by Minkman, Jen
It had been a dream, and now she was abruptly waking up.
Michael hadn’t said a single word about his feelings for her. He had only told her how he’d never noticed her silent admiration. A heavy brick grew in her stomach.
“Didn’t he say anything about your little, uhm, ‘dance in the sheets’?” Gaby asked incredulously.
“He said he’d had a great night,” Julia whispered.
“Well, duh!” Gaby viciously stabbed the cake with her fork as if she were staking someone’s heart. “No surprise there. Jesus, what a total asshole. Flatters himself by listening to you professing your undying love to him, sets up a private date so he can get you in the sack, then never calls you back. If I ever get my hands on him…”
Julia went cold inside. She closed her eyes, clasping her hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying out, tears running down her cheeks.
She felt Gaby’s arm around her shoulders in consolation. “Look, I’m sorry if I was being too blunt.” Gaby wiped Julia’s tears away. “I don’t have a filter. But I’m just giving my honest opinion, as your best friend. If things really happened the way you described, I’m afraid he’s been playing you.”
Gaby sat down on the armrest of Julia’s chair, hugging her with both arms now. “You wanted to let him know how you felt. If he can’t respect that, it’s his problem, not yours. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Her jet-black head against Julia’s platinum blonde locks painted a sad black-and-white picture.
A waitress pushing a pastry cart shuffled toward them. “Is everything all right?” she asked a bit perplexed.
“Sure,” Gaby replied. “We’re not crying because of the pastries. They’re wonderful.”
Julia giggled despite her tears. “Ugh,” she said, rubbing her face. “I’m such a gullible sucker. I was so in love with Michael. Why didn’t I see this coming?”
Gaby shrugged. “Love is blind. That’s the way it is.”
“Maybe I should call him. So I can ask him why he didn’t text me back? Who knows, he might have a very good reason.”
“Yup. I bet his thumbs fell off,” Gaby nodded solemnly, and Julia snickered. “But, seriously, just call him. The sooner you know what’s up, the better.”
Gaby chatted on about her short vacation in Paris. It was nice to listen to her friend’s babbling and entertaining stories, but Julia couldn’t entirely shake the dark cloud hovering over her head. When they left the café and Julia had to walk back to the bus stop all by herself, her feelings of misery returned full-force. Taking her cell phone from her bag and staring at the thing in doubt, she leaned against the wall next to the bus shelter. Wasn’t it better to put off her phone call to Michael for one more day? She should give him a fair chance to respond to her text messages. Maybe Gaby was wrong after all. Couldn’t she give him the benefit of the doubt for a little while longer?
A familiar sound in the distance interrupted Julia’s musings. Her heart skipped a beat – she’d recognize the strangely rattling exhaust of Michael’s vintage Honda motorbike anywhere. Whenever he’d pulled up into the school yard riding his prized possession, she’d been around to shyly watch from the sidelines. Her stomach tightened as she looked up, quickly stashing away her phone.
He approached the bus stop, turned off his engine and parked the bike against the same wall she was using for support. His brown hair had a golden gleam in the sunlight. Michael hadn’t spotted her yet, but when she hesitantly edged toward him to catch his eye, an impatient frown crossed his handsome face for just a moment, and the broad smile he flashed at her the next second didn’t quite meet his eyes.
“Julia,” he exclaimed a little too brightly. “Grüss Gott. Coming back from town?”
“Yeah, Gaby invited me for tea and cakes at the pastry shop.” She swallowed down the lump in her throat before continuing: “And where have you been?”
“Oh, you know – around,” he answered glibly. “Stayed with my aunt and uncle in Hallein for a few days. Went clubbing with my cousins. Nothing special.” He fumbled with his keys, surreptitiously looking past her at the narrow alley leading to the Old Town.
Julia blinked back tears, her last glimmer of hope gone. This all felt so vastly different from the morning they’d said their goodbyes. It was as if she was talking to a stranger she had nothing in common with – or hadn’t shared anything with. “Why didn’t you call me back?” she asked with quiet determination.
