“You explained at the pizza place,” Kylie said. “That was enough.”
As she walked away, Starshine hurried after her. “But there’s more. I want you to know…”
Kylie turned back to face her, stopping so suddenly that Starshine almost ran into her. “I don’t care what you have to say, Stella. I know everything I need to know.”
She stormed away. Being mean to Starshine was killing her, but she had to do it. Starshine deserved that and worse after what she had done.
Around two, Starshine caught Kylie alone in the change room. Kylie closed her locker without even putting all of her stuff inside. “I was just leaving,” she said.
Things were going to be awkward from now on. Kylie was still going to have to interact with Starshine. She’d have to pretend everything was normal while the group joked around. Hopefully Starshine would do her a favor and minimize her involvement with the girls. They were Kylie’s friends first, and they were her real friends. For Starshine, they were just interview subjects.
She walked toward the door, but Starshine blocked her exit. “Kylie, it’s my last night here. I’m not going to see you again.”
That took Kylie by surprise, and her steps paused. She was never going to see Starshine again? Her heart clenched at the thought.
But Starshine was a liar, and Kylie wanted nothing to do with her. Everything would be easier this way. This was for the best. She tried to convince herself of that as she said, “Okay.”
Not seeing Starshine was going to hurt. Kylie had gotten her hopes up about that girl. The connection had just been so strong… Kylie had thought so, anyway. Who knew what it had really been? An undercover reporter had to be good at playing roles and making people think that they had connected with her. Maybe Kylie had fallen for what Starshine had planned all along. Maybe it was all just for the article.
Starshine looked at her, trembling. Kylie could almost believe she saw tears forming in her eyes. “This doesn’t change anything,” Starshine said. “I’m still the same person. And I… I like you too much to let this go.”
“How exactly did you see this going?” Kylie demanded. “You thought I would just say, ‘okay, you’re someone completely different from what you told me you were, but it’s cool’?”
“I know I fucked up,” Starshine said. “I know you have every reason to be mad at me.”
“Mad is an understatement,” Kylie hissed. “You lied about everything. I didn’t even know your name until yesterday.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Starshine’s voice was almost a whisper. “I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve changed here. I want to be Starshine, not Stella. I want to be who you think I am.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Kylie said. “And I don’t want my whole life in a magazine article for a bunch of strangers to gawk at. You had friends here. Everyone liked you. We took you in and treated you well. You got paid the same as everyone else, and you hung out with us, and came to our parties, and the whole time you were planning to stab all of us in the back.”
“No, Kylie. It was never like that.”
“I felt guilty for being attracted to you when you were in a relationship,” Kylie said. “You have a lot more to feel guilty for. You betrayed all of us.”
“That girlfriend wasn’t even real,” Starshine said. “I invented her to make sure I wouldn’t get involved with anyone.”
Kylie stared at her, blinked, and shook her head. Yet another lie. It made sense in a way, but it didn’t make her feel better. All those times she’d felt guilty for wanting Starshine, she could’ve had a clear conscience. “You made everything up,” she said. “You’re not who you said you were.”
“I know I was wrong,” Starshine said, hanging her head. “I can’t ask you to forgive me. All I’m asking for is a chance to rebuild the trust we should have had.”
Kylie looked at her. Even now that she knew how she’d betrayed her, Starshine was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. But Starshine’s looks weren’t enough to make up for what she had done. Kylie doubted if she would ever forgive Starshine. She would go on with her life, keep working, do what she needed to do. And she would hold the rancor deep in her heart.
“It’s too late for trust,” she said bitterly. “We have no foundation for any kind of trust.”
“But, Kylie…”
“You’re a stranger to me now.”
“You’re leaving?” Starshine’s voice was desperate.
Kylie pushed past Starshine, ignoring the spark when their shoulders touched. “If that’s all you have to say to me, then yeah. Whatever.”
Twenty-Six
As Starshine watched the other waitresses file into the change room at the end of the night, it was clear they had no idea about of the tension between Starshine and Kylie. Kylie was one of the last to come in, and she shot a glare in Starshine’s direction before going over to her locker and slamming it open.
All Starshine could hope for was that this conversation would go okay. She had no hope that Kylie would forgive her, although in her heart of hearts, she wished that it would have that effect. But after seeing Kylie’s fury at her actual role, she had decided to take a leaf out of the restaurant’s new rulebook. Like the waitresses surveying the customers, she would survey her interview subjects.
“Hey ladies, I have a question,” she said.
From the corner where she stood changing, Chloe said softly, “What else is new?”
The girls laughed, and even Starshine had to smile. She had so much affection for this group. She wouldn’t have expected it, and she couldn’t have said when it developed, but it was real and true. These girls were her friends. Maybe Kylie was right about her stabbing them in the back.
“Well, I was wondering what you would think if there was some media attention about the restaurant.” She paused. “Hypothetically, of course.”
Too scared to look at Kylie, Starshine looked around. The girls looked confused.
Paula was the first to speak. “What do you mean?” she asked, frowning.
