Somehow I'd avoided the pictures on the walls the first time to the bathroom, but without the weight of him in my arms, my eyes moved across the memories, each one tearing down my resolve more than the last.
Picture after picture of my mother, of us, of them. Happy. Whole. Together.
"Fuck you." I stopped by the bathroom door and let my eyes run across him. He'd pissed himself and vomit ran down his shirt and pooled on the floor in front of him. I pursed my lips and turned my back to him as he laid there passed out again.
Every nasty emotion I'd been avoiding for the last twenty years raged through me in deadening waves. I glanced up to see a picture of my mother smiling down at me, her eyes filled with love and excitement. In a blind rage, I let out a long scream and reared back, smashing my fist into the glass and busting it in a million pieces.
"I hate you so much," I screamed and pressed my hands to my face. She had ruined him and as an aftereffect me. I'd never let a woman in. Not in a million years.
I pressed my fingers to my eyes so tightly that colored lights burst across the darkness behind my eyelids. I wouldn't cry. Not a fucking tear. Not another one for her. For what she'd done to my dad. I'd do what I always had done. I'd clean up the mess, take care of him and walk through the rest of my days numb to the fucked up fairy tale called love.
No woman would want me anyway. I was an impenetrable force, one that had fun, lived and loved on the outside and never once showed the real me. The one lost in the dark, screaming for truth and warmth.
"Parks?" My father mumbled, his eyelashes fluttering.
"I'm here, Dad. Sorry." I walked in and cleaned him up before getting the shower in working order. I got the water running and stripped him down. The sight of him naked and thin did something to me. It broke me further as if I ever thought that was possible.
He leaned against me as I stood in the shower, fully clothed and soaking wet. After taking care of him, I got him in clean clothes and put him to bed.
It took me several hours to finish cleaning the house and putting everything back in order. After I had finished up, I stood in the living room beside his piano, trying to decide what to do next. Taking my father's freedom from him left me feeling like a villain, but I knew without a doubt that I couldn't leave him to take care of himself.
I grabbed my phone from the kitchen and called around, trying to find a home health-care nurse, a chef, and a maid. It took a few hours, but by the time the sun set, I had everything in place.
After fixing a quick meal for him, I dropped down to the piano bench and ran my fingers across the white keys. There was a sense of healing awaiting me if I could just force myself to play. I'd learned from the greatest musician I knew - my dad. It was his source of strength and had gotten him through so much, but for me... it was just another memory.
"I would love to hear you play again." His voice was weak but sober.
"Oh yeah?" I forced a warm smile on my face and turned on the slick bench beneath me. "And what would you want me to play? I dropped my dolly in the dirt?"
He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair, looking a million times better. "I'm sorry you found me like that. It's been a little rough lately."
I nodded and stood. "I get it. I have a few people coming to help you out each day, okay?"
He gave me a stern look. "You know I don't like being around other people."
"I get that, but I can't leave you to take care of yourself, and I have to be at Boston General by Monday, ready to sell my soul to their Chief of Staff." I winked and tried like hell to keep things light. "It's just a health care nurse, a chef, and a maid. Let them come in and do what they need to do. Then they'll go. You ain't even gotta talk to anyone, Dad."
He nodded. "And this will make you feel better?"
"Absolutely." I nodded toward the kitchen. "I made some spaghetti. Let's eat and catch up?"
"I'd like that." He reached out a hand toward me. "What day is it?"
"Saturday, dad. Middle of the fall. Your favorite time of the year." I walked toward him, took his hand and helped him to the kitchen. My life would get back on track soon enough, but for that night I would reminisce and live in the world he wanted me to. One where things had gone as planned and he wasn't killing himself one drink at a time.
A world that didn't exist. At least, not for me.
Chapter 4
Ansley
I laid in bed forever the next morning, my thoughts all over the place. I should have taken my sister, Gwen's advice and left Boston Gen the minute Nolan and I filed for divorce, but I'd been there my whole career. It was home to me too.
