I shook my head. “Always got jokes.”
I watched her as she walked to Tisha’s car. I wondered if she put a little extra sway in her walk for my benefit. The view was enough to give me strength for what I would have to face when I got back upstairs.
I would have to find some way to convince Shauntae that she couldn’t take care of Brianna with diabetes. I couldn’t afford to keep paying her child support now that Brianna was sick. I had decent insurance, but there was no telling what all the co-pays would add up to.
I braced myself for a fight. There was no way I was going to let Shauntae and her crazy, ignorant behind kill my daughter.
Eleven
There was no word to describe the next few days other than “hard.” I had plenty of leave time from work since it had been forever since I had taken a vacation. I pretty much stayed in the hospital continuously with Brianna until she was discharged.
Fortunately, after Brianna came out of the coma and her sugar levels got better, they were able to take her off the insulin going though the IV and we could move out of the ICU. It was better being in a regular ward that didn’t feel like death was hanging around at every door waiting to snatch some poor mother’s child. The pediatric ward actually had bright colors and kids’ art on the walls and a little playroom at the end of the hall that the children could come to at certain times. Many of them were still sick looking, but the fact that they could go there and play made things feel less dire.
The room Brianna shared with another little girl was much bigger and had this foam couch thing that could let out into a bed so I could spend the night with her in her room. Mom came a couple of nights and made me go home and get some sleep. Both my parents came and stayed most of the days with me. We all kinda sat around the room looking dazed and confused, unable to believe what was happening to our family.
We worked hard to make Brianna laugh and be happy, but that was a challenge. Brianna was miserable. She hated being stuck with the finger stick thing to check her sugar levels. She hated the insulin injections. She hated not being able to eat what she wanted and hated being in the hospital.
Diabetes had to be the most confusing disease on the planet. It wasn’t like you could wake up and take a pill every day to fix it. You had to count carbohydrates in everything you ate and then you had to do math based on what Brianna’s sugar levels were. If she ate the wrong thing, it could shoot her levels up higher and she would need extra insulin. If she didn’t eat, her sugar levels could drop and she would get all dizzy and shaky. The more they explained, the more complicated things got.
The diabetes education class was difficult for me and my parents to understand so I knew Shauntae was completely confused, although she kept jotting stuff on her paper like she was understanding and taking notes. She popped in and out of Brianna’s room every day, but never stayed very long. I didn’t know whether she didn’t like being around me and my family or whether it was just the fact that being a mother for her was difficult on a good day. Being the mother of a chronically ill child seemed to be too much for her.
It wasn’t like she was affectionate before, but now, she would hardly go near Brianna. I didn’t know whether she thought Brianna was all delicate now or whether she thought she could catch diabetes by touching her.
Chuckie and AJ came to visit us at the hospital after work on Monday. They tried to cheer me up, but I could tell they felt real bad for me and Brianna. They brought Brianna some big, fluffy stuffed animals and cracked a few corny jokes with me, but we all ended up sitting around looking sad. They didn’t know what to say and I didn’t feel much like talking.
The only bright spot in our week started with a phone call on our third morning in the hospital. Brianna had cried herself to sleep after getting her finger stick and insulin injection. She was also mad because she said the diabetic syrup on her pancakes was nasty. I was sitting there, trying to pray but realizing I was kinda mad at God for letting this happen to my little girl. I couldn’t be too mad because it wasn’t like me and Him had been all close or anything before. I wondered if me being closer with Him before would have made Him not let this happen to Brianna. Questions like that were messing with my head when my iPhone rang.
I couldn’t stop my face from breaking into a smile when I saw Cassandra’s name on the screen. “Hello?”
“Hey. How are you?” Her voice was soft. “Just calling to see how you and Brianna are doing.”
I let out a deep breath into the phone. “We’re making it.”
“You don’t sound so good, playa. Wassup?”
“My baby girl was just diagnosed with a horrible disease.” I hoped I didn’t sound too irritated but it seemed like a dumb question. I calmed myself down a bit before saying, “This is all really hard and it’s a lot to adjust to.”