“You know, media,” Starshine said. “Like a documentary, for example. Or a newspaper article.”
“Well… that depends on what it would say.” Paula still looked worried.
“I’d love it,” Alyssa said, looking back over her shoulder as she flung off her shirt. “The world needs to know that I’m a star.”
“I know this place is a bit unique,” Paula said. “But I wouldn’t want our whole lives exposed.”
“Yeah, only good attention,” Alyssa said. “I’d have no problem with something good coming out.”
Starshine looked from one face to the next, trying to calculate which opinion was the most common. She wanted to make everyone happy. But if one person was unhappy, would it even matter if the rest of them were ecstatic?
She looked around, trying to make sure she had heard from everyone. “What do you think, Chloe?”
Chloe took a step out from the corner. “I agree with Paula. It might have a bad effect. I like my privacy.”
“And you, Kylie, you’ve been quiet,” Paula said.
Now Starshine was forced to look at Kylie. She had a strange expression on her face. She looked cautious, but… pleased? Starshine only looked at her for a second before tearing her eyes away. Kylie was like the sun—looking at her for too long would blind her.
“I hate it,” Kylie said. “I’m not a character. I don’t want my whole life reduced to a few paragraphs or a sound bit. I’m not here to make some kind of statement or to symbolize anything. I’m just trying to get my money and get by.”
“What if only the people who wanted to be in the article were in it?” Starshine asked, looking directly at Kylie.
She wished there was some kind of compromise where she could satisfy everybody. There had to be a way to respect Kylie and Chloe’s wish for privacy while putting Alyssa in the spotlight. If there was any way to make Kylie accept her work, she would do it.
“That wou
ldn’t be a very good article,” Kylie said, closing her locker.
Starshine let out a sigh. She had forgotten to change, too distracted with the conversation, but Kylie was finished. Now she would be heading home. Starshine would never see Kylie’s face again. Never feel her touch or get into bed with her. She would only have this memory of how terribly she had fucked up.
She sighed, staring at Kylie with a heavy heart. It was just as well. Kylie probably wouldn’t even like the real her, anyway. She tossed everything from her locker into her bag. A bottle of Tums was hidden at the bottom.
Funny, she thought as she threw the bag over her shoulder. She used to take ten of those a day, and now she hadn’t needed one for months.
“All right, I’m heading home,” she said.
“You can’t leave like that,” Alyssa said, jumping in front of her. “Why did you have so many questions?”
“Oh,” Starshine said. “Well…”
“Yeah, what was that all about?” Paula asked. “Were they hypothetical questions?”
“They didn’t seem too hypothetical,” Chloe put in softly.
Starshine looked at each of the girls in turn. Even Kylie had paused at the edge of the room. She couldn’t keep the truth from these girls. They were her friends now. More than that, they had made her into a better person.
“You all might have noticed that I’ve asked some things over the past few months,” she said, looking at the floor.
“No kidding.”
Starshine ignored Paula. “I can’t tell you what I’ve been up to.” The girls loudly objected and demanded for her to tell them. “But… maybe I can tell you the truth if you guess.”
“About time you admit it,” Alyssa whined. “I always knew you were up to something. You’re definitely a cop, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“FBI agent?”
“Nope.”
“DEA?”
“Come on! I’ve seen you girls do drugs, like, a hundred times.”
“She was talking about the media,” Paula said. “Are you… making a documentary?”
Starshine almost laughed. “Getting warmer.”
“Are you writing an article?”
Here it was, the moment of truth. “Yes,” she said quietly. “I’m an undercover reporter.”
The room went silent, and Starshine dropped her eyes as she waited for them to turn on her. Now that they knew, they would surely react as angrily as Kylie had.
Instead, Alyssa yelled out in seeming ecstasy. “Oh my God! She’s going to make us all famous!”
The other girls exploded with questions. “What kind of article?”
“For a newspaper?”
“Are you seriously not a cop?”
“What’s my fake name going to be?”
Starshine held up her hands, overwhelmed. The tables had turned. Now she saw how they felt when she asked them question after question. “Just be patient. One at a time, and I’ll tell you everything.”
They all sat down on the benches. “The article is for Snap That magazine. It’s going to be an insider’s look at a brestaurant. I can’t make any promises about what will or won’t be in it, but—”
Paula gave her a chilly look as she interrupted. “Did you say Snap That? That magazine writes awful articles.” The others looked at her, none of the others seeming familiar with it. “All they do is tear people down.”
“Is that the magazine that wrote about the B-list actress?” Alyssa asked. “The one who killed herself after it came out?”
The others quieted, each of them staring at Starshine with a solemn expression.
Cringing, Starshine nodded. That was a black mark on Snap That’s record, but that wasn’t their usual style. “This article will be a nice one.”
“Nothing in that magazine is nice,” Alyssa said, more serious than Starshine had ever seen her. “Places are ruined after being featured in it. We’re already struggling here. I don’t want to be famous if it means closing this place down.”
