"You're not?"
"No." He looked out at the sea, then back at her. "I never believed this was where she wanted to be, just where she had been forced to live. In other words, I thought she grew where she was planted," he said, repeating her grandmother's favorite phrase. "Now I know that this was where her heart was always. The last few months, I'd been begging her to marry me. I told her I could give her a mansion in Philadelphia or a mountain retreat in Colorado, but all she ever wanted was her house by the sea."
"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back the way you want, the way you hope." She took a deep breath. "I think Grams did love you in her own way."
"The only way she could," he agreed. "But I can't go out on that ocean with you. This was her place. Hers and John's. It wasn't mine. It wasn't meant to be. I hope you won't think me disrespectful, but I need to go home now."
"I understand. You've been a tower of strength for all of us. I just wish it didn't have to end this way."
"So do I. Good-bye, Alli. Take care of yourself and your family." He started to leave, then stopped. "I don't regret loving Phoebe, even though she thought it was a huge waste of my life. She never understood that loving her made me happy, that in a way it was enough for me." He paused, sending her a very direct look. "I don't expect it will ever be enough for you. If Sam doesn't love you enough, find someone who will. You deserve it. Don't sell yourself short."
"I won't," she promised.
She watched him walk away, then took a deep breath and headed for the boat. Sam took the urn out of her hands as she stepped on board. Jimmy gave her a smile and a hug. Jimmy had been great the past few days, taking care of Megan, making sure they all ate, even making them laugh. Alli wished Grams could have met Jimmy. She felt sure Phoebe would have liked him.
"Maybe I should stay on dry land and wait for you," Jimmy said to her as Sam started the engine and Tessa began to explain to Megan exactly what they were going to do.
"No, you should come."
"I'm not family."
"You're a friend, a good friend. Please come.”
He hesitated, his eyes unusually serious. "I'd like to be here for Tessa."
"Then stay." Alli walked over to Megan and picked her up in her arms. "How's my baby?"
"I'm okay, Mommy."
"She's just like you," Tessa told Alli. "A million questions, and she keeps asking me each one in a slightly different way until she gets the answer she wants."
"That's my girl."
"Everyone ready to go?" Sam asked.
Tessa looked at Alli. "We're really going to do this, aren't we?"
"It's what she wanted," Alli replied.
"I can't believe we're spreading her ashes on the Fourth of July, on her wedding anniversary. She was supposed to be home today."
"I think she is home," Alli said softly. "I think she's with Grandpa."
Tessa nodded and slipped her arm around Alli's waist as Sam took the boat out to sea. It was a hot, beautiful, sunny day, the kind of day when anything seemed possible. The wrong kind of day to bury someone, Alli thought somberly. Or maybe, as the minister had told her earlier, maybe the angels were celebrating Phoebe's home coming.
Sam cut the engines and they drifted on the waves, Tucker's Landing a beautiful harbor behind them, the rest of the world waiting on the horizon.
"Do you want to say something?" Sam asked Alli.
"Grams didn't believe in funerals. She didn't want any ceremonies, no long speeches, no public farewells. So I guess we'll just say, So long, Grams, we love you."
As the others murmured their good-byes, Alli let the ashes fly with the breeze.
* * *
Upon returning to the docks they found half the town waiting for them, a picnic lunch set up at the park in lieu of the memorial service Phoebe's life-long friends knew she didn't want. But they were all there to talk about her, to celebrate her life along the Fourth of July.
When the kite festival began at four o'clock, Alli found herself just behind the starting line, waiting for the others to come back with the kites. Sam walked up to her a moment later. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. Do you think Grams would mind us doing this?" she asked. "It seems disrespectful."
"She'd expect you to go on, Alli. It's what she always did, after she lost her son and later her husband. Even when Tessa left, she told us to get on with our lives, that we weren't meant to stand still in one place, but to embrace whatever life held in store for us."
