by Minkman, Jen
“Crazy with a capital C,” Gaby agreed. “Something peculiar is going on with Michael, though. Even I can see that.”
Julia let out a deep breath. “The stupid thing is I want him to notice me, while at the same time I can’t stand the fact that he’s sweet-talking to me, pretending we’re best buddies as if nothing happened. I mean, that doesn’t make sense. He hasn’t even apologized.” She had a flashback to their strange conversation in the bookstore. What was it Michael had said to her? ‘I’m sorry he hurt you like that.’ Had he been talking about his former jerk-persona? She couldn’t figure him out.
That night, Julia dreamed about the bookstore. Michael kept popping up wherever she went despite her attempts to avoid him, and Thorsten was there too, wanting to buy an old encyclopedia at any cost. When the alarm clock woke her up, she felt far from rested. It was like she’d already been at work all night long.
Still half-asleep, she dragged herself to the bathroom for a quick shower and padded back to her room to wake up Gaby.
The door to Anne’s room was ajar, and when she looked inside, Julia saw Anne sitting at her desk writing something in her diary. She pushed the door open to come inside and give her sister a quick hug.
Anne’s head jerked up and she quickly snapped her diary shut. “Can’t you knock?” she said sharply.
“Excuse me?” Julia gaped at her sister. “Why the formality all of a sudden? Should I request an audience next time?”
Anne pulled the diary toward her and clutched it to her chest as if it contained a pile of hundred-euro notes. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “You just startled me. I was busy writing.”
“Ooh, that sounds nice! Are you going to write a story of your own?”
Anne shrugged. “Maybe. But you’re only allowed to see when it’s done.”
Julia chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. Just like your tree house, right? You’re testing my patience, sweet pea.”
Anne got a peculiar look in her eyes. “Yes, just like that. Sorry.” She opened her desk drawer and shoved the diary inside. “Are we having breakfast yet?”
“Hmm,” Julia muttered. Anne was behaving oddly as of late – or maybe it was just her having difficulty to adapt. Her little sister was growing up fast and was starting to develop a strong will of her own. She’d probably get even more pigheaded once she hit puberty.
Gaby was awake when Julia entered the bedroom. “Hey,” she said. “Did you get any sleep? You were tossing and turning all night.”
“Yeah, I slept all right. I did dream a lot, though.”
“You said Michael’s name a few times.”
“Oh.” Julia pulled a face. “Yeah, that sounds about right. He’s such a stalker he won’t even leave me alone at night.”
Gaby started to snicker. “And you think that’s bad?” She winked exaggeratedly.
“Of course I think that’s bad! I want to know what’s up with him before I can rejoice in the fact he’s visiting me in my dreams.”
When they got downstairs and walked into the kitchen, Julia’s mother was just putting a plate of toast and a big bowl of scrambled eggs on the table. “Mom, you’re amazing,” Julia said gratefully. “We’re famished.”
Gaby and Julia started wolfing down their breakfast. Anne sat tucked into the corner of the kitchen bench seat reading an old Harry Potter paperback while munching on a banana.
“Mommy’s taking me to the movies after breakfast,” she announced happily. “She’s working an afternoon shift.”
Julia shot an inquisitive look at her mom, who pulled a ‘gotta-make-amends’ face. Anne was probably still upset because of yesterday’s fight. Maybe she’d been writing about that in her diary this morning.
After breakfast, the two girls walked to the bus stop. They rode the same bus on the first part of the trip, but after a few stops Gaby had to change to get to the riding school. “Keep me up-to-date about developments on the work floor, okay?” She grinned mischievously. “I wonder how Michael is gonna behave toward you today.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “I will. Have fun mucking out the stables.”
Her stomach started to do strange flip-flops when the bus neared the Old Town. Julia got off and turned her hesitant steps to the bookstore.
