“It has its pros and cons, like everything.” I resisted the urge to tell her she was just as bitchy as I remembered. “Work takes up most of my time. If I’m being perfectly honest, this is the first time I’ve sat down in a bar for a drink that wasn’t a business meeting in over four years. And even now, I can’t stay too long. I have to get back to my daughter.”
“She’s a cutie,” Emmett said, nudging my elbow with his. “How old is she?”
“Four.”
“Emmett was telling us a bit about her earlier,” Grace said. “Her name is Bella?”
I nodded.
“Where’s her mom? Back in Florida? I bet she’s enjoying having the place to herself for once.” Gracie laughed, reaching for her beer and taking a sip of foam off the top.
I shifted in my seat. “Bella’s mom died while she was giving birth to her,” I said, already knowing how badly the mood was about to change. I hated this. I hated the pity, the sympathy, the apologies—all of it. “It was a long time ago, and Bella and I are just fine.”
“I shouldn’t have—” Gracie started.
I held up my hand. “It’s fine. You didn’t know.”
The waitress arrived at the perfect time, and I ordered a whiskey on the rocks. She returned with it shortly, and I took a sip, ignoring how uncomfortable everyone now was around the table. Rein had yet to say a single word to me, and I couldn’t blame her for that. If I didn’t feel like such an ass sitting beside her, I would have had the nerve to speak up first.
I drank the whiskey faster than I intended to, due to nerves.
I put the empty glass down a little too hard on the table and felt Rein’s eyes on me as I turned to Emmett. “Sorry, I have to head back. It was nice catching up with you guys.”
Both of Gracie’s eyebrows shot up toward her hairline as she sat staring up at me. “You’re leaving so soon? We barely had a chance to talk. You didn’t even ask what we were up to.” She forced her red lips into a pretty pout.
“Sorry, fatherhood calls.”
Gracie shrugged her shoulders and slumped back in her chair. “No one can argue with that. I bet you’ve used it to get you out of a lot of uncomfortable situations.”
Awkwardness crept in, and I caught the way Rein’s head snapped in Gracie’s direction. The two women shared a look that reminded me of old times as I tucked my hands into my jean pockets and rocked back on my heels. “I’ve used it in a bind once or twice.”
Emmett chuckled nervously and slapped his knee. “Leave it to you to use your daughter as an excuse.”
“Not this time.”
Emmett got to his feet and clapped me on the back. “Well, it was nice seeing you, regardless. You think you’re still going to be around for a bit longer?”
“Yeah. A bit.”
“Good to hear,” Emmett said. “Give me a ring anytime or pop in the diner. I’ll fix your daughter the best damn cheeseburger she’s ever had.”
I laughed. “Good luck getting her to eat meat.”
Emmett gasped. “No. Did you raise one of those crazy vegetarian kids?”
“I don’t think Bella knows what a vegetarian is, but she refuses to eat anything that used to have a face.
“That’s adorable,” Gracie sighed.
“It’s a nuisance,” I noted. “Making sure she eats enough is a pain in my ass.”
“I think every daughter is a pain in her father’s ass,” Gracie said.
“I won’t argue with you on that one,” I said.
I glanced over at Rein, who was still looking anywhere but at me. I tried to catch her eye, but she remained stiff, her gaze fixed on Gracie. Say something to her, you idiot, I scolded myself. But the words wouldn’t seem to come. During the years after I first left Valdez, I had thought of her often and thought of all the things I should have said to her, starting with “I’m sorry.” But now that she was right in front of me, looking more beautiful than ever and refusing to so much as look at me, I couldn’t fathom how pathetic an apology would sound coming out of my mouth. It had been ten fucking years. She had every reason to hate me.
“I’ll catch you guys around,” I said as I turned from the table.
“Bye,” Gracie and Emmett said in unison.
I hated that I had strained my ears to see if I could hear Rein’s voice amongst theirs. I couldn’t.