His words gave her a comfort unlike any other, and she couldn't stop herself from giving him a tender kiss on the lips. It was meant to be a brief caress, but once there, she found herself lingering, tasting, memorizing everything about him. They hadn't talked about anything personal in the last forty-eight hours, and soon they would have to face the reality of their lives. But not now. Now she just wanted to stop thinking and love Sam for just a few more minutes.
When she finally pulled away, she was almost shaking from the intensity of her emotions. She didn't know if she could bear to lose Sam now. Her resolve to let him go, to give him his freedom, had weakened considerably since her grandmother's death. How could she go on alone? But she knew she had to do just that. She had to let Sam have a chance at the life he wanted, whatever that was.
Sam looked down at her, his eyes dark and serious. "We need to talk, Alli."
Her stomach turned over. She couldn't do this now, couldn't say good-bye to anyone else, not today.
"We can't. They're about to start the kite race. Here come the others.”
"Daddy, are you ready?" Megan called, lining up next to Jimmy and Tessa, the kite in her hand.
"Do us proud, okay?" Alli said lightly.
Sam leaned over and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "I'm going to impress the hell out of you. Just watch."
"I won't be able to take my eyes off of you," she said. She never could.
The race took off with the sound of a whistle, and within minutes the blue sky was covered with a kaleidoscope of colors taking a ride on the wind. Alli kept her eyes peeled on the kite upon which Megan had so lovingly drawn a picture of their family. Would this be the last time they were together? Would this be the end of everything?
She tried not to think about it, tried to let the worries fly away as easily as some of the kites, but deep down inside, she knew they were heading toward the moment of truth, for now that Grams was gone, Tessa was free to go or to stay, and Alli wasn't sure she could bear it either way.
In the end, Sam and Megan came in second, because somehow Jimmy and Tessa, flying Grams's old kite, caught a breeze that wouldn't quit, and Alli could do nothing but smile, for it was Grams's day after all.
* * *
The next night Alli looked out her bedroom window and saw a sky filled with stars. One of them seemed to give her a wink as if to say, I'm okay, don't worry about me anymore. Alli blew the star a kiss and walked over to the bed.
She sat down, staring at Sam's side, so empty, so cold. They'd barely spoken since the fireworks the night before. She'd spent the day with Megan down at the beach, relaxing, trying to breathe some normalcy back into her daughter's life while Jimmy and Tessa had kept themselves busy somewhere else.
Alli knew Tessa was planning to leave soon. She'd mentioned that she had to get down to L.A. to finish the assignment she and Jimmy had been scheduled to complete last week. But Tessa had been deliberately vague about her long-term plans.
Alli started, hearing footsteps on the stairs, heavy footsteps, a man's footsteps. She jumped to her feet as Sam filled the doorway. He was wearing a brown leather jacket over his shirt and jeans. "You scared me," she said breathlessly, pulling the tie of her bathrobe, suddenly aware of what she wasn't wearing underneath.
"Sorry, I didn't want to ring the doorbell and wake Megan up." He took a step into the room and set a suitcase down on the floor.
Her heart sank to her toes. Was he leaving with Tessa? Had he come to say good
-bye?
"How are you, Alli?"
"I'm hanging in there. I feel like I've been on a roller coaster this past week." She studied the intense look in his eyes. "My ride isn't over yet, is it?"
"Tessa is going back to L.A. in the morning," Sam said.
She held her breath, not daring to ask if he was going with her.
"She said she'd come back to help you deal with Phoebe's house and her things," he added.
"I can't do any of that right now."
"Tessa is not ready either."
He stopped talking, and Alli had no idea what else to say. Sam walked farther into the room and shut the door behind him.
"What—what are you doing?" she asked.
"I have something to give you, Alli."
She swallowed hard. "What is it?"
It took slow, agonizing minutes for him to pull the strand of pearls out of his pocket. He held them out to her, and they sparkled in the light.
Alli couldn't move. She couldn't lift her hand. Couldn't take them. "You're supposed to—supposed to give them to the woman you truly love," she said breathlessly.
