“Hey, girl,” Alison smiled mischievously. “The cat dragged something in for you.”
“I see that.” I chuckled.
“I’m just going to take this horse and give the two of you some time to talk,” she said, smiling as she led the horse out of the stables.
I looked Alison in the eyes as she passed and smirked, knowing exactly what she was thinking. I shook my head as she walked out of sight and then looked back at Ryan. He was standing there with a kind smile on his face, his hands pushed into his pockets.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hello,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “This is a bit of a surprise.”
“Yeah.” He chuckled.
“Come on,” I said, nodding my head toward the door. “Let’s go for a walk out into the pasture.”
He jogged to catch up with me as I led him out of the barn and down the path to the south pasture. We walked along quietly, looking around the farm, taking in the sunshine. I was giving him the chance to say something, but I could tell he was nervous. I reached down and broke off a piece of tall grass, holding it in my hands as we walked. The breeze blew through the fields, and I flipped my head around, pushing my hair out of my face. We reached the top of the hill and looked out over the rest of the pasture, horses grazing around and the dirt blowing around the dusty road.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to see you,” he said simply, looking at me with a smile.
“You wanted to see me,” I repeated to myself. “Wait, did you fly all the way across the country just to see me? Or is there work to be done at your ranch, so you were here anyway? I’m definitely not taking the excuse of ‘I was just in the neighborhood.’ People are never just in the neighborhood when they end up in Bonanza.”
“No.” He laughed. “I can’t really see anyone just being in the neighborhood out here. There really aren’t even any neighborhoods.”
“So,” I said. “Tell me, Mr. Reines, what brought you all the way out here to Bonanza if you weren’t just already in the neighborhood?”
“Like I said,” he replied. “I wanted to see you, and no, I don’t have any work to do at the ranch. You didn’t say goodbye when you left New York City, and in my book, that’s leaving the book open to interpretation.”
“I see,” I said. “And what did you interpret that as?”
“That things weren’t over between the two of us,” he said, turning to me. “That you might have left, and things might have been bad, but you didn’t say goodbye because you weren’t ready to end things all the way with me, with us. That somewhere in that big heart of yours, you were hoping I would show up in Bonanza and tell you I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I would swing by.”
I looked down at my hands and smiled, nodding my head up and down. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t even believe he was here, much less that he had flown all the way out here just to see me. Maybe he was right. Maybe somewhere in my mind, I didn’t say goodbye because I wasn’t ready to yet. Or maybe I was a coward when it came to things like that. I really didn’t know the answer to that. I looked up and gave him a small smile.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “You’re right. I didn’t wait to say goodbye. After the fight we had and the fact that you were ignoring me, I thought maybe I had overstayed my welcome.”
“That isn’t possible.” He laughed.
“What isn’t possible?” I asked.
“You overstaying your welcome,” he said. “You’re always welcome wherever I am. There wasn’t a time, even when we had an argument or when I was so deep in my own self-pity, that I thought about having you leave. Never did I think I didn’t want you there anymore with me. You are always welcome in my home or my hotel or wherever I am at the time.”
I nodded and stared into his eyes, trying to see what was different about him. He seemed like he’d changed, like he was calmer, more relaxed, at peace almost. It was strange to see in him, especially after being at his penthouse and seeing how far he had gone down the rabbit hole. He took a deep breath and looked out over the pasture.
“I’m sorry for acting like an asshole,” he said. “You’re amazing, wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to me, and I took everything out on you. I was too blind to see that you were my only ally in the whole situation. I had been ashamed of my past, I won’t lie. I didn’t want you to know all the things I’d done, all of the shameful things I had put myself through. When it came out like it did, I was in complete shock. I didn’t get the chance to sit down with you and be open and honest like I intended to be when I got up the nerve. I was upset, and I responded in the wrong way. I lashed out at the person I wanted to care about me the most. I’m really sorry for that, Sara. Could you ever forgive me for that?”
I looked up at him, not sure of what to say next.
Chapter 53
Ryan
I stood there completely vulnerable, completely open waiting for Sara’s response. I had laid it out there, figuring that was the best option, and had to hold my breath while I waited for an answer. We continued to walk along the path, finding that it dead-ended at a creek running through a beautiful sunny meadow. It was seriously like something out of a movie with birds chirping, bees buzzing, and the greenest foliage I had ever seen. It was like an instantaneous mood lifter, like the running water lifted the stress right off your shoulders. We stopped there under the canopy of some shading trees and just listened in silence as mother nature floored me with her awesome power. Growing up in the city, I never saw things like this unless they were manmade and put up in Central Park. That park was the closest I got to being outdoors, playing in the grass and enjoying the sights and sounds of something other than honking horns and police cars.
I thought about Sara at that moment, about how perfect she looked in that setting, like a fairy in her home. Her eyes sparkled with happiness and the sound of rushing water seemed to be the perfect anthem for her. I could see now why she belonged in a place like Bonanza. She was a free spirit, even if she didn’t know it, and the city, it was too much, too confining, to concrete for her. I could see exactly why she didn’t like the city and all of its guises. Finally, after several minutes, Sara turned to me.
