by Rena Marks
“Join me, Anjelia.”
I was sitting on his lap. I raised my eyebrows and he smiled gently. “We don’t have to do that unless you’d like to.”
I slowly shook my head.
“Then just sleep with me.”
“I have to get a nightgown.”
“Does it really matter?”
Did it?
“I guess not.”
He took the towel from around me and threw it in the vicinity of the bathroom. He tucked me into his bed before crawling in next to me. I was stiff at first. A little worried that he would be like any other man and start fondling me. I needn’t have worried. He had my trust, and he wouldn’t do anything to violate it.
He slept before I did. I heard it in his breathing, felt the relaxation coming from his body as he reached that resting crest. It wasn’t long before I slept too. During the night I awoke several times to find myself curled around him, my legs entwined with his or my body pressed tightly against him, his hands possessively on my bare buttocks.
I slept in my own bed the next night but I missed Leo next to me. So during the night I got up and sneaked into his room. He never said a word, although I knew he was awake. He just let me cuddle with him.
I spooned my body behind him. When he did finally fall asleep, I kissed his bare shoulder. Once I was sure he was asleep. I kissed it and breathed in his scent. It was Leo, all Leo. Handsome and muscular, strong and brave. I forced myself to stop kissing it, because his skin tasted as I knew it would—knew it did from my dreams.
What was going on with me? The answer dawned on me. I loved Leo. Now I had to figure out how I felt about Julian. Was it even possible to love two men at once? I had to keep this to myself until I could figure everything out.
The next day I woke up sluggish. It was a cloudy day outside and at first I thought that was the cause of my sluggishness.
Toward the end of the day, I realized it was not. It was time for another feeding. Leo and I were eating dinner when he noticed me picking at my food.
“Julian needs to feed,” he observed.
“Yes.”
“Are you ready to see him?”
I lifted tired eyes to Leo. I was too tired to figure out my feelings toward the vamps right now. “Not really. I’d rather do it like last time, with me out for the count. That’s not very adult of me, is it?”
“Doesn’t matter. I can put you out and call him. Of course, he’ll be expecting the call. You can be awake for a feeding when you’re ready to deal with it.”
After dinner we went upstairs. I’d slept in his bed the night before so Leo changed my sheets.
“Why are you changing the sheets? They’re clean.”
“I don’t want to torment him. The less they carry my scent, the better. Perhaps you should shower? And I’ll try to refrain from touching you.”
That was why I loved him.
I showered and came out of the bathroom in my pajama shirt and shorts. I crawled into the bed and watched Leo prepare my shot.
“Did you call him already?”
“Yes. He’ll be here soon.”
He injected me with the shot and sat while I became drowsy. Before I fell asleep, however, I sat up and flung off my T-shirt. Leo raised his eyebrows. I lay back down, tucking the sheet modestly under my arms.
“He’ll want as much skin contact as possible. He’ll probably take off his shirt as well,” I explained.
I awoke the next morning feeling like myself again. Energized, happy and ready to start the day. I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. No bites on my neck, no reminders of Julian. He was considerate in sealing them shut.
He wouldn't torment Leo.
As I brushed my teeth, I realized that despite my uncomfortable feelings, it was time to face the music. The next time Julian needed to feed, I had to see him. I couldn’t take the coward’s way out forever. I was an adult woman, after all.
Leo was in his bathroom shaving. I sat on the toilet to watch.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Morning, Leo.”
He wiped the rest of the shaving cream off with a towel. His jawline was smooth and he leaned down to kiss my cheek.
I turned my face and kissed his lips instead. His cheek smelled of shaving cream, a clean, crisp, masculine scent. I breathed deeply, wishing I could save that scent deep within me for when I was living back on my own.
“Are you all right, Anjelia?”
“I’m fine.” I forced a smile, aware I was giving too much away. “What’s on the agenda for today?”
“Let’s have breakfast on the terrace.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“But first, your checkup.”
I sighed and went to lay on the bed. Leo retrieved his little black bag and followed me. He did the usual, the blood pressure check, the heartbeat check, nothing unusual at all. And that’s when it occurred to me.
How did I heal?
“Leo, why am I not crazy? Like before when I was willing to die alone in my house? The spots in my vision, all clouding my mind?”
I saw his hand pause before it resumed its movement, loosening the cuff. He reached for a rubber band to tie around my arm to draw blood.
“Leo?” I reminded softly.
“You carry a werewolf virus in your genetic makeup. You need to be around me now as much as I need to be around you.”
“What? How is that? I didn’t carry it before?”
“You became crazy from a combination of factors, Anjelia. You still retained some poison in your system, you were nearly drained dry by Julian, I was unconscious and your wolf mark wasn’t protecting you, the holes in your memory were breaking through slowly thanks to Danielle and the witch.”
“So how do I carry a werewolf gene?”
“I gave it to you. You were dying, it’s not as if turning werewolf would have killed you. It was your destiny to become werewolf anyway.”