His gaze didn't waver from hers. "I love you."
Oh, God! It had taken a lifetime for him to say the words. Or had he said them? Was she imagining the moment? She blinked, but he was still there when she opened her eyes, and he was waiting. "I think you're going to have to say that again," she told him.
A smile crossed his lips, but his eyes were still incredibly somber. "Fair enough. I love you, Alli. Did you hear me? Do you get it? Because if you need me to say it again, I will, and again, if I have to. I should have said it years ago."
"You love me?" she asked in wonder. "Are you sure?"
"Positive. I don't know when it happened," he said slowly. "Maybe when we slept together all those years ago. Maybe when you delivered our baby into the world or when you stayed up all night with me when I was sick. Maybe when you bought that red thong for our anniversary." He smiled gently, tenderly, lovingly. "It might have happened when you made up with Tessa, when you told me I was free. Or perhaps it was when we said good-bye to Phoebe. I don't know when it happened, Alli. Because our love is our life."
A knot formed in her throat, so big she wasn't sure she could breathe or swallow or talk. "Sam," was all she could get out.
He moved closer and put the pearl necklace around her neck. "You are the woman I love."
"I want to believe you, Sam, but Tessa..." Her insecurities haunted her still.
"Tessa and I would not have lasted. We were young love, but when our love was tested by the very smallest thing, it fell apart. I wasn't meant to follow Tessa around the world, and she wasn't meant to be a fisherman's wife."
"Are you sure, Sam? Because I know this wasn't what you wanted.”
He cupped her face with his hands. "You didn't steal my life. You gave me one. Watching you these past few months made me realize how much I'd taken your being in my life for granted. I know now I was holding something back from you, but I hope you realize that I was holding it back from myself, too. When you got pregnant, it was like one life ended and another started. I guess I felt I could only hang on to that past life if I held something back from you."
"But you loved Tessa. You might love her again," Alli said, wishing she could just take what he was saying at face value, but she had to be sure. "If you come back to me now, I'm never going to let you go. So you better know what you're saying to me."
He smiled. "I do know what I'm saying. You're the one who isn't listening. I don't love Tessa anymore. All these years I remembered her only as I knew her, but she's different. I'm different. So are you. We all grew up. We all grew into ourselves. Tessa and I don't belong together. Her life is not what I want. My life is not what she wants. We flirted with the possibility of what if, because of the way it all ended so abruptly. We never felt like we had a choice. But the truth is, we always had choices, and we made the right ones."
He took a deep breath, but put his finger against her mouth when she tried to interrupt. "I care about your sister," he continued. "She'll always be my childhood friend. She'll always be your sister. But you—you are the one. I love you, Alli, and I'm not going to let you divorce me. And I'll fight you and Tessa and the whole damn town if I have to. You're not getting rid of me." He gazed into her eyes. "Can you forgive for not telling you a long time ago?"
"Yes, I can forgive you. I love you, Sam. I always have, from the first minute I saw you."
He kissed her tenderly, a first kiss, a promise of a new beginning.
"What's with the suitcase?" she finally asked.
"I'm moving back in. And I've made some other decisions."
"Like what?"
"I'm not going to sell my business. I'm going to make it better. And I'm not giving up on my marriage; I'm going to make that better, too." He smiled at her. "I'm also thinking of selling the Thunderbird to Jimmy. We can use the money to invest in us, in whatever you want, Alli."
"I just want you."
"And... there's something else.”
"There's more?" she asked with amazement.
"I'm sleeping in this bed with you tonight," he said huskily. He pulled the tie on her robe until the edges fell open and he could slip his hands inside. "Mmm, naked already. I like this."
"I took a shower. It wasn't like I was waiting for you." But hadn't she been doing just that, standing at the window, staring out at the stars?
"I'll be the one waiting for you from now on," Sam said. "I want to have fifty years with you, one for each pearl on that necklace."
"Why don't we go for sixty?"
"You're on," he said with a groan, as she pressed her breasts against him.
