Messed Up

by Owens, Molly

  Epilogue

  To: Chelsea Mallory

  From: Hannah Larson

  Subject: Got it.

  Chelsea-

  Damn girl, you’ve had me feeling as jumpy as thoroughbred racehorse ever since I got your psycho-assed phone call. I’m not sure what kind of crack you have been smoking, but have you forgotten that I play the role of lead Drama Queen in our friendship?

  Anyways, I wanted to report that after a long, and from what I can surmise, uncalled for postal strike, your package finally arrived today. Let me just say, that misshapen mound of wax barely passes for a candle. I’m still waiting to hear why this purple ode to lumpiness had you all freaked out when you called. But since I love you like the sister I never had (Shannon doesn’t count-I refuse to acknowledge her existence), I’ve found a perfect hiding spot for the candle, right next to my journal and a stash of glow in the dark, ribbed for her annoyance condoms.

  Speaking of annoyances, Andrew is out and a new American hottie is in. Way in. Andrew was nice enough, but I think that his adorable Scottish accent blinded me to the stark reality that he was one hundred and thirty percent loser. I am only willing to go so far with a man in a skirt—and I don’t care if it’s a cultural tradition, so are Crocs in America, and you don’t see me slipping into those hideous rubber monstrosities. I don’t care how comfortable everyone says they are. But I digress. What was I saying? Oh yes, Perfect American Male.

  I met him yesterday in the cafeteria. He was behind me in line with a baked potato on his tray. I could tell just by the way he was wearing white socks that he wasn’t British (they only wear black-it’s weird). So, I was like, “Don’t let them talk you into the tuna topping. I know the Brits will never believe it, but there are certain things that shouldn’t be cuddy buddies with tuna fish.” Then he smiled, and OMG Chelsea. I swear to friggin’ God, I thought I was going to pass out from shock. He is the most insanely HOT guy I have ever laid eyes on. I am not even overstating it a little. I swear.

  I don’t mean to go all poetic here, but his lips are like two plump little pink pillows, all pouty and soft. They are the kind of lips that make you want to skip the small talk and proceed directly to the janitors closet for some serious snogging. BTW, snogging is just making-out, so don’t think I’m that big of a slut. But his eyes were what really got my attention. The only way to fully understand just how amazingly, profoundly blue they are, is to go to the iTunes store and look up the album Nevermind, by Nirvana. You’ll see this baby floating in water. Well, the water is exactly the shade of blue I’m talking about. Oh and P.S., he’s got a body that is like Thelma and Louise era Brad Pitt. Cross my heart, I’m not exaggerating!

  Long story short, as it turns out he is a new boarder at my school, meaning he is lucky enough to not live with his parents. And random coincidence, he is from Santa Juanita. Small freaking world, right? Tonight he is taking me out to a pub on Prince’s St. to hear some eighties punk band he hearts. I am beyond excited. I think I’m going to piss my pants.

  So, if you ever get your act together and WRITE ME BACK, I’ll give you the glorious details of our first date. They are sure to be juicy, if I have anything to say about it.

  Love you Chels!

  XOXO,

  Hannah

  P.S. I almost forgot, he says he thinks he knows you. Do you recognize the name Levi Bennett?

  Thanks for reading, MESSED UP. Hope you enjoyed it! If you did, “Like” MESSED UP on Facebook.

  Want to hear more from Chelsea or Levi? You now can follow them on Twitter as:

  @ChelsMallory16

  @BennettLevi

  Check out some sample chapters of my next ebook, JULIET AND HER ROMEO at www.mollyowens.com

  --molly