I took a deep breath. “And will I change now?”
“No. Not with being a human servant. I think it’s just a matter of checks and balances. My wolf virus versus the vampire servitude. One keeps the other from dominating.”
“How does the vampire servant benefit keep me from turning wolf?”
“The virus isn’t able to reproduce enough in your bloodstream to turn you. Julian’s constant feeding on your blood keeps that from happening. And since you were nearly drained to the point of death, chances are you would have risen vampire. But Julian was unwilling to risk that since we had no guarantees. Especially because you probably would have become an insane vampire. Or you may have just died a human death, unable to rise again. So we kept you from death.”
What was I? And did I still have the remnants of the black magic in me from Merrick? Should that be added to the eclectic pot which I had become since my stint with the supernaturals?
“What’s wrong?” Leo asked me when I remained silent.
“How do you know something’s wrong?”
“I know you.”
“How do you know me? I don’t even know myself. I don’t know what I am. Not anymore.”
“You are the woman who was marked to be my mate. You should have been my mate. Yet now you can’t be because you’re tied to a vampire, but I will always feel that you are mine, no matter what.”
I knew this. “How did I get marked as yours?”
Leo sighed. “I don’t think we should go into it, Anjelia. I just told you what you already knew or suspected. I don’t want to tell you what’s been erased. What other damage could that do?”
“Who knows what else has been erased?”
Leo hugged me to him. “What else is bothering you?”
“I still love Julian.”
“I know. It’s not a bad thing. Love can’t be bad, it just has to be worked through.”
This statement made so much sense to me. It was clear as a bell and it made me realize something else about myself, something important.
I
t was time to tell him.
“Leo, I love you. Just as much. I don’t know when or how it happened. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
He was stunned. He didn’t have anything to say. It was the first time I'd seen Leo speechless.
I reached out and slid my hand around his neck. I drew his face to mine and ever- so slowly, he inched his way to me. Our lips met and pressed together for a few moments before we simultaneously opened our mouths for a greedy meeting of tongue. After long moments of simply kissing me back, he pulled away.
“You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say those words. I’d give anything for you to be mine. But I’m the wolf king. I can’t marry you like a human, and my wolves would always want me to find a wolf queen.”
“I know. I've been heartbroken over it, over the way things have played out. But we have a few days.”
“Do you want just a few days to have a relationship with me?”
I stepped away. “I'll take that. But to have a relationship with you, I’d have to choose between you and Julian. I haven’t even faced him for a feeding yet.”
“You’re ready to face him then.” His reserved voice was absolute.
“I’m ready to face him. That’s it. I can’t choose, but I can face him and at least talk to him.”
“I’ll call him.”
Later that evening I was sitting in Leo’s formal sitting room when Julian was escorted in. It had been a while since I’d seen him. His dark hair gleamed and was a little longer. His skin was still as pale as usual. Looking at his perfect face always caught my breath. It made me want the passion that I knew simmered just beneath the surface. His eyes were dark and glowed with sensuality.
He dropped to his knees in front of me, placing his head in my lap. I reached out and touched his hair, then caressed his head. I could never stop myself from touching Julian. He's the very breath in my lungs, the thundering of my heart.
“Are you hungry?” I asked him.
“I can wait.”
There was silence again while I stroked him, my fingers remembering the feel of his skin.
I knew nothing had changed. I loved Julian.
“Are you happy here, my sweet?”
I thought about the question, and decided honesty was the best policy. “I am. I really am happy here with Leo.”
“You smell like him.”
“I’m not sleeping with him.” Technically. “But we do most things together.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes, I do. I'm not sure how or when it happened. And my life is complicated enough without adding one more complication to it.”
Julian took a deep breath. “Do you still love me?”
“I will always love you, Julian. But I still don’t trust you. I'm working on it. Vampires and humans think differently.” And down inside, I knew werewolves and humans did too.
“I only loved you. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“You also scared the crap out of me. You’ve erased memories that I’m afraid to deal with. I don’t know if I should have those memories or not. You can’t decide that my life should be happier a certain way and mold it into whatever you want.”
“I wanted to spare you heartache.”
“Heartache is what makes me human. You frightened me. You can’t erase my memories to protect me from pain. I need those memories to protect me from future pain. Worse pain.”
“I’m so sorry. I love you so much, losing you terrifies me.”
I hugged him close, my arms wrapped around his neck as I held tight. I missed him so. He slowly rose, moving up to the double seat next to me. He placed his palm on my cheek and leaned in to kiss my lips softly.
“Kissing you is like kissing Leo. I smell wolf everywhere.”
“This is what I should have smelled like. It was my destiny,” I reminded him gently.
“I know. Are you upset about it?”
“What’s done is done. Which reminds me of something. I haven’t had my feeling of something watching me since I’ve been at Leo’s.” I tried to keep my voice neutral so that it wouldn’t seem accusatory. But I had a feeling it was the vamps doing the watching.