“I know. Sorry about all this. I was thinking that you guys could use some cheering up and was wondering if it would be okay if I came by after work.”
“Yeah. That would be cool.” I wondered if she could hear the smile in my voice. Dang, this girl . . .
“A’ight, den. Tell your baby mama I’m coming and I don’t want no stuff. I was nice on Saturday but let her try me again. She might see the pre-saved Cassandra and she wouldn’t like it.”
I laughed. “The pre-saved Cassandra?”
“Yeah, wasn’t nothing pretty. Let’s say it’s a good thing I know Jesus.”
I laughed again, my soul starting to feel a little bit better.
“Can I bring you anything when I come?”
Just that pretty smile, that peachy smell, that gentle touch, and that sexy walk. “No, we’re cool. Oh, they moved us from the ICU to the pediatric ward. It’s on the fourth, no, the fifth floor and we’re in . . . Oh shoot, what room are we in?”
“I’ll find you, Devon.”
“A’ight.” There was no way she couldn’t hear me smiling. “See you later, then.”
I wondered what time later would be. I realized that I didn’t know that much about Cassandra. I didn’t even know what she did for a living. Hopefully, if Brianna was asleep when she came, I’d have some time to get to know her a little better. Maybe ask her a few questions about herself.
Since our conversation on Saturday, I found that my mind kept wandering in her direction. Since Shauntae didn’t seem to scare her off, that only left two issues. Cassandra made me ask some questions about myself. Could I turn into a church dude? And was I really ready to start thinking about getting married? Both possibilities seemed equally challenging and I had to decide if I was up to making a commitment to God and to Cassandra.
I stretched myself out on the foam couch thing. It wasn’t the thickest, softest foam in the world and my body was starting to get tired of it. I was ready to be home in my own bed with Brianna in her own room down the hall. I tried to shut my eyes to get a few minutes’ rest but it was impossible to sleep with the nurses coming in and out to check on the little girl whining in the next bed. It seemed like her condition had worsened over the last couple of days. My chances for sleeping went out the window when the nurse turned on some loud cartoons, I guessed to comfort the little girl. I was surprised that Brianna slept through the noise.
Again at lunch, the nurse had to fight with Brianna about sticking her finger. I thought my heart would break when she looked up at me, big tears falling from her eyes. “Daddy, this hurts so bad. How many more times do I have to do this?”
How could I tell her that “this” was for the rest of her life? “You gotta be a big girl, Bree. You’ll get used to it and then it won’t hurt anymore.”
“I don’t want to get used to it. Can’t we just stop? I want to go home.” Brianna turned over in the bed and started crying hard.
I looked at the nurse. She looked at me with pity in her eyes. “Sorry, but I have a lot of patients on the ward I have to get to. I’ll come back in about ten minutes, but we have to get this done.”
When she left, I sat down on the bed and took Bria
nna in my arms. “Baby girl, I know it hurts when you get stuck with the needles, but it’s important. You don’t want to get sick again, do you? If you want to go home, we have to get your sugar regulated.”
“I don’t want to be in the hospital anymore. It smells like boo boo and throw up and that nasty stuff Mama uses to mop the floors with.” I almost laughed because it was true.
Brianna continued her tantrum. “I don’t want the needles. I don’t want diabetes. Why do I have it, Daddy? Why?” She sobbed into the big pink elephant Chuckie had brought. I held her little body as she shook with tears.
I couldn’t take it. Now I was ready to cry. “I don’t know why this happened, baby girl.” I kissed her cheeks and hugged her as tight as I could. “Daddy doesn’t know.”
I heard footsteps and thought it was the nurse coming back, but when I lifted my head, it was Cassandra. She was looking all kinds of fly in a pair of jeans and a bright pink sweater top.
“Hey,” she said softly.
I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye and bent down and whispered into Brianna’s ear. “Daddy has a surprise for you. Look who’s here.”