“If you write your article, we might all be out of a job.” Paula looked decidedly unhappy about that possibility.
The girls were right. The magazine wouldn’t have sent Starshine here for six months to put a positive spin on things. Nothing that appeared in Snap That’s pages was nice. She was here to expose the restaurant, not to make it look good. The article she wanted to write wasn’t what the magazine’s readers wanted to read.
Even if she hid the restaurant’s identity, the article would doubtless create a stir. People would look into it. There were only so many places like this in the country, and finding this one would be easy for a dedicated researcher.
For once in her life, words failed Starshine. “I don’t… I can’t…”
Starshine’s stomach churned. This was what Kylie had been trying to tell her. The girls could see in an instant what hadn’t crossed her mind in three months. She was playing with fire here, and it threatened to burn the entire restaurant to the ground.
“I promise I won’t write anything that would hurt Jubblies,” Starshine said. She didn’t know how she would manage to do that, but she would do it. This restaurant had been good to her, and she wouldn’t want to do anything that could shut it down.
“I hope you’re serious,” Paula said. “You should speak to Tony about your article. He’d definitely want to know about what you’re doing.”
Starshine nodded. She would definitely take that into consideration. Up until now, three months into this assignment, she hardly had anything on paper. Why? Was she not as interested in this place as she thought?
Or had she been too busy having fun with her new friends to do her “actual” work?
“I should go home now,” she said slowly. “It’s been wonderful working with all of you.”
“What do you mean?” Alyssa asked.
“I’m not going to be working here anymore.”
“What? But we like having you here!”
Starshine could hardly believe that they felt so strongly about her leaving. They seemed to want her there simply because they liked her.
She glanced over at Kylie, who was still quiet. Her face was hard to read, and she wasn’t saying anything.
“I have to go,” Starshine said. “Now that you all know I’m undercover, there isn’t much point to staying. I won’t get anything real from you.” She paused for a long moment, wishing Kylie would at least look back at her. “Thank you all. I’m going to go home now.”
Twenty-Seven
Kylie doubted if her mind could be any more blown than it already was. Starshine had just come clean about everything. She’d promised to take the other waitresses’ opinions into consideration. If she was serious, she would even talk to Tony about her article.
As Kylie stood there, stunned, Starshine prepared to walk out the door. She was going to walk right by Kylie, and Kylie still had no idea what to say to her.
The others watched curiously as Starshine approached her.
“Well, Kylie, I won’t bother you anymore.” Starshine spoke too quietly for the others to hear. “It’s been nice knowing you. I really am sorry about everything.”
Kylie just stared at her. The girls hadn’t even reacted in the way she’d expected them to. She was the only one who felt deceived or betrayed. Of course, they weren’t falling for Starshine… but Kylie had to wonder if she had overreacted.
Starshine walked away before she could think of something to say, and Kylie slumped down. She was letting the girl of her dreams get away. But what else was she supposed to do?
“Kylie, what are you doing?” Chloe said, approaching her. Even though her voice was quiet, the fact that she was speaking directly to Kylie was unusual. “I know you like Starshine. You should go after her.”
Apparently Alyssa had overheard. “Yeah, Kylie! Go get a piece of her! You won’t have another chance after this.”
“I have to agree,” Paula said. “You two have been working around each other
for a while now. You’re into her, and she’s into you, so who cares if she’s not exactly who you thought she was? Go get her!”
As the others cheered in agreement, Kylie lifted her head. She knew they were right. She needed to catch up with Starshine before it was too late.
“Fine,” she said, and jogged out of the change room. She glanced around as she made her way through the main room, then out the door. Luckily, Starshine was still in the parking lot. “Stop!” she called out.
Starshine stopped walking and looked back at her. The hope in her eyes was clear, and almost painful in its sincerity. Kylie could see her emotions all over her face.
“What is it?” Starshine asked.
“Look, um… I don’t forgive you, okay?”
Starshine nodded, looking sad. Kylie figured she deserved to feel bad. “I want to give you the chance to rebuild trust, like you said earlier. I have to give you that much.”
“Really? You would do that?” Starshine’s face brightened, then fell again as Kylie spoke.
“Yeah, S.” Kylie made no attempt to keep the harshness out of her voice. “I’m not promising you anything, because I don’t know who you really are. I might never forgive you for this shit you pulled. But… we have a connection, and those don’t come that often. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about somebody. Even the other girls can see that there’s something between us.”
Starshine reached for Kylie’s hand. “I’m so happy you changed your mind.”
“I haven’t changed anything,” Kylie said, avoiding her touch. “I just want to find out who’s behind the act.”
“It was never an act,” Starshine whispered. “Not when it came to you and me.”
“Then let’s go on a date tomorrow.”
Starshine nodded. No one could have faked the sincerity in her eyes. “That sounds good,” she whispered.
The idea of going on a date had Kylie excited, and she was already thinking about all the places she wanted to go with Starshine. They could go for a hike again, or back to the pizza place, or they could do something completely different. As long as she was with Starshine and getting to know the real her, she would be happy.
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