There was no way in hell I was losing my marriage and my career in one fatal swoop. I wouldn't have survived it. Not even with Aiden and Gwen holding me up like they both always did.
"Speaking of Gwen," I muttered and got out of the bed. I glanced down and growled, hating the way I looked simply because it felt like the right thing to do. Nolan liked me sleeping naked, and though I'd never wanted to, I'd done it for him. Now, after nine years of it, I was in a habit, which seemed odd. It was a stark reminder how much I'd changed for him.
I got dressed in a pair of slacks and a button up shirt before twisting my long, black hair into a bun. A little bit of makeup to make sure my younger sister didn't give me shit for looking old and tired and I was off to my favorite bistro just outside of downtown.
The weather was so nice that I rolled my windows down and turned up my jazz music. I almost felt free for the few minutes it took me to get to the restaurant. A handsome valet opened my door and gave me a sexy smile as he backed up.
"Morning, Ma'am." He lifted his eyebrows quickly as if his pick-up lines were facial expressions instead of words.
Ma'am. Ugh. Why it offended me was a mystery, but it had to do with my age, no doubt. If I was married with kids and settled into the life I thought I should have had in my mid-thirties it wouldn't have mattered, but I wasn't, and it did.
"Morning." I moved around him and walked to the door, nodding politely at the guy who held it open for me.
"Welcome to Destrada, Doctor Reigns." The pretty hostess was one of my favorites, always happy and upbeat. Or so she seemed. It amazed me how depressed people had the strength to put on a facade that fooled all of us. I couldn't help but wonder if her joy went beyond skin deep.
Stop it. Jeez. It's too early for that shit.
"It's Doctor Crawford now. Divorce is final, and my name change is done." I shrugged and offered a subtle smile. Divorce was always such an odd topic. You never knew how someone might take it, and honestly, I could care less. It was my life, my decision, my divorce.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, as always, it's nice to see you."
"Nice to see you too, Angie." I lifted up on my toes and glanced over to my normal spot. "Gwen isn't here yet, hm?"
"Not yet, but I'll be sure to show her over to you the minute she gets here." She extended a menu to me. "Want me to show you to your table or did you want to wait up here for her?"
"I can show myself." I smiled warmly and took the menu. "Thanks so much."
"Of course."
I walked to the back of the restaurant and sat down near the window. I laid the menu on Gwen's side of the table and leaned back, letting out a soft sigh.
The sound of laughter, or rather giggles, caught my attention just outside. A young mom and her two little girls were dancing around as they walked through the parking lot to the car. I took them in, their emotions and excitement to simply be together.
Every desire I'd had swimming inside of me welled up. Was my time over? Was I really going to traverse life without knowing what it felt like to hold a child of my own? And all because of Nolan's manipulation.
"You're at fault too. You wanted him to love you. Idiot," I mumbled and turned back to find my younger sister standing beside the table, watching me.
"I hate it when you do that." She moved over and hugged me as I stood.
"What? Talk to myse
lf?"
"Talk ugly to yourself." She kissed my cheek and brushed my hair off my shoulder. "You're the most beautiful, brilliant woman I know."
"Mom was prettier," I smirked and sat down. Just seeing her brought a warmth to my soul that I missed when she was busy traveling the world. "You look so good."
"I look like you."
I snorted. "I wish." My sister was a younger version of me, but lithe. Being a ballerina all of her life did that for her. "Anyway. Tell me about Paris. Did you find some handsome billionaire to fall in love with?"
She crinkled her nose, but her blue eyes filled with mischief. "You know I hate snooty rich people. I would much rather fall in love with a hardworking man that barely makes it by."
I laughed at her naivety. It was beautiful and innocent. "That hard working man would rock your world."
She rolled her eyes. "Speaking of rocking our worlds... how are you? You said your name change went through finally, right?"