“I understand,” she said. “I think maybe I put too much pressure on you to be perfect, to open up to me when I was holding back. I wish you’d felt capable of opening up to me about your past, either before it came out in the press or even after, but I can also understand your hesitation.”
A sense of relief washed over me, and without thinking, like it was natural, I reached for her, pulling her into my arms. She didn’t fight me or stiffen. She just pulled her head back and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t have imagined a better response from her, and I was almost shocked she had been so open and loving toward me after everything. I sighed and looked down at her.
“I wish I had done that as well,” I said. “There are so many things in my past, so many choices I made, that at the time, seemed like the only way, but now I realize if I had opened up my eyes, I could have found a much better manner to take care of my family. I’ve been ashamed of the things I did in my younger years, so ashamed that I pushed them out of my mind, hoping I would never have to think of them again. Not only was I ashamed of what I did, but I was ashamed of who I came from. When you have a conversation with these socialites, these people you rely on to invest in your companies, they want to know about your family. I didn’t ever know what to say. My family was poor, uneducated, and were even below the working class. That was shameful, embarrassing, and I had no idea how to mitigate that.”
She tilted her head and kept a sweet smile on her face, listening to me as I talked. For the first time in my life, I felt completely comfortable talking about my past, letting it go. I didn’t know if it was the surroundings or the fact that I wanted to let Sara in, but it was flowing like the stream in front of us.
“My father,” I continued. “He was a junkie, a drunk, an
d he beat my mother on a regular basis. Addicts will do a lot of things to get what they want, and I saw that firsthand in my father. My mother wasn’t that much better. She was a robot, just a sober one. No one ever paid me any attention until I started getting into fights and bringing home wads of cash. I ended up giving most of it to my father until I was old enough and big enough for him to be afraid of. I can remember yelling at mother asking her why she would ever bring my sisters into that world.”
Sara’s eyes were full of comfort and understanding as I stood in front of her unburdening myself. Not only was I letting all of it out, but I was letting her into a place I had never let anyone into before. It was what she had wanted all this time, but I had to find myself before I could give that to her. I told her about my sisters, kicking out my father, and some more of the more intimate moments the press never heard. When I was done, she smiled sweetly at me and leaned up, gently kissing my lips. She was so soft, so pure, and that was the sign I had been looking for, the one that told me everything was all right, that she still cared.
I claimed her lips right then and there, unable to hold back any longer. It was like the moment was perfect for it. As my tongue smoothed across her sweet kiss, the breeze blew her hair wildly around her. The smell of flowers filled my nose, and the sound of the stream was like a tune playing just for us. We made out furiously, our hands smoothing over each other’s bodies, the passion mixed with a sensuality that I had never known before. It was exciting and invigorating, and I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than to lay her down right there in the soft grasses of the meadow and make love to her.
My hand moved down to her wrist and as I was about to pull her down to the ground, a scream rang out across the pastures. It was a sound I had never heard before, and for some reason, it brought a chill right down to my spine. Sara stopped and pulled away, walking a couple of paces and listening. The scream came again, and she turned to me with panic in her eyes.
“That’s a horse!” she screamed out.
She shook her head and let go of my hand, taking off through the meadow and up the path. I stood there for a moment, a feeling of dread pulsing through me like nothing I had ever felt before. I had no idea where it could even be coming from. I gathered myself and shook it off, taking off after her. I pushed the branches out of the way and squinted as I stepped out into the open pasture, the light almost blinding me. It didn’t take long before I could smell smoke wafting through the air, and I looked up at the sky, seeing it billowing up into the clouds. My heart skipped a beat, and I took off again, making it back up to the farmhouse and stopping next to Sara. The barn was on fire, flames shooting all around it, the sound of glass breaking and a horse’s cries coming from inside. The wooden structure was going up fast, and I could see the panic on Sara’s face. This was not normal, not something that just happened in a place like this, and in the middle of the day, there was no real reason for the barn to catch fire like that.
“Where is Alison?” I yelled.
“Over there.” Sara pointed to her.
She was standing on the outskirts with her phone pressed to her ear. She was screaming for the fire department to get there as soon as they could. They were quite a distance away, though, and I had a feeling that by the time they got there, the barn would be nearly gone. I looked around the property trying to find a hose or something I could start combating the fire with. I stopped for a moment, listening closely to the sound of hooves clapping against the concrete floor of the barn. There was a horse inside, trapped in the fire, screaming in panic from inside the barn. I knew right then and there that Sara was going to need to be helped. She was going to lose it when she realized what was happening. That poor horse was stuck in there, probably with the stall door closed since he was next to be groomed and then let back out to the pasture.