Brianna wiped her eyes and turned toward the door. Her mouth fell open and her whole face broke into a smile. “Miss Cassandra!” She pulled herself out of my arms and stood up on the bed and jumped into Cassandra’s arms just as she walked up to the bed.
Cassandra laughed and hugged Brianna and spun her around.
“Miss Cassandra, you came to see me.”
“Of course I came to see you. Did you think I would stay away?”
Brianna buried her head in Cassandra’s shoulder and lay there for a while.
Cassandra smoothed her braids that were worn and needed to be redone. “What’s up, chickadee?”
Brianna lifted her head and looked into Cassandra’s eyes. “They say I have diabetes.”
“I know, honey.” Cassandra carried Brianna back over to the bed and laid her down and then sat by her.
“I don’t want diabetes. Can it go away?”
Cassandra shook her head. “No, honey. But you can learn how to manage it really well. And once you get used to it, your life can almost go back to normal again.”
“Normal? How can it be normal? I can’t even eat candy anymore.”
Cassandra put a shocked look on her face. “Who told you that?” Cassandra gestured for me to hand her a huge suitcase of a purse. She opened it and pulled out a bag of candy. “It’s special candy for special little girls with diabetes.” She opened a piece and popped it into Brianna’s mouth. “Your daddy can’t have any. It’s only for special girls like you.”
Brianna giggled for the first time since Saturday and I thought I would cry. Cassandra pulled another bag of candy out of her purse.
“You have two special bags of candy now. This one is the special candy for special girls. And this other bag”—Cassandra held up a bag of peppermints—“is for when your sugar drops low and you need to make it go up real quick. You’ll know because you’ll feel shaky and sick and yucky.”
“I know. It happened yesterday and they made me drink juice.” Brianna took both bags of candy. “How do you know so much about diabetes?”
Cassandra pinched Brianna’s cheeks. “I had a student in one of my classes with diabetes and I wanted to learn as much as I could so I would know what to do if she got sick.”
Brianna’s eyes widened. “What did you learn?”
Cassandra leaned back in the bed and pulled Brianna up into her lap. “Well, diabetes happens when your pancreas, which is right about”—she made circles on Brianna’s stomach and then landed on a spot in the middle and tickled her—“here . . .”
Brianna screamed in laughter.
Cassandra pointed to the center of Brianna’s belly. “Your pancreas gets broken. You know how Bobby Walters in your art class broke his arm and had to get a cast on it?”
Brianna nodded.
“Well, when your pancreas is broken, it doesn’t let out this special liquid that you need. That special liquid is called insulin and it makes the sugar in your body stay just right. Not too high, not too low. So if your pancreas is broken, it doesn’t give you the liquid and your sugar goes higher and higher and higher.” Cassandra acted out everything she was saying, all animated with her hands going up and down in the air.
“So you have to take shots of insulin from the outside since you don’t have it on the inside. If you don’t take the insulin shots, the sugar takes over your body and makes everything yucky. That’s what happened on Saturday. You don’t want that to ever happen again, do you?”
Brianna shook her head. “So, why do I have to get stuck twice? They take some of my blood and put it on a little white stick and then they have to stick me with a needle to give me the insulin.”
Brianna asked a million questions and Cassandra answered each one, illustrating things with her hands and using analogies that would make things make sense to a six-year-old. Then she asked Brianna questions to make sure she understood. The nurse came back as Brianna was telling Cassandra what would happen if she ate too much ice cream. The nurse pulled the curtain between Brianna’s bed and the other girl’s bed and started pulling things from her medical tray. Brianna’s eyes grew huge when she saw the nurse pull out the finger stick thing. She buried her head in Cassandra’s chest and started to cry.
“Oh my goodness, where did my big girl go?” Cassandra asked.
“It hurts, Miss Cassandra.”
“Let me show you a trick that makes it not hurt. Give the nurse your finger.”
Brianna looked from the nurse to Cassandra with fear in her eyes. “It’s gonna hurt.” Big tears trickled down her cheeks.