On the Höllrigl doorstep, Donna, Silke and Marco were already waiting for the store to open. No sign of Michael. Julia let out a relieved sigh. She secretly hoped he wouldn’t show up today. Maybe he was sick, or maybe he’d even decided to quit.
“Hey there,” Julia greeted her colleagues. “Hasn’t Martin opened shop yet?”
Silke shook her head. “He just called Marco to let us know he’s running late. Oh well – it’s not like people are breaking down the door to buy books early Monday morning, anyway.”
After ten minutes, both Martin and Michael rounded the corner into the street. Julia groaned inwardly. So he was working today, after all.
“I’m so sorry,” Martin panted. “I’m not setting a very good example here. Good to see at least you all are on time like you’re supposed to be.”
Marco coughed loudly and jerked a mock-inconspicuous thumb at Michael.
“A few aside,” Martin added with a grin. He unlocked the door and everybody stepped inside one by one.
It didn’t take long for Martin to give them each a task for the morning. Julia was asked to hit the stockroom with a list of titles her boss wanted to put in the bargain bin this week. It was a chore she could do alone, for which she was thankful. It looked like she’d have a quiet morning.
Humming a happy tune, Julia padded up and down the aisles, checking the shelves for the titles Martin wanted her to select. The list featured quite a few poetry collections that were to be sold at fifty percent off, so that was good news for her – she’d put some aside so she could buy them before the regular Höllrigl customers had a chance to swoop in.
Julia was just busy sorting a pile of novels when she heard a soft knock on the door. When the door swung open, Michael was standing on the threshold smiling at her. “Martin wanted to know if you need any help,” he said.
She quickly shook her head. “No, I’m fine,” she replied curtly.
Unperturbed, he entered the stockroom. “Well, it’s sort of slow downstairs at the moment. Why don’t I lend you a hand? If I read out the titles from the list, you can look them up and take them from the shelves. It’ll be much quicker.”
With a suppressed growl Julia scrambled to her feet. So much for a quiet morning – now she’d constantly fret over the fact he was in the same room, hoping he wouldn’t bring up their awkward encounter at the party. They should have called this Mentally Taxing Monday.
Michael sat down on the stool next to the door, picking up the list from the floor in the process. “Herman Hesse, The Song of Life,” he read out loud. Julia quickly made her way to the H section and looked up the title Michael had given her. He read out several others and she looked those up as well, without exchanging a single word with him or even looking in his direction. When she finally turned around because he’d been quiet for a while, it turned out he put the list down and was sorting through the pile of books on the floor that she’d put aside to buy herself.
“They’re mine,” she snapped involuntarily, as if he was trying to steal them from her. Michael Kolbe reading poetry for fun? Not very likely.
“Rainer Maria Rilke,” he said, glancing in fascination at the book in his hand. “I don’t know him.” He handed her the poetry collection. “Here, why don’t you pick one of his poems to read to me. I bet you’re good at that.”
Julia raised an eyebrow. “I thought you came here to help me so we’d work faster.”
He raised a lopsided smile and her heart skipped a beat. “Oh, come on, live a little. A short break won’t hurt.”
She huffed grouchily and sat down on the floor next to the stool Michael was sitting on. Flipping through the pages, she picked a random poem and ended up reading out the twenty-fifth Sonnet to Orpheus.
>
“You whom I loved like an unnamed flower,
plucked too soon, I will tell them of you as I
seek your shifting image and again remember,
beautiful companion of the irrepressible cry,” she read with a voice that was trailing off more with every stanza she read.
Julia felt the heat rise to her cheeks. Somehow, this poem sounded like it was about them. She had loved him like an unnamed flower because she’d had no idea who he had been. She was seeking his shifting image, trying to hold on to a memory of a romantic and mysterious guy that wasn’t even real. And of course, he had almost been plucked too soon – plus the description ‘beautiful companion of the irrepressible cry’ seemed to fit the bill perfectly when it came to him. What twist of fate had made her read this to him out of all the sonnets in the damn book?