"Yes." I nodded. "I'm a Crawford again."
"Good. I hated the name Reigns. So stupid sounding." She reached for the wine menu. "Want to share a glass or a bottle this morning?"
"Both?" I smiled and leaned back, letting my eyes run over her flawless face. She was the spitting image of my mother, which left me filled with a sadness that was somewhat peaceful. "Get a bottle. You can take the rest back to your place with you if you want."
"If there is any left." She set the menu down and locked gazes with me. "Paris was nice. I would have been much happier if you had come with me."
"You know I can't do that. I have a million things going on at the hospital, and they've yet to bring in another strong neurosurgeon. I can't leave my people in a lurch like that. At least not in the name of fun."
"Fun is the spice of life." She lifted her eyebrow and gave me a look our father might be proud of.
"I thought sex was," I smirked and picked up my menu as the server walked up. We ordered the usual and got back to teasing each other.
"Speaking of sex..." She leaned in and smiled.
"You didn't. Did you?" I leaned in too, both of us looking like two small children sharing a secret, no doubt.
"Me? No. I'm not sleeping with anyone until marriage. Period." She shrugged and gave me a contented look. "He's going to have to put a ring on it before he gets to enjoy it."
I was proud of her, and it seemed lofty to keep her virginity intact until she found the right man, but maybe not. Nolan was the only one I'd ever slept with.
"So what were you going to say about sex, then?" I pursed my lips as the waiter walked up and poured us each a glass of wine, the pink liquid enticing more than I wanted it to be.
Gwen waited until the server left to speak again. "Are you still sleeping with Nolan or have you finally cut the cord?"
"The cord is officially severed. We had a fight yesterday, and we're done." I picked up my glass and drained it, not meaning to.
"So much for taking the bottle home." She picked up the bottle and poured me another glass. "You know what would be good for you?"
"Do tell, please." I took a sip of the wine and put the glass down. I had to drive home, and I was a bit of a light weight as it was.
"Sleeping with some hot, bastard of a guy. Just let him rock you for the night. It'll help you wake up."
"This coming from my virgin little sister." I laughed and tilted my head to watch her. "And why would you think I would let a younger man in my bed? I'd much prefer an older man who wanted to take his time. If I'm getting naked, it better be worth it."
She lifted her glass, and the look on her face concerned me. She shrugged and took a sip, but didn't respond.
"What's that look for?" I reached for a piece of bread in the basket that sat on the table between us. "I know that look."
"Look? Is there a look?" She smiled, and the room seemed brighter.
"You know the look. Like you know something I don't."
"I was just thinking that the last time we talked about this." She pulled her napkin into her lap and brushed her hands over it, smoothing it down. "You said you've never climaxed with Nolan."
"So?" I slathered butter over my roll and took a greedy bite. "Not all women can climax."
"Lies." She rolled her eyes. "I don't believe that for a minute."
"Why? Because Cosmo says we should all be having mind-blowing orgasms?" I laughed internally at the conversation we were having. I had one friend, and she was sitting across the table from me. Thank God she was my sister. It made it easier to skip the bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter.
"It's true. You just need to find a young stallion that can make your body explode." She shrugged and leaned back, looking so nonchalant that it was humorous. We might as well have been talking about the color of paint on the walls.
"I'm a doctor, and it's not true."
"You're a brain surgeon." She smiled up at the server as he delivered our soup. "I have a question for you."
I almost swallowed my tongue. "Gwen. Don't."
"Sure." The guy's eyes lit up a little as Gwen turned her pretty face up toward him. Everything about her was petite, feminine, dainty. She could have any man she wanted, and yet she was alone, just like I was.
"My sister and I are having a bit of a fight over something. Can you be the tie breaker?" She glanced over at me. "And I won't tell you which one of us thought one way or the other."
"Don't," I warned her, my voice dropping.
"Alright. Go for it." He glanced over at me and his smile widened. "I have sisters. It's no big deal."
