to Bastille. If they are Fallen, they will be immediately taken to Purgatory.”
The seriousness of his words falls heavy on Solas. I see it in his eyes. There’s nothing he can do. I assure him, We’ll find a way around him if we’re forced.
Camael closes in on me, his tone dropping with concern, “As for you, Ivy, Dominions are demanding your Darkness be eliminated for the good of the mission. You’ve become a liability, and they want the reassurance of your fortitude against the Horsemen. Are you willing to relinquish your Darkness for the Light?”
Tears build in my eyes. Solas warns, “They’re not giving you a choice. It’s all or nothing.”
What do I do?
“There’s nothing you can do to change their minds now. Expel the Darkness.”
All of it?
“All of it.”
What if it kills me?
Solas assures, “Nothing can kill you. You’ve got me. You’ve got Jack. You’ve got Mrs. Roe, Alice, Eric, and the entire Gray Legion at your back.”
My fists clench at my sides, every muscle in my body tensing. I agree through gritted teeth, “Yes. I’m willing.”
Camael eyes Solas, “Chief, you may want to leave the room.”
“No,” I refuse, taking his hand. “He stays.”
Michael steps forward, “He must step aside. We cannot have the Darkness flowing into him when you release it.”
Solas concurs, “You should go to the basements so no one else in The Keep can become its new host.”
I swallow hard, hiding the fear of doing this alone. Raphael puts his hands on my shoulders, “Don’t fret. We will help guide you along the way.”
The dungeon echoes with our steps as I’m escorted to the death of an essential part of myself. Michael leads the way. I can almost feel the smirk I imagine on his face. We enter the one room of the dungeons I’d sworn to never set foot in again. It’s the room in which I was whipped into admitting my parentage and who was helping me to Beleth. Where he forced me to take Trey’s life, and I unknowingly used my ability of Immortal Pestilence on him, taking his Dark essence and giving him a pure mortal soul the moment before I slashed his throat. It was the first time I had killed someone. This room also holds memories where I held Jack’s dying body. This room is full of deaths. It reeks with morbid hostility clinging to the very air around us. A part of my essence will be dying here as well.
I beseech Gabriel’s empathy, “Does it have to be this room? Any room but this one, please.”
Michael enlightens, “The more uncomfortable you are, the better. Your Darkness emerges when you are in distress. We will coax every last droplet of it.�
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Raphael offers me a hand as the others circle around, “You will connect with us, and we will provide the extra boost needed.”
Raphael’s opposite hand is taken by Gabriel. Michael joins hands between Gabriel and Camael. I search the truth in Raphael’s eyes, “Do you believe what I said?”
He admits, “Even if I did, it would not matter. Dominions have authority over the mission under Michael’s supremacy.”
Michael growls lowly. I ignore him and take Raphael’s hand. Regarding Camael, he reaches out for my other hand, “Are you ready?” I nod twice, taking his hand.
Gabriel guides me, “Close your eyes.” I follow his lead, drowning out the sounds of my surroundings.
I discover the soft glow of my essence in the distance. Before I go through with expelling my Darkness, there’s something I feel I should say.
My eyes remain shut. “For the record, Michael, if I find out you have betrayed me in any way, I will have no qualms about destroying you.”
He resounds, “Do you hear her, brothers? Do you still believe her as she clings to the Darkness?”
My shining essence grows as I near. It warms my skin invitingly. I pass a hand over it as I walk its perimeter. I notice the changing color of the fleshy, gelatinous surface beneath my touch; yellow to pink, to green, blue, and purple. Its iridescence is enthralling. I find myself slowing in my steps.
“You are stalling,” Michael states.
If I could flip him off, I would. I want to enjoy the enormity of my essence before it’s torn apart and taken from me. I don’t want to be rushed.
After a moment, I realize the severity of the Darkness inside me. It fills every inch of me that is not touched by my essence. How I have managed to control it is beyond me. I know what needs to be done, and I make it happen. I let the love I have comfort me, taking away doubt, then heal from the inside out.
My wings burst wide from my shoulder blades. I grip Raphael and Camael’s hands tighter. I feel their bones snap with their outcries. Obsidian tar gushes from my mouth, splattering on the cold ground at our feet.
“More!” Michael roars.
I push harder. It pours from my ears, my head throbbing with the pain.
Inside of me, it’s as if a thick cloud of fog is being lifted. My essence shines in all its brilliance, sharing its space. Light and Dark, Ying and Yang, day and night, Sun and moon.
“All of it!” Michael demands in a voice that makes my legs shake with weakness. “I can feel it there, Ivy! Release it!”
I try to fight back. I don’t want to!
“Now!” he booms, sending me to my knees.
I take Raphael and Camael with me. My ears ring intensely, Michael’s incessant shouting becoming muffled. The foul Darkness cascades from my nose. I choke on its vileness. A surge of energy swells through my connected touch to the Originals, latching me onto the Darkness of my own essence. My body becomes a limp puppet, tar streaming from my eyes, coating my vision with blackness. I crumple to the cold floor with no energy left to fight, my wings splayed out oddly behind me.
I’m no longer breathing.
No longer seeing.
No longer hearing.
I’m no longer being.
Solas
I hear Ivy’s screams, along with two others I believe to be Raphael and Camael, as I pace the entrance of the dungeons in the Throne Room. The entire Keep overhears the events below. Jack joins me at the dungeon’s entrance while Eric, Alice, and Evelyn remain in the corridor outside of the Throne Room. Jack is huffing with anxiety. I explain to him what Dominions’ decision was for Michael as well as Ivy.