I made my way straight to the front doors and grabbed my jacket from the hook. I put my gloves on first and then shrugged my arms into the jacket. As I did up the buttons around the collar, I shot one last look back at the table.
I locked eyes with Rein.
I froze with my fingers under my chin as the last button slid through the hole. Rein’s eyes widened, and she looked sharply down at the table, her eyebrows pulling together as she did so.
I put my back to her and shouldered open the door, stepping out into the cold night air.
Each step through the snow on the sidewalk reminded me why I had left this shitty fucking town in the first place.
The cold was an ever-present inconvenience, and the lack of anything to do in Valdez offered no reprieve from the weather. I had spent all my time in this place aching for something more. I always knew there had to be more than life in a small town. I needed a challenge, and Valdez couldn’t offer me that.
Rein had been collateral damage, and ten years had a funny way of altering your memories of how something used to be. Seeing her now reminded me of how fiercely I had cared for her back then and how good we had been together.
I guessed it hadn’t been good enough for me to hold on to when the opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge crossed my path.
I left her at the drop of a hat to carve my own path in the world, and I never looked back.
Not until now.
I groaned as I climbed up into the cab of my rental truck and started the ignition. I rubbed my gloved hands together as I waited for it to heat up and chase away the frost that had gathered along the edges of the windshield. The headlights illuminated the little red coupe in front of me, and the surprise of seeing it hit me like a train.
I would recognize that car anywhere.
It was Rein’s car, the same one she used to drive back when I still lived at home. It still had her favorite band stickers plastered to the back window. The rear bumper was rusted from all the salt on the roads, and she had a cracked taillight.
I smiled to myself and shook my head. Some things never changed.
I reached over to the glove box and found a pen and a napkin. I quickly jotted down a note and hopped out of the truck. I left it running as I slipped the note under her windshield wiper, then hurried back to the warmth of the truck.
For both our sakes, I knew I probably shouldn’t have left the note. But I needed closure. It was selfish, and I knew it, but I wanted to be able to close the door without feeling the ominous weight of guilt that rested on my shoulders now. I had to bury it somehow.
“Just stop thinking about her,” I growled to myself as I pictured the way Rein had been looking at me as I left the bar. I couldn’t place it. I wasn’t sure if she was angry, disgusted, confused, or all three. She had every reason to be miffed at me and was probably appalled at the size of my balls for coming back without saying a word to her.
I was a little surprised with myself, too.
Maybe extending a little kindness would change things, and we could both move on like adults. Maybe it would make things worse.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, reaching over and turning on the stereo. Country tunes filled up the cab. I rolled my eyes and flicked through the stations until I settled on one playing a Beatles song. “You both have your own lives now.”
Which was true. A lot had happened in ten years. I had met and married Bella’s mother, Isabelle. I had started a massive billion-dollar company and built it from the ground up. I had found myself and made a home for me and my daughter in Florida.
I had left this town and these people behind.
No
w I had to face them again, and I couldn’t help the fact that I was starting to feel like the small-town boy again who was fenced in on all sides. I wanted to escape. I wanted to grab Bella and hightail it the fuck out of this town and never look back.
But I loved my mother.
She deserved more than that. She deserved more than me for a son.
I pulled away from the curb, and the truck rolled and bounced over the snow bank until I steered it to the middle of the road. I drove slowly and carefully back to my mother’s house and found myself wishing I was back on a highway in Florida, driving my Jag. Speed didn’t matter there. There was no ice and no snow, just shitty drivers.
I sighed.
This was all temporary. Soon, I would be back home, and everything would go back to normal. I tried to convince myself that that was a good thing.
But the only way I was going back home to Florida was when I had no reason to be here. And that reason would die with my mother.
My throat tightened.
“Fuck,” I grated, swallowing against the burn. Anger lit inside me, and I lashed out, punching the dashboard in three quick successions. “Fuck!”