And then, he put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up like a deer trapped in headlights, her face flaming when his eyes bored into hers, gauging her thoughts.
“What is that poem about?” he said in a dark voice.
Oh, no. Michael was onto her. He could sense this poem reminded her of him. He had to know he was making her nervous, and she was no longer sure she’d be able to resist his charms.
“I… I don’t know,” she stammered. “I’m not some kind of Rilke expert.”
He shook his head. “I mean, what this poem means to you?” he mumbled.
Julia swallowed when he moved closer to her and the energy in the room shifted. Staying here was way too dangerous – she had to get out right this instant.
“I, uhm, I’m not sure,” Julia hedged, closing the book abruptly. “Uhm, sorry. I have to go get a drink. My throat is dry.”
She hastily got up, pelting out of the door without waiting for a reply. With a trip-hammering heart, she crossed the landing and barreled into the break room without breaking stride. Michael’s footsteps echoed behind her. Panting for breath, she closed the door and leaned against the kitchen counter in the right corner, her hands trembling.
But then, the door opened again. Julia shrunk away from Michael stepping into the room, coming straight at her.
“Go away,” she muttered.
He came to a halt in front of her, his eyes asking her something she didn’t know the answer to. Wordlessly, he raised a hand and gently traced her upper arm.
“I’m serious,” Julia said hoarsely. “Leave me alone.”
He came even closer and leaned into her, his body pushing her up against the counter top. Her breathing sped up when Michael used his other hand to caress her back, resting his fingers just above her tailbone.
“I can’t,” he replied, a desperate look in his eyes.
He had told her the exact same thing at the party yesterday, and it was still as stupid and inexplicable. “Why the hell not?”
Michael took a deep breath, gazing into her eyes from inches away. “Because I’m in love with you,” he said with quiet determination.
This was crazy. Did he really think she would fall into the same trap twice? Blankly, Julia shook her head. “I… I don’t believe you,” she whispered almost inaudibly, tears welling up in her eyes. She had to tell him this because she needed to protect herself, but how she wished she could believe him.
Michael cupped her face with his hand, wiping a lone tear away from her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
And then he was kissing her. Very, very softly, he pressed his lips to her mouth. It was such a tentative caress it hardly qualified as a kiss, but Julia’s body begged to differ – it responded to his touch like gasoline to a spark. Her mind was trying to be sensible, but her body definitely wasn’t. A pink blush graced her cheeks when she eagerly kissed him back. When she heard him moan softly it only turned her on more.
Everything about this felt perfect. This was the kiss she’d always imagined back in the days she had fantasized about Michael. She circled his torso with her arms and pulled him even closer. Feeling him this close was so good. As he held her tightly and met her fiery kisses with equal passion, Julia didn’t have a choice but to believe he was speaking the truth.
However puzzling it all might sound, he was truly in love with her. This was real. She could feel it in the way her heart beat, the way his warm and gentle hands caressed her, the crackling electricity in the air between them. She had never felt this before, not even during that one particular night at his place.
Michael’s breath was ragged when he finally pulled away from her. He touched her face and smiled. “I’ve got something for you,” he said in a low voice, pulling a folded sheet of paper from his jeans pocket.
Julia accepted it with a dazed look in her eyes. “What is this?”
“I wrote it for you. Last night.” Michael shyly looked at the floor. “It’s a poem.”
“For me?” Julia stood with mouth agape. In what kind of parallel universe did a guy like Michael write her a poem? This had to be a dream. She never woke up this morning, and Gaby would soon smack her on the head with a pillow to take her out of Wonderland.
“I hope you’ll do me the honor of reading it. I’ve never written anything like this before.” The insecure tremble in his voice made her heart melt. If this wasn’t a dream, then it was definitely a dream come true.
“Of course I’ll read it,” she said hurriedly. “I’m just… blown away. I honestly don’t know what to say.” Sweet angels in Heaven – he had kissed her, apologized to her and written her a poem. No mortal words would suffice.