Michael sighed, putting a warm hand on her shoulder condescendingly. “Look, I thought you’d be happy with our night together.” He sounded genuinely puzzled. “I mean – you told me how much you wanted me. How you longed to be with me before I moved to Graz. I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you again sometime, but I’ve been busy. Am I missing something?”
She took a step back. This was horrifying – Michael made it sound like he had done her a favor. He’d been generous enough to meet up with her because she admired him, and he’d had a good time. That was all – he’d never been serious with her. All the street sounds faded into the background, leaving her and Michael in the middle of a silent, barren plain where she could no longer lie to herself or pretend she’d misunderstood him.
“You told me we would talk soon.” She cringed when she heard how plaintive and clingy she sounded. “That was a week ago.”
“I was out of town,” he replied curtly. “It’s summer vacation. Why would I hang around in Salzburg all the time? Aren’t you going anywhere this summer?”
Julia closed her eyes, biting back tears. Summer. She desperately tried to chase away images of her and him – fantasies she’d had in the days after their date. A Salzburg summer with Michael, who’d visit the forest with her so she could show him the places that were special to her. Evenings full of kissing and embracing under the stars. Sweet words he’d whisper in her ear.
“No. I’m staying here,” she said softly.
“Too bad,” he replied flatly. “Oh well, maybe I’ll bump into you somewhere later. I have to go now before the music store closes, okay?” He leaned over and gave her a meaningless kiss on the cheek.
“Okay, s-see you,” she stammered at his back. He wasn’t even listening anymore. One of Michael’s friends emerged from the alley, enthusiastically thumping him on the back before dragging him along to the Old Town of Salzburg.
And then he was gone. Julia fell back against the wall, taking a long, steadying breath. Of course she should be relieved to finally know where she stood after a nerve-racking week, but she wasn’t. Frankly, she couldn’t feel anything. She got on the bus on auto-pilot, lowering herself onto her usual seat in the back.
Reality was harsh. She didn’t mean anything to him. For two years she’d been staring herself blind at someone who was blind to her.
This time, the realization hit her in the gut. Julia closed her eyes and tried to hold back her tears, but his indifferent reaction to her words was too painful to forget. The way he’d impatiently looked past her while she was talking to him, so eager to get away. The way he’d looked past her at school all those years until she turned out to be easy prey at the party. What a bastard. Who the hell did he think he was?!
By the time the bus reached the end of the line, Julia’s sadness had turned to anger. Instead of going home, she ran into the woods, trying to outrun the rage thudding against her ribs by heading straight for her meditation spot. When she finally slumped down against the old oak tree in the forest, hot tears were running down her face.
“You idiot,” she sobbed. “You silly, stupid cow.”
Mostly, she was angry with herself now. How could she have been this naive?
It was high time to get her act together. Julia resolutely wiped the tears from her eyes. Time to say goodbye to all the dreams she’d had about the two of them, because she’d obviously been dreaming in vain. Dreams didn’t come true. Life was not a fairytale.
It was time to grow up.
“There you are,” Ms. Gunther called out indignan
tly from the kitchen when Julia came home that night. “You’re late, young lady. I had no idea if you’d be joining us for dinner. I thought maybe you’d eat at Gaby’s.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.” Julia went into the kitchen to hug her mother. “I should have called, but stuff happened and I was distracted. What are we having?”
“Macaroni.” Her mom stroked her head sweetly. “And I made some salad.”
“Tuna salad,” Anne piped up with disdain. “I don’t like tuna.”
“You change your culinary likes and dislikes every week.” Julia rolled her eyes. “How on earth is Mom supposed to keep up with you?”
Anne shrugged. “I’ll put up a list,” she replied donnishly, trying to look as venerable as possible with all of ten years under her belt. Julia grinned impishly at her sister and suddenly Anne erupted in giggles. “Don’t look at me like that! I’m just a fussy eater. Gran always says so, too.”