His face drops slack in shock. He mutters, “So… It will be like before?”
The screaming stops. I’ve never heard The Keep so silent. My ears ring with the abrupt change in sound. I don’t attempt to correct Jack and clarify about Ivy’s Darkness being connected to her essence. I’m too concerned with the footsteps approaching from below. Michael exits first with a composed and expressionless countenance. I berate him, “Where is she?” He ignores me, continuing through the room. Raphael and Gabriel follow Michael out, a sense of mourning overwhelming them. Raphael is rubbing his broken hand as its bones snap back into place. My vision transfers between them, waiting for someone to respond to me.
My answer comes as Camael carries a lifeless Ivy through the threshold of the dungeons. She’s in my arms before anyone can blink or protest. On my knees, I cradle her against my chest. Jack kneels on the ground beside her, brushing her hair back.
“Is she…” Alice starts, not able to finish her question as she draws near.
I look up to her with swollen eyes and croak harshly, “No, but she’s not here.”
Without thinking, Alice announces, “I’ll check the Veil,” then collapses in Eric’s arms.
“Dammit,” Eric mumbles.
Jack suggests, “Let’s get her to her room.”
I rise to my feet, refusing to let her go. I tell Jack, “I’ll take her. I need you to call the Griffins. I don’t care if they’ve found anything on Cora or not. We need them back.” Leaving the Throne Room, I call over my shoulder, “And tell them to leave the Grigori. I’m not putting her in danger here.”
Before laying Ivy in her bed, I take her to the bathroom and clean the black, tar-like residue of the Darkness from her skin. It coats her face and mats her hair. I wash it as best I can in the sink, using my wings to hold her up. As the filth is rinsed away, I notice a lightened strand of hair at the base of her skull. I wash and rinse it again, yet it remains. Towel drying the ends of her hair to keep them from dripping on her bed, I discover the coloration is not in her hair, it is her hair. I separate the strands and find an inch-thick lock of pure white hair from its roots to its tips. I whisper, “What the fuck happened to you?” I change her clothes and tuck her into bed.
Then I sit.
Then I wait.
Where are you, Ivy?
Jack
I barge into Ivy’s room. Solas is relaxed in a chair beside her bed, watching her intently. My entrance startles him, which is odd. We’re angels. Nothing can sneak up on us. I consider his blank focus as he turns to me and see he’s hurting as much as I am. I tell him, “I spoke to Cass. They’re on their way and should be here in the morning.”
Solas nods without a response. I stand wide next to him with my arms crossed over my chest. Together in the silence, we study Ivy’s still form breathing so lightly that you can barely comprehend the movement of her expanding lungs. A sense of déjà vu comes over me. I turn away, making myself busy building a fire in the hearth. I seek without regarding Solas, “Why was this time different for her?”
His tone is empty, void of emotion and quiet as not to wake the sleeping beauty, “They forced her to give up part of her essence… The part made of Darkness.”
I light the fire, remain crouched in front of it, and speak over my shoulder, “Was it infected that badly?”
I perceive the movement of his attention to me out of the corner of my vision. The emotion returns to his voice, “No. It was a part of her essence. She was created that way.”
Rising from the now blazing fire, I pivot to face him. My statement is laced with apparent disagreement, “That’s impossible. Any essence, even souls for that matter, are only created by Light. Therefore, they contain only Light.”
He insists, “I didn’t believe it either, but I’ve seen it myself. She showed me. It’s like her essence is perfectly balanced with Light and Darkness.”
Could that be possible? Is that what makes her different than the rest of us?
I humor his declaration, “If what you say is true, where is her consciousness? Will it return if a piece of her essence is missing?”
He observes her with dread. “I don’t know where she is. If she comes back to us, she could be an entirely different person. It could have changed her permanently.”
After a moment of reflection, I offer, “Why don’t you go grab something
to eat? I’ll watch her for a bit.”
“I don’t want to leave her this time.”
When he turns to me, there’s something in his eyes that causes me to pity him. I shake it from my mind, promising to continue to fight for her. I assure him, “I won’t let anything happen. Come back when you’re done.”
Solas hesitates a moment but nods as he rises from the chair. He bends over Ivy and kisses her on the temple before whispering in her ear, “Come back for us, princess.”
I feel my protective nature for her warning me, but his words are the same as I would give her. Solas leaves without another glance. I look to his empty seat beside her.
Then I sit.
Then I wait.
Where are you, Ivy?
Ivy
It’s so hard to breathe, almost as if I don’t need to do it. Wherever I am at is murky and rainy. I’m sitting at an uncovered bus stop, waiting with three others. Two stand behind the plastic bench digging into my tailbone, one an old man, one a woman in her late thirties, both expressionless as they’re pelted by the rain. The third person is a tall and slender woman in her mid-twenties sitting beside me. She’s wearing a stark white business suit with not a blemish to her appearance. She holds a large, black umbrella over the two of us filling the bench. Her spine is as ram-rod straight as her long, blonde hair. Her rosy cheeks and plump lips seem as soft as silk. I feel guilty for the two behind us, not able to escape the rain. I contemplate giving the old man my seat.
The blonde woman glances to me with a piercing gaze, yet it’s welcoming. I can’t determine the color of her eyes. At first, I think they’re a silvery blue, but then they appear green. I get lost in her eyes as they develop a gray tent, perhaps violet like my own. Ultimately, I know I’m mistaken because they thrive a golden brown. Then they seem to be a silvery blue again. I give up as she asks me, “Where are you heading?”
I think hard, trying to remember why I’m here. I admit listlessly, “I’m not sure.”
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 91