Their private talk was interrupted by Martin shouting up to Michael from the stairwell. “Kolbe! Can you come downstairs? There are customers who need your help.”
Michael took a step backward and pulled the door open. “I’ll be right there,” he called back, all the while grinning at her mischievously.
Julia gave him a bashful smile back. “Go on,” she said. “Go do your job. And thank you. I’ll talk to you later.”
The door slammed shut. With trembling fingers, she unfolded the sheet of paper, resisting the urge to start reading immediately. First, she walked over to the electric kettle to make herself some tea. While her bag of green tea was steeping in a mug of hot water, she glanced sideways to the poem on the table, her thoughts drifting back to the kiss they’d shared together.
Julia gently rubbed her lips and suddenly wished Michael hadn’t been called downstairs. She wouldn’t have minded kissing him a little longer. Even though she still had no clue what triggered his personality change, one thing was absolutely clear to her now: his feelings for her were real. She no longer doubted that.
When her tea was ready, Julia sat down at the kitchen table and took a sip before finally picking up the sheet of paper to read the poem Michael had written her.
In the background
almost timidly
in a soft and thin voice,
I call to you.
Are you aware of me?
I touch the golden break of day
in the cycle of life.
I am the angel that goes with you
My child, my star
My light, my love
You make me see
Are you aware of me?
Tears pooled in her eyes. He had written her an amazing poem. It made her feel as if he’d been with her during the countless hours she’d spent in the woods, reading her mind as she dreamed and sang and wrote her own poems. His words were so deep and mystical. She had to tell her best friend. Right now.
When Silke barged into the room, Julia quickly put away the poem. “Hey, what are you doing here? Having a break already?” her colleague asked in surprise.
“Uhm, yes. I was so thirsty, you know?” Julia held up her mug by way of explanation. “Anyway, I’ll be on my way. I have to finish up some stuff.”
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to chase you away,” Silke called after her as Julia headed back to the stockroom. Besides finishing her task, she also had to grab her bag from the room because her cell phone was in there. Gaby needed to hea
r the big news.
‘HAVE 2 talk 2u. M xx-ed me & wrote me a poem!!! u got time 2nite? x’
It only took one minute for her to get a reply. ‘dafuq??? F2F ASAP!! meet u after work.’
Julia put away her phone, her heart fluttering in her chest. She couldn’t shake the buzz of anticipation humming through her body. Only two more hours until lunch break. Would Michael talk to her, and if so, what would he say? What would she say?
“Hey, you hermit!” Donna stuck her head around the door at half past twelve. “You coming? It’s break time.”
Julia scrambled to her feet with difficulty. Her knees were sore from crawling around on the floor, looking for a book on the lowest shelf in the R section. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” she replied, despite not being particularly hungry. Her stomach was way too tense for that.
Dawdling behind Donna, she walked to the break room clutching her lunchbox. Inside, Marco, Michael and Martin turned out to have occupied the table near the coffee machine. Silke was pouring some juice at the counter and turned around when the girls came in. “What do you say we make our own table, the three of us?” she laughed. “I believe contact between men and women isn’t being encouraged in this bookstore.” She pointed at the ‘men’s table’.
Julia bit her lip. If only Silke knew how intimate things had been between some of the employees not too long ago…
“Maybe you’re drawing the wrong conclusion,” she commented. “Personally, I think only people starting with an M are allowed to sit at that table.”
Donna started to giggle. “Girl, you’ve gone cuckoo in that stockroom sorting books all morning. You’re alphabetizing people, for crying out loud!”
Laughing and chatting, the girls sat down at the other table. Julia stole a glance at Michael, who followed her with his eyes. She gave him a hesitant half-smile, which caused him to give her a high-wattage smile back. Stopping herself from grinning inanely, she quickly sat down to scarf down her cheese roll. Her appetite had suddenly returned. Donna and Silke were chatting a mile a minute, and she chimed in every now and then.