Chapter 8
Rein
After Brayden left, I continued staring at the door as Emmett and Gracie chatted about how good he looked, how sharply he was dressed, and how surprising it was that he was a father. It was hard for me to pull myself away and get back into the conversation. I didn’t want to talk or think about him. I wanted to pretend like he had never walked in and go back to last week, where Brayden was nothing but a dusty old memory in the back of my brain.
There was a reason I had stored him and all memories of him far away. I didn’t want to remember.
“How come you didn’t say anything to him?” Gracie asked, nudging my elbow with hers. “He kept looking over at you like he wanted to say something.”
I bit my bottom lip and then tried to look busy as I looked for the waitress. “I didn’t have anything to say, I guess.”
Gracie snorted. “Oh, please. I’m sure you had plenty you wanted to say.”
“What are you on about?” Emmett asked Gracie.
“Nothing,” she said simply, then turned back to me as I finally caught the waitress’s eye. I motioned for the check and she nodded. Gracie reached out and grabbed my hand. “Seriously, Rein. You guys have history. You finally had a chance to see him again, and you totally squandered it. Is it because of how he left?”
I looked at her sharply. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I need to go.”
Gracie slumped in her chair and crossed her arms. “Okay, sorry. I was just curious.”
“It’s all right,” I said.
Everyone was quiet for a minute, and then Gracie started talking again, prying us away from our own thoughts.
“I bet he’s a good father.”
Emmett nodded. “Absolutely, although he fucked up somewhere. Vegetarian? Who actually lets their kid become a plant eater when there are so many wonderful meals to experience? No burgers? No hotdogs? What kind of life is that for a kid?”
“There are more important things in life than enjoying a corndog, Emmett,” Gracie said flatly.
“That’s a matter of perspective,” he said before turning to me. “What do you think?”
“About?”
“About Brayden being a dad. Seems kind of crazy and all, right?”
I shrugged. “It’s not that crazy. He moved away and started his own life. He’s an adult. Adults have kids. He’s just doing what everyone does at some time or another.”
“And he’s single,” Gracie said, waggling her eyebrows. “Single and rich. Very rich.”
I scowled at my friend.
She held up both her hands in mock defense. “Kidding. Only kidding.”
“You’d better be.”
Emmett folded his arms and sank lower in his chair. “I wonder what kind of rich we’re talking about here. I mean, is the guy just well off? Has a nice house and a nice car and some fancy clothes? Or is he like, rich rich?”
“Definitely rich rich,” Gracie said like she was stating a universally known fact.
“How do you know that?” Emmett asked.
“Well,” Gracie said. “We’ve seen him pop up in a few local papers, right? His company is worth billions. He has over three hundred employees and is expanding every year. If we were making bets, I’d say he’s wealthier than any of us can even fathom. If he wants something, he can probably just go buy it, whether it’s a fifteen thousand dollar watch or a four hundred thousand dollar sports car.”
“No one buys fifteen thousand dollar watches.” Emmett chuckled as he stroked his beard. “That’s just madness.”
Gracie gave him a smug look. “So you didn’t notice the watch he was wearing?”
Emmett narrowed his eyes. “Sure I did. It was a nice watch.”
“Fifteen grand,” Gracie said, snapping her fingers. “Just like that.”
Emmett’s eyes widened with shock. “You’re fucking with me, right?”
Gracie shook her head. “Nope. I know my watches. The man has money, Emmett. Lots of money. I bet he’s not used to being ignored by a woman at a dinner table.” Her eyes shot to me.
I huffed. “Too bad for him.”
Emmett stretched his legs out and shoved his hand into his back pocket. He withdrew his wallet and slapped a fifty dollar bill on the table. “For the beer and some of the food. I know when it’s my cue to leave.” He got to his feet and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. “For what it’s worth, Rein, I don’t think Brayden is the same guy he used to be. He’s grown up. I don’t think life has given him much of a choice on the matter.”