"Right." I picked up my wine and downed it as I watched my sister flirt her way through the orgasm question with our server. He pulled off his side of the interaction well, and I wanted to clap for him, but my thoughts moved from the present to the future.
My older brother Aiden had his protégé coming my way on Monday morning. I was pissy about it up to that moment. Maybe I was over-thinking things, but if he was at all the kind of guy everyone said he was, maybe the young stallion I needed in my bed was already headed my way.
"Ansley. You still here?" Gwen smiled as she waved her hand in front of my face. "See? I told you."
"Shit. What did he say?" I glanced to my right where our server had disappeared to.
"He said that all women are capable of coming. You just need to find a guy who knows what he's doing. A young stallion." She laughed and wagged her eyebrows. "And Aiden told me about this Doctor Feelgood guy."
I almost spit my wine out. "Aiden told you that they call this idiot Doctor Feelgood?"
"Oh yeah." She laughed again. "His favorite pick up line is supposedly, 'Hey girl. Tell me what ails you. I'll make you feel real good.’"
The laugh that bubbled up out of me felt good - pure. Parks might be a total whore bag, but he was a brilliant doctor and surgeon. Where I wasn't looking forward with putting up with his shit for the next month or so, I knew without a doubt I needed something to shake up my world.
Maybe he was just what the doctor ordered.
To be continued…
Author Note: Hope you enjoyed the preview. Feel free to grab a copy on Amazon if you’re into the story. Get it HERE
Mister Big Stuff
Chapter 1
David
“You know what today is, right?” Greyson asked as he walked into my office.
He plopped down in the chair in front of my desk, and he straightened his tie as he crossed a leg over his knee, giving me a peek at his lame, argyle socks. Greyson was the only person I knew that could be a twelve-year-old kid one minute and my most trusted advisor the next.
“Another day I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing sitting behind this desk?” I shot back.
A grin curved his lips. “Well, sadly, that too. But no, I was referring to the fact that it’s your one-year anniversary. But since you mentioned it, it is kind of pathetic that I’m still training you.”
“You should be sitting here, and I should be somewher
e over the Pacific.”
“Ah, here we go again. Talking about the shit that’s not going to change anytime soon.” He got to his feet just as quickly as he’d plopped into the chair and was back to straightening his fitted suit. “Come on, man. Let’s go grab dinner to celebrate. On me.”
The guy’s flair for fashion might have had me questioning his sexuality if I didn’t know his record with women. We’d been friends for most of our lives, and while I’d gone off to have a career in the Air Force, he’d stayed behind and went to work for my father, eventually becoming his right-hand man before my father passed away.
We left the office, and I insisted on driving. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, so I detoured us across town to my favorite bar in all of New York City.
Greyson grumbled beside me. “Oh, no. What the hell, man? I said dinner, not beer and nuts at this slop house. Let’s go uptown for a steak.”
“This place has amazing steaks and cold beer to wash it down. I’m not eating at one of those pretentious, over-priced, prissy-ass places you like. I don’t care about what kind of fucking marble they have on the floor; I care about what’s on my plate.”
“Fine, but let me just get my tetanus shot before going in, and my brass knuckles. You know I hate these kinds of places. I always have trouble.”
“You hate anyplace whose floor isn’t shiny enough to see your reflection.”
He shot me the finger. I loved to tease him about his clothes, when in fact, I wished I had half his style. Women ate it up.
“Relax, there are mirrors behind the bar, pretty boy,” I said. He was overreacting about the bar. It wasn’t one of his snooty upscale places, but it wasn’t the dive he made it out to be. There was good food, dancing, and best of all, beer.
He loosened his collar and mussed his hair. “You know, if you weren’t my boss, I’d punch you in the fucking teeth.”
“There’s my boy. That’s the man I’m having a fucking beer with. Remember when we used to pound them back?” He hadn’t liked to drink in years.
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