Cassandra feigned shock. “You don’t trust Miss Cassandra?” She took Brianna’s hand and gently pried her fingers open. “Okay, close your eyes really tight and sing really loud.” Cassandra closed her eyes and started to sing, “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” Brianna watched her for a few seconds and then did the same—the two of them singing pretty loud. The nurse moved in and quickly pricked her finger. Cassandra and Brianna were still singing when the nurse showed me the sugar level. I was glad that her number was okay and she didn’t need any insulin.
By the time Brianna opened her eyes, the nurse was gone. I pressed the piece of gauze the nurse had left on her finger and blotted the little smear of blood that was there.
Brianna opened her eyes and her mouth fell open in surprise. She looked down at her finger, then at me. “She did it, Daddy?”
I chuckled and nodded. “Yes, baby girl. All done.”
Brianna turned and looked at Cassandra with her eyes wide open. “It didn’t even hurt.”
“See, I told you,” Cassandra said.
“I love you, Miss Cassandra.” Brianna nestled into her chest.
Cassandra looked at me as she smoothed Brianna’s rowdy braids. “I love you too, honey.”
I mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
Cassandra winked at me. She said to Brianna, “Let’s see what else Miss Cassandra has in her purse.” She pulled out an iPod and a portable stereo dock. “You know what this means, don’t you?”
Brianna’s eyes shone. “Dance time!” She jumped up on the bed, but then stopped. “Can I still dance?”
Cassandra gave her that shocked look again. “Can you still dance? Of course you can. Your pancreas is broken. Not your legs.” She pinched Brianna’s calf. She put on one of those kids’ songs with the happy chords, fast beat, and children’s voices.
Brianna looked at me to make sure it was all right. I nodded and she jumped off the bed and grabbed Cassandra’s hands. The two of them danced and sang until I was tired. Thankfully, the little girl next door’s TV was still blasting, so all the noise didn’t seem to bother her.
Cassandra finally scooped Brianna up in her arms and brought her back to the bed and dropped her with a “Wheeeee . . .”
Brianna’s giggles were music to my ears. Cassandra la
y in the bed with her and told her a story until she fell asleep. I watched the whole thing in awe. I could see why Brianna thought Cassandra would make a good “real mama.” I was beginning to think so myself.
Mom and Pop walked in not too long after Brianna fell asleep. “Well, look who’s here,” my dad’s voice boomed. Me and Cassandra both put a finger to our lips and shushed him.
“Oh, sorry.” He and Mom came in and Cassandra pried herself away from Brianna and pulled the covers over her. She hugged Mom and Pop and whispered, “So glad to see you guys again.”
“Great to see you too, darling,” Mom whispered. Her and dad’s faces were so hopeful that I was embarrassed. “I’m so glad you came back to see Brianna. I’m sure she enjoyed spending time with you.”
“We had a good time together.” Cassandra put her iPod and dock back into her purse.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” My parents said it together in a loud whisper.
Cassandra smiled warmly, but I was embarrassed. “I came right after work and me and Brianna have been dancing. If I don’t get something to eat, I’m gonna need my own hospital room.”
Pop was too quick to offer, “I’m sure Devon wouldn’t mind taking you to get something to eat.”
Mom chimed in, “Of course. We’ll stay with Brianna until he gets back. In fact, Devon, I brought my bag to spend the night. Why don’t you go ahead and take off until tomorrow?”
Pop piped up again, “Yeah, you can take her somewhere real nice. We’ll take care of Brianna.” I almost expected him to take out his wallet and give me some money like he did when I was a teenager.
Cassandra laughed at the two of them, obviously understanding what was going on at this point. “I’m sure Devon is tired from being here. I can find myself something to eat.”
Before I could answer, my mom pushed me toward Cassandra. “I’m sure Devon hasn’t eaten either. And it’s the least he can do since you came to see Brianna.”
“Mom and Pop.” I held up my hands to let them know to chill. I turned to Cassandra. “Please, it is the least I can do. You cheered Brianna up and gave us both the first happy day we’ve had since this all started. You have to let me take you to get some dinner.”
Finding Mrs. Wright Page 10