I looked down at Sara as she stood next to me completely in shock, her face covered in horror. She pulled her hands up to her mouth and a tear fell down her cheek. She could hear the horse, and she could feel the fear the animal was feeling. She had a connection to these horses like nothing I had ever experienced before. She shook her head and looked up at me.
“We have to do something,” she said.
“Where is there a hose or a place I can get water to the barn?”
“There’s no time for that,” she said, shaking her head. “There’s no time for that.”
She just kept saying it over and over again, and the sound of the sadness in her voice struck me hard. That was when she started to walk toward the fire like there was no fear in her heart. I realized in that moment what she was trying to do, so I lunged forward and grabbed her arm, pulling her back.
“You can’t go in there,” I yelled. “That barn could collapse at any moment. You could be hurt or even killed. It’s too dangerous, Sara, even for you. I’m sorry. You can’t go in there.”
“I have to,” she screamed yanking her arm away from me. “There’s a horse in there. I left him in there to go and talk to you. I have to save him. He’s just an innocent animal. These creatures came to us for protection, to be sheltered from harm, to be given another chance at life. What is any of that good for if I leave him in there to die in a fire? I can’t. I don’t care what you say. I cannot leave that horse in there to die like that.”
“Sara, I understand you feel a kinship with these animals, that you feel responsible for them, but this is too dangerous,” I said. “If it’s between that horse’s life and yours, I’m sorry, but I’m going to pick your life every single time. Who will take care of the rest of these animals if you die trying to save one of them? You have to think about this.”
“I have,” she said angrily trying to pull away. “It’s not my place to pick who lives or dies, dammit. Now, let me go. I’m going in that barn before it’s too late.”
“Stop,” I said, looking around. “Stop, I’ll go in.”
Before she could say a word, I let go of her and bolted toward the barn, trying to get there before I lost my nerve. If someone was going in, it was going to me. I could never live with myself if something happened to Sara, and she was not going to let this go. All I could hope was that nothing happened to me.
Chapter 54
Sara
I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like a nightmare, and everything was rolling along in slow motion. The barn was burning, and it was not slowing down. What could have possibly happened that started a fire like this? There were no heaters in the barn, no flammables, nothing but the electrical system. This fire, though, it was huge and burning like something was accelerating it even faster. I could barely breathe, the smoke was thick around us. There were horses locked inside, and at first, I thought only one, but after a few minutes of listening, I realized there was more than one. It was an impossible situation, dangerous, and life-threatening. Yet Ryan had gone in there to save the horses and all because of me, all because I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he cared about me so much that he wouldn’t let me be in harm’s way. Here he was saving me yet again. It seemed like I was a dangerous person to be around these days.
The sounds of the horses screaming continued to echo out of the barn and across the pasture. My knees felt weak beneath me, and I grabbed onto the post trying to settle myself. I was so terrified I almost dropped to my knees. I had never seen anything so violent, so scary in my life, and not only were the horses in danger, but so was Ryan. I knew at that moment, I should have never tried to save them, but it was in me. I couldn’t ignore it. I just couldn’t let those poor creatures die like that, not after taking responsibility for them. There was silence for a few moments, and then suddenly, several horses came bolting out of the door, running as fast as they could out to the pasture. None of them seemed overly injured, and I turned back to the barn, looking for any sign of Ryan.
“The fire engine is on the way,” Alison said, panting as she ran up to me. “Where’s Ryan?”
“He’s inside,” I said, staring at the
door.
“What?” she said in a panic.
“He went in to save the horses, to keep me from going in,” I said shaking my head. Then, I turned to her. “Alison, how many horses were in the barn when the fire started?”
“Uh, um,” she was panicking, thinking through it. “There were four in there, three getting ready for cleanings and one up to bat.”
“Three just got out and ran out to the pasture,” I said. “That leaves one horse.”
Come on, Ryan. I said it to myself, and I knew I was thinking more of him than the last horse. The flames were shooting higher and higher with every second, and there was no sign of the fire department yet. I looked up as the sound of crackling wood started to sound off, and then there was a huge crash inside the barn, sending plumes of smoke spiraling up toward the sky.
“The roof,” Alison yelled, pointing up. “Part of the roof caved in. Oh my god, Ryan has got to get out of there. Where’s the damn fire department?”
“I have to go in after him,” I said, shaking my head.
“No,” Alison said, grabbing my arm. “The time for that has passed. You can’t go in there.”
“But I’m the reason he went in there in the first place,” I yelled out.
I was terrified, even more so than before. I was sure Ryan was stuck inside being burned alive. The thought was overwhelming, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I backed up a bit as the smoke got thicker and moved with the wind. I shook my head watching the door, squinting through the smoke, hoping, praying for any sign Ryan was okay. I could barely stand it, my heart racing so fast, it was almost deafening in my ears. He could be in there helpless or even unconscious. I swallowed hard, tears beginning to pour down my cheeks. Alison put her arm around my shoulders and latched onto me. I wasn’t sure if it was for comfort or to make sure I didn’t go into that barn, but she was probably smart to do it.
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