“I’m fine, Emmett. Really.”
“Okay,” he said with an unconvinced shrug. “I’m just saying. The man lost his wife and is raising a little girl on his own. It’s gotta count for something.”
He turned and left me sitting at the table, staring at Gracie. “Was I a total bitch to Brayden?”
Gracie shook her head. “No, girl. Don’t think twice on it.”
I gnawed the inside of my cheek and stared at my hands in my lap. I wasn’t so sure about her answer. Emmet’s words were making me feel a little bit guilty. I didn’t know what kind of life Brayden had lived for the last ten years, but losing his wife couldn’t have been easy.
Especially not on the same day as having his daughter.
“That would have been brutal,” I muttered.
Gracie grabbed my hand. “Stop it. Don’t feel bad for something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. It was a long time ago. He’s fine.”
I scratched the back of my neck. “Yeah. I guess.”
“Don’t stress about it. We probably won’t have to see him again anyway. I bet he’s already itching to get out of here. I’m surprised he’s back in the first place.”
“Yeah, good point.” I shifted in my seat and crossed one leg over the other. “I wonder if he just came to visit his mom for a bit?”
“Maybe,” Gracie said. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. He sure as hell didn’t come home for the good dining or beaches.”
I grinned. “Maybe he missed Emmett.”
Gracie snorted. “Who would ever miss Emmett?”
The two of us had a good laugh at our friend’s expense and paid the bill when it came. Then we layered back up in our jackets and walked to the door.
“We still on for lunch on Tuesday?” I asked as I tightened my scarf around my neck.
“Sure thing. I’ll drop by your loft after my yoga classes and we’ll go together. Sound good?”
“Yep,” I said, pushing open the door and holding it open for Gracie.
She walked through and turned right, then waved over her shoulder. “See you then!”
I called goodbye as I went left and hurried down the sidewalk to my car, careful of the patches of packed snow from other pedestrians. They became quite slippery at a certain point,
and I was not in the mood to be falling flat on my ass.
I got in my car and started it up. The engine cranked and then promptly sputtered to a stop. “No,” I groaned. “Not right now. Please. Not right now.” I turned the ignition again and thanked my lucky stars when it turned over and started to rumble.
I cranked the heat and sat with my knees pressed together and my arms wrapped around myself to try to create warmth.
Then I noticed the white napkin tucked under my windshield wiper.
“What the hell?” I whispered before opening my door and stepping out onto the precariously slippery bank. I reached over my side mirror and plucked the napkin free. Then I retreated back inside the car. It had barely started to warm up, and I could still see my breath inside.
I unfolded the napkin and found myself staring down at a neatly written note:
It was nice to see you again.
-Brayden
In the bottom right hand corner, he had scrawled his phone number.
“Pfft,” I spat, and then I crumpled up the napkin, used the crank to roll down my window, and tossed it out into the snow.
Who does he think I am? I wondered to myself. Does he think I’ve been sitting around waiting for him to come back to Valdez? Does he think I put everything on hold when he left?
Bitterness crept up inside me and I shook my head.
There was no way in hell I was going to subject myself to him again. He had nearly destroyed me the first time he left. I couldn’t risk putting myself in that position again for fear of never recovering. The gaping hole he had left in my chest had taken years to fill. Some days, I still felt emptier than I could even imagine.
I hated to think of how it was going to be when Gracie left me behind, too.
“No,” I whispered fiercely as my eyes started to burn.
I couldn’t dwell on negative thoughts like that. It didn’t do me any good. Gracie might leave, but she wouldn’t do what Brayden did to me. And she wouldn’t forget me. She wouldn’t treat me like I was nothing but a toy that she was finished playing with.
I yelped when someone knocked on my window.
It was fogged up, so I rolled it down and found a smiling whiskery face staring back at me. “Hey, Rein,” Mikey Brooks said. “You all right?”
My Last First Kiss: A Single Father Secret Baby Novel Page 5