There was a long pause before Julian answered. “Tanya was our resident witch, which is a witch protected by vampires in return for her services. I’ve had her watching you for years, recording bits of your life into her scrying ball for me to review later.”
“So that’s why there was no intervening when Trevor beat me?”
“I didn’t see the beatings until later, after the fact. It was at that point that I had Tanya stop recording and watched you in real time, but not without consequences. With your psychic abilities, you were more apt to sense the watching then. You were also able to remember the earlier recordings, sensing us whenever we watched.”
“Did you kill Trevor, Julian?”
“Yes.”
He was matter-of-fact and once again it pointed to the differences between vampires and humans. There wasn't an ounce of remorse in him.
I didn’t know what to feel. The man, with whom I had been sleeping with, killed my husband. I should have been horrified, but somehow I wasn’t. I understood violence and right now I understood relief.
“They tapped into my dream to find your coffin. Danielle and Tanya.” I realized.
“I watched it while you were here recuperating. I found Tanya’s crystal and replayed your dream. I’d wondered how they figured out which was mine.”
We were silent for a minute, each lost in our own thoughts. He spoke first. “I’d like to start over. See you again. Be with you again. Date you, like a human.”
“I think I’d like that. But I’m not hurting Leo, not when he’s done so much for me.”
“We all need to get together and resolve our issues.”
“You know I hate this. Someone will get hurt if I have to choose.”
“Maybe not,” he said slowly. “I owe Leo a great deal, Anjelia. I caused his sickness, I stole his life, his mate. I talked him into binding with me, knowing he had no choice in order to save you. Asking for his help when you nearly died taught me a great deal. He’s so happy with you and I’m sure you’re aware that his insanity is more easily controlled?”
I nodded. His insanity was gone.
Julian continued, “I don’t want you to choose one of us, Anjelia. I’m too afraid of losing in that choice. I’ve been possessive and it’s flung you into the arms of my enemy. I need to talk to Leo about this, but now I wonder if his insanity is linked to your sanity since you carry his wolf gene. It hurts like hell but I’d rather share than be cut out.”
I was stunned. A vampire, talking about sharing? Vampires were possessive by nature. Julian had proved that.
“What of the vampires?”
He shrugged. “We'll figure it out. All I know is I could have lost you forever. Or I can have you, even though it means sharing. It saves you from making the decision of choosing, and me from the possibility of losing.”
I threw my arms around him and kissed him. Kissed him like I used to, without reservations.
He smiled against my lips. “I knew it was the right decision. Shall I call Leo in here?”
I shook my head. “I have a trick. Watch this.”
I closed my eyes and called Leo mentally.
We heard footsteps walking toward the sitting room. Leo entered the room. With our minds so connected and the full moon near, I could feel his dread at our calling. I knew he was thought I was ready to leave him.
“You called for me?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“I think the three of us have things to discuss,” Julian said.
Leo nodded, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“I was telling Anjelia how you are so much healthier when she is here. I don’t want to make her choose between us. You go insane when she is not around, I will die and cause her death without her around me.”
“Then it makes more sense for her
to be with you. My insanity is not life- threatening.”
“Not that we know of. Of course, it was worsening, wasn’t it?”
Leo nodded.
“So we don’t know how bad it will get. It may be life-threatening for you over time.”
“Perhaps. But my death would not cause Anjelia’s, while yours would.”
“You’re not telling her that once you are insane, it is very possible that she will follow. That was the taste she had that night at her house. She lost her sanity enough to want death.”
“Leo,” I said. “Is that true? What have you been keeping from me?”
He sighed and glared at Julian. “We don’t know for sure, Anjelia. I think so, but it's not a tested theory. There’s been one other case of two werewolf mates going insane when separated, the male first. But that was when they were actually mated. Yet something triggered the episode you had when you revoked the vampires from your house, so there is a strong possibility.”
Julian spoke again. “I think she should stay here for two weeks each month. The other two weeks she can stay with me. And we’ll try to time them so that during the full moons she is with you.”
There was silence as Leo and I pondered this.
“What about my house?” I asked.
“Would you like to live alone for some of the time?”
I thought about my solitary existence. “No, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I can sell my house.”
“You don’t need it, Anjelia,” Leo said. “What’s mine is yours. You’re welcome to anything of mine. You’re my wolf-mate, whether you’re my species or not.”
“How will the werewolves deal with it? They think of me as vampire.”
“They'll respect you. You were the werewolf queen first. And they'll learn to love you just as I did.”
It was such a sweet thing to say. I smiled at him and then looked at his lips. I leaned forward and kissed Leo gently. And then I remembered Julian. I turned toward him, apologetic.
“Are you okay, Julian?”
“Surprisingly, yes. Watching is not as difficult as it once would have been. However, I don’t want to push my luck. I’ll be back for you in about a week?”
I nodded.