“We’ll visit Grandma this weekend, so maybe you should give me that list soon,” their mom admonished her with a chuckle. “So I can let the poor woman know what food to steer clear of when she’s cooking for us.”
They sat down at the table. Julia loved the small household she was a part of. Even though she missed her dad sometimes, it was much better for her mom that he lived somewhere else now. The tense atmosphere that had pervaded the house in the years before their divorce was gone for good. Their mother had started a new and better life.
Julia’s gran lived in Eichet, close to the suburbs of Birkensiedlung. Her mother’s mother was like a second parent. Her grandpa had passed away a few years ago, leaving his wife by herself. When he had still been alive, Julia had visited her grandparents every Sunday afternoon to play songs for them. She loved their antique piano. At home, she only had a keyboard to practice on.
She used her Yamaha to write songs in her room, including the song she’d written for her finals in Music Ed – and secretly, she’d written it with Michael in mind. He had never been far from her thoughts when she composed it. Every time she added a new line of melody to it, she imagined playing it in front of an audience of students in the large auditorium at school. In her fantasies, an enraptured Michael had always been in the front row, gazing up at her in admiration.
In reality, he hadn’t even been there.
Julia munched on a bite of tuna salad, trying to fend off the memory of Michael’s handsome face and green eyes. She had to stop thinking about him. He wasn’t handsome at all. He was a low-life bastard who used innocent girls like Kleenex, and she’d been too blind to recognize him for what he really was.
“Julia!” Her mother’s voice snapped her out of her inner rant. “Are – are you crying, sweetie?”
Startled, she looked up, wiping away a few tears rolling down her face. Anne gaped at her from across the table in distress.
Smiling feebly, Julia rubbed her cheeks once more. “Sorry. It’s just... I’m feeling a bit lost. School has ended, everyone’s leaving, my life will never be the same... it all feels so final,” she lied.
“Well, Gaby isn’t going anywhere, right?” Ms. Gunther put a loving hand on her daughter’s arm. “She’ll be here for you. And what about Axel and Florian? They’re going to college at Salzburg University too. Your old friends will still be around, won’t they?”
Julia smiled. Her mom was sweet, and more importantly, she was right. The people who really cared about her would be here for her. Chances were, her life would be better now that she wasn’t just focused on Michael. Up till now, she had never taken notice of all the other cool guys in her hometown.
Time to open her eyes to new possibilities and stop throwing herself a pity party.
When Julia emerged from her bedroom after donning new jeans and a T-shirt later that evening, she was fully prepared to make her life take a one-eighty spin. It was a beautiful evening and she was going to enjoy her friends’ company at O’Malley’s, their favorite pub.
“Julia,” Anne called her from the room next door. “Will you read me a story?” Her sister tried to sound like a toddler on purpose. Nowadays, Anne claimed she was way too grown-up to be read to, but she also said Julia was the exception to the rule because her big sister was just too good at reading fairytales.
“I’m coming!” With a smile, Julia entered the room. She sat down on the edge of the bed, combing her fingers through Anne’s hair. Her baby sister was mock-sucking her thumb, clutching a cuddly toy under one arm and batting her eyelashes at Julia while pushing her storybook about the enchanted forest toward her.
“The Prince of Trees,” Julia intoned, opening the book at chapter four. She didn’t even have to look – she knew it by heart. Her grandmother had always read her stories from this book, and when Anne was born, Gran had gifted her the book. “It’s your turn to read fairytales to your little sister,” she’d said.
The storybook was chock-full of Austrian legends, fairytales and traditions from ancient times. One part was even dedicated to folklore that pre-dated Christianity – pages full of descriptions of dark creatures of the Alps, living in forests and mountains. The Krampus was the wild spirit of the forest who taught young men to survive on their own. Only after the church had established their rule in the country of Austria had the Krampus been turned into an evil monster, taking naughty kids away to his lair the evening before Saint Nicholas Day.