"And you're wearing too many clothes," she whispered, making fast work of his jacket, shirt and pants, until they were both completely bare. Then she pulled him down on the bed with her.
He pressed her back against the pillows as he kissed her, as he ran his hands down her sides, across her breasts, her legs, her thighs. Everywhere he touched turned to liquid fire, until she could think of nothing else but having him inside her. It wasn't until he'd nudged her thighs apart that she realized there was something missing, something very, very familiar. She pushed him back in shock.
"What's wrong?" he asked with alarm. "Did I hurt you?"
"For God's sake, Sam. What are you thinking?”
"What do you mean?" he asked warily.
"You're not wearing a condom."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that."
"We don't need one. I want to have another baby. I want to make love to you without anything between us. No more barriers, Alli. It's you and me forever."
"You want another baby?" she echoed in wonder. Would he never stop surprising her?
"Yes." He paused, running his finger down the side of her cheek "A funny thing happened when my first love came back to town—I discovered I was in love with my wife. And I intend to make her very happy—for better or worse, in sickness or in health."
"Until death do us part," Alli murmured. And she sealed their promise with a kiss.
Epilogue
"I can't believe you're eight months pregnant," Tessa said to Alli.
Alli stared down at her round stomach and felt a huge sense of pride as well as love. "I've never looked better, have I?"
"Unfortunately, no, since I'm the bride, and I'm supposed to be the most beautiful one in the room. But I fear you'll eclipse me today."
"As if that would ever be possible. But thanks for saying it." Alli took her sister's hand. "I am so happy for you. Jimmy is a great guy."
"You're just saying that so you can stop feeling guilty about winning Sam," Tessa said lightly.
It was partially true. Alli had felt guilty about her incredible happiness with Sam, but during the nine months since their grandmother's death, she and Tessa had shared many a conversation on the subject of Sam, and it was clear to Alli that both Sam and Tessa had come to the same conclusion, t
hat the love they shared belonged to the past and only to the past.
"Jimmy is a great guy," Alli repeated. "He's gorgeous, in case you hadn't noticed, but more importantly he's kind, generous, and he gets you."
Tessa smiled. "He does understand me. Sometimes he knows me better than I know myself. It's a little scary."
A knock came at the dressing room door, and Sam stuck his head in the room. "Can I wish the bride good luck?"
"As long as Jimmy isn't with you. He cannot see me in my wedding dress before the ceremony," Tessa said. "It would be bad luck."
Sam entered the room, his smile growing more appreciative as he took in Tessa in all her beauty. Alli thought her sister had never looked more glorious than she did right now. For a brief second, that age-old jealousy came back, but then Sam turned to her, and she didn't see just appreciation; she saw love.
"Will you kill me if I tell Tessa she looks beautiful?" he asked.
"I'll kill you if you don't, because it's the truth."
"I wish you the best, Tessa," Sam said instead. "You deserve it."
"Thank you," Tessa replied, with a slight catch in her voice. "Don't you dare make me cry, either of you."
"Maybe I shouldn't give you this then," Alli said, pulling out a beautifully wrapped box. "But I'm going to anyway."
Tessa sent her a sharp look. "Should I open it now?"
"You better."
Tessa undid the wrapping paper and lifted the lid. She gasped. "Oh, Alli, the pearls? You can't give me the pearls." Tessa looked at Alli in disbelief.
"Grams told Sam to give them to the one he loved, and I thank God every day he gave them to me," Alli said. "But we both love you, Tessa, and it's your turn. We want you to have the pearls. You can pass them down to Megan or one of your own daughters as a reminder that MacGuire women pick only the best men and their marriages last forever."
"I love you," Tessa said, hugging Alli. "And I love you, too, Sam," she muttered, giving him a hug as well. "And now I'm going to cry."
Another knock came at the door. "Come in," Tessa said helplessly, patting her eyes dry with a handkerchief.
Summer Reads Box Set, Books 4-6 Page 55