Next to that, the book also featured modern fairytales. Chapter four about the Prince of the Forest had always been Julia’s favorite, and Anne liked it just as much. In her best storyteller’s voice, Julia recounted the story of the young prince who fell in love with a fairy living in the forest. The fairy princess would sit down on the branch of his favorite tree whenever she needed to take a rest from flying. Anne glanced over her shoulder to look at the beautiful illustrations in the book. When Julia had reached the end of the story, Anne crawled into her lap and flung her arms around her big sister. “You know, I don’t feel like growing up that much,” she confessed in a small voice.
“Why not, sweetheart?” Julia caressed Anne’s dark-blonde hair. Her sister was going to a new school after summer as well. Her time at elementary school was over.
Anne shrugged her thin shoulders. “You’re a grown-up now too, and you don’t look as happy as you used to. Sometimes, it’s like you don’t believe in fairytales anymore.”
Julia bit her lip to stop herself from making a tart remark. What was the point in telling Anne that fairytales didn’t come true? No need to bother a little girl with her own embitterment. “You’re right, I don’t feel that happy right now. I’ve run into a few too many big, bad wolves lately.”
“Oh. In the forest, you mean?” Anne asked half-jokingly, looking up at Julia with big, blue eyes.
Julia couldn’t help smiling. “No, not in the forest. In the dark streets of Savage Salzburg.”
Anne giggled. “Are you sure you want to go out tonight, then?”
“Sure. Axel and Gaby will defend me if we run into more wolves or Krampus-monsters.”
“But Axel wears glasses,” Anne objected, as though her cousin’s bad eyesight ruled him out of a job as reliable defender.
“Well, Gaby doesn’t.”
“True.” Anne nodded solemnly. She was always a bit intimidated by Gaby and her black outfits whenever Julia’s best friend came over. Apparently, being a Goth made her a good protector in Anne’s books.
“So, I’m leaving.” Julia got up. “See you tomorrow morning.”
“Don’t stay out too late,” Anne said, suddenly sounding too motherly for her age.
Julia chuckled. “I won’t.” She bounced down the stairs, almost bounding into her mom in the hallway when she stepped out of the kitchen.
“Do you have the house key?” Ms. Gunther asked. “I’m turning in early tonight, so I’m locking the door before you come home.”
“Check. And my travel card, and my wallet, and my cell phone, and my pepper spray, and my very best mood.”
Julia presse
d a kiss to her mother’s forehead and walked out the door whistling a tune. Still humming, she strolled down her street and onto the Birkenstrasse leading to the bus stop. The bus wasn’t there yet, so she sat down on the bench inside the shelter. The half moon illuminated the night sky, the trees in the forest across the bus stop whispering mysteriously in the summer breeze. For just a moment, it reminded her of the fairytale she’d just read to Anne. Almost inaudibly, she muttered: “Hello, my prince. How are you doing?”
Wouldn’t it be fantastic to fly around on fairy wings, looking at the earth from above? She’d sit down in a treetop and watch the world go by, waiting until the chaos and madness of humanity’s hustle and bustle faded away and the era of the nature spirits dawned on earth. She’d end up with a handsome, mysterious hermit for a lover who lived in a house deep in the forest, writing poems about the trees, the flowers and his love for her every day.
In the years past, she’d observed Michael for hours on end during the mind-numbingly dull maths and physics classes she had to sit through. She’d made the best out of them by watching Michael, seated two rows in front of her to the left. Sometimes, he’d sketch in his notebook while Mr. Brunner was pouring his soul into explaining yet another complicated quadratic equation, and she’d always wondered what it was that he was drawing. One day, Michael had accidentally left the notebook on his desk, and she’d peeked into his notes to look at his doodles. The last few pages were littered with drawings of trees and flowers, and that had made her happy.
Maybe she’d read too much into it.
In the distance, she could see the bus’s headlights approach. Julia got her travel card from her bag to show to the driver. As she was boarding, her phone buzzed in her pocket.
“Hey, Axel,” she answered it. “What’s up?”
“Are you there yet?”
“No, I’m just getting on the bus. I’ll be there in twenty.”
“I’ll be there in a half hour. Florian is coming too, he says he’s feeling better.”